Dad wants to take weekend trip, but doesn't want to go mass

[catybug]

So I’m leaving on a mission trip in less than a month, and I’ll be gone for an an entire year. Me and my Dad are really close and always have been since my mother wasn’t really in the picture. During the summer, we usually take random road trips to where ever. We live in Texas, so its pretty easy to find new things with its size. We would go camping, hiking, blue berry picking, to the river walk in San Antonio, wherever we felt like. It was never really an issue when I was younger, because I wasn’t worried about missing sunday mass. Since I’ve become deeply rooted in my faith in my junior year of High School though, its been really hard to do this, because of Sunday mass though. I would insist that we find a place near where ever we were, but my Dad, who hasn’t practiced his faith in years, didn’t want to be bothered to find a Church or Mass time. He always says " You go to church so almost every day, God will understand if you miss this one day" . Sunday is the Lord’s Day though, and I try to explain this to him. But he doesn’t get it. So we haven’t had our father daughter road trips in a while, and I really miss them. I would very much like to go on one before I leave, and he does too, but he still wont budge on the issue of Sunday mass. Does anyone have any advice?

 

[phil_at_dayboro]

Look, Your dad is a really big part of your live,
And. YOU. Are a giant, enormous , gigantic chunk of his life,
Spend as much time as you can together, because one day he won’t be around,
What you have is something priceless, enjoy going with him,just do it,
Because when you do your mission work, you can know that your dad is happy,
And you can focus entirely on Gods work,God won’t mind,because you are a child of God

 

[anixx]

Look, Your dad is a really big part of your live,
And. YOU. Are a giant, enormous , gigantic chunk of his life,
Spend as much time as you can together, because one day he won’t be around,
What you have is something priceless, enjoy going with him,just do it,
Because when you do your mission work, you can know that your dad is happy,
And you can focus entirely on Gods work,God won’t mind,because you are a child of God

Your dad is a big part of your life, but God is the biggest. He must be your all.
God won’t mind?

*“Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to turn
“‘a man against his father,
a daughter against her mother,
a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law—
a man’s enemies will be the members of his own household.
“Anyone who loves their father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves their son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. Whoever does not take up their cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds their life will lose it, and whoever loses their life for my sake will find it. *Matt 10,34-39

Christ revealed the mind of God to us. If we accept only in theory our faith, where does it leave us?
Love your father, but love God above all. God bless!

 

[Isca]

Why don’t you have a chat with your priest about this and explain it as you have to us? Alternatively, why don’t you plan a trip to take with your dad, but make sure it’s near enough to a church that you could attend in the morning? When it’s planned, tell him all about it and also say “I will go to early morning Mass on the Sunday, so that we can have lots of time together that day”.

 

[SAVINGRACE]

I agree with Phil. One weekend away with your Dad won’t hurt. Perhaps you can attend Saturday Vigil Mass, it’s usually shorter, ask your Priest.

I had the same angst about a new job which required working on every second weekend, I work 10days straight and get 4days off.

Hubby finally forced me to speak to our Priest before I started the new job and he said, come when you can and he would speak to the Bishop.

The great thing is that before Father got back to me, things sorted themselves out, one of the other girls asked to swap rosters permanently which means I don’t work at all on Sundays. God works in mysterious ways.

 

[Xantippe]

Why don’t you propose a road trip with a route that would have easy access to Mass?

(I’m not sure what the rules are on camping and inaccessible areas, but I believe there’s been a recent thread on the subject. For a rare outing, you should be able to get a dispensation from your priest.)

 

[Deep_Roots]

Just go with your dad and enjoy the time and don’t stress about missing Mass.

There are other ways to love God than going to Mass. You will be loving your father, and thus the Icon of Christ in him, by sacrificing to hang out with him.

You’re over thinking it.

 

[SuscipeMeDomine]

Perhaps you could plan a trip to a city where you could go to Mass either with or without him. It’s important to you and he should consider that just as you should consider things that are important to him. But perhaps he doesn’t like feeling pressured into having to attend himself. So if you’re someplace where you can walk or take a cab to church you can plan that into your weekend, perhaps going off by yourself early Sunday morning then meeting him for breakfast or brunch afterward.

 

[Joe_5859]

Why don’t you have a chat with your priest about this and explain it as you have to us? Alternatively, why don’t you plan a trip to take with your dad, but make sure it’s near enough to a church that you could attend in the morning? When it’s planned, tell him all about it and also say “I will go to early morning Mass on the Sunday, so that we can have lots of time together that day”.

I think this is good advice.

Generally speaking, it is not forbidden for Catholics to ever travel. And sometimes when travelling, it can make it nearly impossible to go to Mass. I think it’s a good idea to include Mass in the plan if at all possible, though. Talking to your priest would be a good place to start.

 

[NFPWife]

I think this is good advice.

