Dark night of the soul

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1990Domer

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If anyone can give me spiritual advice, I would love to have it.

My son is having a replay of the horrible brick & mortar schools he attended. He has been in cyber school for about 1.5 months, but he still relives the bullying from both the kids and his teachers. They never read or met with us prior to school about the neuropsych report we had done. In all honestly, they were clueless.

My son truly has no friends except his parents and grandparents, who are 88 and 84. Since he is in cyber school–the best option to keep him from bullying–he has been doing well. He’s starting to feel the students and teachers there are truly exceptional. However, he often talks about suicide because she he was in the b&m school, the some of the staff and kids were mean, especially at the Catholic school he was most recently at.

This has thrown me into a deep depression because many ASD get a bad wrap (not all are mean, violent, insonsistent, rude, etc.). DS is smart and quirky. It does not help that he has little in common with the kids, despite loads of social skill training. Kids like him are hard to find. Add on the piousness, and forget it.

In any respect, he prays often for God to take him in order to leave him from his suffering. I admit I pray for the same…but only after DS would be relieved.

Thank you for reading this. It was horribly hard to write.

God bless,

90Domer/1990domer
 
Dear 1990domer,

My son is now 18 and has just finished high school and he has an ASD. The reason he went to the public school and discontinued Catholic was due to other kids picking on him.
That was very hard for me however it would have also most likely occured in a public primary school setting also. My son got a bad rap at the time also. He got a bit lucky though. The kids who gave him a hard time dropped out of school, and my son grew to 6ft 3.

I know other ASD kids that do online schooling now. A lot of teacher degrees don’t cover psychology let alone autism.

There were times when my son was younger I found it very hard to cope. He is only just now starting to go out and develop friendships outside of his x box friends and the boys he plays sport with.

My friend has a teen son with Tourettes. This is a very difficult time for her and her son also.

Go and see a psychologist. You aren’t going to be much good to your son if you are depressed and if your son has mentioned suicide then you must take that seriously and get him some assistance.

And contact an autism support group. Do you know how many other parents are in your situation? a lot. You and your son are not alone in this world or the spiritual one. A long time ago I placed my son in God’s hands and although the journey from then to now was difficult, things now are much brighter.

And the mother of God knows what you are going through. Place your son in her arms, make an appointment to see a psychologist, find a support group even if it is online, and take it one day at a time.
 
1990Domer said:
If anyone can give me spiritual advice, I would love to have it.

My son is having a replay of the horrible brick & mortar schools he attended. He has been in cyber school for about 1.5 months, but he still relives the bullying from both the kids and his teachers. They never read or met with us prior to school about the neuropsych report we had done. In all honestly, they were clueless.

My son truly has no friends except his parents and grandparents, who are 88 and 84. Since he is in cyber school–the best option to keep him from bullying–he has been doing well. He’s starting to feel the students and teachers there are truly exceptional. However, he often talks about suicide because she he was in the b&m school, the some of the staff and kids were mean, especially at the Catholic school he was most recently at.

This has thrown me into a deep depression because many ASD get a bad wrap (not all are mean, violent, insonsistent, rude, etc.). DS is smart and quirky. It does not help that he has little in common with the kids, despite loads of social skill training. Kids like him are hard to find. Add on the piousness, and forget it.

In any respect, he prays often for God to take him in order to leave him from his suffering. I admit I pray for the same…but only after DS would be relieved.

Thank you for reading this. It was horribly hard to write.

God bless,

90Domer/1990domer
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Hi. Although there was never any bullying at school because we have the good fortune of living in a very small town where everyone knows each other, I know very well all the rest you’re talking about.

Difficult to make friends with so many social skill problems. My granddaughter has had friends but they want to look for boyfriends and she’s still playing with dolls and the such. They live in a whole different world.

I hope you take your son to a psychiatrist for help. Mine is being followed and it’s made a big difference. My gd is 15. It’s not good to be in a state of depression - ditto for yourself. There are pills to get you and your son out of this. Take them. Don’t be afraid. They really work a nd they change you r life and will change your sons life.

Sorry if I’ve made any incorrect assumptions. Seek help, it’s out there.

God bless you both
Fran
 
Hey Domer. Hey. Look I don’t have any deep advice on this. I mean I’m not even a parent. But I do know that when you feel bad I feel bad. You’re a good sort. You make an effort to make others feel better. I want you to feel some of that goodness come back your way.

Please know that I’m thinking of you. That I’ll be praying for you and your son tonight when I do my rosary. That I wish I could make you happy somehow. But I’ll do the praying first. And see how that falls into place.

Peace Domer. Please take care of yourself. Don’t get too sad in this. We’re all here to help.

-Trident
 
God bless all of you. He does have a therapist he has been seeing one or twice for 1.5 years, and she sustains him. I have a psych that I see, because I am also dealing with caring for sickly elderly parents alone (no siblings), so I am just a tad bit overwhelmed. Going to confession today really helped. Thank the good Lord for the gift of that sacrament.
 
