cursing

[Scott_D]

Hello All, may peace be upon you:

Recently I got into a bad argument with my eldest daughter, who is a teenager and has had a bad case of the “yeah buts.” Very disrespectful lately and arrogant in her teenage knowledge. Generally, she has been a great kid. However, this particular morning, she really tested me and I blew up. I exploded and had a less than eloquent moment and yelled “damn you!” I also hit a bathroom door and cracked it. Blow ups like this are rare for me, but I didn’t think about it, at the time what “damn you” means. My wife clued me in and I certainly didn’t mean it that way. We made up the same morning by the way. Do I assume I am in mortal sin because of anger? Even though it certainly wasn’t intentional?

Thanks

 

[JRKH]

This is a very serious sin both for the damn you and the damage done to the door (and possible emotional damage to your daughter).
Whether it meets the specific criteria of mortal sin or not I cannot say. All we could do is offer a “best guess” based on very limited information.
Your best bet is to get to confession ASAP and lay this out to your confessor. Then be guided by him.

Good luck.

Peace
James

 

[Waiting]

Hello All, may peace be upon you:

Recently I got into a bad argument with my eldest daughter, who is a teenager and has had a bad case of the “yeah buts.” Very disrespectful lately and arrogant in her teenage knowledge. Generally, she has been a great kid. However, this particular morning, she really tested me and I blew up. I exploded and had a less than eloquent moment and yelled “damn you!” I also hit a bathroom door and cracked it. Blow ups like this are rare for me, but I didn’t think about it, at the time what “damn you” means. My wife clued me in and I certainly didn’t mean it that way. We made up the same morning by the way. Do I assume I am in mortal sin because of anger? Even though it certainly wasn’t intentional?

Thanks

I don’t see how this incident can be a mortal sin. To be mortal the sin has to be grave matter, you have to know that it is grave matter, and you have to fully consent to the act. That doesn’t seem to apply in all three conditions here. Forgive her, forgive yourself, and mention it in Confession. It’s more than likely a venial sin.

 

[rmpbklyn]

As a teenager my mom and I had the worst fights. She will get over it. It’s not the end of the world.

Actually, more parents should shout at their kids it’s better than jail time. The kids that are the wost these days are those without parenting.

Case in point, there was a parent on the train, the kid was running around as if it’s a park. they were politely telling the kid ‘please stand still’ , over and over, in a soft tone. Obviously getting nowhere. guess what, the kid ran out into the next train stop, and the parent nearly lost the kid, what if the child fell in the gap? would it been so horrible, for the parent to get the kid’s hand and hold it firmly , when a child is acting out of control?

safety first

 

[JRKH]

I don’t see how this incident can be a mortal sin. To be mortal the sin has to be grave matter, you have to know that it is grave matter, and you have to fully consent to the act. That doesn’t seem to apply in all three conditions here. Forgive her, forgive yourself, and mention it in Confession. It’s more than likely a venial sin.

See this is what I mean…We look at the “legal terminology” of Mortal sin and say - oh this isn’t mortal sin cause it doesn’t meet the criteria…Yet Jesus says this in Mt 5: 22
22 But I say to you that every one who is angry with his brother shall be liable to judgment;
The OP, lost his temper, cursed his daughter (admittedly without thinking) and hit a door hard enough to crack it.
He is wise to worry about this outburst of anger.

To “Waiting”, I’m not trying to say that you are wrong above.
I’m not trying to say that this IS a mortal sin… by the described criteria from the CCC, but it certainly is a serious sin, listed among the “seven deadly sins”, and needs to be confessed.

Peace
James

 

[m134e5]

Hello All, may peace be upon you:

Recently I got into a bad argument with my eldest daughter, who is a teenager and has had a bad case of the “yeah buts.” Very disrespectful lately and arrogant in her teenage knowledge. Generally, she has been a great kid. However, this particular morning, she really tested me and I blew up. I exploded and had a less than eloquent moment and yelled “damn you!” I also hit a bathroom door and cracked it. Blow ups like this are rare for me, but I didn’t think about it, at the time what “damn you” means. My wife clued me in and I certainly didn’t mean it that way. We made up the same morning by the way. Do I assume I am in mortal sin because of anger? Even though it certainly wasn’t intentional?

Thanks

I’d go to confession if I were you. Whether or not it was a mortal sin, it sounds like you could use some spiritual advice that only a confessor could give- and the grace of the Sacrament could definitely help.

