I am a convert so Confession was completely alien to me. I was terrified of admitting to anyone but especially to a priest, that I had sinned, especially if it was a mortal sin. The shame of having committed it plus the fear of having to voice it almost kept me out of the Confessional.
There is really nothing to fear. Although I have had a couple bad experiences in the confessional where the priest did not seem to understand what I was talking about, on the whole, they have been very good. There is nothing they haven’t heard before so don’t worry about shocking them or them condemning you. They are there to help you reconcile. It is a most wonderful Sacrament. The other name for the Sacrament is Reconciliation. Unloading all that guilt and shame, hearing the words, “I absolve you.”; there is really nothing else comparable.
Remember that a Sacrament is a Great Way in which we meet God. Confession is on the same level as the Eucharist. We meet God in the Confessional.
I couldn’t wait to recieve the Sacraments of Baptism, Confirmation and First Holy Communion but Confession was something I shied away from, fearing my own shame, rather than looking forward to meeting God and being reconciled to Him.
Please don’t be afraid of it. They will not condemn you. They will rather be overjoyed at your return. Read the story of the Prodigal Son. (Luke 15:11-32) See how the father races to meet his son, places a new robe around his shoulders and a ring on his finger. God the Father will be overjoyed at your return. Recall also the Woman Taken in Adultery, who is not condemned by Jesus.
Tell the priest that you haven’t been in x amount of time, that you’ve had some very negative experiences with priests/pastors in the past and that you need some help and guidance getting through it. Talking to a priest in the confessional is very different from speaking to them outside of the Sacrament. To me, they almost seem like a different person, which, in truth, they are. Inside the confessional, the priest is “In Persona Christi”, that is, In the Person of Christ.
How badly to you want to receive Jesus in the Eucharist? How strongly is He calling you to Him? Is His call not stronger than your fear? That was what allowed me to confess, even though I was shaking like a leaf. His call, and subsequently my desire for Him, was much stronger than my fear.
Be Not Afraid. I wish I could give you more reassurance. I hope and pray that God will give you the strength to be reconciled and to receive the Eucharist.
