Culture of Death?

[eucharisteo]

Today, my manager and direct supervisor told me that I can’t make up time on Saturday after missing work again to take care of our sick children. My wife is a teacher and has already taken off all her time as well. I had told them I was planning on working this Saturday and they confirmed they knew. They made me sign a memo stating I can’t make up time on Saturdays or work any Saturday without approval, but I can still work 10 hours overtime per week. I think they believe their being charitable to me by offering me overtime. But I made it clear than I’m only doing it because I’m project oriented and try to work to get projects out the door.

**I’m stressed now because I’ve missed so much work because of family illnesses. I offered to catch up on this major project but received no acknowledgment for my efforts. But they want me to work overtime with pay during the week. They stressed how much they really need me for my abilities. **

The manager, a fallen away Catholic, said after telling him about my childrens’ illnesses that caused me to miss work said that this is a perfect argument for people not to have children. He also added that the director above us said that he raised three children and had a lot of banked leave gimd. Our daughter was born with a disability. I fear that some of this is related. We just really don’t know yet.

**Talk about insensitive. That’s my new bosses. I wanted to ram my fist down his face after he said that insulting remark. I said that’s not right and that if we didn’t have children no one would live to continue our work. I want to quit before I get fire reacting to dumb, disrespectful statements like this. I want to go back to college for my masters and avoid going to prison or never being hired again.
**

 

[Beau_Ouiville]

There should be a notice posted at your workplace in regard to the Family Medical Leave Act (“FMLA”). Check out what it requires of your employer and if it applies to your situation.

 

[Newbie2]

Perhaps this is an opportunity for you to help effect a change in his (their) thinking.

The Lord puts us in situations that may end up completely different that what we expect. I understand your anger at the insensitivity shown to you.

If your abilities are that important to them, they’ll find a way to compromise; perhaps you could ask for some sort of compromise, making up hours every other weekend or every third weekend, etc. Be sure and thank them for the opportunity to earn overtime money, in such a discussion. When dealing with buttheads, my experience has been that if you attempt to kill them with kindness and understanding, eventually they will have to respect that…if they genuinely need your abilities.

 

[eucharisteo]

Bea,

Been there, done that. This may end up the same. But its’ not the legalities as much as it is reveals the mindset behind the scenes. My main point is that people need to wake up and start fighting at their own jobs for the right to take care of sick family. Why should someone with a family be discriminated against? That’s what we’re talking about. 2 income families was not born out of selfishness but out of necessity. Survival 101: better have a backup plan. Employers have shown that money, profit, looking good, is more important than contributing to the cause of supporting/providing jobs for those that give back in more than just services but family…our future generations. I’m a good employee/worker. They’ve turned white like a ghost a few times after advising them I’m gearing up to go back to school. In fact, I gave up returning to school this semester for these knuckleheads. But it’s proving to be a bad choice on my part and ultimately bad for them because if they can’t make me happy them I’m going to leave.

Newbie2

I always fight for Christian causes. We all have a responsibility to defend life, marriage, family, peace and justice. I live by what I preach.

 

[CPA2]

I want to go back to college for my masters and avoid going to prison or never being hired again.

What field are you in, and what master’s degree do you intend to persue?

 

[eucharisteo]

I want to go back to college for my masters and avoid going to prison or never being hired again.

What field are you in, and what master’s degree do you intend to persue?
Civil Engineering

 

[CPA2]

What field are you in, and what master’s degree do you intend to persue?

Civil Engineering

You in a great profession, engineering! From my understanding, civil engineers make less money than other engineers. Mechanical engineers, for example, come out of college making $64,000 to $75,000.

You may want to look at going back to school and getting a different type of undergraqduate engineering degree instead of a master’s degree in civil engineering. A better option might be getting a master’s degree in another branch of engineering. From what I have heard, civil engineering does not always have the best work environment.

