Crying myself to sleep

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Kateri92

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Recently I was married to a wonderful Holy man. What was supposed to be the best days of my life have quickly turned somewhat sour to say the least. While we were looking for a place to live we were living with my parents. However, my family at the rule of my mother has turned against me. They cursed, screamed at and ridiculed me, my faith and my marriage. They hate me but are nice to my husband’s face. My mother has many narcissistic traits and I would argue she is NPD. No one would believe it though since she is well known at church. Without getting into detail, I started fearing for my physical safety after several confrontations between her and I when I tried to mend the situation. I prayed about this a lot but I don’t know if I can do anything else. My family has not tried to reach out to me for a long long while now and it is breaking my heart because I do love them. But, every time I tried to fix the situation my mother hit the ceiling and was offended by my tears and brought the rest of the family into it to use as her defense. I try as much as possible to not talk to my husband about this all the time (even though he witnessed it too) because I don’t want to stress him out. But, he knows that I am hurting even when I don’t say anything. How can I deal with the pain my own blood doesn’t even acknowledged? I feel like an orphan.
 
Sometimes much time and prayer are needed in order for these types of wounds to heal. I don’t know that much about NPD but have had to break away from family members that I suspect have it. It wasn’t until a lot of time apart that my wounds started healing and I started understanding the dynamics of these relationships better. I am not eager to pick up and re-establish these relationships unless God shows me that it’s time to do so. He knows that I am willing to do so, but only when He shows me that the time is right.

These types of relationships are like a caged bear continuously being poked and jabbed by a spear until he is full of slashes and gashes and bruises. And then the persecutors step back when the bear goes wild with rage and say ‘tsk tsk, what an angry bear’. And then they go back jabbing at the bear. The wounds the bear has cannot heal until he is separated from those who continually jab at him.

My advice to you is to accept the time apart as God’s will for you and your family so that wounds (on both sides) can be healed. Spend the time apart in prayer, asking God to heal you and each of your family members involved. Ask him to help you truly forgive all involved and to help those you’ve hurt to forgive you. Ask him to show you when the time is right for a reconciliation. Place all these things in His hands.

It has been several years on my part that I have been separated from some family members. At first it was painful. And then I began to see things in a new way and understand how bad things really were. And then I really cried. But then I started to heal and now I think I can say I’m ok with everything.
 
Dear Kateri,
Have you moved out yet? That is imperative. I don’t know what NPD is. I do know dysfunctional family activities.
Move. Pray, give time to heal. As Rose Anne says. When led to communicate, do so by letter or cards. Hallmark kind.
Enjoy a Holy husband and your church family. When our biological family is hurtful, you have God the Father and the Blessed Mother to love you and be your family. What scars does your family have to cause such behaviour?
Is your mother in menapause?
God, of power and might, see your child’s needs. Heal her family. Mother Mary, let Kateri, feel your loving, healing touch.
in Christ’s love
Tweedlealice
 
Kateri92 said:
Recently I was married to a wonderful Holy man. What was supposed to be the best days of my life have quickly turned somewhat sour to say the least. While we were looking for a place to live we were living with my parents. However, my family at the rule of my mother has turned against me. They cursed, screamed at and ridiculed me, my faith and my marriage. They hate me but are nice to my husband’s face. My mother has many narcissistic traits and I would argue she is NPD. No one would believe it though since she is well known at church. Without getting into detail, I started fearing for my physical safety after several confrontations between her and I when I tried to mend the situation. I prayed about this a lot but I don’t know if I can do anything else. My family has not tried to reach out to me for a long long while now and it is breaking my heart because I do love them. But, every time I tried to fix the situation my mother hit the ceiling and was offended by my tears and brought the rest of the family into it to use as her defense. I try as much as possible to not talk to my husband about this all the time (even though he witnessed it too) because I don’t want to stress him out. But, he knows that I am hurting even when I don’t say anything. How can I deal with the pain my own blood doesn’t even acknowledged? I feel like an orphan.
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You have left that family behind, to start a new one with your husband. Try talking to your priest, if you don’t feel comfortable talking to your husband.
 