Generally speaking, it is not forbidden for Catholics to ever travel. And sometimes when travelling, it can make it nearly impossible to go to Mass. I think it’s a good idea to include Mass in the plan if at all possible, though. Talking to your priest would be a good place to start.

It’s rarely impossible to find a Mass when traveling. I’ve been to Masses all over the world.

I’ve traveled with family and friends who are not Catholic and it looks like this - when renting a rental car, I’ll say, “I need added as a driver, because I’m taking the car to go to Mass.” Rental agent, “That’s $X a day.” Me, “Fine.” to travel companions, “I’ll pay for that.” (Twice I’ve just ended up being the driver for the trip, which is MORE than fine with me.)

Then, when we’re planning for the weekend, I’ll say, “I found Masses, (here, here, here) at (these times) what makes the most sense?”

It’s NEVER optional that I’m going to Mass and it’s never a discussion because I don’t make it one. It’s like the “given” in the geometry problem. I’m going to Mass, we’re planning around that. At one point I’ll say to them, “You’re welcome to join me,” and I leave it at that.

I think you set a clear expectation that you’re going to Mass and then plan accordingly. Use www.masstimes.org to find a Mass. (Always confirm the times with the Parish, I’ve found it to be about 95% accurate.) Then, tell your dad you’re going to Mass. You could say, “There’s a 5 p.m. Mass Saturday, a 9 or 11 on Sunday. Do you have any preference as to which I attend?” If he comes back with “You can miss.” You reply, “Oh, I’m going to Mass. I’m just asking if you have any preference on the time.”

This is a time in your life where you are launching and asserting yourself as an adult. This is a perfect opportunity. How you handle this could impact the dynamic of your adult-adult relationship.

 

[Xantippe]

It’s rarely impossible to find a Mass when traveling. I’ve been to Masses all over the world.

I’ve traveled with family and friends who are not Catholic and it looks like this - when renting a rental car, I’ll say, “I need added as a driver, because I’m taking the car to go to Mass.” Rental agent, “That’s $X a day.” Me, “Fine.” to travel companions, “I’ll pay for that.” (Twice I’ve just ended up being the driver for the trip, which is MORE than fine with me.)

Then, when we’re planning for the weekend, I’ll say, “I found Masses, (here, here, here) at (these times) what makes the most sense?”

It’s NEVER optional that I’m going to Mass and it’s never a discussion because I don’t make it one. It’s like the “given” in the geometry problem. I’m going to Mass, we’re planning around that. At one point I’ll say to them, “You’re welcome to join me,” and I leave it at that.

I think you set a clear expectation that you’re going to Mass and then plan accordingly. Use www.masstimes.org to find a Mass. (Always confirm the times with the Parish, I’ve found it to be about 95% accurate.) Then, tell your dad you’re going to Mass. You could say, “There’s a 5 p.m. Mass Saturday, a 9 or 11 on Sunday. Do you have any preference as to which I attend?” If he comes back with “You can miss.” You reply, “Oh, I’m going to Mass. I’m just asking if you have any preference on the time.”

This is a time in your life where you are launching and asserting yourself as an adult. This is a perfect opportunity. How you handle this could impact the dynamic of your adult-adult relationship.

Yes!

 

[BillP]

Didn’t a Jewish Carpenter once say:

And he said to them: The sabbath was made for man, and not man for the sabbath.

Mark 2:27

I think this sort of thing is exactly what he was talking about…

 

[EasterJoy]

Why don’t you have a chat with your priest about this and explain it as you have to us? Alternatively, why don’t you plan a trip to take with your dad, but make sure it’s near enough to a church that you could attend in the morning? When it’s planned, tell him all about it and also say “I will go to early morning Mass on the Sunday, so that we can have lots of time together that day”.

This is a good idea. It can be permissible to miss Sunday Mass on account of travel or other unusual circumstances. When you know in advance, however, you ought to ask your pastor for dispensation.

Still, if by some heroic effort you can still go and you want to, try to persuade your dad to make that happen. Your weekend is going to be better if you include that vital part of what every Sunday means to us.

 

[JimG]

It’s rarely impossible to find a Mass when traveling. I’ve been to Masses all over the world.

I’ve traveled with family and friends who are not Catholic and it looks like this - when renting a rental car, I’ll say, “I need added as a driver, because I’m taking the car to go to Mass.” Rental agent, “That’s $X a day.” Me, “Fine.” to travel companions, “I’ll pay for that.” (Twice I’ve just ended up being the driver for the trip, which is MORE than fine with me.)

Then, when we’re planning for the weekend, I’ll say, “I found Masses, (here, here, here) at (these times) what makes the most sense?”

It’s NEVER optional that I’m going to Mass and it’s never a discussion because I don’t make it one. It’s like the “given” in the geometry problem. I’m going to Mass, we’re planning around that. At one point I’ll say to them, “You’re welcome to join me,” and I leave it at that.

I think you set a clear expectation that you’re going to Mass and then plan accordingly. Use www.masstimes.org to find a Mass. (Always confirm the times with the Parish, I’ve found it to be about 95% accurate.) Then, tell your dad you’re going to Mass. You could say, “There’s a 5 p.m. Mass Saturday, a 9 or 11 on Sunday. Do you have any preference as to which I attend?” If he comes back with “You can miss.” You reply, “Oh, I’m going to Mass. I’m just asking if you have any preference on the time.”

This is a time in your life where you are launching and asserting yourself as an adult. This is a perfect opportunity. How you handle this could impact the dynamic of your adult-adult relationship.

I agree with this. It’s seldom necessary to miss Mass when traveling. Sunday Mass is not a minor matter.

 

[BillP]

BTW, Code of Canon Law in No. 1245 allows a pastor, in individual cases, to dispense from the Mass obligation “for a just cause.” (Note that the code says “for a just cause” rather than for a “grave” or “serious” cause.) I can’t imagine ANY pastor who wouldn’t provide the dispensation for this purpose.

My pastor routinely dispenses my wife and I for a couple of cruises a year since the cruise lines no longer bring priests along to celebrate Mass at sea.

ME: Hey Father, we won’t see you next week, we’ll be on a cruise.

FATHER: No problem see you when you get back. BTW, here’s $5, put it on number 35 for me, would you?

ME:Sure thing!

 

[Xantippe]

BTW, Code of Canon Law in No. 1245 allows a pastor, in individual cases, to dispense from the Mass obligation “for a just cause.” (Note that the code says “for a just cause” rather than for a “grave” or “serious” cause.) I can’t imagine ANY pastor who wouldn’t provide the dispensation for this purpose.

My pastor routinely dispenses my wife and I for a couple of cruises a year since the cruise lines no longer bring priests along to celebrate Mass at sea.

ME: Hey Father, we won’t see you next week, we’ll be on a cruise.

FATHER: No problem see you when you get back. BTW, here’s $5, put it on number 35 for me, would you?

ME:Sure thing!

Just cause might be “There’s no Mass in the mountains or on the island.” It wouldn’t be, “There’s a Mass in town a five-minute drive away but Dad doesn’t want to bother.”

The OP is getting to be an adult and is thinking about marriage–it’s time to learn to be assertive about her needs.

 

[Nan_S]

I agree with everyone else who said get up early on Sunday and go by yourself. Let Dad sleep in if he insists.

I have an iPhone app called TheCatholicDirectory - Mass Times. It has what appears to be a comprehensive listing of Catholic churches throughout the United States and in many parts of Canada. With two finger taps I get turn-by-turn directions from the hotel on my phone as well.

Do everything possible to have one last trip with your Dad before you go away for a year. You may never have the chance again.

 

[Deep_Roots]

My goodness.

You’d think some folks were still living under the old law. As I said earlier, this is probably a very meaningful time for your father.

Love him as God loves him. I believe that pushing this issue too far will be a blemish on this wonderful time between you. That’s selfishness.

Ask him. If he doesn’t want to, say “Dad, I won’t always acquiesce in this case, but today I am because I love you.”

It will be its own Mass…A sacrifice for God.

 

[SuscipeMeDomine]

As I said earlier, this is probably a very meaningful time for your father.

But apparently not so meaningful that he would be willing to give up an hour to do what is important to his daughter or allow her to have an hour to herself.

What if the situation were a little different. They’re going to a certain city and dad says “I’ve always wanted to see their art museum,” and daughter rolls her eyes at the idea of looking at a bunch of paintings. Wouldn’t you think she could give up an hour or two of doing what she wanted in order to go with her father to see the museum he wants to visit? Or at the very least say “You know what, I have absolutely no interest in that museum but why don’t you go ahead, I’ll go shopping for a couple of hours, and we can meet back at the hotel.”

People who love and respect each other also accommodate each other’s needs and desires.

 

[Deep_Roots]

But apparently not so meaningful that he would be willing to give up an hour to do what is important to his daughter or allow her to have an hour to herself.

What if the situation were a little different. They’re going to a certain city and dad says “I’ve always wanted to see their art museum,” and daughter rolls her eyes at the idea of looking at a bunch of paintings. Wouldn’t you think she could give up an hour or two of doing what she wanted in order to go with her father to see the museum he wants to visit? Or at the very least say “You know what, I have absolutely no interest in that museum but why don’t you go ahead, I’ll go shopping for a couple of hours, and we can meet back at the hotel.”

People who love and respect each other also accommodate each other’s needs and desires.

Obviously that’s the ideal.

However, if that’s not the case, the best policy is peace, kenosis, sacrifice, choosing the Other.