Cursing--Any Practical Suggestions?

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I’ve got a problem. It stems from another problem.

Here are both of the problems:
  1. I let things get me frustrated, and when I get frustrated, I react.
  2. When I get upset, I express it. I curse. I curse some more. Then I feel like a total failure for once again, letting things get the better of me.
This often happens when I am stressed out with no end in sight. I lead a stressful life, from the work I do to some issues going on in my family. It seems I get no respite.

Then I feel unworthy to pray or ask God for anything because, wow…I never seem to learn anything myself. Though not Catholic, I am a baptized Christian who wants to become Catholic and who has studied the faith for many years. I am inspired by those saints who endured under almost unspeakable torture, persecution and tragedy, and remained saints. I can’t even seem to make the most simple progress toward virtue at times. 😦

Do you have any practical suggestions on how to find an island of peace in all the stress, thereby making it possible for me to not have a knee-jerk reaction that leads me to curse, and repeat the same pattern?

I appreciate your insights, and God bless.
 
historian31 said:
I’ve got a problem. It stems from another problem.

Here are both of the problems:
  1. I let things get me frustrated, and when I get frustrated, I react.
  2. When I get upset, I express it. I curse. I curse some more. Then I feel like a total failure for once again, letting things get the better of me.
This often happens when I am stressed out with no end in sight. I lead a stressful life, from the work I do to some issues going on in my family. It seems I get no respite.

Then I feel unworthy to pray or ask God for anything because, wow…I never seem to learn anything myself. Though not Catholic, I am a baptized Christian who wants to become Catholic and who has studied the faith for many years. I am inspired by those saints who endured under almost unspeakable torture, persecution and tragedy, and remained saints. I can’t even seem to make the most simple progress toward virtue at times. 😦

Do you have any practical suggestions on how to find an island of peace in all the stress, thereby making it possible for me to not have a knee-jerk reaction that leads me to curse, and repeat the same pattern?

I appreciate your insights, and God bless.
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  1. If you are unable to control you’re speaking swear without cursing or use you’re anger in a different way eg: find an outlet for you’re anger or find someone to talk to “normally” (like a priest or someone you trust )
  2. God Loves you
    Jesus God’s only begotten Son Is a Man ( back in His time carpenters didn’t just work on wood they worked on stone too )
Hope this helps
God Bless You
Shalom
 
Before I offer a suggestion, I would like to point out that using profanity is not a sin by itself.
It may become a sin if:
  1. delicate ears are nearby
  2. If you blaspheme the Name of the Lord along with your vulgarity
  3. If you curse another person or insult them at the same time.
However, it is always better to try and find other means of venting your frustration, which is a topic I am quite familiar with myself.

Something that may help is to think of Our Lord’s pain or Our Lady’s pain each time you are frustrated. For me at least, there is some solace in thinking of the Blessed Virgin or Our Savior.

I would just make sure to pray as often as possible throughout the day. Pray the Angelus, the Rosary, and a devotion to Saint Joseph every day if you can, while always asking for purity of speech and mind so that you can avoid the temptation to vent inappropriately.

God Bless
 
Dealing with stress is difficult. I would look into a stress management course.
 
I’ve been plagued by cussing most of my adult life, and it has been a recurrent sin I’ve confessed. Here is some advice that I got:
  1. When tempted to cuss, say the Lord’s Prayer, silently and slowly, taking about a minute to do so, and breathing deeply between each phrase.
  2. Do something else with the tension, such as some muscle tension release exercises. You can do this even sitting at your desk at work: Tighten all your muscles hard, get your shoulders up to your ears, clench your fists, tighten your back and legs, and hold that for fifteen seconds, then quickly release all those muscles.
  3. Meditate frequently on the sufferings of Our Lord, and spend some time in Eucharistic Adoration. Anyone, including non-Catholics, can go to Eucharistic Adoration. Just sit there in the Real Presence of God. You may wish to read up about it before you go for the first time. Tell Him in prayer about your high-stress job, annoying co-workers, miserable commute, grouchy supervisors, etc, etc. He gets it: He understands. He placed Himself here in this world as True God and True Man, subject to the same vicissitudes that we all experience, and then some. He is always with you. Read some Scripture, where His closest friends so frequently didn’t understand the core of His mission on earth, despite all the time and effort He expended with them. Don’t you think He might have gotten a little frustrated there, too?
Sitting there in Adoration may help release your stress, and make you less tempted to cuss. I know it’s helped me immensely. No, I didn’t get rid of it completely, but I’d estimate the cussing has decreased by about 75 percent since I started doing those things, and you know what? My blood pressure started to come down as well.
 
