cybersex

[MtnDwellar]

“You are the only one who’ve always been there for me”
“You are the only one who’ve ever been nice to me and treated me well”.

Of course if he’s so in love with me I assume it is normal that he lusts.

But he’d want to move abroad to live with me.

You are both living in a fantasy. No one can fall in love with someone they know “only from the internet”. Does either of you realize that love is only about giving? The fact that he feels that you are there for him and treat him well means nothing about his love for you. It is akin to falling in love with an actor because he portrays admiral qualities in T.V. role.

 

[LilyElain]

Hello, no I did not really consider it as a sin because i am not lusting at the guy, as I said. And I know he is not an evil person. If he were there just for sex i would have completely left him long time ago. But the thing is that he’s in love with me. And when you hear such thing such as:

“You are the only one who’ve always been there for me”
“You are the only one who’ve ever been nice to me and treated me well”.

I can assure you when you hear such a thing you would feel very guilty to turn your back. Then I simply explain to him that I just am not the right person for him, and that I don’t want to be his girlfriends. And I’m saying it in the most diplomat way as I can. Then he insist that I am the only girl he wants in his life, that i am the one he’s been looking for all his life. Then I accept to participate to his cybersex reluctantly. It makes me feel akward but I always tell myself it’s not like if I were lusting at him or if he were actually touching me.

Of course if he’s so in love with me I assume it is normal that he lusts. And just because I love God more than anyone and that I place God above everyone doesn’t mean I’m senseless at breaking someone’s heart.

As for becoming a nun, I consider myself to have a different approach of life. And I do believe there’re other wonderful things you can do for God without being a nun.

And about the stalking, he lives in a different country from me so there’re no risk. But he’d want to move abroad to live with me.

Anyway I know you’re right; sooner or later it will have to stop. I’ve already staying away from him several time but he’ll always find me somewhere else, on some different social networks. I just wish we could stay friends and keep a good amity. But if I have no other choice I will do my best to disapear completelly from his life, and I know he is gonna be very hurt…

Thanks for the advices.

And yes i do sort of recognize me in the the term “emotional blackmail” but i truly believe the guy is doing it without even noticing it. I don’t think he has any bad intention.

Ys he is a believer like the average person you’d cross in the street but nothing like me.

He is not in love with you!!! Any man who treated a women as such and emotionally manipulated her as such is not in love with her…

I am sorry, but you deserve someone much more respectful and kind…who will not take advantage of you or your feelings. You need to stop communicating with him for good. As was mentioned before, document all of your dis-communication, and leave the situation completely.

 

[Havard]

There is no harm in contacting the police. This man could be abusing other women and even children online. Safety is far more important than “building a case”. My goodness - if the guy is that obsessed, do you honestly think that just turning off the computer is the best way to stay safe?

OF COURSE she needs to stop contacting him - but I feel she needs to let someone know this is happening as well. If he is that manipulative and obsessive he could be endangering others.

~Liza

Forgive me if I missed something, but I thought he only knew and contacted the OP through an internet channel/forum/messenger. If that’s the case, turning off IM or blocking him should do the trick. I wholeheartedly agree with you that this chap is a weirdo, but that doesn’t mean he’ll automatically turn out to be a stalker. There are millions of weirdos in the world, but we can’t simply call the cops every time someone is a creep.

I do agree that the OP should talk to people about this ordeal, preferably her parents. It probably wouldn’t hurt to talk to a therapist too, as this interaction may have caused emotional damage. But as a willing, non-minor participant, there’s not much else she can do in the legal realm, unless he’s threatened her, or crossed some other threshold of illegality.

 

[david_friol]

I agree with all of the advice you have been given but would just like to say in regards to your original post where you said that you are not obsessed with him but you are obsessed with God! Maybe its just the way you worded that but do not fool yourself here. We should strive for an authentic Love (not obsession) of God and neighbor. If you have any real love for God in you you would recognize that your “cybersex partner” is seriously troubled and the very best thing that you could do for him would be to completely rid yourself from playing his disturbed game. Say a prayer for him and move on with your journey towards God! And you should go to confession for these sins they are not as light as you may think.

God bless you and your family!

 

[The_Reginator]

And when you hear such thing such as:

“You are the only one who’ve always been there for me”
“You are the only one who’ve ever been nice to me and treated me well”.

I can assure you when you hear such a thing you would feel very guilty to turn your back.

Alix,
You’ve been given a lot of good advice already but I’ve a thought I’d like to add.

