Cuddling for warmth

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Missjanemoon

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In my city theres a Park where uni students often meet up on the late afternoon to drink a couple beers and relax for a bit.
Today i was studing a little later than my friends along with my best friend and her lab partner (male who has a crush on me). After that my best friend had to leave and me and her friend decided to head to the Park for a bit. But by that time both our other friends had already left and the once 30 degree temperature that made us not carry a jacket for the day had fallen dramatically.
So were there just chatting for a bit untill i began to shiver and accepted a hug and leaning on him for warmth.
I advised him that we were only doing that out of necessity but he kept on being affectionate as on kissing the top of my head or playing with my hair.
He knows Ive been seeing someone athough its not a propper relationship and that i dont have any romantic feelings towards him but he doesent seem to belive me on that last One.

Anyway after this i feel used and like i used him, and also like a disrespect to the other guy athough we’ve been going out since last may and he has yet to make a move. But on the other hand im not even sure i actually did something wrong.
Anyone wanna help a confused catholic Gal having some trouble getting around this whole college dating thing and finding a Path of virtue?
 
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Hi. I would say this young man didn’t believe you were doing it out of warmth or didn’t care because you allowed him kisses on your head and allowed these snuggles and kisses from another man while dating someone else. You feel guilty because that beautiful God given conscience knows it wasn’t proper. I’m trying to think back 20 years when I was in college with what I know today and I would go to confession and I would likely avoid this young man I snuggled with in the cold to avoid leading him astray and then I would reevaluate my relationship with the other person and depending on how serious we become tell him what happened since i’m terrible at living with guilt. God bless you, we learn from our mistakes, accept the Lords forgiveness after confession and become wiser in future choices.
 
Honestly, see nothing wrong with this. If the guy knew you don’t much like him before, he won’t think otherwise afterwards. It sounds to me like he was more trying to convince himself that you liked him than actually thinking that. His kissing your head is not a sin on either part. It may not have been prudent and if you did not like it then it was a bit disrespectful, but nothing beyond that. It’s a cold day. You even told him that that was the only reason. You’re fine.
 
I think he should have lent you his jacket as he walked you to a warm building.
 
If he tries this again, tell him that it makes you feel uncomfortable/you wouldn’t want to do it. And that you see him as a friend. Both of you need to be on the same page otherwise it creates a mess.

Cuddling isn’t wrong, but it’s clear that you guys are not together and he’s playing with the boundaries of friendship. Better to be straightforward and clean about it, even though I’m sure it would be awkward to do so.

I don’t normally cuddle my guy friends but if it’s normal to you, you have to make sure the feeling is mutual.

Also not the point but that other guy…if he hasn’t made a move since may, he may not be into you.
 
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Nothing “wrong” happened, you’re not engaged to either of these guys and you didn’t go beyond the acceptable bounds of public hugging with the guy in the park.

However, if you don’t want a romantic relationship with a guy, especially a guy who you know has a crush on you, don’t cuddle with him. Basic common sense 101. The idea of platonic hugs and cuddling is popular in college, but the reality is that when it’s a girl and a guy, hormones are likely to trigger for at least one party.
 
And now you’ve learned…that dudes aren’t chicks!

Seriously, though. Now you know better.
🙂
 
Missjanemoon said:
But on the other hand im not even sure i actually did something wrong.
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Knowing this guy likes you this was very imprudent and sent mixed messages. Next time, simply opt to go home. No “hugging for warmth” which you must realize was just an excuse for this guy to touch you.
 
The warmth you felt whilst cuddling wasn’t the accumulation of shared body heat.

It was the flames of hell trying to reach up and consume your immortal souls!
🔥🔥🔥

Just kidding!

A little cuddling never hurt anyone, especially as you were doing it in public (thus little chance of progressing to things like “petting”).

Don’t worry about it. Enjoy your youth.
 