Find someone whom you feel you can express to. 🙂

I let my real anger out in emails to my priest. (Anglican) He doesn’t reply at all. But I do get the impression that odd bits come through in his sermons… I do not follow up anything I have said in public through own choice and he doesn’t give me away likewise. But that is how I like it, want it etc. A lot of the emails really do not make sense and use whatever to get it out of my system… I just simply let rip…

Perhaps you can find someone you can trust.

Do you have a hobby that you do at home that you can focus on that when things aren’t so good. To divert your attention perhaps? Sometimes I walk to help me calm down. This used to have a down side that when I get in I would then comfort eat but this year I am not reaching out for the food because I have more other tools at hand per se. By being able to express on email allows me to simply cry. In private but having a good cry and that helps me to feel ready to carry on. If the tears are too much or something I have rang the priest and get that support there. But it is important to cry at times. We need to stop too but just having a 5 minutes worth of tears every now and then is healthy and nothing wrong in that. Children cry and move on. We are mistakenly taught not to as adults. The only difference perhaps is that we be better for finding a private space to let the tears flow then come back. We are not very good at handling tears of each other thinking must be something big for an adult to cry. Where as a little bit of comfort will set us on our way again. Dare I say it, tea, tissues and a hug do go a long way and yet it is something not offered on a regular basis to adults as of children but we all need it just as much. We have to turn to priests who understand the need for comfort.

It okay to be angry. It is how we are angry. Do you have a garden where you can spend time digging perhaps to burn of that energy. I am not talking daft when I perhaps say 20 sit ups? You be shattered at first - that is my point. You use the negative energy and turn it into something positive. We all have different ‘tools’ to use at different times.

What you experience is perfectly normal by the way:D
 
historian31 said:
I’ve got a problem. It stems from another problem.

.
Click to expand...
I’ve got a problem. It stems from another problem.
Click to expand...
Here are both of the problems:
Click to expand...
  1. I let things get me frustrated, and when I get frustrated, I react.
  2. When I get upset, I express it. I curse. I curse some more. Then I feel like a total failure for once again, letting things get the better of me.
Click to expand...
Many people have no idea that frustration occurs outside themselves and you are correct that you allow this to happen. This is insight that many do not have.
This often happens when I am stressed out with no end in sight. I lead a stressful life, from the work I do to some issues going on in my family. It seems I get no respite.
Click to expand...
Stress is common and if you believe that there is no end in sight then there will be none. Your mind is clogged. Focus on now, not yesterday, not tomorrow, but now. When your mind takes you away from your immediate task you will find that you will react. When you start with simple things like, I am breathing now, I am thinking now, I am doing this now….there can be no other thoughts. You may consider this as grounding yourself.
Then I feel unworthy to pray or ask God for anything because, wow…I never seem to learn anything myself. Though not Catholic, I am a baptized Christian who wants to become Catholic and who has studied the faith for many years. I am inspired by those saints who endured under almost unspeakable torture, persecution and tragedy, and remained saints. I can’t even seem to make the most simple progress toward virtue at times.
Click to expand...
Many Saints felt unworthy. Perhaps you are on the road to Sainthood. Modeling Saints is good. You may want to get some movies from Netflix, Blockbuster or whatever. I recently viewed Becket and a movie on John of the Cross. These were inspiring. I also have listened to the confessions of St. Augustine, Abandonment to Divine Providence, Imitation of Christ and the Audio Catechism…you can listen to those here…

archive.org/details/confessions_augustine_0911_librivox

ccel.org/ccel/decaussade/abandonment

ccel.org/ccel/kempis/imitation/mp3

I personally believe that Imitation of Christ would be a good one for you…
Do you have any practical suggestions on how to find an island of peace in all the stress, thereby making it possible for me to not have a knee-jerk reaction that leads me to curse, and repeat the same pattern?
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I can provide you a way to think about this and it is called Parts Integration…This is how I formulate this technique…it is very simple….learn to relax by stressing every muscle in your body and then let go…do this a few times and then focus on relaxed breathing….now do this…

Imagine on the left side of your mind calmness, a time when you feel satisfied and a time that you want to recreate in the future when you feel stressed.

Then imagine on the right side of your mind the person you describe, responding and reacting to stress….