Kateri92 said:
Recently I was married to a wonderful Holy man. What was supposed to be the best days of my life have quickly turned somewhat sour to say the least. While we were looking for a place to live we were living with my parents. However, my family at the rule of my mother has turned against me. They cursed, screamed at and ridiculed me, my faith and my marriage. They hate me but are nice to my husband’s face. My mother has many narcissistic traits and I would argue she is NPD. No one would believe it though since she is well known at church. Without getting into detail, I started fearing for my physical safety after several confrontations between her and I when I tried to mend the situation. I prayed about this a lot but I don’t know if I can do anything else. My family has not tried to reach out to me for a long long while now and it is breaking my heart because I do love them. But, every time I tried to fix the situation my mother hit the ceiling and was offended by my tears and brought the rest of the family into it to use as her defense. I try as much as possible to not talk to my husband about this all the time (even though he witnessed it too) because I don’t want to stress him out. But, he knows that I am hurting even when I don’t say anything. How can I deal with the pain my own blood doesn’t even acknowledged? I feel like an orphan.
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I’m sorry if this sounds uncharitable, but your post is full of drama and, yes…narcissism. Without hearing exactly what took place or hearing your mothers side of the story there is no way for anyone here to give you anything good for you.

Assigning acronyms for psychological disorders to other people may be popular these days but it’s certainly not becoming of you.

You have to move on when your hurt. Don’t stop and look around for people to sympathize with you.
 
I have left home along with my husband. It doesn’t help though that I have health problems that worsen the heartache of this situation. My mother would ostracize me because of my health issue which cut me to the heart. I have prayed the rosary about this regularly. Im just hoping God will help this situation. If not for my husband’s love and support, I would feel completely unlovable.
 
Don’t let your mother determine your self worth. God loves you and knows you are lovable and your husband loves you.

Someone with narcissistic personality disorder is incapable of loving anyone except themselves. The people around them are objects to be manipulated.

I am sorry you are having to live through this with your mother. There is a book “Will I Ever Be Good Enough?: Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers” by Dr. Karyl McBride Ph.D.
amazon.com/Will-Ever-Good-Enough-Narcissistic/dp/1439129436/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1477453988&sr=8-1&keywords=will+i+ever+be+good+enough

I highly recommend reading it. It will explain many things about growing up in a family with a narcissistic mother.

She is likely jealous that you have found happiness with your husband, not to mention that your marriage to him has changed the family dynamics and you relationship with her.

You may also want to consider talking to a counselor. Also, I imagine your husband is concerned about how you are feeling. I understand you don’t want to talk about this all the time with him but be careful not to shut him out altogether.
 
Kateri92 said:
I have left home along with my husband. It doesn’t help though that I have health problems that worsen the heartache of this situation. My mother would ostracize me because of my health issue which cut me to the heart. I have prayed the rosary about this regularly. Im just hoping God will help this situation. If not for my husband’s love and support, I would feel completely unlovable.
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Have you checked into counseling for yourself? This may be something that is beyond your powers to reason, understand and help. A good counselor can help me with your situation. I feel confident about this because your story sounds a lot like mine.

God bless you. Your family will remain in my prayers.
 
If I have tried to reconcile and it didn’t work and I just got ridiculed, do I have responsibility to try anymore? Do I just need to move on and keep praying? Because I really don’t think my mother will ever reach out to me if I don’t do it myself. 😦
 
Kateri92 said:
If I have tried to reconcile and it didn’t work and I just got ridiculed, do I have responsibility to try anymore? Do I just need to move on and keep praying? Because I really don’t think my mother will ever reach out to me if I don’t do it myself. 😦
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You don’t have a responsibility to try until you have gotten some counseling and help. If your mother has narcissistic disorder, it’s not something you can deal with on your own.
I would suggest focusing on your husband, who is your family now, and your responsibility is to him. He must feel bad that you are crying yourself to sleep. Please don’t let this situation bring your marriage down.

If people cursed, screamed at and ridiculed you, you don’t owe them anything.
We are to leave our mother and father and cleave to our husbands.
God bless.

.

.
 
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