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Tis_Bearself said:
Nothing “wrong” happened
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Ehhhh I strongly disagree. Something very wrong happened. The OP did nothing wrong, but I think it is very wrong for the gentleman to take advantage of the situation.
I’m cold, no jacket, keep me warm, does not mean kiss, peck etc. I picked this line because I have noticed that our men are not taught enough about respecting our women.
No the best decision by the OP since she knows he has a crush, but not as excuse for our gent either.
@OP. I can’t see your heart, but if I were in your shoes I would confess it just to be very sure…

God bless you
 
She needs to firmly tell him “No” and move away.
Generally when I have cuddled with a man I did not mind if he gave me a little kiss or a peck.
This was not a situation where they were going to freeze to death in a blizzard if they didn’t cuddle, nor is she a child or helpless. If she found his “attentions” unwelcome she needs to say, “no, I am not comfortable with that,” excuse herself and walk away.

Young men, and young women, for that matter are not mind readers and when you snuggle up bodily to someone of the opposite sex unless it is some life threatening blizzard or you are physically jammed against them in a crowd or elevator, you are sending a pretty big signal that you may welcome their attention.
 
This is a bit like running across the street without looking. Maybe it will be fine, maybe it won’t. What is the outcome if it DOES go wrong? Best case scenario, you laugh uneasily and avoid each other for awhile or feel guilty. Worst case scenario, he thinks you led him on, gets angry and trashes you around campus as a “tease”. Personally, since either way involves a degree of discomfort, I’d just make a “no cuddle” rule. You can bring a jacket, walk briskly, or go back to shelter…it’s easily avoidable.

Also, if you know he has a crush on you, don’t lead him on. Period. It’s disrespectful and not at all sensitive to his feelings. Total mixed signals.

I didn’t get this talk from my mom or my dad and so I had to find out the hard way:
  • not all guys were raised to respect women. If a guy, even a nice guy, touches you and you DON’T sound a clear, loud, firm “no”, they will assume you are playing hard to get. It doesn’t matter what words you say while you allow him to get close to you…your body is louder than your voice and his brain will only hear “she’s just playing coy”. In his mind, you let him “go to the next step”. Most men will want more.
  • even if he WAS raised well, men are different from women, their peak of sexual desire is at a different time than a woman’s and close bodily contact with someone they are attracted to causes a cascade of chemicals which flood the not-quite-mature decision making centers of the brain… Impulsivity (making a feelings-based decision without regard for the consequences) in college-aged students is also well-documented.
    -I’m not in any way saying that this guy is THAT kind of guy. Maybe he’s a saint. But not every guy is and you will find that, even when you think you know someone, you really don’t.
    -Also, in no way should a man feel he has the “right” to press any kind of physical contact on you…ever. No matter what you wear or what you say or don’t say, he has zero right to touch you or to expect you to touch him. That will only be a small comfort, though, if he uses your mixed signals to push further and you have to end a relationship, lose a friendship or, God forbid, make a complaint against him.
 
If you’re seeing someone think how they would feel if they saw you cuddling another guy.
 
therese1998 said:
I didn’t get this talk from my mom or my dad and so I had to find out the hard way:
  • not all guys were raised to respect women. If a guy, even a nice guy, touches you and you DON’T sound a clear, loud, firm “no”, they will assume you are playing hard to get. It doesn’t matter what words you say while you allow him to get close to you…your body is louder than your voice and his brain will only hear “she’s just playing coy”. In his mind, you let him “go to the next step”. Most men will want more.
  • even if he WAS raised well, men are different from women, their peak of sexual desire is at a different time than a woman’s and close bodily contact with someone they are attracted to causes a cascade of chemicals which flood the not-quite-mature decision making centers of the brain… Impulsivity (making a feelings-based decision without regard for the consequences) in college-aged students is also well-documented.
    -I’m not in any way saying that this guy is THAT kind of guy. Maybe he’s a saint. But not every guy is and you will find that, even when you think you know someone, you really don’t.
    -Also, in no way should a man feel he has the “right” to press any kind of physical contact on you…ever. No matter what you wear or what you say or don’t say, he has zero right to touch you or to expect you to touch him. That will only be a small comfort, though, if he uses your mixed signals to push further and you have to end a relationship, lose a friendship or, God forbid, make a complaint against him.
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I wanted to say just these earlier, but didn’t have the capacity to articulate them so well. I am grateful it came out so well in your post.
God bless you.
 
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