Damper on my Christmas Spirit

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Decorating for Christmas is such a big deal to me. A really big deal. It is such a warm, family togetherness time. Dh and I both work full time, so it is hard sometimes to do stuff together - the whole family. Usually we are stressed, tired, etc…

Last night was supposed to be tree decorating night. I got off work early. Bought eggnog and cocoa, dug out the Bing Crosby cd. I was looking forward to it all day. This is Kyle’s first Christmas, and our first in our new home. I just knew these were going to be wonderful memories. Plus, one of my favorite parts about decorating the tree is unwrapping each ornament and remembering and telling the kids about the memories that go with each ornament.

Well, I got home yesterday and the very first thing dh said was, “Don’t be mad.” His aunt watches the kids during the day while we are both at work and she took it upon herself to decorate the tree. And I know she knew we planned to decorate it. I told her in the morning that I bought the kids some ornaments to decorate and that they could do that during the day if they wanted because we were going to decorate the tree when I got home that night.

At first I was so sad and disappointed. I went to my room and cried. (yes, I know that sounds childish, but I own my emotions). Then I got really angry. Like, throw stuff at the wall angry.

Dh said that he would take it all down and we could re-decorate together, but I said no. I just wouldn’t know how to explain that to the kids. They are so excited about it and I don’t want them to see me upset about it. Kyle is really excited too. He keeps pointing at the tree, babbling, and bouncing up and down.

One of the worst parts for me is that the aunt didn’t even take any pictures. She uses our digital all of the time, and it was out in plain sight on the table. She told dh to let her know if I got upset, but I don’t want to make a big deal about it to her. I don’t know what her intentions were, but I am going to assume she wanted to help because I’ve been so tired lately. I am just so disheartened and the air has gone out of my Christmas sail.

Sorry for the long post…
 
I think you are right to assume the best about her intentions. It is really nice that your husband’s aunt watches the kids and cares about your family that much. I guess next year, be sure to let her know how much it would mean to you to be able to decorate the tree together as a family and possibly invite her to be a part of that. If she was trying to do something nice for you, the best thing to do is put aside your own disappointment and graciously accept what she has given to you.
 
Kanda said:
Decorating for Christmas is such a big deal to me. A really big deal. It is such a warm, family togetherness time. Dh and I both work full time, so it is hard sometimes to do stuff together - the whole family. Usually we are stressed, tired, etc…

Last night was supposed to be tree decorating night. I got off work early. Bought eggnog and cocoa, dug out the Bing Crosby cd. I was looking forward to it all day. This is Kyle’s first Christmas, and our first in our new home. I just knew these were going to be wonderful memories. Plus, one of my favorite parts about decorating the tree is unwrapping each ornament and remembering and telling the kids about the memories that go with each ornament.

Well, I got home yesterday and the very first thing dh said was, “Don’t be mad.” His aunt watches the kids during the day while we are both at work and she took it upon herself to decorate the tree. And I know she knew we planned to decorate it. I told her in the morning that I bought the kids some ornaments to decorate and that they could do that during the day if they wanted because we were going to decorate the tree when I got home that night.

At first I was so sad and disappointed. I went to my room and cried. (yes, I know that sounds childish, but I own my emotions). Then I got really angry. Like, throw stuff at the wall angry.

Dh said that he would take it all down and we could re-decorate together, but I said no. I just wouldn’t know how to explain that to the kids. They are so excited about it and I don’t want them to see me upset about it. Kyle is really excited too. He keeps pointing at the tree, babbling, and bouncing up and down.

One of the worst parts for me is that the aunt didn’t even take any pictures. She uses our digital all of the time, and it was out in plain sight on the table. She told dh to let her know if I got upset, but I don’t want to make a big deal about it to her. I don’t know what her intentions were, but I am going to assume she wanted to help because I’ve been so tired lately. I am just so disheartened and the air has gone out of my Christmas sail.

Sorry for the long post…
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What a bummer! Wondering why the aunt would do that?? Did you have the eggnog and coco? I think you should make a night of drinking the eggnog and listening to the CD, have everyone pick an ornament off the tree and talk about it then put the ornaments back, maybe not in the same spot and have everone pick another one and talk about them put them back on the tree and pick again, do this untill the tree feels like your tree, take pics and sing christmas songs. The kids wont notice that you are redecorating.

Just my:twocents:
 
catholic79 said:
What a bummer! Wondering why the aunt would do that?? Did you have the eggnog and coco? I think you should make a night of drinking the eggnog and listening to the CD, have everyone pick an ornament off the tree and talk about it then put the ornaments back, maybe not in the same spot and have everone pick another one and talk about them put them back on the tree and pick again, do this untill the tree feels like your tree, take pics and sing christmas songs. The kids wont notice that you are redecorating.

Just my:twocents:
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That is a really good idea and might be just what I need. 👍 I really think she did it to be nice. I have been really tired lately. When she came in the morning, I had fallen back asleep on the couch :o because I had worked 12 hours the day before and then done a little shopping before coming home. Xander said, “Look Mommy. We decorated the tree for you because you don’t have any time. Now you can take a nap.” :crying: Well, you can imagine that made me feel like mother of the year. :rolleyes:

I am trying to get past it. I just miss not doing it and I really like your idea.
 
As a music director, I am working all of Christmas. 2 Masses on Christmas Eve, 2 on Christmas morning.

