Dad problem

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KarenElissa

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So, my dad came to visit me this weekend, and that was mostly fun, but a lovely little complicated issue has now resulted from that. Advice would be super helpful!

First, a little background. My dad was raised Methodist, but quit going to church when he and my mom married. The divorced five years ago or so and a couple of years ago he married another lady. They go to a Unity “church.” (if you don’t know anything about that, they WAY are off the end of the liberal spectrum, basically, Jesus was a nice guy kind of thing, but not Christian.)

So he was here this weekend and one night at dinner gave me a decent amount of money (especially for poor me! 😉 ) and told me I don’t owe him some money that he paid to help fix my car awhile back. Super nice of him and I do appreciate it. He also starts in on this conversation he tires every so often about where my life is going and what are my long term goals and so on. :rolleyes: I understand that he wants me to be happy and all of that, but I don’t think he can get it through his head that I am happy, and while I wouldn’t mind making a bit more money, I have no desire at all to be rich or have even semi big fancy anything. 🤷

Then, right before he left, He gives me a book on CD of “The Secret” and says something about this is why he was able to help me out and he hopes I’ll listen to it. So this is where the issue come in. I’ve vaguely heard of it before and already thought it was iffy and I’ve read some stuff online and now I’m sure that I’m not in the least bit interested, but I’m not sure how to deal with that. Here are what I’m thinking my options are:
  1. Not listen to it, hope he doesn’t ask, and if he does try and blow it off.
  2. Listen to it just to say I have and try and avoid any conversations about it.
  3. Not listen to it and write him a letter/e-mail explaining why I’m not interested.
  4. Listen to it and write him a letter/e-mail explaining why I have issues with it.
Which to do, I have no idea. 🤷 So, any suggestions on which option makes sense? Or another option that I haven’t thought of?
 
Tell him that you will listen to it if he will return the favor and listen/read something you suggest? Maybe Lee Strobel’s “The Case For Christ”.
 
What kind of “iffy” material is it? I mean what is it about, that would help us help you.
 
kage_ar said:
Tell him that you will listen to it if he will return the favor and listen/read something you suggest? Maybe Lee Strobel’s “The Case For Christ”.
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Ya, I’m not sure that will do much good. I gave him a book awhile ago when he seemed interested in it after I said something about it, and I don’t think he has touched it. 🤷 I think he would claim that he is already a Christian, it just seems to be this out there version of Christianity. He came to Mass with me when he was here, but didn’t really participate and I got the “Well, I don’t think Jesus would deny me” when I reminded him that he couldn’t receive Communion. :rolleyes:
 
Margarite said:
What kind of “iffy” material is it? I mean what is it about, that would help us help you.
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Sorry, it is this “new agey” focus on what you want and it will come true. It has become quite popular, featured on Oprah kind of deal. Positive thinking. :rolleyes: Here is a Catholic review of it.
 
Heh, I saw part of the DVD on ‘The Secret’. It’s interesting, but by no means groundbreaking. People who think positively generally are happier. People who think negatively are going to be less happy. Those who concentrate on their goals are more likely to achieve them. Common sense, really. They did miss out on the important little point that God, and not you, is ultimately in charge of your life, and life doesn’t always go the way you wanted it to, because, well, it wouldn’t be life if it didn’t do that every once in awhile.

I vote for option 1. You’re under no obligation to watch it just because your dad gave it to you, and just tell him honestly that you weren’t interested in it, but thank you anyway, if he asks about it.
 
I’m vaguely aware of “The Secret” - I read that Catholic review when it came out a while ago.

If I were in that position, I’d probably listen to the CD in my spare time so that I could have a personal reply when my dad asked me about it. It’s obviously important to him (at least right now), and it’s another opportunity to share how your faith has formed your outlook on everything, how important it is to you.

Listening to the CD, or at least as much of it as you are comfortable with, would be the respectful thing to do. I don’t think it’d be a problem if, once you started listening to it and decided it wasn’t something you agreed with (or that agrees with your faith), you didn’t finish the CD.

