Culpability for warning about other's sins

  • Thread starter Thread starter Scott_D
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
S

Scott_D

Guest
I’m not quite sure how to pose this question. I’ve been wondering lately about how guilty I am for not warning people around me about their sins. For instance, I have Catholic in-laws who use contraception and who are “fixed.” I have a friend who is on his 4th marriage who is not Catholic and is pretty set in his ways, faith-wise. How guilty am I if I don’t warn them about the reality of mortal sin and hell? My non-Catholic friends have no concept or belief in the reality of mortal sin. How do I get through to them without disillusioning them?
 
Just talk to a good and holy priest (one who believes all the church’s teaching) and tell him all the questions you have.
 
Scott_D said:
I’m not quite sure how to pose this question. I’ve been wondering lately about how guilty I am for not warning people around me about their sins. For instance, I have Catholic in-laws who use contraception and who are “fixed.” I have a friend who is on his 4th marriage who is not Catholic and is pretty set in his ways, faith-wise. How guilty am I if I don’t warn them about the reality of mortal sin and hell? My non-Catholic friends have no concept or belief in the reality of mortal sin. How do I get through to them without disillusioning them?
Click to expand...
They have to make a choice. Prune them, and become what you want them to be. Good luck brother, the Lord is counting on you, he must trust you.
 
I agree that a priest would know better than any of us here, and so I too would advise you to seek the council of a good priest. How do you know your in-laws are using contraception and/or are “fixed”? Did they tell you these things? If so, that would have been a good time to say something along the lines of, “Are you aware of church teaching on this matter?” and see how they respond to you. I wouldn’t go around accusing them of “mortal sin”, for only God can judge the state of someone’s soul, and it could make them confrontational. I would approach it more along the lines that you are “concerned” about whether or not they understand church teaching. If they have brought the subject up to you in the past you could say something like, “You know, I was thinking about our conversation awhile back when you told me…” and take it from there. If they have NEVER brought up the subject to you, then I would say it is not really your business to butt in to private matters. In the case of someone who has been “fixed”, for all you know they may have come to regret it and confessed it! It does happen! Or they may have stopped using contraception unbeknownst to you. PRAY for them no matter what the case may be. In the case of your friend being married four times, it gets a little trickier. Protestant churches do allow remarriages, so he may not see the sin in it. Is he already married to this fourth wife? If he’s not married yet, then you might ask him if he’s ever heard the Bible verse where Jesus talks about divorce and remarriage. If he is already married to her, then it gets even trickier because you would be butting into his marriage, even if it may not be marriage in God’s eyes or in the eyes of the Catholic Church. Remember, Protestants do not have an authority who can grant them annulments. They have no way of discerning whether or not a marriage was valid. I think we all need to pray for others and pray that if God wants us to share the truth with others, that He will show us a way to do it or bring an opportunity at hand. These are just some things to think about, but again, I would advise you to speak to a priest about your concerns.
 
When I asked this question, some of the best advice i was given was to be a good example, and to try to bring these truths up in a non confrontatinal or accusatory manner. Like, talk about it in conversation, rather than saying, you know what you’re doing is a sin, right?

With me, being young, I have friends who often lead lives in a way I don’t agree with, including contraception. When a couple of my friends wanted to buy a box of condoms anbd blow them up as a joke, I just smiled and shook my head, and said, "No thanks, my faith teaches that we shouldn’t’ use contraception,or be sterilized, use condoms,.etc, and I want to be shown living that! Why don’t we put little messages inside balloons instead?

We are culpable for the sins of others when we say nothing and HAD A PLACE to say something. There ARE occasions where it isn’t appropriate for you to step in- YET! someone who isn’t very close to you, for example,or a casual friend, speaking up may not be the riht thing to do yet.

As for loved ones who aren’t Catholic, try not to focus on correcting ONE sin, especially if their faiths do not aknowledge it as a sin. Instead, work on showing them Catholicism first!
 
finding_light said:
When I asked this question, some of the best advice i was given was to be a good example, and to try to bring these truths up in a non confrontatinal or accusatory manner. Like, talk about it in conversation, rather than saying, you know what you’re doing is a sin, right?