 

[crystal_waters]

Hello All, may peace be upon you:

Recently I got into a bad argument with my eldest daughter, who is a teenager and has had a bad case of the “yeah buts.” Very disrespectful lately and arrogant in her teenage knowledge. Generally, she has been a great kid. However, this particular morning, she really tested me and I blew up. I exploded and had a less than eloquent moment and yelled “damn you!” I also hit a bathroom door and cracked it. Blow ups like this are rare for me, but I didn’t think about it, at the time what “damn you” means. My wife clued me in and I certainly didn’t mean it that way. We made up the same morning by the way. Do I assume I am in mortal sin because of anger? Even though it certainly wasn’t intentional?

Thanks

i think you should talk to a priest to discuss what was and wasnt a sin…

but also maybe look in to some kind of therapy for your family…you dont want things to get so bad again that you crack another door

 

[beckycmarie]

Scott, in addition to confession (and perhaps family counseling) already mentioned here, I recommed saying a prayer to renounce the curse and any damage you may have caused by uttering it, and say a prayer for your daughter’s protection and salvation.

I also recommend having your daughter go to confession as well if she hasn’t been lately.

 

[filios]

See this is what I mean…We look at the “legal terminology” of Mortal sin and say - oh this isn’t mortal sin cause it doesn’t meet the criteria…Yet Jesus says this in Mt 5: 22
22 But I say to you that every one who is angry with his brother shall be liable to judgment;
The OP, lost his temper, cursed his daughter (admittedly without thinking) and hit a door hard enough to crack it.
He is wise to worry about this outburst of anger.

To “Waiting”, I’m not trying to say that you are wrong above.
I’m not trying to say that this IS a mortal sin… by the described criteria from the CCC, but it certainly is a serious sin, listed among the “seven deadly sins”, and needs to be confessed.

Peace
James

Going by the criteria of the Church for mortal sins is a good thing. If one of the criteria is missing, then it is not a mortal sin. Believe me, I’ve been scrupulous for a number of years and these criteria must be observed because it is the law of the Church and if you don’t then you are probably going to get yourself into trouble. You really shouldn’t call things mortal sins when they may not be at all, that is why we have these specific criteria. I don’t think that it was a mortal sin because it was a knee-jerk reaction and you said that you weren’t even thinking of the real meaning of what you were saying.

 

[JRKH]

Going by the criteria of the Church for mortal sins is a good thing. If one of the criteria is missing, then it is not a mortal sin. Believe me, I’ve been scrupulous for a number of years and these criteria must be observed because it is the law of the Church and if you don’t then you are probably going to get yourself into trouble. You really shouldn’t call things mortal sins when they may not be at all, that is why we have these specific criteria. I don’t think that it was a mortal sin because it was a knee-jerk reaction and you said that you weren’t even thinking of the real meaning of what you were saying.

This is why our first advice in these cases should be to get to confession and ask the priest.

As to the criteria for mortal sin…one of the criteria is “Grave matter”. The most common definition of “grave matter” is violating the ten commandments. Yet can we even say that this is, as you call it above, “Specific Criteria”? After all there is no commandment against anger - Yet Jesus expands the commandment on killing to include Anger.
So is not anger also “Grave matter”?
Can we use the excuse that we “lost our temper”? Perhaps once - maybe twice…

All I was saying is that being angry enough to yell and curse and hit a door hard enough to break it sounds like a pretty grave matter to me and well worth talking over with your confessor.

And lest anyone think that I am overreacting - I’ve been there. Bad tempered, loss of control and breaking things…Not something I am proud of…though I’m forgiven, the same lives in my memory.

Peace
James

 

[filios]

This is why our first advice in these cases should be to get to confession and ask the priest.

As to the criteria for mortal sin…one of the criteria is “Grave matter”. The most common definition of “grave matter” is violating the ten commandments. Yet can we even say that this is, as you call it above, “Specific Criteria”? After all there is no commandment against anger - Yet Jesus expands the commandment on killing to include Anger.
So is not anger also “Grave matter”?
Can we use the excuse that we “lost our temper”? Perhaps once - maybe twice…

All I was saying is that being angry enough to yell and curse and hit a door hard enough to break it sounds like a pretty grave matter to me and well worth talking over with your confessor.

And lest anyone think that I am overreacting - I’ve been there. Bad tempered, loss of control and breaking things…Not something I am proud of…though I’m forgiven, the same lives in my memory.

Peace
James

This probably is grave matter, but you also must have full consent and full knowledge and recognition of the seriousness of the matter. I think that confession is a very good thing for this though becuase it is impossible for us to know if there was full consent or full knowledge that it was grave matter. I’ve had priests tell me to err on the side of not having commited a mortal sin if you have any doubts whatsoever. But DO go to confession.

