Cutting people out

[kittyplant]

is it ok to cut people out? i can forgive them but i’m wanting to stop communicating w people who are unpleasant to be around, cause me stress, spread strife, are unrepentant… i feel like i would be happier if i didnt talk to them anymore. sad but i am tired of the negativity… but they are family…

 

[robwar]

There is such a lack of detail in your question that to be honest with you, there is no way to judge that. It’s one thing to lesson the involvement or time spent with conflictual family members but “cut out” is rather extreme. It is always better to leave what is called an open door and to maintian as much as possible cordial relationships with family etc. There is no way to give you “permission” to cut one off. That isn’t the way God treats us and we should follow suite.

 

[kittyplant]

There is such a lack of detail in your question that to be honest with you, there is no way to judge that. It’s one thing to lesson the involvement or time spent with conflictual family members but “cut out” is rather extreme. It is always better to leave what is called an open door and to maintian as much as possible cordial relationships with family etc. There is no way to give you “permission” to cut one off. That isn’t the way God treats us and we should follow suite.

i tried replying to this three times it did not work. i dont see why i have to be around people who are negative and dishonest and unrepentant. pray for them sure but why do i have to listen to strife and lies?

 

[robwar]

i tried replying to this three times it did not work. i dont see why i have to be around people who are negative and dishonest and unrepentant. pray for them sure but why do i have to listen to strife and lies?

without the details, the best things for you do to is speak to a priest or even a counselor about this. There is no way a stranger on the internet can give you permission without knowing you or your family ability to “cut off” someone for being negative which can mean a number of things. I am sorry you are in a difficult family situation but the most honest answer is to speak to someone that knows you face to face and may know your family.

 

[Anglewannabe]

I have had to cut out an abusive member of my family. That was over 10 years ago and all I can think is ‘why didn’t I do this sooner’.

A word of caution though. After making it clear I he was cut, out, it has come with a lot of consequences such as not being invited to family functions since they wanted him there, questions from nosy people and a lot of ‘How could you do that to family.’ So if you are not willing to put up with the back lash, don’t do it.

Also, there could come the day that you want them back in your life and they will hold cutting them out against you and you need to be ready for that.

So to recap, yes it is OK to cut someone out, but the consequences are big

 

[Joy2day]

What consequences did the prodigal son experience on his return?

 

[TEPO]

I have had to cut out an abusive member of my family. That was over 10 years ago and all I can think is ‘why didn’t I do this sooner’.

A word of caution though. After making it clear I he was cut, out, it has come with a lot of consequences such as not being invited to family functions since they wanted him there, questions from nosy people and a lot of ‘How could you do that to family.’ So if you are not willing to put up with the back lash, don’t do it.

Also, there could come the day that you want them back in your life and they will hold cutting them out against you and you need to be ready for that.

So to recap, yes it is OK to cut someone out, but the consequences are big

No, it’s not okay to “cut someone out” of your life if that person is a family member. It’s NEVER okay.

Non-family members are another story.

 

[TEPO]

is it ok to cut people out? i can forgive them but i’m wanting to stop communicating w people who are unpleasant to be around, cause me stress, spread strife, are unrepentant… i feel like i would be happier if i didnt talk to them anymore. sad but i am tired of the negativity… but they are family…

It’s not about you. It’s about helping others. My wife talks like this about her sister in law sometimes… But time heals all wounds.

 

[Allegra]

No, it’s not okay to “cut someone out” of your life if that person is a family member. It’s NEVER okay.

Non-family members are another story.

I disagree. There are some people who have people in their lives that are so poisonous that they have to keep seperate from them permanently, in order to protect themselves physically and mentally. These are rather extreme situation and are pretty rare, however, if you say “It’s NEVER okay”, they you’ve probably never been involved in such a situation. Sometimes it’s not only “okay”, it’s necessary.

 

[oldgraymare2]

Hi Kitty,

I can see from your post that you are upset. I don’t think that it is a good idea to do anything/act on anything, when we are upset.

Personally–in my own opinion–I don’t think that it is a good idea to cut any family member out. I would rather just keep my distance from someone who is hurtful. What I mean is that I would limit my contact with them in order to limit the hurt, but I wouldn’t cut them out. That’s just what I would do.

 

[Anglewannabe]

I disagree. There are some people who have people in their lives that are so poisonous that they have to keep seperate from them permanently, in order to protect themselves physically and mentally. These are rather extreme situation and are pretty rare, however, if you say “It’s NEVER okay”, they you’ve probably never been involved in such a situation. Sometimes it’s not only “okay”, it’s necessary.

THANK YOU. You hit the mail on the head. The worst thing about cutting family members out too often people take the aggressor’s point of view and ignore the abusive the victim has suffered

 

[Anglewannabe]

No, it’s not okay to “cut someone out” of your life if that person is a family member. It’s NEVER okay.
.

How unsympathetic to tell someone they must spend time with someone who is abusive. It is even in the bible that father’s will turn against son (or something to that effect)

 

[Origen52]

No, it’s not okay to “cut someone out” of your life if that person is a family member. It’s NEVER okay.

Non-family members are another story.

Why are non-family members another story? Are we not all children of God?

 

[Xantippe]

Bear in mind that if you’re pregnant, everything seems HUGELY important, even when it’s not.

I would just limit my time with the offenders until after the baby is born, and then reassess the situation at, say, 6 months post-partum.

If you’re having a baby alone, the last thing you should do is accidentally destroy your support network on a hormonal whim. But, at the same time, don’t feel like you have to spend lots of time with people you don’t like, even if they’re close relatives.

 

[St_Francis]

Kitty,
If you talk to someone in person about this it would be better. A wise priest may also be able to give you hints on handling the stress, or help you figure out a good plan. But talking with people on the internet is not all that helpful because the conversation is too limited to be helpful.

 

[TEPO]

Why are non-family members another story? Are we not all children of God?

Take a drug addict for example who stays away from his old druggie friends to avoid relapse… That’s avoiding someone for a good reason.

There are NO good reasons to avoid family. As the italians of the East would say: Family is Family, so feget-abot-it…

 

[Anglewannabe]

Take a drug addict for example who stays away from his old druggie friends to avoid relapse… That’s avoiding someone for a good reason.

There are NO good reasons to avoid family. As the italians of the East would say: Family is Family, so feget-abot-it…

I know a guy who came off of drugs and had to avoid his brother because his brother was his drug supplier. Was he suppose to become Italian and stay around a drug using brother???

 

[Anglewannabe]

. As the italians of the East would say: Family is Family, so feget-abot-it…

One more point, the Italians of the East did not write the bible, nor do they know more than God

 

[TEPO]

I know a guy who came off of drugs and had to avoid his brother because his brother was his drug supplier. Was he suppose to become Italian and stay around a drug using brother???

Why not tell his brother that until he became clean too, that he could never see him again? Why cut family out permanently and forever ? That’s evil and cold -it’s of the devil.

Give an option at least…

 

[TEPO]

If it was my father, I would go visit. If he offended me I would walk out immediately and try again next year. I’d do it forever. I would do it for any annoying or abusive family member, for as long as I lived.