If you don’t want to turn your back on him and if you want to be there for him and treat him well then one thing you could consider doing is insist on praying with him. (And for him.) Let him see your faith in action. Let him know that turning to our Lord is the greatest comfort any of us can ever have. Think on this. (Blocking him still sounds better to me.)

 

[alix]

Hello everyone, I know this topic is old but I felt like bumping it for I still feel disturbed and in trouble. Firstly I wanted to thank you all for all of your advices. You’re all right, he doesn’t love me, I have no more doubt about that. During all this time I have tried to get ride of him, but it became more and more difficult. At first he’d just say he couldn’t live without me because i was the only one who cared etc, that is one thing. But as time went on he threatened to talk about our cybersex to people i know, and i couldn’t accept that. He would have posted that in a place where my mother could have seen it for example. I was completelly distressed, I even spoke to my lawyer but no success. So I still haven’t blocked him. Eventhought i now refuse to have cybersex with him since a long time, i want to keep an eye on him, it’s why he is still in my contacts. He is imaginating things about me, he believes that i was truly in love with him and that i truly lusted at him. While i just said so to please him. I know all that happened is my fault. I should never have said “yes” when he asked me to be his girlfriend, and i should never have accepted these cybersex! If i could go back in times i would just ignore him since start. i am the kind of girl who is always looking for attention, and this time it got me into serious trouble.

But i want to end it all, it has lasted too long and i don’t think i have any other choice. I guess all I can say now is: Come what may.

he’s often mean to me, threatened me to repost these cybersex is cruel in my opinion. But before i leave forever i’d love to admit it that i’ve lied during all that time, that i’ve never lusted at him, that i’ve never been in love with him, that i was just looking for attention. I was wondering if this would be a sinful thing to do. I know it will definitely hurt him, not his feelings (since he has none toward me), but it will hurt his “ego” i guess. So it would be hurting someone on purpose i assume. I don’t know wether i should keep on liying untill i leave, hence letting him think i was in love with him forever. Or admitting the truth before i leave. i don’t know what would God like.

 

[m134e5]

Hello everyone. There is a man who likes me and is attracted to me and wants to be my boyfriend. Me I see him as a friend, that’s all. I know him only from the internet and sometimes he get me into cybersex. I know cybersex is considered as a sin because it’s lusting. But the thing is I do NOT lust at him, I am not lusting at anyone actually. I just tell him whatever he wants to hear to make him happy, and he knows i dont wanna be his girlfriend. Actually if i have to be honest with you i dont even want to be anyone’s girlfriend. I’m 23, im virgin, and i intend to stay virgin all my life. God is the only one who counts to me. But that the guy wont understand. I try to get away from him but he always find a way to get me back. Saying he’s completelly distressed without me and depressed. And i dont wanna hurt his feelings then i accept to “cybersex”, just telling him whatever he wants to hear so he wont feel distressed because he’s obsessed with me, but me i am obsessed with God, and only God. God is the only “man” in my life.

What do you think?

You may not be lusting, but he certainly is- and you are leading him into it. Sorry to be blunt, but that’s the way it is. If God really is the only man in your life, and you truly believe He is calling you to keep yourself only for Him, do not tease others into thinking they can have what they cannot- and do not tease yourself by offering something you aren’t really offering (“let your yes mean yes…”)

Please end this, before people get hurt. I suggest you not say anything to him about it either- simply end it. “Let the dead bury the dead”.

 

[The_Reginator]

You may not be lusting, but he certainly is- and you are leading him into it. Sorry to be blunt, but that’s the way it is. If God really is the only man in your life, and you truly believe He is calling you to keep yourself only for Him, do not tease others into thinking they can have what they cannot- and do not tease yourself by offering something you aren’t really offering (“let your yes mean yes…”)

Please end this, before people get hurt. I suggest you not say anything to him about it either- simply end it. “Let the dead bury the dead”.

Alix, I don’t recall. Have you talked to your priest about this situation?
If not, I’d suggest making an appointment to discuss all the angles and ramifications rather than only talking in the confessional. Maybe give him a bit of a “heads up” so he can prepare his thoughts.

– Reg.

 

[cmscms]

As a Catholic, I would love to be able to say ‘My heart bleeds for you and I want to help you’. As a sinner I can help but want to show tough love and be blunt. Mainly because this situation is SOOOOOO far fethched from reality it is almost becoming a joke to read all these posts.