Does his therapist know about his suicidal thoughts?
1990Domer said:
God bless all of you. He does have a therapist he has been seeing one or twice for 1.5 years, and she sustains him. I have a psych that I see, because I am also dealing with caring for sickly elderly parents alone (no siblings), so I am just a tad bit overwhelmed. Going to confession today really helped. Thank the good Lord for the gift of that sacrament.
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Xantippe said:
Does his therapist know about his suicidal thoughts?
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Yeah because if not then the therapist should probably be made aware of it, its important. Suicidal thoughts need to be addressed seriously and quickly once they start appearing. I’m sorry for your situation. I’ll pray for you. :console:
 
Mystrx said:
Yeah because if not then the therapist should probably be made aware of it, its important. Suicidal thoughts need to be addressed seriously and quickly once they start appearing. I’m sorry for your situation. I’ll pray for you. :console:
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Yes…she checks in daily!
 
Dacinom said:
Thank you so much for taking the time to share. I am so sorry for what you are going through and am happy to offer up prayers and sacrifices for your beautiful and precious son. I will pray for him all through my day today and during Holy Mass tomorrow especially.

This needs to be addressed immediately with a psychiatrist and a family psychologist, but you already knew that. You are a very good and loving mom and I am sure you know a good place to call if you haven’t done so already!

Friendship for your son will come, but right now may not be the best time to push that for him? Remember that friendship for your son while perhaps solving some feelings of being lonely may bring complications too. Friends can certainly be warm and loving but friends can also be irritable and grumpy. Until your son is on his feet emotionally it may be best to not try and put too much stock into worrying about friendships being the cure for his problems although I am not sure if you are doing that as much as you are sad about him not having any friends.

Your son’s emotional well being is number one. Right now keeping him alive is key, his grades, his friendships, everything else can be put on HOLD. Do whatever it takes to get him on the right track then start building from there. If you son is in a deep depression he probably doesn’t have the skills right now to make friends anyway so he is in a bad cycle.

You can do this, from the beginning of time God the Creator of the Universe knew that you would be right here right now and God placed you here. Don’t let satan tempt you into thinking that all is hopeless, that is his trick don’t fall for his nonsense. One day at a time, one foot in front of the other. Your son needs you, you are intelligent and resourceful you can find what your son needs! You pray for your son to be relieved from his suffering which is wonderful because you can help him with it! Psychiatric care when someone is suicidal is very important, especially good psychiatric care for a young child with special needs.

1990Domer the time to really despair might be when your son took his own life, but you see he hasn’t done that. Your son is alive! Where there is life, there is hope!
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Monicad, you are so right. One of his childhood buddies decided he’s too cool to hang with DS, especially when he learned DS wants to consider a vocation. He has girls flirt with him because he is in shape and looks like a young man. Girls flirt with him when he altar boys. But this “friend” said if he had to be a priest, he would kill himself (no exaggeration). So, this did not help. Now this kid is off-limits to DS.

Part of my despair is DS likes his brother. But the 2 are usually together (close in age).
 
Dacinom said:
You are doing a great job as a mom!

It is natural to desire friends for your son, this situation could be temporary, just a matter of some months. Better to perhaps wait a bit longer and have good friends of quality when your son is in better health?

I had one child that was bullied and had great difficulty making friends. Years ago I thought part of the solution was making lots of friends and being social. I was partially right but some things backfired. Looking back, I mistakenly put the emotional well-being of my vulnerable child into the hands of immature 7-12 year old children! Children can be lovely but can also be moody and unpredictable. I believe you are being pressured to put your son “out there” to make friends, however until he is emotionally prepared to handle they typical ups-and-downs of childhood friendships there is no harm in him thriving in the warmth and safety of his loving home.

Having dozens of friends is not an automatic ticket to happiness, having a solid relationship with Jesus Christ is a ticket to happiness! Some people go through life and have some casual friends here and there and an occasional GOOD friend. The primary focus for your son right now is his emotional and spiritual well-being. You are doing the right thing! This may sound trivial, but make sure your son is eating properly and getting lots of good rest and exercise. Taking care of his physical body can help some.

What a blessing that his therapist checks in so often, that is wonderful. Have you considered bringing your son in to receive the Sacrament of the sick? Anything you can do spiritually might help. satan hates your son and wants him dead and wants you to despair, make sure you have holy water and blessed salt or other sacramental in your home and use them regularly! Still praying for your beautiful family, Happy Feast of All Saints! May all the Saints in Heaven intercede for your precious son on this most powerful Feast day. Please take care as best as you can and update when you are up to it. God bless.
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You are so right about Satan. He served at the Sacrament of the Sick mass last week! And we changed our Adoration hour so it is a part of his cyber school week. Today’s Gospel really resonated with DS.

Monicad, what would I do without you?
 
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