Dad not exepting Engagement

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migurl

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My father is not handling my engagement well at all even though he gave permission. What do I do?
 
Well, you haven’t given us any reason why he is having a hard with your engagement, so I don’t think we can be much help except to say give him time, be understanding and let God and nature takes its course. And all the best to you!
 
As Della said…and many blessings to you and your intended.
 
I’m not sure why he is acting this way, he doesn’t talk to me much anymore and when he does he has a certain tone of voice. He also doesn’t seem to want to talk about my Fiance, nor did he like the fact that everyone at my church after mass was congratulating me. My mother says he didn’t want to discuss my fiance’s plans for the engagement. My fiance thinks that he is realizing that it is really happening and he will be losing a lot of help around the house.
 
Perhaps your dad is upset that he is loosing his baby girl. Are you close to your dad? If so, he might be loosing his buddy. Father’s have different relationships with daughters then sons. There isn’t the same level of competition. Maybe he is simply sad that you will not be around the house any longer.
 
our dad really doesn’t have what you would call a “close relationship” with my sister (migurl),
He doesn’t do that kinda thing, it not like he hates her, but he just wouldn’t get upset over losing his “baby”
I don’t understand it either
 
I’m only 19, but I’ll be 20 on the 18th of this month. I really wish I knew why he is acting this way, if it has to do with me and what I can do about it.
 
can you talk to him? Maybe ask him what’s wrong? You could talk to your mom. Surely, she has some inkling of what is going on through his head. If not, I would guess that she could talk with him and find out.

Maybe you could give us more specific examples of your dad’s behavior and what seems to set him off.
 
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Belgarion:
our dad really doesn’t have what you would call a “close relationship” with my sister (migurl),
He doesn’t do that kinda thing, it not like he hates her, but he just wouldn’t get upset over losing his “baby”
I don’t understand it either
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Is there any money involved here? Will your sister be getting money from an inheritance or does she bring in money he would no longer able to count on or would he have to hire someone to do what she does or is he not happy to be paying for her wedding? Men often have money on their minds more than sentiment. 😉
 
Actually, it has a lot to do with you honey and you can’t do anything about it. Even if he doesn’t seem to act like you girls are his babies, chances are he still thinks this way.

Like someone else said, give it time. He probably just realized that his baby girl is going to get married and he is going to “lose” her. Don’t worry overly much about it.

Gently ask every so often (like not more than once a week) to talk about the engagement and subsequent marriage but don’t push it.

Daddy’s can be very quiet and appear to not be attached to their daughter’s but it is just an act (and a good one at that).

Brenda V.
 
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Della:
Is there any money involved here? Will your sister be getting money from an inheritance or does she bring in money he would no longer able to count on or would he have to hire someone to do what she does or is he not happy to be paying for her wedding? Men often have money on their minds more than sentiment. 😉
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Not really
he doesnt care about money
he’s not that way
the inner machinations of his mind are an enigma
well, to me at least
 
rent father of the bride (either version but personally I like the Spencer Tracy version better) and watch it with your dad.
 
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puzzleannie:
rent father of the bride (either version but personally I like the Spencer Tracy version better) and watch it with your dad.
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I agree. The Spencer Tracy version is fabulous…although I do like the scene in the newer one where Steve Martin gets thrown in the pokey for trying to save money through making the buns match the hot dogs.
 
I think my dad has seen one of those, I’m not sure
but like i said…it isn’t anything THAT simple

I guess we could ask him
but who knows if he’ll answer
 
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puzzleannie:
rent father of the bride (either version but personally I like the Spencer Tracy version better) and watch it with your dad.
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I was going to recommend the same thing! Unless your dad likes “old movies” I would watch the new Steve Martin version, but I personally like both. The new one is of course, more up to date and has alot more detail. Have a family “movie theater” night, pop some popcorn and watch it together. It might sound cheesy but he might need to see that to pop him into reality, and realize that he needs to deal with whatever he is dealing with, which is probably a combination of things. Steve Martin is upset that he has to spend money, sad that he will miss his girl and had trouble liking the fiance. I like the newer version for this purpose because it shows detail of what the father and daughter are going through, and his transformation into accepting and helping with the wedding.
 
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Belgarion:
I think my dad has seen one of those, I’m not sure
but like i said…it isn’t anything THAT simple

I guess we could ask him
but who knows if he’ll answer
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Watch it again, it wouldn’t hurt and it would be fun. If it helps him, great, if not, nothing lost. It isn’t going to be a miracle drug but it might help him to realize why he is being bothered. He might think he isn’t showing it.

Also, You are very young. I got married at the same age and my dad was disappointed that I didn’t finish college before marriage.

Maybe he wanted you to experience life before marriage and it has happened sooner than he expected. Maybe he has regrets for not spending as much time with you as he would have liked when you were little. Even dads who spend every day with their children sometimes feel like time went by far too quickly. Dads have a balancing game of trying to balance family and work. Often when they come home from work they are too exhausted and frustrated to spend quality time with their kids, and they feel like they missed out on their childhood. (this can be true of working moms too, but I’m focusing on dads)

You both said that you don’t know what goes on in your dad’s head so why discount all the speculation we have put forward? Chances are he is going through much of this and doesnt’ want it to show, or he might not realize what is bothering him and it is coming out as “grumpy”
 
In my husbands eyes, no one was “good” enough for Daddy’s “only” little girl. My husband sulked for weeks when our daughter annouced her Engagement. He even today, after 6 and half years of marriage and 3 babies he still treats our daughter like she is 12. My daughter just goes with the flow and makes sure she still gives her Dad lots of attention. Men are like that. my son-in-law will more then likely repeat this with 2 year old Emily when she grows up. It’s an ego thing with most guys, they don’t like being “replaced”😉
 
I suggest that you communicate directly with your dad about this. A bunch of strangers on a message board might be able to help you with some perspective on this issue, generally…but there are so many dynamics that could be at play here, you’re probably worse off by listening to any advice from people who don’t know you or your dad, or your family.

Pete
 
Since we don’t know much about your situation, we are all trying to help from other experiences we have had etc.

I think you should really try to find out why your father is acting this way. Some times parents see a lot more than their children do. I am not saying that this is your case, I have no clue about your case, but I have seen cases where the parents “see” things their son/daughter doesn’t, that are important because they may be signs that the marriage is based on the wrong things, that is is not going to work, that it is starting off wrong, etc. Some times one of the parents will not say anything for fear of losing their son/daughter, while the other will be vocal and disagree with the marriage. Its happened before. A lot of divorces could have been avoided if people would have listened to their parents (I’m not saying that is always the case, but I do know of more than one case in which this was true). Also, even if one is being vocal, they may not want to say that much because they may fear it will affect the relationship for the rest of their life if the marriage were to happen. Asking them to be open, and letting them know you value their opinion may help you get to the bottom of this, but that it won’t cause you to break ties with them if it is something you don’t like.

Of course, it could be a zillion other things, but keep this one in mind, maybe you could ask your mom what she thinks if your dad does not open up to dialogue.
 
You say you are 19 going on 20. Is it possible that your father thinks you’re too young to be getting married?
 
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