cybersex

[alix]

Hello everyone. There is a man who likes me and is attracted to me and wants to be my boyfriend. Me I see him as a friend, that’s all. I know him only from the internet and sometimes he get me into cybersex. I know cybersex is considered as a sin because it’s lusting. But the thing is I do NOT lust at him, I am not lusting at anyone actually. I just tell him whatever he wants to hear to make him happy, and he knows i dont wanna be his girlfriend. Actually if i have to be honest with you i dont even want to be anyone’s girlfriend. I’m 23, im virgin, and i intend to stay virgin all my life. God is the only one who counts to me. But that the guy wont understand. I try to get away from him but he always find a way to get me back. Saying he’s completelly distressed without me and depressed. And i dont wanna hurt his feelings then i accept to “cybersex”, just telling him whatever he wants to hear so he wont feel distressed because he’s obsessed with me, but me i am obsessed with God, and only God. God is the only “man” in my life.

What do you think?

 

[SarahR]

Block him completely. He’s done a lot of damage to you. You owe him nothing. Stay close to Jesus. Christ loves and cherishes you and doesn’t want anyone to treat you this way.

 

[grace_singh]

Block him completely. He’s done a lot of damage to you. You owe him nothing. Stay close to Jesus. Christ loves and cherishes you and doesn’t want anyone to treat you this way.

seconded.

this man is using you, and getting you into a dangerous place psychologically, emotionally, and spiritually. you are under no obligation to keep in touch with this man, or give into his demands. what he is doing is creepy, and wrong.

block him, and allow yourself to move on. God has better things in plan for you, and would want you to use your time and love for Christ’s sake, not for something like this.

 

[Art321]

Hello everyone. There is a man who likes me and is attracted to me and wants to be my boyfriend. Me I see him as a friend, that’s all. I know him only from the internet and sometimes he get me into cybersex. I know cybersex is considered as a sin because it’s lusting. But the thing is I do NOT lust at him, I am not lusting at anyone actually. I just tell him whatever he wants to hear to make him happy, and he knows i dont wanna be his girlfriend. Actually if i have to be honest with you i dont even want to be anyone’s girlfriend. I’m 23, im virgin, and i intend to stay virgin all my life. God is the only one who counts to me. But that the guy wont understand. I try to get away from him but he always find a way to get me back. Saying he’s completelly distressed without me and depressed. And i dont wanna hurt his feelings then i accept to “cybersex”, just telling him whatever he wants to hear so he wont feel distressed because he’s obsessed with me, but me i am obsessed with God, and only God. God is the only “man” in my life.

What do you think?

First of all, you need to let go of this guy. You must tell him that for his own good to go get professional help and just say good-bye.

Second, and this is just my opinion that since you said you feel God will be the only one in your life, why don’t you consider being a nun? That way, you could give your whole attention to Him and dedicate your life to Him, which will bring you peace and love.

 

[lizaanne]

Contact the police - this man is stalking you and that is illegal. If he were to somehow find you where you live you have no idea what could happen if he truly is that obsessed.

Please – protect yourself. Call the police, and then stop this sexual activity.

~Liza

 

[aspirant]

I just tell him whatever he wants to hear to make him happy, and he knows i dont wanna be his girlfriend.

Stop participating. He is not your friend, he is treating you like a toy. He does not have any right to use you or anyone else for his own selfish ends.

Saying he’s completelly distressed without me and depressed. And i dont wanna hurt his feelings

It would be far better for him to endure distress, depression, and hurt feelings than for him to abuse you or anyone else in this manner. Stop participating.

:console:

 

[Lief_Erikson]

Hello everyone. There is a man who likes me and is attracted to me and wants to be my boyfriend. Me I see him as a friend, that’s all. I know him only from the internet and sometimes he get me into cybersex. I know cybersex is considered as a sin because it’s lusting. But the thing is I do NOT lust at him, I am not lusting at anyone actually. I just tell him whatever he wants to hear to make him happy, and he knows i dont wanna be his girlfriend. Actually if i have to be honest with you i dont even want to be anyone’s girlfriend. I’m 23, im virgin, and i intend to stay virgin all my life. God is the only one who counts to me. But that the guy wont understand. I try to get away from him but he always find a way to get me back. Saying he’s completelly distressed without me and depressed. And i dont wanna hurt his feelings then i accept to “cybersex”, just telling him whatever he wants to hear so he wont feel distressed because he’s obsessed with me, but me i am obsessed with God, and only God. God is the only “man” in my life.