What am I doing the rest of Christmas? Nothing. I do not have children, and I am not married,although I am very extroverted and I am called to it.

I spend Christmas like this every year.

The fact that you have a new house, a child, a husband, a Christmas tree, and an aunt who watches your children for you…

Please be grateful.
 
catholic79 said:
What a bummer! Wondering why the aunt would do that?? Did you have the eggnog and coco? I think you should make a night of drinking the eggnog and listening to the CD, have everyone pick an ornament off the tree and talk about it then put the ornaments back, maybe not in the same spot and have everone pick another one and talk about them put them back on the tree and pick again, do this untill the tree feels like your tree, take pics and sing christmas songs. The kids wont notice that you are redecorating.

Just my:twocents:
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That’s a wonderful idea!!

Kanda- sorry your Aunt took it upon herself to help. I’m sure she really was just trying to mean well. 🙂
 
catholic79 said:
What a bummer! Wondering why the aunt would do that?? Did you have the eggnog and coco? I think you should make a night of drinking the eggnog and listening to the CD, have everyone pick an ornament off the tree and talk about it then put the ornaments back, maybe not in the same spot and have everone pick another one and talk about them put them back on the tree and pick again, do this untill the tree feels like your tree, take pics and sing christmas songs. The kids wont notice that you are redecorating.

Just my:twocents:
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You’re a genius.
 
mommyof4 said:
Me too. Maybe you can hire her out once in a while?
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I get her next!!!

Have spent the last 2 weeks going through the valley of the shadow of death as my best friend lost her father. Suddenly, at age 65, he is gone.

Decorating a tree is just something we do not have the time or energy to do.

Spend the evening with your aunt, with your parents, with your grandparents. You do not know when they will not be there.
 
Kanda said:
Decorating for Christmas is such a big deal to me. A really big deal. It is such a warm, family togetherness time. Dh and I both work full time, so it is hard sometimes to do stuff together - the whole family. Usually we are stressed, tired, etc…

Last night was supposed to be tree decorating night. I got off work early. Bought eggnog and cocoa, dug out the Bing Crosby cd. I was looking forward to it all day. This is Kyle’s first Christmas, and our first in our new home. I just knew these were going to be wonderful memories. Plus, one of my favorite parts about decorating the tree is unwrapping each ornament and remembering and telling the kids about the memories that go with each ornament.

Well, I got home yesterday and the very first thing dh said was, “Don’t be mad.” His aunt watches the kids during the day while we are both at work and she took it upon herself to decorate the tree. And I know she knew we planned to decorate it. I told her in the morning that I bought the kids some ornaments to decorate and that they could do that during the day if they wanted because we were going to decorate the tree when I got home that night.

At first I was so sad and disappointed. I went to my room and cried. (yes, I know that sounds childish, but I own my emotions). Then I got really angry. Like, throw stuff at the wall angry.

Dh said that he would take it all down and we could re-decorate together, but I said no. I just wouldn’t know how to explain that to the kids. They are so excited about it and I don’t want them to see me upset about it. Kyle is really excited too. He keeps pointing at the tree, babbling, and bouncing up and down.

One of the worst parts for me is that the aunt didn’t even take any pictures. She uses our digital all of the time, and it was out in plain sight on the table. She told dh to let her know if I got upset, but I don’t want to make a big deal about it to her. I don’t know what her intentions were, but I am going to assume she wanted to help because I’ve been so tired lately. I am just so disheartened and the air has gone out of my Christmas sail.

Sorry for the long post…
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I agree with others–she had the best of intentions. I’m not a big tree deocrator. I loved it growing up, but with all the other decorations, my dd has taken it over…and LOVES THE JOB. I love sitting in the living room…with a glass of hot cocoa (it’s been chilly in Florida lately) and staring at the lights…but not a big, put it together and decorate it kind of person, anymore. I understand why you are upset though. You feel like she took your tradition away, but it sounds like her heart was in the right place. Have a blessed Christmas…I thought it was cute how your described your one child as…‘bouncing and babbling…’ aw!:heaven:
 
You are all so great. I knew you could help me put this in perspective. I am so blessed. Whatevergirl hit the nail on the head though: I do feel like she took my tradition away from me. That is the part that has me down. I am very particular about my traditions. (Don’t even get me started about Thanksgiving! 😃 :eek: )

After hearing (reading?) your voices of reason, I am starting to feel better though. Last night I had one of those melodramatic “Christmas is RUINED” moments. 😊 Poor dh.

I am just set in my ways. Growing up, my childhood was kinda pooey. But Thankgiving and Christmas were always different. It was like we were a real family. Christmas is magic for me, ever since the year Santa really came. Since Christmas was such a big warm time, I just want everything to be perfect.

Maybe my idea of a perfect Christmas isn’t the only one. Okay, okay, get over it Kimberly…
 
I am huge on traditions especially Christmas ones (and Thanksgiving), so I can completely relate to your feelings. I would have felt sad and angry if some else put up our tree. And man I love Bing Crosby -your plans sounded perfect to me.Your aunt obviously meant well -so I would thank her for the sentiment but kindly mention next year you’ll want to do the tree with your kids.
 
Kanda said:
At first I was so sad and disappointed. I went to my room and cried. (yes, I know that sounds childish, but I own my emotions). Then I got really angry. Like, throw stuff at the wall angry.
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With depression knocking on my door, this would have been my exact reaction.
Good for you for working your way through it!! 👍

Catholic79 has a fantastic idea!
 
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