With me, being young, I have friends who often lead lives in a way I don’t agree with, including contraception. When a couple of my friends wanted to buy a box of condoms anbd blow them up as a joke, I just smiled and shook my head, and said, "No thanks, my faith teaches that we shouldn’t’ use contraception,or be sterilized, use condoms,.etc, and I want to be shown living that! Why don’t we put little messages inside balloons instead?

We are culpable for the sins of others when we say nothing and HAD A PLACE to say something. There ARE occasions where it isn’t appropriate for you to step in- YET! someone who isn’t very close to you, for example,or a casual friend, speaking up may not be the riht thing to do yet.

As for loved ones who aren’t Catholic, try not to focus on correcting ONE sin, especially if their faiths do not aknowledge it as a sin. Instead, work on showing them Catholicism first!
Click to expand...
Excellent! 👍

My own experience has been that the most harden people and sinners have come to me for spiritual direction, advice and support. To my shock. I have tried to live my faith and in appropriate moments inform and correct those who for whatever reason I encounter; family, relatives, friends, neighbors etc… all this of course, while removing the log in my own eyes; and sometimes the reaction is hate. I have even been slandered, falsely accused, etc… because even my presence poses a challenge to their behavior etc… and much to my surprise there have been times when people have come to me and asked me to forgive them and others supposedly ex-catholics, who behaved similarly have sought me and treated me as an authority with Catholicism and with respect in their moment of need. I have really been amazed particularly these past ten years. The same may happen to you. Years may go by, but you may be amazed as I have been at the people that will come back to you and acknowledge that you were right all along and from afar however far they respected your ways.

There is debate about who really said the following phrase but whether Saint Francis or someone else there is a lot of truth there:

“Preach the Gospel at all times. When necessary, use words.”

…and of course, pray for them.
 
I just read a blog post about fraternal correction recently that you might find helpful:

[5 Ground Rules for Fraternal Correction (http://truthandcharity.net/5-ground-rules-for-fraternal-correction/)

The author bases his piece on the article on Fraternal Correction in the Old Catholic Encyclopedia:

[Fraternal Correction (http://www.newadvent.org/cathen/04394a.htm)

Basically, we are obligated to correct another when these five conditions are met:
  • the delinquency to be corrected or prevented is a grievous one;
  • there is no good reason to believe that the sinner will adequately provide for himself;
  • there is a well-founded expectation that the admonition will be heeded;
  • there is no one else just as well fitted for this work of Christian charity and likely to undertake it;
  • there is no special trouble or disadvantage accruing to the reformer as a result of his zeal.
Not that we ought to deceive ourselves and attempt to rationalize our always keeping silent. But there are many just and good reasons to refrain from correcting another’s behavior. If we know the person is likely only going to become incensed and more entrenched in their way of thinking, that can be a good reason to refrain.

But, of course, as others have said, being a good witness in our own life is something we can and should always strive to do, even if it is not the time or place to call someone out.
 
Here here on being a good example. Sometimes admonishing can be as simple as showing and saying, Well, I’m not cool with X, y and z, and my faith compels me to live this way. Like, I have some friends who are ok with things like homosexuality and premarital sex. They’re adamanently supportive of the former especially. They know all the religious arguments against it, but it hasn’t effected them. So, the best I feel I can do is to continue to live the way I do, and gently change the subject whenever it comes up. I think another thing that helps there is that I’m VERY quick to stand up and rant if i see a friend of mine being homophobic (as in, “gay people deserve to get beaten” )by saying that ISN’T a Christian perspective at ALL…"I think it helps to see someone who might not support those things, but also doens’t go in the extreme other way.

What do you guys think? Any other advice in cases like these? friends or family members who live or support such lifestyles?
 
Are you so prefect that, having run out of things to correct in yourself, you have spare time to correct others?

