Dad's remarrying

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convertlove

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So my dad is widowed, as is his fiancee. They’re both in their fifties and after dating for a year have decided to marry. I was probably aware but denied it to myself that they’re having sex. It’s been made clear to me that they are though and think that it’s perfectly okay. In my mind even though they’re older and have been through “all that stuff” I’m still upset with this. I feel they should have waited and I feel rather betrayed by my usually old fashioned father’s negative example.
Could I be over reacting? I thought chastity mattered no what the age but they implied to me that since children are no longer an option (too old) that it doesn’t matter.
Are there any writings on these matters that directly pertain to older individuals?
 
Chastity does matter. Your father is marrying his finance and does not have any impediments to that marriage. Be happy for him, I recommend that you continue to follow the path you know is right - ie chastity for yourself, but overlook this potential sin in your father. It is ‘potential’ since I assume that “making it clear” did not include him specifically stating to you that he and his fiance are having sex. He has not talked about his sex life, you do the same. Pray for them both and try to be happy that your father has found happiness after your mother died.
 
I’m glad he’s found someone. But yeah, she actually stated outright that they are sexually active and that it was okay. I’ve talked to him and he said he’s not worried for his salvation. I should mention that he’s protestant. I’m a convert, shes a practicing Catholic. His church has the same teachings on sex outside of marriage as our church though.
I know at the end of the day that he’s an adult who can make his own decisions, I’m just really disappointed in the example he’s set and the blatant disregard for the teachings of both his and her churches.
 
Well you can say something to him privately about being disappointed. But then let it go. Continue to pray for them. They may not be as well taught as you are (converts usually explore things more deeply than those who are born to a faith). It is very easy to catagorize sins as belonging to certain types of people (ie being chaste is just for young people) and not see that any sin can bring down any person at any time.
 
Hugs to (((((you))))).

We cannot judge sweet heart but you are allow to pray for the one you love.

I agree about what you have chosen to do for yourself is what matter. Bravo for you to believe in chastity before marriage, as for your dad, you must let that go and only pray for the both of them.

If you feel guided, you can let him know that this is a sin and he needs to wait otherwise, love him anyway and pray for him.
 
I agree, pray for them. But I’d let it go and be happy for them that they’ve found each other and soon will be married.
While I agree with you about sex before marriage, I cannot imagine my son approaching me to talk with me about my sex life! I have no doubt that I’d tell him that he needs to worry about his own life and his wife and children and not be concerned about me and my fiance and if we are sleeping together or not. 🙂
 
I would suggest that instead of focusing on the negatives of what they’ve done; focus on the positive of the fact they will be getting married. That they have chosen not to perpetually live in sin the way many do.
 
You’re not overreacting. It hurts when our loved ones sin. I think it hurts more when they’re our parents, who are supposed to be our model.

Pray and forgive your father for this sin.
 
convertlove said:
Could I be over reacting? I thought chastity mattered no what the age but they implied to me that since children are no longer an option (too old) that it doesn’t matter.
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Yes, chastity matters no matter what the age. Two of my friends in their eighties were planning to marry in the spring but had planned a vacation in Florida this past December. Though they would not be sleeping together, rather than lead others to scandal they moved up their wedding date and used the Florida trip as their honeymoon. I was quite proud of them for the example they showed to others.

I don’t think you are over reacting and while the advice given above about how to interact with your Dad is probably wise please remember that one of the Acts of Mercy is to Admonish the Sinner. Pray for guidance in this situation.
 
convertlove said:
So my dad is widowed, as is his fiancee. They’re both in their fifties and after dating for a year have decided to marry. I was probably aware but denied it to myself that they’re having sex. It’s been made clear to me that they are though and think that it’s perfectly okay. In my mind even though they’re older and have been through “all that stuff” I’m still upset with this. I feel they should have waited and I feel rather betrayed by my usually old fashioned father’s negative example.
Could I be over reacting? I thought chastity mattered no what the age but they implied to me that since children are no longer an option (too old) that it doesn’t matter.
Are there any writings on these matters that directly pertain to older individuals?
Click to expand...
I would be completely disgusted. However, your dad is not Catholic so he probably thinks what he is doing is okay. Now his girlfriend should know better. But unfortunetly, I would say 93% of “catholics” are not obedient. :rolleyes: I guess since they are adult, all you can do is pray for them…
 
convertlove said:
I’m glad he’s found someone. But yeah, she actually stated outright that they are sexually active and that it was okay. I’ve talked to him and he said he’s not worried for his salvation. I should mention that he’s protestant. I’m a convert, shes a practicing Catholic. His church has the same teachings on sex outside of marriage as our church though.
I know at the end of the day that he’s an adult who can make his own decisions, I’m just really disappointed in the example he’s set and the blatant disregard for the teachings of both his and her churches.
Click to expand...
So she’s a practicing Catholic, yet fornicating … hmmmm. Are they going to marry in the Church?
 
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Thou Shalt not Judge
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convertlove said:
But yeah, she actually stated outright that they are sexually active and that it was okay…
Click to expand...
To answer your original question, ‘no it is NOT ok’. It is easy to be deceived by adults when we are much younger than them. Especially since they can patronize the you. However, please remember her comment was to ease her conscious.

I too would be devastated and hurt if I were in your shoes

Angie
 
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