D just told me she isn't sure about her faith

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dianeusa

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My 19 yr old college d told me she is not sure she believes in all the “rules” of the Catholic Church. I was deeply hurt by this as I have tried my best to raise my kids in my faith. My husband is Lutheran so I don’t get full support on this issue w him. While he has not interfered in this, he does not defend it either as he feels living a Christian life is enough. She is also dating a GO which also bothers me a lot as her bf is a little older out of college and I am fearful where that could go. With her telling me this, it was really disheartening and she knew it hurt me but said she has felt this for some time. Although she did sat she would not convert to anything else but will she just leave her faith? I believe she is like her father and he is a great guy husband etc but I am not sure what to even say or just let it go. Please give me ideas as I can’t talk w my husband about this as he looks at faith differently than me.
 
I wish I could say something that would just remove your worry forever, but can’t.
It’s tough to go thru this. Many times their peers steer them in the wrong direction. And it seems rather common that many around this age drift for a while.
It is heart breaking and you have my deepest understanding. I will pray for her.

May God bless and keep you. May God’s face shine on you. May God be kind to you and give you peace.
 
A few bouts of unbelief are common, especially in people her age. I often have days or weeks when I question the faith.
Maybe you can suggest to her that she hold on even though she is not completely convinced, and suggest some new spiritual reading (Divine Mercy in My Soul by St. Faustina usually does the trick for me.) Maybe email her about a couple of noteworthy Catholic miracles, etc.
As her which “rules” are troubling her. Then explain them to her if you can or research them and then explain to her.
One concern that I have with this situation is that fact that she is dating an older guy…it may be possible that he is pressuring her to you know…I had a friend in college who said that she had a Protestant boyfriend who questioned/rather belittled her faith, and she ended up losing her virginity to him. Emphasize the importance of waiting till marriage. Be a counterbalance against her peers. Tell her that many men would like their wives to be as pure as possible.
 
dianeusa said:
My 19 yr old college d told me she is not sure she believes in all the “rules” of the Catholic Church. I was deeply hurt by this as I have tried my best to raise my kids in my faith. My husband is Lutheran so I don’t get full support on this issue w him. While he has not interfered in this, he does not defend it either as he feels living a Christian life is enough. She is also dating a GO which also bothers me a lot as her bf is a little older out of college and I am fearful where that could go. With her telling me this, it was really disheartening and she knew it hurt me but said she has felt this for some time. Although she did sat she would not convert to anything else but will she just leave her faith? I believe she is like her father and he is a great guy husband etc but I am not sure what to even say or just let it go. Please give me ideas as I can’t talk w my husband about this as he looks at faith differently than me.
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Will she talk to you about what “rules” she doesn’t believe? Ask her to look up the “why’s” and maybe you can discuss them? The Church’s “rules” are Christ’s guides
to helping us live a joyful life. Not necessarily an easy one, though.

Um, sorry, what is a GO? :confused:
 
If your daughter is dating a Greek Orthodox Catholic, he may very well bring her back to the faith, perhaps through the Greek Orthodox Church, which is in full Communion with the Vatican, if I remember correctly. Also, from posts I have seen (no personal experience here) they have often stricter rules than the Roman Catholic – more fasts, etc., more and longer Holy Days and seasons than the Roman rite. This could be a very good thing for her! I wouldn’t worry too much yet. I also wasn’t sure about my faith when I was in college, and was going to a “Bible Belt” college, with only one Catholic Parish in town, no Newman Center, and a huge population of Protestant fundamentalists/evangelicals among the students. (Although a lot of them behaved a LOT differently in college than they did during vacations when they went home!! i.e., beer parties, etc…) I was confused by the differences between the professed faiths and their behavior at school after classes! And, there were very, very few Catholic students there, in fact, I don’t remember meeting a single one! The reason we had a nice Parish there was that the only Hospital in town (which was also used by the college health care system) was operated by a Convent of the Sisters of Mercy, who had a primary school attached. So there was a group of local Catholics, plus the Sisters, and several of the Doctors who worked at the college. (This was in the 60’s, so abortion wasn’t an issue at the Hospital). I eventually worked through it and returned to my faith. I think the doubts are normal at that age, with exposure to secular education. Keep praying for her, but don’t push, as at that age, the usual response is to push back - harder!
 
I think you should pray a rosary for her each day and let her know you love her and would be happy to answer any faith-related questions she has. A lot of teens and young adults go through this, they question their faith, their wills change away from the Church (it is very popular to be liberal in college), etc. The most powerful weapon at this point is prayer, and it is also important to keep the lines of communication open.
 
dianeusa said:
My 19 yr old college d told me she is not sure she believes in all the “rules” of the Catholic Church. I was deeply hurt by this as I have tried my best to raise my kids in my faith. My husband is Lutheran so I don’t get full support on this issue w him. While he has not interfered in this, he does not defend it either as he feels living a Christian life is enough. She is also dating a GO which also bothers me a lot as her bf is a little older out of college and I am fearful where that could go. With her telling me this, it was really disheartening and she knew it hurt me but said she has felt this for some time. Although she did sat she would not convert to anything else but will she just leave her faith? I believe she is like her father and he is a great guy husband etc but I am not sure what to even say or just let it go. Please give me ideas as I can’t talk w my husband about this as he looks at faith differently than me.
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Is there some specific teaching that she disagrees with (I imagine that there is)? Does she have any sort of reasons why she disagrees with those teachings which trouble her?

These are important questions for her to ask herself, whether she is able to give you a meaningful answer to you or not. It is especially important for you and for her to have an understanding on this issue before you can even begin to move on to anything else.