If so I salute you!

If not, then I’d work on my own failings first, so as to be a more credible witness and authority.
 
Scott_D said:
I’m not quite sure how to pose this question. I’ve been wondering lately about how guilty I am for not warning people around me about their sins. For instance, I have Catholic in-laws who use contraception and who are “fixed.” I have a friend who is on his 4th marriage who is not Catholic and is pretty set in his ways, faith-wise. How guilty am I if I don’t warn them about the reality of mortal sin and hell? My non-Catholic friends have no concept or belief in the reality of mortal sin. How do I get through to them without disillusioning them?
Click to expand...
Well, first of all, those that Catholics that contracept continue to sin, as does your friend on his 4th marriage. As far as the ones that were sterilized (what you call “fixed”), you have no knowledge whether they have confessed this sin or not, so commenting on it or them being in sin is a mute point (unless they have told you they have not confessed it or have no intention of doing so). Most people generally don’t tell others (friends and family) what they’ve confessed (unless it’s here on CAF, of course;))
 
BillP said:
Are you so prefect that, having run out of things to correct in yourself, you have spare time to correct others?

If so I salute you!

If not, then I’d work on my own failings first, so as to be a more credible witness and authority.
Click to expand...
Certainly we have to work on our own failings and take the plank out of our own eye first. But admonishing the sinner wouldn’t be one of the spiritual works of mercy if it could never be done.

It has to be done the right way and shouldn’t be done indiscriminately, but there are times where it ought to be done.
 
Not sure why you feel that this is your job to do. Why not leave it to God?
 
Thank you for your well-thought out answers. The bottom line is that my wife’s family is Catholic, most of whom are using contraception. They are a large family where there are no secrets. My brothers in law are quite open about being fixed. I guess I have left the ball in my wife’s court because its her family. My family is all protestant. Many of them are evangelicals. I have tried using facebook as a tool. I post videos by Michael Voris or EWTN videos I find on you tube. Many of them have also joked about being “fixed.” I get some guff on both sides because we have 6 kids. “Six kids? Not me! I got fixed!” I am feeling the need to warn people about the horrific pains of hell how easy it is to slip up and spend eternity there.
 
Scott D, I am glad you are concerned about your family and your wife’s family. My family is all Protestant (or nothing) too, and I think we have to treat that situation a little differently than we do Catholic family members. When I was a child growing up, I thought my best friend’s parents (Protestant) were the nicest, best Christian people I had ever met. They went to church every Sunday, were involved in their church, prayed before meals, and they “walked the walk”. I wished my own parents were like them. I knew that they had been “fixed” because my friend had told me. It was totally acceptable in their church and in Protestant culture, and so when I grew up and learned about Catholic church teachings, it was hard for me to accept b/c some of the best Christians I had known practiced birth control and sterilization. So I don’t think it’s as much of an issue with your family b/c they truly believe they have done nothing wrong and have not gone against their own churches teachings. Now your WIFE’S family should know better, but with the culture around us and the lack of catechesis, it is not uncommon. I think that the best you can do at this point is to pray for them–pray that they will come to realize the wrong they have done, repent, and go to Confession. If you live your life as an upstanding Catholic and set a good example for them, they may one day think, “Hmmm…Scott seems to be at such peace and have so much joy…maybe he does know what he’s talking about.” And just pray for God to give you (or someone else) the opportunity to say something when the moment becomes right. God knows your heart and knows you care about your family–He will treat you in a much different way that someone who only cares about himself and doesn’t pray for others. God bless.
 
I just wanted to add that I didn’t mean to imply that we should not share our faith with Protestant family members or pray that they will one day embrace the whole Truth of the Catholic faith. But our Catholic family members will be held to a higher level of accountability in these matters as they are “marked” by Catholic baptism and have a duty to learn the Faith. In the end we rely on the Holy Spirit to guide us and help us to discern the right way to handle these situations. But again, your heart is in the right place, Scott, and God will help you if you but ask Him.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top