Culpability and legal advice for homeschoolers & abuse allegations

[hasikelee]

I think we all have differing opinions here, but it might be less of a philosphical difference and more like the seven blind men touching the elephant.

We could all claim, probably quite truthfully, that our view is the correct one of the system.

But what are we talking about? Think of the arguments that go on over different parishes. Some parishes are very reverent and quiet, others have puppets during the homily and people chatting nonstop.

It wouldn’t be right to claim the whole Catholic church is based on just one of these parishes. Neither is the whole branch of SS, DFS and the family court system based on one or two offices that we know of personally.

I have seen one such district act almost as if this country were China and not America. And yet another office from a city literally 3 miles west of us is a spectacular example of supporting families and protecting children.

I have heard of things such as strip searches, planted evidence, guilty until proven innocent and more from other families who experienced it. But I have also heard of false accusations handled confidentially and fairly.

This is just another reason why I was so worried by the email. Whether an individual family ends up working with a “good” or “bad” branch, the advice given in this email has serious liability issues for both the accuser and the accused. I can just imagine suing nightmares abounding.

 

[otjm]

It doesn’t seem that far-fetched that simply going by what a child tells you, you could be lead to mistakenly believe that child abuse is occurring. Whether the child is lying, embellishing, or simply choose words poorly.

Also, sometimes Social Services has a rather loose definition of what abuse is. Parents have been charged for spanking.

I have yet to see a charge of abuse leveled aginst a parent for simply spanking, although the rumors are rife. Every time I have seen or investigated such a case, the child has been bruised or worse.

CSD has far too many cases and far too little staffing to deal with a parent who gives a swift swat on the bottom. To the parent who takes a belt, a hard object such as a long spoon, an electric cord or similar item and beats or whips the child, leaving numerous bruises and welts across the buttocks, back, and legs, yes, CSD is going to step in.

I am sure that you would agree, wouldn’t you, that a beating or whipping has gone too far? Or do you believe that a parent has a right to take the proverbial switch and whip or beat a child to the point of leaving bruises?

As for the advice given in the email. I don’t know. It’s not exactly a HUGE red flag to me. But I don’t necessarily agree with it entirely. I do agree that among Christians, it is best to approach them directly, then the pastor, THEN the authorities. Depending on the situation. If Ma was chasing her child around the house with a butcher knife, that might be a good time to skip the middle-man and call the authorities immediately.

But if a kid has a bruise on his face and says his Dad did it, I’d probably do some more investigation before reporting it.

And you think the parents are going to do anything besides tell you to butt out of their business?

Right. They are going to sit down and do some Christian counseling, and agree with you that the OT charge of “spare the rod and spoil the child” really does not mean that they can beat or whip the child to the point of bruising, and thank you for convicting them of their overzealousness, and praise God and become model parents on the spot.

Not.

 

[dwc]

We could all claim, probably quite truthfully, that our view is the correct one of the system.

Well, except that three different posters, each from different systems, agree on a few basic points: 1) the email’s statement about children commonly lying is not only factually incorrect, it in fact adopts the “blame the victim” mindset of abusers; 2) No one who actually has any experience with these systems has heard or seen anything to support the urban legend horror stories of parents charged for simple spanking, kids whisked away for no reason or kids being strip searched; 3) DFS has far too many serious allegations on its hands to engage in the “harass the homeschooler” games suggested in some of the posts.

 

[Vanessa]

I think we all have differing opinions here, but it might be less of a philosphical difference and more like the seven blind men touching the elephant.

This is a very good point. People who have been exposed to the details of child abuse become super-sensitized because of the horror of the act. A friend has caused harm by seeing abuse everywhere because of being in this situation. Unfortunately, I’ve heard more detail than I ever want to hear again. I’m presently aware of the details surrounding a hs multiple abuser - the student, not the parents. I comfort myself that I will one day forget those details in Heaven.

And I’m a long-time hser and have seen abuse by the system on a hsed family too when their child died of menengitis. Their teen son described to us what he and his sister went through and how they do not have rights to see a lawyer, unlike an adult. Family court is totally different. Luckily, after a hung jury, (and a child in foster care died of menegitis during trial) the case was dismissed. I’ve not heard of any hostile actions against local hsers since then. I believe the authorities were awakened to the level of support hsers had and have in the community.

And isn’t child abuse accusations the one unsubstantiated suspicion that stays on a person’s record for the rest of their life?

As far as strip searching, logic shows that it must be done. How else can a worker determine if I child has been beaten if the child doesn’t remove his/her clothing so the worker can see marks and photograph them for future trial?

I’ve listened to foster mothers compare notes about how quickly their foster children can rape another child, something they weren’t warned about in foster parent training. And I’ve had social workers tell me that about half the foster homes are little better than the original home, and they try not to remove a child unless they absolutely have to. Not statistical proof. Maybe only applies to my area. Maybe isolated stories.

I’ve seen forms that do not have a “normal” box, but a worker must decide whether the home is too messy or too neat, etc. I’ve heard the law allows a child to be removed from a home for 24 hours without notifying a parent. The parent can be frantically hunting for the child, and the school and the police know where the child is, but are not allowed to tell the parent. Family court laws are very different.

It’s a very serious matter to report abuse. If you truly believe there is serious abuse, then indeed you should report it. To blindly trust that someone in a place of authority actually is responsible is dangerous. But if I was even slightly suspicious, I’d be watching like a hawk and writing down the details.

But those guidelines about contacting the pastor sound like a Protestant group. Find a nice Catholic support group. I might go to my priest for some direction or advice, but there’s no way that I would lay this problem on him. If I thought there was abuse, I would be the one to list my reasons to the investigator.

 

[holly_potter]

My old neighbor had a son who was abused through lack of love and attention (often ran around with 6 in long kitchen knives), and we “watched like a hawk” and wrote everything down, and called Child Protection Services several times before he was finally removed (probably since he was finally old enough to go to public school). Abuse isn’t a homeschool-only thing, so we shouldn’t hesitate to blow a whistle for fear of discrediting homeschooling. I homeschooled all through highschool too, and there were a few odd kids (thankfully no abuse!), but I say it anyway, and point out that there are a few odd kids in public and parochial school too. That usually enlightens some people And don’t throw out the whole bushel because of one bad apple; if legal action forms against a homeschool community as a whole, don’t hesitate to call on HSLDA!