Bring those two images into the center of your focus and see which one is more dominant….usually it will be the cursing…then separate the images and as you hold those images in your mind…take the one on the right…the cursing and imagine that it is as big as you can and then imagine that it gets small like a postage stamp and eventually make that image as small as a star in the sky…now quickly focus back on your left sided image of what it is you want to be…Make that image as big as you can until it fills your entire mind of focus…now every time you take time to relax, imagine that person you want to be relaxed and focused and when you see stress in your life bring that image up….when you view stars in the sky…imagine that your stress is there and when stressed imagine the exercise and whisk that image into a stamp and a star…you control your mind…

Pray, study the Catechism, the doors of the Church are open…

You may benefit from any of the above, all of the above, or none of the above…the only way to change your behavior is to find the motivation to do so…find the motivation and change will occur…How do you find motivation?

Keep asking yourself “why” do I want to be stress free? When you discover this, this will be your motivation…Ok…👍
 
KLJM12 said:
Before I offer a suggestion, I would like to point out that using profanity is not a sin by itself.
It may become a sin if:
  1. delicate ears are nearby
  2. If you blaspheme the Name of the Lord along with your vulgarity
  3. If you curse another person or insult them at the same time.
However, it is always better to try and find other means of venting your frustration, which is a topic I am quite familiar with myself.

God Bless
Click to expand...
I didn’t know profanity wasn’t always a sin. Thank you for clarifying.

I still try to change my vocabulary most of the time (there are some instances where I use it for humor with adults). And sometimes it helps with the frustration itself. Like I picked ‘biscuit’ to replace the B word and sometimes when I call something a Biscuit or use it as an expletive, it makes me laugh (because quite frankly, it IS a really silly thing to say) so I’m not as frustrated anymore.

Also, simply practicing the Catholic faith helps with frustration. I constantly focus on not thinking uncharitably of other people and I’m getting better at it. So I get frustrated at work less often because I deal with the public a lot.

So working on perhaps replacing “bad” words with innocuous ones and focusing on the patience and love the saints expressed in their lives towards people and situations kind of attacks the issue on two sides. 😃
 
historian31 said:
I’ve got a problem. It stems from another problem.

Here are both of the problems:
  1. I let things get me frustrated, and when I get frustrated, I react.
  2. When I get upset, I express it. I curse. I curse some more. Then I feel like a total failure for once again, letting things get the better of me.
This often happens when I am stressed out with no end in sight. I lead a stressful life, from the work I do to some issues going on in my family. It seems I get no respite.

Then I feel unworthy to pray or ask God for anything because, wow…I never seem to learn anything myself. Though not Catholic, I am a baptized Christian who wants to become Catholic and who has studied the faith for many years. I am inspired by those saints who endured under almost unspeakable torture, persecution and tragedy, and remained saints. I can’t even seem to make the most simple progress toward virtue at times. 😦

Do you have any practical suggestions on how to find an island of peace in all the stress, thereby making it possible for me to not have a knee-jerk reaction that leads me to curse, and repeat the same pattern?

I appreciate your insights, and God bless.
Click to expand...
Avoid Blasphemy.

As KLJM says, non-Blasphemous cursing by itself is not sinful. It’s crude, like belching at the dinner table, not sinful.

God Bless
 
I have THE EXACT SAME PROBLEM.

I have self value type problems and cursing. I know how hard it can be. I’ll say a prayer for you.
 
historian31 said:
I’ve got a problem. It stems from another problem.

Here are both of the problems:
  1. I let things get me frustrated, and when I get frustrated, I react.
  2. When I get upset, I express it. I curse. I curse some more. Then I feel like a total failure for once again, letting things get the better of me.
This often happens when I am stressed out with no end in sight. I lead a stressful life, from the work I do to some issues going on in my family. It seems I get no respite.

Then I feel unworthy to pray or ask God for anything because, wow…I never seem to learn anything myself. Though not Catholic, I am a baptized Christian who wants to become Catholic and who has studied the faith for many years. I am inspired by those saints who endured under almost unspeakable torture, persecution and tragedy, and remained saints. I can’t even seem to make the most simple progress toward virtue at times. 😦

Do you have any practical suggestions on how to find an island of peace in all the stress, thereby making it possible for me to not have a knee-jerk reaction that leads me to curse, and repeat the same pattern?