1-), You need to go to confession for helping a man commit the sin of sex outside of the atmosphere God intended

2-) You need to look at why you have decided to stay a virgin forever. Is God really calling you to the singles life or are you covering up hurt you don’t want to deal with

3-) You need to look at why your life is so empty you got into this situation in the first place (in order not to repeat it)

4-) You need to call his bluff. End it and if he so chooses to post all the cyber sex you had so be it. Pray to God to give you the strengh to endure the back lash. (and hopefully you will think twice about doing cyber sex again). When David Letterman was blackmail about an affair he had with his wife, He publicly admitted it before the blackmailer could and made himself look like a real man who can admit to his mistakes rather than cover them up

Just the mere fact that he COULD post your cyber sex means he spent time saving it. How sick. This situation is such a joke.

Come to think of it, my heart really does bleed for you that you are in this situation and can’t just walk away. Why do you need to live in it?

I will pray for you

CM

 

[illmatic]

I don’t really know/care about the theological morality of what you’re doing (encouraging someone to masturbate thinking about you naked). Here’s what a 19 year old guy thinks:
either
a) You want to do it/are attention seeking and that is why you are doing it.
b) You are being fooled by a creep on the internet.
Either way block him and don’t waste your time. Genuinely.

I also think you’re buying into a really sexist and offensive view of a girl’s role in the life of a guy.

 

[GaryTaylor]

what do I think? who the heck cares? what does God think of the beautiful woman he created destroying the dignity he gave her by feigning sexual activity, actual or virtual, with a man she is not married to, just because she want to “be his girlfriend?” Exactly what definition of “girlfriend” includes on-line sexual pretense. I almost think it is worse than actual physical fornication which might at least have an excuse of aroused passions between two people intending marriage for all the right reasons who jumped the gun. You actually continued contact with this – well he is certainly not a real man, I can’t think of a noun a Christian woman could use to describe him right now-- individual after the first time he proposed such an outrage?

I write in full knowledge that there is 90% probability this is a troll, intended to upset the natives, but in the off chance you are one of the young ladies for whom I have responsibility I warn you that it will be very hard for you to survive the damage you are doing to your self esteem, and to your ability to form normal relationships with men in the future, much less your ability to understand and undertake the marrie dstate, if you continue in this course of action.

Please get to confession and find counselling to discern why your allow yourself to be abased in this way. see a good priest as you are in urgent need of spiritual and pastoral direction. There is nothing compatible spiritually in “cypersex” and “being obsessed with God.” You had better begin by learning and obeying God’s commandments before you can say you love Him.

Took the words out of my mouth.

I can’t comprehend why one would involve themself with this activity if they have no intentions of involvement anyway? Sort of like going to the Bar but not drinking. I never quit grasped that concept. Sort of like playing with fire and expecting not to get burnt.

Anyway how long would you think you’d remain a lion in the jungle before the jungle becomes your demise?

Just thoughts, just thoughts.

Trust me on this Sex starts with “one thought”. And its a reality long before its acted out. Just like a drug addict gets high in his mind before he actually gets high. Think about it.

 

[The_Reginator]

1-), You need to go to confession for helping a man commit the sin of sex outside of the atmosphere God intended

 

[alix]

Hello everyone, I finally got ride of him. He is now blocked everywhere, it’s official. I’m feeling strangely peaceful, it’s been so long i begged for him to leave me. I hope everything is gonna be alright and he wont do anything behind my back. For now all that counts is that I finally left him forever. Now to answer to the question:

1-), You need to go to confession for helping a man commit the sin of sex outside of the atmosphere God intended

I am not sure it is a right idea to confess something which mostly happen beyond my will. I cant really force a man to lust at me. Now I should never have done these cybersex, I totally agree. But in my life i am sure many men will keep on lusting. For example, I do part time modeling. And eventhought I am not doing full time yet, i can assure you when you are a model and do photoshoot you automatically encourage men to lust at you. So should the modeling job be banned?

2-) You need to look at why you have decided to stay a virgin forever. Is God really calling you to the singles life or are you covering up hurt you don’t want to deal with

I am persuaded that staying a virgin forever is what God exept from me. I think i could even have been a consecrated virgin.

3-) You need to look at why your life is so empty you got into this situation in the first place (in order not to repeat it)

I don’t really know, but then again when you begin something like modeling you are sort of programmed to draw the attention. it would have been the same if i had been an actress or a singer i guess.

4-) You need to call his bluff. End it and if he so chooses to post all the cyber sex you had so be it. Pray to God to give you the strengh to endure the back lash. (and hopefully you will think twice about doing cyber sex again). When David Letterman was blackmail about an affair he had with his wife, He publicly admitted it before the blackmailer could and made himself look like a real man who can admit to his mistakes rather than cover them up

Well, it’s already end. Thank God. And thank for all your prayers.