 

[MishellaLee]

…For some reason I don’t think that would be a sin… mainly cause i come from a …how should i put this…i don’t know… when i do something to make my dad upset… he usually just blows up. He will put his middle finger in my face and say “F*ck you” and start going off…and when I get overwhelmed I start walking away…which I know is VERY disrespectful…He will just grab my arm and tug me back and start yelling at me again. I’m getting really confused for some reason, about this topic…But maybe it is a sin… maybe its not.

You are parenting… :}

 

[JRKH]

This probably is grave matter, but you also must have full consent and full knowledge and recognition of the seriousness of the matter. I think that confession is a very good thing for this though becuase it is impossible for us to know if there was full consent or full knowledge that it was grave matter. I’ve had priests tell me to err on the side of not having commited a mortal sin if you have any doubts whatsoever. But DO go to confession.

I don’t think there is any doubt that this is grave matter or that there is (or certainly should be) that an adult has full knowledge taht this kind of behavior is unacceptable. If it does NOT meat the criteria of Mortal sin it would be due to “full consent”…Acting without thinking.

With respect to the priests, I disagree with the advice to “err” (read assume) that it is not a mortal sin, “if you have any doubts whatsoever”. To me this offers too much of a opportunity for 'rationalization". If you have reasonable doubts…Then yes, you can fairly assume it was not mortal…
But I absolutely agree - DO go to confession!!

 

[JRKH]

…For some reason I don’t think that would be a sin… mainly cause i come from a …how should i put this…i don’t know… when i do something to make my dad upset… he usually just blows up. He will put his middle finger in my face and say “F*ck you” and start going off…and when I get overwhelmed I start walking away…which I know is VERY disrespectful…He will just grab my arm and tug me back and start yelling at me again. I’m getting really confused for some reason, about this topic…But maybe it is a sin… maybe its not.

You are parenting… :}

Take it from someone who wrecked a life by this kind of behavior…what you discribe your father doing is NOT parenting. It is bullying.

No parent should, “put his middle finger in (a child’s) face and say “F*ck you” and start going off…”
He is sinning by this behavior.
You may also be sinning by whater it is that you do to upset him…This we do not know.
As always it’s best to seek the advice of a good confessor.

Peace
James

 

[coco2]

Scott,

Apologize to your child. Tell her how wrong you were to say and do that in anger. Hug her and tell her how much you really love her. But don’t let this stop you from parenting or accept unacceptable behavior from her.

Mention it in confession; but my goodness this is no mortal sin IMO.

 

[MishellaLee]

Take it from someone who wrecked a life by this kind of behavior…what you discribe your father doing is NOT parenting. It is bullying.

No parent should, “put his middle finger in (a child’s) face and say “F*ck you” and start going off…”
He is sinning by this behavior.
You may also be sinning by whater it is that you do to upset him…This we do not know.
As always it’s best to seek the advice of a good confessor.

Peace
James

Um well I don’t want to dishonor him… but its usually when he drinks… I now know to be careful what a say to him when he is like this :] He doesn’t do it anymore. .but he used to.
I would talk to him about his drinking and i would offend him… and yea … I know he is the adult though and I shouldve kept my mouth shut

 

[JRKH]

Um well I don’t want to dishonor him… but its usually when he drinks… I now know to be careful what a say to him when he is like this :] He doesn’t do it anymore. .but he used to.
I would talk to him about his drinking and i would offend him… and yea … I know he is the adult though and I shouldve kept my mouth shut

Yes I agree that, as the old saying goes, “sometimes discression is the better part of valor”.
For now it’s best to keep quiet and offer prayers for him.

Peace
James

 

[marica_mandic]

Hello All, may peace be upon you:

Recently I got into a bad argument with my eldest daughter, who is a teenager and has had a bad case of the “yeah buts.” Very disrespectful lately and arrogant in her teenage knowledge. Generally, she has been a great kid. However, this particular morning, she really tested me and I blew up. I exploded and had a less than eloquent moment and yelled “damn you!” I also hit a bathroom door and cracked it. Blow ups like this are rare for me, but I didn’t think about it, at the time what “damn you” means. My wife clued me in and I certainly didn’t mean it that way. We made up the same morning by the way. Do I assume I am in mortal sin because of anger? Even though it certainly wasn’t intentional?

Thanks

That situation is something from your childhood. Every situation we can resolve by peaceful way.Maybe you need to tell you daughter that you are sorry.