Are you networking with other engineers to check out your options? You may also want to call various engineering colleges and talk to the head of the engineering department to get a better ideal of your options.

 

[kage_ar]

Perhaps it is time for you and your wife to re-evaluate your lives. Work opposite shifts or one become a stay at home parent, move near family so you have a “safety net” of grandparents or close relatives to watch your child.

It sounds as if the stress of having kids and with two working parents is becoming a near occasion of sin for you. Change that - your child will thank you.

 

[eucharisteo]

Civils max out as simple engineers to senior engineers just over $100K. If you get promoted to manager it goes up to $125K. Currently I hold a B.S. in Geographic Information Systems, with comparable salaries to civil engineers. But I need to bootstrap to get back into the game. In fact I really need to continue where I left off, computer science or engineering. But I’m 48 now and have little ones to raise. God has given me the strength to hold on this long. But my wife, a convert, is filled with fears. She seems to acknowledge that its the right thing to do but tries to get me to take classes at night. They won’t let me take classes at night which would require permission to leave an hour early 2 days per week. They are manipulating me too much. She doesn’t understand. Trying to work in an environement with people that manipulate you unreasonably just doesn’t work. I’ve done it before and failed even though I was making really good grades. All it takes is someone to stress and then manipulate you in such a way as to change the rules in the middle of the semester, which is what happened when I failed many years ago forcing me to join the Army to attemp it again. The second time the VA would not sign certify my pre-engineering program at the only University I could get in at the time for personal reasons, but mostly to raise my GPA. I still had family problems, drunk dad that forced me to move to a different state near my mom.

Yes, having a 2 income family without enough money to keep abreast does bring on certain stresses. Not everyone’s children are the same. Ours are filled with anxieties that seems too run in the family. We tried the one income family thing but then when emergencies happen we couldn’t afford to pay for it. Then my wife got sick running a home daycare. she needs the mental breaks and we needed our home back. So she went into teaching to be able to take off during the breaks. But the problem persists.

I appreciate the suggestion to moving close to family. BUT mine are dead and my onlhy surviving brother is basically a single idiot with no idea of God. Her father died in 2004 and her mother is now 83 years old. Her father was 11 years older than her mother and though she is the youngest of her 8 siblings they are not very supportive and the ones that would be available we must stay away from becuase she is the only Catholic. Her 2 oldest brothers are Church of Christ preachers. One of them is an elder. The point is we must keep them away from the fundamentalists in the family, which is on both sides of the family. My fathers siblings are too old and work. None of my family is supportive in that way other than one sending gifts like a surrogate grandparent. She live out of state. Stability is more important than which school I attend. And the school nearest to our home, 3 miles, is a very good state supported school.

My little ones are begging for food. Gotta go. Thanks for the ideas. My choice is to resign and tap into my retirement that I’ve been putting in for so many years. Survival is the game now. God will provide. Maybe I’ll luck out and find a decent part-time job. Besides my wife makes about $50K which should normally be enough under normal circumstances. Just a little longer and it just might work.

 

[eucharisteo]

Perhaps it is time for you and your wife to re-evaluate your lives.

Work opposite shifts or one become a stay at home parent, move near family so you have a “safety net” of grandparents or close relatives to watch your child.It sounds as if the stress of having kids and with two working parents is becoming a near occasion of sin for you. Change that - your child will thank you.
Our children are well ballance and a model for others to follow. One of the reasons I want to be the one to come home is that I need a career lift and then try to convince my wife to return to college for her PhD to maybe teach college. In fact, I’d prefer to return to teaching in college over Public school. That’s one reason I’m looking at Civil as an option. Most colleges don’t have a Geography Department.

Thanks again for your thoughts. Please follow up if you have any other ideas. Working from home, Scholarships, etc. I am in the beginning stages of being accepted to the diaconate but this issue seems to be the answer I was looking for. It would be best to put it off until the next classe in about 6 years. By the time I’m ordained my children will either be graduated from college, in college or about to enter college.

PAX

 

[kage_ar]

If you want to smack your boss in the mouth, sounds like a near occasion of sin to me…

 

[eucharisteo]

If you want to smack your boss in the mouth, sounds like a near occasion of sin to me…

You must be young. I can point out much worst of people that I feel the urge to smack in the mouth and thus life is a near occasion of sin. Figure of speech. Keep it balanced and in context please. I’m also a soldier. I guess joining the army and wanting to smack a drill instructor is a near occasion of sin. A near occasion of sin would be like having sexual issues or drinking problems and allowing yourself to be in that situation when you could pull away or stay away from it. I have a family and have to provide for my family as best I can. That may mean I have a job under people that are knuckleheads. That pretty much describes most bosses. I used to be someone that drove my men to train in the Army. They partly hated me and respected me. Fortunately, they did what I told them and ended up deployed to Iraq. I did a good job and am proud of it. BUT, I learned something from that experience. I won’t be that way again. Civil Engineers are typically one demmensional and act like they know everything. They get defensive about who is allowed to call themselves an engineer. So even though I do the same thing a licensed engineer does, with exception of signing plans. That’s it in my case. I’m very competent at what I do. I just demmand people treat me with a certain amount of respect and I am very aware when someone insults my beliefs. What this guy said was very insulting and should not be allowed. In fact, a friend advised me to file a complaint with H.R. and if necessary suit. I’m avoiding both. I’ve submitted a formal complaint against the same department years ago and those “I Dots” are gone, but it was because they retired. The system is broke and no body really cares.

 

[eucharisteo]

While stressing out on the elevator I told a couple of ladies on the elevator that according to my manger I should have had children and that the director says he’s a better dad than me. I didn’t know them but thought they were lower level employees. One of the ladies followed me into H.R. where I was planning to apply for FMLA. She asked me to tell her about what happened. I needed someone to tell and just started telling the story as best I could. In a nut shell it turns out she’s the managing director immediately under the City Manager and even gave me hopes of a different job after I told here about my education and qualifications but ended up in engineering. So I submitted a complaint officially because I had no choice by this time. Pray that I don’t get fired.

 

[St_Francis]

While stressing out on the elevator I told a couple of ladies on the elevator that according to my manger I should have had children and that the director says he’s a better dad than me. I didn’t know them but thought they were lower level employees. One of the ladies followed me into H.R. where I was planning to apply for FMLA. She asked me to tell her about what happened. I needed someone to tell and just started telling the story as best I could. In a nut shell it turns out she’s the managing director immediately under the City Manager and even gave me hopes of a different job after I told here about my education and qualifications but ended up in engineering. So I submitted a complaint officially because I had no choice by this time. Pray that I don’t get fired.

Hopefully the opposite of your getting fired will happen! :byzsoc:

 

[iamrefreshed]

**The manager, a fallen away Catholic, said after telling him about my childrens’ illnesses that caused me to miss work said that this is a perfect argument for people not to have children. **

A shame his parents didn’t think so.

 

[eucharisteo]

I’m afraid that the common joke about him before he got promoted is “it’s not all about you NAME” I’ve never met someone so narcissistic in my life. In fact it’s absolutely tiring to listen to him gripe about everyone. He just hit one of my triggers. I over reacted but reacted appropriately in my opinion. In my country “thems there fight’n words”.

Today he gave me a piercing mean look as he walked by. Yes, he’s also known for acting juvenile - after all he seems to never have grown up. He’s a year or two older than me…

 

[eucharisteo]

Yesterday I had a similar response with the manager giving me that mean look. He used to say hi respectfully. But it’s obvious with he passes a foot in front of you and gives you that piercing look. Still waiting for a response for a different job opening. I’m doubtful that it will really happen. People often say things they really don’t mean because it makes them feel better about thtmeself. It’s insincere, but there are many of those in the world… kind of like southerner’s way of saying “bless your heart”.