What do you think?

My spiritual advisor, a priest, advised me when I appeared to him to be in danger of falling into a very similar situation. What you are enduring is called “emotional blackmail.” When my priest thought a friend and I might be near a situation where I would be emotionally blackmailed, he quickly started recommending to me that I break off the relationship. You see, I was feeling responsible for the other person’s feelings.

This is not a safe situation. He is causing you to sin by putting pressure on you. To whatever extent it is in your power, you must not allow yourself to be the object of his lusts. His feelings will probably be hurt by your withdrawing from him, but you will profit from this and so will he, for you will no longer be letting him sin through your email conversations. This will cause him to have less sins on his head, which is better for him even if it hurts him. It will also be better for you.

Do not feel responsible for him. He is in God’s hands and so are you. You are not his mother or his girlfriend, and he is using you unfairly. I recommend sending him a polite letter breaking off the relationship and then putting his email address onto your Inbox’s Spam Filter. That will prevent your receiving any more messages from him and will protect you from online temptation.

If you know him in person as well as online, you need to start avoiding him and try to shun him.

This may be hard but trust me, it’s definitely best for both of you. He is an occasion to sin. I expect the devil is using him to try to keep you from living a holy life as one of God’s virgins. Pray the St. Michael prayer against demonic intrusion in your life, in addition to ending this relationship online and anywhere else.

May God bless you and keep you.

I’m deeply longing to remain celibate for life too, as a priest in a religious order, so that I might live a life wholly for God . So I relate fully to your passions and I feel God is drawing you toward Himself in a very special way that the devil is interfering with through this man, who truly is behaving as an enemy toward you, even if he’s “nice”. He is using you for your body (or his imagination of your body) and is abusing what God wants as His personal treasure. Break off this emotionally blackmailing “relationship” and put his email address into your Spam Filter.

 

[Art321]

It would be far better for him to endure distress, depression, and hurt feelings than for him to abuse you or anyone else in this manner. Stop participating.

:console:

I agree completely on this.

 

[Havard]

Contact the police - this man is stalking you and that is illegal. If he were to somehow find you where you live you have no idea what could happen if he truly is that obsessed.

Please – protect yourself. Call the police, and then stop this sexual activity.

~Liza

Hold up a second. Stalking laws vary from state to state, and in many, it’s not even a crime, believe it or not. Even in jurisdictions where it is a crime, the evidentiary bar is very high for a successful prosecution. Stalking, in the legal sense, is much more complicated than simple online predation when minors are not involved.

The first step, OP, is if you are continuing to make yourself available to talk to him, you need to stop, let him know why, and block his access via whichever channels you use to communicate. Then document these steps, and hold onto the records. Those steps will end the majority of online predation problems, but if they do not, then you may be dealing with a stalker. Just remember to document everything. It takes a lot to build a criminal case.

 

[lizaanne]

Hold up a second. Stalking laws vary from state to state, and in many, it’s not even a crime, believe it or not. Even in jurisdictions where it is a crime, the evidentiary bar is very high for a successful prosecution. Stalking, in the legal sense, is much more complicated than simple online predation when minors are not involved.

The first step, OP, is if you are continuing to make yourself available to talk to him, you need to stop, let him know why, and block his access via whichever channels you use to communicate. Then document these steps, and hold onto the records. Those steps will end the majority of online predation problems, but if they do not, then you may be dealing with a stalker. Just remember to document everything. It takes a lot to build a criminal case.

There is no harm in contacting the police. This man could be abusing other women and even children online. Safety is far more important than “building a case”. My goodness - if the guy is that obsessed, do you honestly think that just turning off the computer is the best way to stay safe?