Good luck! You and your family have my prayers.
 
Well, it doesn’t sound like something bad that might sway you in your new faith (congrats by the way;) ) so I would listen to it and then explain kindly why you disagreed. I mean it is basically the Golden Rule without God. So you can say just that I agree with some of it, I mean it is basically the Golden Rule, it is just that my Catholic faith denies some of what that says and I agree with the Church. 🤷 Just an idea. You should post a poll with all your options so that people can just fill in the poll if they like. 👍 And make the link to that article part of the title.
 
KarenElissa said:
Here are what I’m thinking my options are:
  1. Not listen to it, hope he doesn’t ask, and if he does try and blow it off.
  2. Listen to it just to say I have and try and avoid any conversations about it.
  3. Not listen to it and write him a letter/e-mail explaining why I’m not interested.
  4. Listen to it and write him a letter/e-mail explaining why I have issues with it.
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I like option 4. Here’s why:

You could use this as an opportunity to evangelize your father. If you presented with the truth, contrasting it to what you hear on the CD, you could possible convert him.
 
Why not take option 4 a little farther. Listen to it, and you don’t have to agree with any of it, and ask your dad what about this works for him. Use it as an opportunity to learn about your dad’s beliefs. You don’t have to agree with him, but it may lead you to explaining your belief system and why it works for you. And he may agree with you…
 
I say an eye for an eye. You listen to that new age hocus pocus IF he listens to, say, an entire set of Tim Staples or Scott Hahn CDs. 😉 Then you discuss BOTH sets of CDs.
 
So your dad goes to a Universal Unitarian church? I recently got the “gist” of their beliefs from a local church’s children’s religious education director – who happens to have a lot in common with me outside of religion. We’re friends. I also go to a mommy group once a week at their church. It’s not a UU meeting at all, we just use their nursery area so our kids can play while we talk.

Anyway, the point is – yes they are liberal, but of all the other (meaning non-catholic) religions out there that focus so much on the negative, I totally appreciate the way they teach their kids. They teach about all the world’s religions to these kids letting them decide where they want to worship. My friend said she recently fired a lady who told a child interested in Jesus “we don’t teach about Him here.” The family left the church in disgust as that is not what UU is about, and my friend was mortified someone would tell a child wanting to know about Him. I understand for the adults it’s being accepted into a community of basically agnostics, or mish-mashers who take off many religions to define what they consider to be God. Can you imagine the sermon? What in the world must that be like? :rotfl:

Anyway, here’s my thoughts:
  1. Your dad offered you the book because he LOVES YOU and it has somehow made a difference in his life for the positive – he only wants to share that with you.
  2. He knows you better than we do, and he thinks maybe you could “benefit” from this positive thinking guide to life. Maybe you don’t need to be rich – but he’s YOUR DADDY – he wants you to succeed. As a parent, he can’t help it (speaking from experience here!) and he feels he’s just doing more of his job.
  3. He’s showing you that the book offered him enough success to share the money with you. He might be trying to tell you he wants you to be self-sufficient enough so that when he’s gone you wont be in need or in wanting when he can’t be here to help.
  4. Most unitarians care nothing of converting since they believe everyone comes to God in their own way, so I doubt he’s trying to dissuade your new life in Christ.
I say listen to the CD. It won’t kill ya! Ask him to read the book you offered him. Eye for an eye is right!
 
ks60 said:
Why not take option 4 a little farther. Listen to it, and you don’t have to agree with any of it, and ask your dad what about this works for him. Use it as an opportunity to learn about your dad’s beliefs. You don’t have to agree with him, but it may lead you to explaining your belief system and why it works for you. And he may agree with you…
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I agree, make this about him and getting to know a little more of what makes your dad tick. I think it would be respectful to listen to it and I think it would make your dad happy that you did (especially since he is most likely aware of your objections/beliefs). Surprise him;)

And, while it sounds good, I don’t agree with the “I’ll do it if he does something in return” philosophy. You can ask** him to read a book of your choice in return but it shouldn’t be the basis of your decision.
 
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