What is that next step going to be? That’s largely dependent on how comfortable you are being an evangelist and apologist in your own home. Do I advocate that you try to have a debate with her? No. I would suspect that a large part of her “disagreement” with Church teaching is influence from a culture that places the highest value on the self rather than the other. I would also be unsurprised to learn that she doesn’t exactly have any objection to Church teachings but that she is rather complacent and doesn’t want to make an effort; it’s not out of the scope of possibility that she’s using a defense of “I disagree with Church teaching” because she is under the impression that it is an unassailable justification for leaving the Church. I am of the opinion–largely due to experiences in my own family–that people who use this explanation believe that such an explanation of personal belief is the ultimate moral and/or logical argument and cannot be refuted, and often dismiss the idea of objective truth, much less any objective truth which impede’ their own quest for power, pleasure, wealth or honor.

With all that said, I would suggest that your way forward would be to ask questions as you are comfortable in order to get an understanding from her for her feelings; remember, though, that isn’t the Inquisition. Next, I would be prepared to answer any questions that she has about Church teaching (basically be ready to tell her, with love and charity, why she’s wrong). Next, continue to live out your Christian life with robustness: pray constantly, study Mother Church and her teachings, give of your time and money as generously as you can and evangelize. It’s this last piece that is going to be most important in your situation: evangelize your daughter. One of the important things I would suggest is continue the distinctly Catholic traditions in your family: going to Mass when she is home from school, especially at major holidays and feast days, make mention of giving something up for Lent or if she is visiting during Lent and you share a meal on a Friday, make a point to serve fish, things like that. Another good way to evangelize is to share with her articles and news about Pope Francis; the Holy Father, as you know, is immensely popular and well-liked across all sorts of demographics. Share with her some of the “cool” things that the media plays up to keep the Catholic life front and center in her mind.

And then, give it all to God. Bring the distress that you feel about this situation and lay it at the foot of the Cross and ask Christ to make you His instrument to do His will here.

I know this was a bit long-winded, but I hope that I helped some. I’ll keep you in my prayers.

Yours in Christ,
M
 
A lot of people have doubts about the Church at different times. No need to panic. Pray for her every day. Set a good example.

I am not sure why you are upset at her dating a Greek Orthodox man when you chose a Protestant to be her father?
 
The rules of the Church can be looked at like this. When we are studying to get our driver’s license, there’s the written part and the driving part. There is a whole lot of ‘rules’ to learn for the privilege of driving. What would happen if people started to think that all this stopping at red lights really slows me down, or I don’t see the point of yields. We understand that we share the road with a lot of other people and bad things can happen if we don’t follow the rules of the road. Often the impact is immediate and the damage apparent and expensive. Living life can also be a train wreck in the making. The immediate impact is not as apparent, the damage and expense not seen immediately, but certainly when we go off course of God’s plan, we can get into some serious trouble. God is the designer of life, marriage, family and has given us so much help to travel to our destination of heaven as easily and efficiently as possible with the least amount of crash and burns. We have the benefit of the wisdom of the centuries of saints, Church teaching, and the Holy Spirit to help us. We stand on the shoulders of giants and take the view for granted. It’s too bad if she wishes to take the way of the Prodigal Son, but God will go with her on that journey too. I know you’ll be praying for her every day. God bless and strengthen you today.
 
Why not make an appointment at your Rectory to see a priest, perhaps the Pastor, and the two of you go to see him? That way you will solve two problems: Your hurt feelings, and her doubts. In all probability, she would not go on her own. And. believe it or not, most priests have come upon this problem before.
The answer to your problem is as far away as your telephone!
G*d Bless!!!
 
judynurse said:
If your daughter is dating a Greek Orthodox Catholic, he may very well bring her back to the faith, perhaps through the Greek Orthodox Church, which is in full Communion with the Vatican, if I remember correctly.
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Unfortunately, that is not correct. The Greek Orthodox are not in communion with the Catholic Church. They are in schism. If she converted to Orthodoxy, she would no longer be Catholic. Alternatively, the OP may be worried that the disparity in cult may simply cause both to lose faith in their respective beliefs, which does happen and is a legit concern.
 
A lot of people question their faith. That isn’t the part to be concerned about.

The part to be concerned about is that she has the right answers to her questions.

Don’t just tell her to look the answers up and leave her to her own devices. Be her guide and take the time to answer her questions.

(Believe me, it will be appreciated in the future, if not right now. I would have **loved **it if one of my parents would have been available to guide me through having a faith life and been told more than ‘figure it out on your own’. I wasted a lot of time because there was no guidance outside of ‘whatever makes you happy’. Please don’t do that to your daughter!)

Does she have a copy of the CCC?

Honestly, I think it’s one of the most beautiful books written and it’s hard not to be clear about why the church believes what it does after reading it.

College is a common time for people to question their faith because a lot of campuses are very liberal and most the people hate anything that resembles traditional norms and values. It’s normal to not want to feel like an outsider.
 
In todays day and age it is more common than not that young Christian adults will waiver in their faith at some point given the onslaught of secular anti morals out there. As parent we are limited in what we can do to mitigate this:
  1. Raise them in a Catholic atmosphere showing the many positives.
  2. Talk to them on a frequent enough basis.
  3. Pray for them.
  4. Forgive them(while not acknowledging what they have done or are doing is correct).
The truth is having children implies worrying for their well being and is a cross we have to bear to the end, but it is always worth it. Keep the faith. I have three daughter btw.
 
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