OF COURSE she needs to stop contacting him - but I feel she needs to let someone know this is happening as well. If he is that manipulative and obsessive he could be endangering others.

~Liza

 

[Holly3278]

Block him completely. He’s done a lot of damage to you. You owe him nothing. Stay close to Jesus. Christ loves and cherishes you and doesn’t want anyone to treat you this way.

I agree with this. Block him. This man is doing you no good and only wants to use you for his sexual pleasures.

 

[Spanner]

There is an anomaly here. On one hand you say that you are “obsessed” with God, and on the other that you feel sorry for this guy and help him get his jollies. The two do not go together. If you really loved God, you could not participate in cybersex. Since you do participate in cybersex, you must enjoy it to some extent, otherwise it would disgust you so much that you would not even consider it. If you want to dedicate your life to serving God, then, you need to be contrite, make a good confession and amend your life. Discontinue going to the chat rooms, web-camming and messenger services. They are nothing but constant temptations of immoral behavior. It is up to you to make yourself completely unavailable to this man. He will disappear as soon as you stop aiding and abetting him.

Uur Blessed Mother tells us that more people go to Hell because of sins of the flesh. Pray to Saint Philomena.

 

[JaredR]

There is an anomaly here. On one hand you say that you are “obsessed” with God, and on the other that you feel sorry for this guy and help him get his jollies. The two do not go together. If you really loved God, you could not participate in cybersex. Since you do participate in cybersex, you must enjoy it to some extent, otherwise it would disgust you so much that you would not even consider it. If you want to dedicate your life to serving God, then, you need to be contrite, make a good confession and amend your life. Discontinue going to the chat rooms, web-camming and messenger services. They are nothing but constant temptations of immoral behavior. It is up to you to make yourself completely unavailable to this man. He will disappear as soon as you stop aiding and abetting him.

Uur Blessed Mother tells us that more people go to Hell because of sins of the flesh. Pray to Saint Philomena.

Yes, I’m also confused about why you participate in this if you know it is a sin. From the way you wrote your post, it sounds as if you are trying to justify your involvement in a sinful activity. It’s important that we be honest with ourselves and recognize when we have done wrong. Only from that point can we turn around and amend our lives. My advice is to block this individual and go to confession.

 

[alix]

Hello, no I did not really consider it as a sin because i am not lusting at the guy, as I said. And I know he is not an evil person. If he were there just for sex i would have completely left him long time ago. But the thing is that he’s in love with me. And when you hear such thing such as:

“You are the only one who’ve always been there for me”
“You are the only one who’ve ever been nice to me and treated me well”.

I can assure you when you hear such a thing you would feel very guilty to turn your back. Then I simply explain to him that I just am not the right person for him, and that I don’t want to be his girlfriends. And I’m saying it in the most diplomat way as I can. Then he insist that I am the only girl he wants in his life, that i am the one he’s been looking for all his life. Then I accept to participate to his cybersex reluctantly. It makes me feel akward but I always tell myself it’s not like if I were lusting at him or if he were actually touching me.

Of course if he’s so in love with me I assume it is normal that he lusts. And just because I love God more than anyone and that I place God above everyone doesn’t mean I’m senseless at breaking someone’s heart.

As for becoming a nun, I consider myself to have a different approach of life. And I do believe there’re other wonderful things you can do for God without being a nun.

And about the stalking, he lives in a different country from me so there’re no risk. But he’d want to move abroad to live with me.

Anyway I know you’re right; sooner or later it will have to stop. I’ve already staying away from him several time but he’ll always find me somewhere else, on some different social networks. I just wish we could stay friends and keep a good amity. But if I have no other choice I will do my best to disapear completelly from his life, and I know he is gonna be very hurt…

Thanks for the advices.

And yes i do sort of recognize me in the the term “emotional blackmail” but i truly believe the guy is doing it without even noticing it. I don’t think he has any bad intention.

Ys he is a believer like the average person you’d cross in the street but nothing like me.

