M
mom24boys
Guest
Hello,
I would like to hear your thoughts and advice. We currently have four boys and I would so love to have more children. The problem is that my husband is quite passive and not a very good disciplinarian. That worries me with a large family, especially boys. I think I’m pretty good at firm, but loving discipline, but I feel like it would be better if my husband could step up in that department.
I have a very strong personality and I work hard at not becoming “domineering” with my husband. I have to really step back if I want him to make decisions, etc. It would be very easy for me to control and dominate everything if I chose to. I do not though, because I don’t believe it is healthy for my marriage.
It is exhausting to have to be the one to set the limits with my boys all the time. For example, if I don’t put the kids to bed, my husband would let them stay up until all hours of the night. A common response from him is “so and so won’t do it”. If a child chooses not to do something, he won’t enact any consequences. We take mass in shifts because he is embarrassed by the behavior of the younger children, and he doesn’t feel able to do anything about how they behave. (Personally, I think their-]/-] behavior is age appropriate). I’d say he feels powerless as a disciplinarian. We’ve had many arguments about this and I’ve made suggestions, but he just doesn’t want to discipline them it seems.
Another worry related to this topic is that I’m terrified of having more children and having something happen to me. I don’t think my husband could do it without me. I was very sick after baby #4 and he almost had a nervous break down because he couldn’t handle taking care of me, the kids, the house and working. In some ways I felt a little betrayed because I was so sick, and he was the one who almost lost his mind. He wasn’t a very good support emotionally for me.
I would be remiss if I didn’t share what his good qualities are… he is a good provider and a hard worker. He is exceptionally kind and affectionate with me and with the children. He always steps in to change diapers, walk a crying baby around, do the dishes, do the laundry, etc. He also has a wonderful sense of humor and there is a lot of laughter in our house.
In a nutshell, after observing large families, I’d say order and discipline are key. But we don’t really have that down… or at least I don’t get any help in that department. Any insight would be appreciated!
(BTW, we use NFP and even though we are abstaining during fertile times he knows there is always a chance of another baby and he is open to that. He doesn’t actively want to try right now, though. And I don’t feel I’m quite ready from a health perspective.)
Danielle
I would like to hear your thoughts and advice. We currently have four boys and I would so love to have more children. The problem is that my husband is quite passive and not a very good disciplinarian. That worries me with a large family, especially boys. I think I’m pretty good at firm, but loving discipline, but I feel like it would be better if my husband could step up in that department.
I have a very strong personality and I work hard at not becoming “domineering” with my husband. I have to really step back if I want him to make decisions, etc. It would be very easy for me to control and dominate everything if I chose to. I do not though, because I don’t believe it is healthy for my marriage.
It is exhausting to have to be the one to set the limits with my boys all the time. For example, if I don’t put the kids to bed, my husband would let them stay up until all hours of the night. A common response from him is “so and so won’t do it”. If a child chooses not to do something, he won’t enact any consequences. We take mass in shifts because he is embarrassed by the behavior of the younger children, and he doesn’t feel able to do anything about how they behave. (Personally, I think their-]/-] behavior is age appropriate). I’d say he feels powerless as a disciplinarian. We’ve had many arguments about this and I’ve made suggestions, but he just doesn’t want to discipline them it seems.
Another worry related to this topic is that I’m terrified of having more children and having something happen to me. I don’t think my husband could do it without me. I was very sick after baby #4 and he almost had a nervous break down because he couldn’t handle taking care of me, the kids, the house and working. In some ways I felt a little betrayed because I was so sick, and he was the one who almost lost his mind. He wasn’t a very good support emotionally for me.
I would be remiss if I didn’t share what his good qualities are… he is a good provider and a hard worker. He is exceptionally kind and affectionate with me and with the children. He always steps in to change diapers, walk a crying baby around, do the dishes, do the laundry, etc. He also has a wonderful sense of humor and there is a lot of laughter in our house.
In a nutshell, after observing large families, I’d say order and discipline are key. But we don’t really have that down… or at least I don’t get any help in that department. Any insight would be appreciated!
(BTW, we use NFP and even though we are abstaining during fertile times he knows there is always a chance of another baby and he is open to that. He doesn’t actively want to try right now, though. And I don’t feel I’m quite ready from a health perspective.)
Danielle
