Dad won't move

[Dave_Katin]

My 84 year old devout catholic father is rapidly declining in his desire to go anywhere -mass, store, out for dinner, etc. His doctor says he has the ability not the desire, and this sedentary existence has me worried that he’s sure to go down hill in his physical abilities. (use it or lose it) Is there any faith based lessons I might use to get his attention?

 

[SuscipeMeDomine]

I doubt that your father has given up going place simply because he’s too lazy. You might rule out depression as a cause. Also check out the side effects of medications – something that causes fatigue or dizziness might also be inhibiting him.

 

[Casilda]

Lots of questions, does he live alone? Does he have any interests? Does he have friends? Does he drive or have access to transportation? Losing one’s independence is hard. Having a ride to get to the store or visiting one’s friends is helpful. Sitting at home or in a nursing home can be depressing. Hobbies, even if its crosswords puzzles, is good. My dad is 82 and still putters about growing things in pots since he can’t get out to garden anymore. Does your dad have friends at church?

 

[Lorelei12]

While it is possible that he is depressed, or being affected by medication (and these things should be explored), it’s also possible that he’s simply losing stamina. He’s 84! Just because he can physically get out if he wants to doesn’t mean he isn’t just plain tired. I do understand your concern, but as long as there is nothing going on other than the normal aging process, I don’t think there is a lot you can do, or should even try to do. I am not sure what you mean by “faith based lessons” to get him out of the house- there is really no moral imperative that I am aware of that directs elderly, tired people to get out. He is still your dad, and while I think it’s important to rule out depression or another problem, otherwise I think it’s best to let him live out the rest of his time here however he chooses.

 

[bitznbitez]

He’s 84. Obviously take care of him and make sure he doesn’t have anything wrong that is easily fixable but at the same time spend some time realizing he’s 84. The shadows are lengthening. We all want to keep our loved ones around forever but we don’t control this.

The body speaks to its owner. It may not give specifics. When he does go sedentary don’t push him. Simply spend time with him where he is sitting instead of somewhere else outside of the home. Be at peace with him and how he acts, and let him understand that without using words.

These things are very hard to speak of, and most men won’t verbalize the decline. It scares them to much. Just accept him in whatever level of physical activity he is in.

 

[Cricket2]

My 84 year old devout catholic father is rapidly declining in his desire to go anywhere -mass, store, out for dinner, etc. His doctor says he has the ability not the desire, and this sedentary existence has me worried that he’s sure to go down hill in his physical abilities. (use it or lose it) Is there any faith based lessons I might use to get his attention?

Are you really sure it is lack of interest. Maybe he simply feels too tired and weak to bother. Age does that. Hidden medical conditions cause this. Perhaps he is just at that time in life when he feels like some peace and quite, versus the go, go, go until you drop existence we now live in. This may be time for you to simply pick up the slack, increase your help and let him be at peace.

 

[CB_Catholic]

Until I started getting older, I didn’t realize how tired one can get, and I am not even that old!
My mother is 87 and still is fairly active, drives a car, goes to Bingo, etc., but it all does her in eventually, and she now naps a lot and goes to bed early. She has a good mind, normal conditions for her age, such as high blood pressure and some mild heat disease, no problems walking or seeing, but she just does not have the stamina she used to.

So I don’t get too concerned when she likes to “rest her eyes” for a few hours, or doesn’t want to do anything that day, or I call at 6:30 pm and find her in bed for the night.

Make sure there is nothing physically or mentally (like depression) wrong that can be corrected, and then just let him be as active as he can handle.