 

[uglygal]

Hello everyone. There is a man who likes me and is attracted to me and wants to be my boyfriend. Me I see him as a friend, that’s all. I know him only from the internet and sometimes he get me into cybersex. I know cybersex is considered as a sin because it’s lusting. But the thing is I do NOT lust at him, I am not lusting at anyone actually. I just tell him whatever he wants to hear to make him happy, and he knows i dont wanna be his girlfriend. Actually if i have to be honest with you i dont even want to be anyone’s girlfriend. I’m 23, im virgin, and i intend to stay virgin all my life. God is the only one who counts to me. But that the guy wont understand. I try to get away from him but he always find a way to get me back. Saying he’s completelly distressed without me and depressed. And i dont wanna hurt his feelings then i accept to “cybersex”, just telling him whatever he wants to hear so he wont feel distressed because he’s obsessed with me, but me i am obsessed with God, and only God. God is the only “man” in my life.

What do you think?

block him. He is manipulating you. Do not talk to him or message him. If he’s depressed tell him to see a counsellor, if he’s distressed tell him to go to a hospital.
People like this are predators and damage you. he is damaging your innocence and obviously upsetting you.

tell him to take a hike. Despite what he say’s to you I would bet my house he does this to other girls and uses guilt to make you stay.

My advice in no unequivocal terms is to tell him to go.

No wonder no one likes him.

And NO he does NOT love you.

 

[Lief_Erikson]

Hello, no I did not really consider it as a sin because i am not lusting at the guy, as I said. And I know he is not an evil person. If he were there just for sex i would have completely left him long time ago. But the thing is that he’s in love with me. And when you hear such thing such as:

“You are the only one who’ve always been there for me”
“You are the only one who’ve ever been nice to me and treated me well”.

I can assure you when you hear such a thing you would feel very guilty to turn your back. Then I simply explain to him that I just am not the right person for him, and that I don’t want to be his girlfriends. And I’m saying it in the most diplomat way as I can. Then he insist that I am the only girl he wants in his life, that i am the one he’s been looking for all his life. Then I accept to participate to his cybersex reluctantly. It makes me feel akward but I always tell myself it’s not like if I were lusting at him or if he were actually touching me.

It still is a sin, Alix. It’s not the same as lust but . . . how shall I put this . . . let’s say you have drugs in your apartment but you don’t personally use them. A drug addict keeps coming to you for drugs, says he really loves you and begs you for the drugs. You give them to him. You aren’t committing the sin of taking drugs yourself, but you are committing the sin of giving them to others, in this case. The correct course of action would be to throw all the drugs down the toilet.

This is roughly the same scenario as what you face. He is coming to you for cybersex, and also perhaps because he feels very passionately about you (which could very well be obsessive/infatuation rather than real love, mind), and you are giving it to him. You have to stop for his sake and yours.

A drug addict goes through immense pain when he has to go through withdrawal, but it’s best for him. The same for him. You have to stop, and it will be better, and freeing in the long run, for both you and him.

And just because I love God more than anyone and that I place God above everyone doesn’t mean I’m senseless at breaking someone’s heart.

You have to show strength, though. Sometimes being really loving toward someone means hurting them rather than giving in to their sinful desires.

As for becoming a nun, I consider myself to have a different approach of life. And I do believe there’re other wonderful things you can do for God without being a nun.

That’s true, and you might want to consider talking with a priest about taking a vow of consecrated virginity. There are consecrated virgins who receive strong graces through their vows of virginity to God, and this is something priests will oversee for people they are sure are really serious. Consecrated virgins continue to live in the world, but they have done what Jesus describes in the Gospel of Matthew, giving up marriage for the sake of the Kingdom of Heaven.

It’s an option you might want to consider.

 

[aspirant]

the thing is that he’s in love with me.

No matter what he might say, he’s definitely not in love with you. A man who is really in love with a woman does not manipulate and use the woman for his own selfish ends. If he really loved you, the very idea of using you for cybersex would horrify and disgust him. If he really loved you, he would respect both you and your desire not to be sexually involved.

If you have this much trouble distinguishing between love on the one hand and lust and emtional blackmail on the other hand, I strongly recommend that you turn off your computer and sit down and read Karol Wojtyla’s Love & Responsibility. Several times if necessary.