I appreciate your insights, and God bless.
Click to expand...
First, understand what stress is. Stress is the difference between what you expect to have happen, and what is really happening. The more difference there is between reality and your expectations, the more stressed you will be. So, the first step is to align your expectations with reality, and plan ahead for what is really going to happen, rather than planning for what is supposed to happen. For example, if you have a colleague who is always late and disorganized, instead of planning for him to be on time and organized and then getting frustrated, simply acknowledge the reality that he is going to be late and disorganized, and plan to have something productive to do while you are waiting for him to show up, and then make sure to have whatever resources on hand that you will need to compensate for his lack of organization - for example, if he always forgets his pen, have an extra pen with you. In other words, control the things you can control, rather than the things that you can’t control. It will still make you angry that your colleague is late and disorganized, but at least the task at hand will be accomplished in an orderly manner - and in the long term you can decide whether you want to continue to work with that person.

A second source of stress is to worry about the future - am I going to be laid off this year? Is my spouse about to divorce me? Are my parents going to get mad at me because I can’t do this or that for them? Instead of spending time worrying about these things, once again, get control of the things that you can control - do the best work you can do; be the best spouse you can be; treat your parents with kindness and respect - and give the rest to God.

A third source of stress is personal lack of organization - are you the one who is always late and missing a pen? Again, get control. Make a plan for your day the evening before, and allow enough time for travel between appointments. (Assume that there will be traffic - there always is.) Make a little pile on your desk of all the things that you need to take with you the next day. Don’t assume that you’re going to remember that you need the Bliggles file for your second appointment when you are rushing out the door for the Niska appointment - make sure it’s in the pile of stuff to take with you. If you find that you are rushing from appointment to appointment with no time to breathe - cancel or postpone some of them. Radical idea, I know. 🙂
 
jmcrae said:
First, understand what stress is. Stress is the difference between what you expect to have happen, and what is really happening. The more difference there is between reality and your expectations, the more stressed you will be. So, the first step is to align your expectations with reality, and plan ahead for what is really going to happen, rather than planning for what is supposed to happen. For example, if you have a colleague who is always late and disorganized, instead of planning for him to be on time and organized and then getting frustrated, simply acknowledge the reality that he is going to be late and disorganized, and plan to have something productive to do while you are waiting for him to show up, and then make sure to have whatever resources on hand that you will need to compensate for his lack of organization - for example, if he always forgets his pen, have an extra pen with you. In other words, control the things you can control, rather than the things that you can’t control. It will still make you angry that your colleague is late and disorganized, but at least the task at hand will be accomplished in an orderly manner - and in the long term you can decide whether you want to continue to work with that person.

A second source of stress is to worry about the future - am I going to be laid off this year? Is my spouse about to divorce me? Are my parents going to get mad at me because I can’t do this or that for them? Instead of spending time worrying about these things, once again, get control of the things that you can control - do the best work you can do; be the best spouse you can be; treat your parents with kindness and respect - and give the rest to God.

A third source of stress is personal lack of organization - are you the one who is always late and missing a pen? Again, get control. Make a plan for your day the evening before, and allow enough time for travel between appointments. (Assume that there will be traffic - there always is.) Make a little pile on your desk of all the things that you need to take with you the next day. Don’t assume that you’re going to remember that you need the Bliggles file for your second appointment when you are rushing out the door for the Niska appointment - make sure it’s in the pile of stuff to take with you. If you find that you are rushing from appointment to appointment with no time to breathe - cancel or postpone some of them. Radical idea, I know. 🙂
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Jm,

This is thoughtful. I spent an hour today with a gentleman trying to sort out his stress. He wants to live a stress free life. The first thing I asked him was…

What is causing your stress?

The answer…one individual at work…

This evolved into frustration, lack of understanding and acknowedgement that stress is signalled by tension in the brow, he wants to stop this…so…to clarify this…I asked the following…

What do you do when you drive to a car to work and you see a sign that is red and it is painted STOP…I stop…and when you drive to work and see a red light on the car on the passenger side blinking, what does that tell you…it is going to turn…you continue your journey to work.

So when your brow furrows as a result of something outside yourself…stop and recognize that it is a signal to do something…ask yourself what is causing this and how do I respond…when you do that the brow is no longer a problem…because it is just a signal…

In regards to this one individual…when your brow furrows…you feel stress…ask what it is he wants and how can you help him…then…ask the person to repeat what they said…reframe what they said and repeat it to see if you got clarity as to what they said…and then see if you can or cannot respond satisfactorilly…if you can do and if you can’t don’t because the problem is him and not you and move on…

So he said…stress is a signal to do something…YUP…you got it…so when I get stressed, all I have to do is step outside myself and see what it is I am to respond to and respond to it if I can or cannot…YUP…you got it…and in the end he said…so this will help me on my journey to be stress free…YUP…you got it…

and so it went…he will pay me for another visit next week to reinforce his behavior…
 
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