Current convert who feels lost, fearful and overwhelmed with faith

[pnguin]

This is long, but I need to shout it to the world, so here goes…
I come from a family that would be setting their aspirations high to be equal to the guests on Jerry Springer. So needless to say I was not raised to be particularly religious. I have always believed in God and felt that we had a healthy personal relationship. I am a person who does not make even little decisions lightly, so when it came to my religion I have spent a large part of my teens and adult life researching all of the worlds religions. I have attended at least one Sunday (or Saturday depending on the faith) at each different type of church that I had access to. None truly spoke to me, so I settled for my personal relationship with God and felt fine about that.

Then I there were some events in my life that shattered my world and shook my faith in one way or another.

1. I gave birth to my daughter and son. After giving birth how can you not believe.
2. I lost my step-grandmother (one of 2 people in my life who led me down the right path and who raised me). I was holding her hand when we took her off of life support and in the moment she passed. As strange as it sounds, this also renewed my faith as it was.
3. My 20 year old sister was murdered when she was 5 months pregnant by the father of the child. I was 6 months pregnant at the time. This shattered my world and my faith to oblivion. I entered a deep depression and had to seek counseling. After my son was born, I felt guilt and sorrow seeping through every part of my being every time I looked at him or held him because she was so excited about being a mother and she never got to experience that. Every time he did something new, all I could think about was how she would have loved sharing the stories and how Avery should have been doing it shortly after him. I was emotionally strangled in the instance that he strangled her.

How and why could God let this happen? I needed answers, and the only place to get clear and concise answers was a true spritual leader. I had thought about Catholicism when I had my children because my husband was raised catholic and I want my children baptised. It is a beautiful religion and his family are ideal examples of living as good catholics. I am lucky enough to have a priest in our local church whom I believe is a truly spritual leader. So I started RCIA classes.

I now find myself still confused and fearful, however I want to shout to the world, “Jesus is within me!” I feel him in my heart. I don’t just believe, I know. He has touched my heart and soul and I am compelled to hug everyone I see who appears sad or lost. Thank you!

 

[Trishie]

I am delighted that God has touch your heart and filled it with love and faith, and with a desire to share the Love He gives you.

Because you have known what it is to be lost, to be doubting, to be confused, and to grieve, you are the more able to share God’s love with those who are lost and confused, those who are sad, those who grieve. St Paul said it is so, that we suffer these things in order to be able to give more to others who suffer similarly.

My God bless you always with His overwhelming love.

 

[CatsAndDogs]

I now find myself still confused and fearful, however I want to shout to the world, “Jesus is within me!” I feel him in my heart. I don’t just believe, I know. He has touched my heart and soul and I am compelled to hug everyone I see who appears sad or lost. Thank you!

What are you confused about?

What are you fearful of?

Jesus is within you. Your compulsion to relieve the suffering of others expresses faith in God’s will to heal all people, hope that God will use you and all people to do that healing, and the charity, which is love, to actually DO what God tells you to do to heal others, and yourself.

Please read the Catechism. It will be an amazing awakening for you, as it will describe YOU as you know you are supposed to be.

Best to you, mo stór. (my dear)

:shamrock2:

 

[pentecostbaby]

Because you have known what it is to be lost, to be doubting, to be confused, and to grieve, you are the more able to share God’s love with those who are lost and confused, those who are sad, those who grieve. St Paul said it is so, that we suffer these things in order to be able to give more to others who suffer similarly.

This is one of the truest things I have ever read on these forums.

 

[foolishmortal]

What worse could have happened that God prevented from happening to you and your loved ones, because He gives us nothing we can’t handle without Him. You might have just passed a Job kind of test and had added to your life a positive family and great examples of what the Catholic Church teaches–the fulness of what God has imparted to Christendom and Christians within the Church who participate in those graces! You are an inspiration and I hope you keep counting your blessings more than most Christians of any Christian faith! God bless you!

 

[xAlisonx]

p n g u i n.
you don’t need to apologize in any way for the length of your post – say as much as you need to, we’re always here and willing to listen and support you in whatever ways we can.

i’m so sorry beyond words, pnguin, that you weren’t raised in a way that led you close to God, but i am so glad that you have always had great faith in Him, and that after pursuing Him through a life and faith journey that must have been an incredible experience, you were led to the Truth and hope that is in Jesus alone. i’m a bit confused as to whether you consider yourself Catholic right now, and what exactly is still causing you to feel confused and fearful—if you could elaborate on these things, i will do my best to help you as much as i can.

oh, pnguin, i am so sorry beyond words for all of the trauma that you’ve been through that shattered your world and shook your faith in some way. i don’t blame you for having questions and doubts when going through such pain—i honestly don’t know what i can say that would be enough. i’m so sorry for all that you’ve had to endure, especially the murder of your 20-year-old sister and her unborn child. to know that you’ve had to endure such a terrible tragedy—and at the hands of the father—just tears my heart apart, and i don’t know if words could be enough for what i feel for you. i hope and pray that you have found healing and hope from this event, and that you are able not only to forgive the father, but yourself—although you did nothing wrong, the fact that you felt guilty for having a child to hold shows that you needed (or may still need) to grant yourself the hope, healing and forgiveness you truly do deserve. i don’t know how i could ever tell you how sorry i am for your loss, i can only keep you in my constant thoughts and deepest prayers for your healing, and for your sister’s dear soul.

i’m so glad that instead of turning away from God when you went through this trauma, you knew that you had questions and doubts, and decided to pursue them in Him. i truly believe that nothing happens to us that is against His Will, and that even behind the face of evil, darkness and pain is His Love always there to strengthen us and bring us closer to Himself in Love. i’m also so glad beyond words that you have found yourself led to the glorious Truth of the beautiful Catholic Faith, and that you may be well on your way to becoming part of Christ’s true Church.

again, i’m somewhat confused as to why you still find yourself confused and fearful, so i’d love it if you could explain this a bit more. i promise that i will help you in any way i can. i am so glad beyond words, pnguin, that you know and feel Jesus within you, and have experienced His great Love within your heart and soul, just as i have, just as so many people on here have. the fact that you feel great compassion for all those who are broken shows that Jesus is truly within you, and i am so grateful for that, and so happy for you. you seem like such a strong, courageous individual with great faith, and i admire you so much for your strength. i will keep you in my thoughts and prayers—please stay strong, please stay safe and please take care of yourself. God bless you, pnguin.

love,
in the peace and love of Christ,
alison