And when you hear such thing such as:

“You are the only one who’ve always been there for me”
“You are the only one who’ve ever been nice to me and treated me well”.

Translation:
“You are there for cybersex when I want it.”
“You submit to my selfish goal of personal sexual gratification.”

I simply explain to him that I just am not the right person for him

That’s not the problem. The problem is that the guy is using you like a cheap toy.

Then he insist that I am the only girl he wants in his life, that i am the one he’s been looking for all his life.

Because he knows you are easy to manipulate and he doesn’t have to respect you or your will.

Of course if he’s so in love with me I assume it is normal that he lusts.

Real love casts out lust. The more love there is in a relationship, the less lust there is. Again, if you have this much trouble distinguishing between love and lust, I strongly recommend that you turn off your computer and sit down and read Karol Wojtyla’s Love & Responsibility.

I just wish we could stay friends and keep a good amity.

The reason you cannot still be friends is that he never behaved as a friend to you in the first place.

Stop participating. Stop allowing him to manipulate and use you. You deserve to be loved as a real human person, not manipulated and used like a cheap toy. He needs to start treating women with respect, because he is destroying his soul.

:console:

 

[puzzleannie]

Hello everyone. There is a man who likes me and is attracted to me and wants to be my boyfriend. Me I see him as a friend, that’s all. I know him only from the internet and sometimes he get me into cybersex. I know cybersex is considered as a sin because it’s lusting. But the thing is I do NOT lust at him, I am not lusting at anyone actually. I just tell him whatever he wants to hear to make him happy, and he knows i dont wanna be his girlfriend.

What do you think?

what do I think? who the heck cares? what does God think of the beautiful woman he created destroying the dignity he gave her by feigning sexual activity, actual or virtual, with a man she is not married to, just because she want to “be his girlfriend?” Exactly what definition of “girlfriend” includes on-line sexual pretense. I almost think it is worse than actual physical fornication which might at least have an excuse of aroused passions between two people intending marriage for all the right reasons who jumped the gun. You actually continued contact with this – well he is certainly not a real man, I can’t think of a noun a Christian woman could use to describe him right now-- individual after the first time he proposed such an outrage?

I write in full knowledge that there is 90% probability this is a troll, intended to upset the natives, but in the off chance you are one of the young ladies for whom I have responsibility I warn you that it will be very hard for you to survive the damage you are doing to your self esteem, and to your ability to form normal relationships with men in the future, much less your ability to understand and undertake the marrie dstate, if you continue in this course of action.

Please get to confession and find counselling to discern why your allow yourself to be abased in this way. see a good priest as you are in urgent need of spiritual and pastoral direction. There is nothing compatible spiritually in “cypersex” and “being obsessed with God.” You had better begin by learning and obeying God’s commandments before you can say you love Him.

 

[Angel7]

I haven’t really read anything but my advice is…

Don’t do Cybersex (this should be obvious)
Ignore him, Don’t talk to him, think nothing of him (Break all contacts and don’t regret it)
(He is using you for something so disgusting that if I had the ability I would want to puke right now)
Look at what he has made you do! I am quite saddened, and horrified, this is something one could mourn about.

Please ignore him

 

[Monica4316]

Alix,

regardless of what he says, this is not love. It’s not real love. It’s just lust. Every time you participate in cybersex with this guy, you’re not only harming yourself but also harming his soul - both of you are sinning through this. Whenever he does this, he commits a mortal sin…and you’re giving him an occasion to do so by agreeing to talk to him online in this way.

I agree with what others have said here, he’s just using you and you have NO obligation to do anything like this for him. Maybe you feel bad for breaking it off because he tells you how much he “loves” you, but keep in mind that you’re hurting him much more when you participate in the cybersex, cause each time he does it, he commits a mortal sin and if he goes to hell both of you will have a part in that. I suggest going to confession for this and breaking it off entirely with this guy, even if he’ll be emotionally hurt.

I’m sorry if this sounds harsh, but I think this is the best way. God bless :hug1: