Date Night with Spouse?

[BlestOne]

Date nights should be required as far as I am concerned! When kids were young we had a babysitter every Sunday evening…cool thing was babysitters dad insisted that they go to church with them on Sunday nights (Baptist thing). When I got remarried…many years later and yet not quite a month ago… Yes we go out about every other weekend. Kids are older now and don’t need babysitting but we need the time away. Just started Bible study too…will probably make it a mini date night and go to dinner afterwards…

 

[puzzleannie]

we have had Friday night date night for years, but since MIL moved in that is her night I just tag along for the ride, try to keep Sunday afternoons, but I am a long second choice after football.

 

[puzzleannie]

Chris W:

I can’t take the pressure man! Having to think of stuff to do…i don’t know what to do! I had to think of that stuff while we were dating, now it should be her turn.

.

where do you want to eat?
I don’t care, what are you in the mood for?
I don’t know, Italian? Chinese?
Well, you’re the one on a diet, pick someplace you can eat what you want.
Don’t let me dictate to you, we’ll go anyplace you like.
It doesn’t matter to me, just pick a place.
Just drive.
Where, what direction
I don’t care
There’s Denny’s
Fine. Whatever. [humpph under the breath, slam the car door]
What was that about, if you don’t want Denny’s we can go anyplace you want.
I said fine, let’s just eat, I’m starving.

Guys, haven’t you figured out you have to read her mind? What DO they teach in these marriage preparation courses?

 

[kage_ar]

puzzleannie:

where do you want to eat?
I don’t care, what are you in the mood for?
I don’t know, Italian? Chinese?
Well, you’re the one on a diet, pick someplace you can eat what you want.
Don’t let me dictate to you, we’ll go anyplace you like.
It doesn’t matter to me, just pick a place.
Just drive.
Where, what direction
I don’t care
There’s Denny’s
Fine. Whatever. [humpph under the breath, slam the car door]
What was that about, if you don’t want Denny’s we can go anyplace you want.
I said fine, let’s just eat, I’m starving.

We’re you in our car last weekend? So very very funny!

 

[vluvski]

puzzleannie:

where do you want to eat?
I don’t care, what are you in the mood for?
I don’t know, Italian? Chinese?
Well, you’re the one on a diet, pick someplace you can eat what you want.
Don’t let me dictate to you, we’ll go anyplace you like.
It doesn’t matter to me, just pick a place.
Just drive.
Where, what direction
I don’t care
There’s Denny’s
Fine. Whatever. [humpph under the breath, slam the car door]
What was that about, if you don’t want Denny’s we can go anyplace you want.
I said fine, let’s just eat, I’m starving.

Guys, haven’t you figured out you have to read her mind? What DO they teach in these marriage preparation courses?

That’s not as annoying to me as when he asks, “So, where do you want to go?”
“Oh, I dunno, I was kind of thinking of that cute little Italian place or the Mexican joint down the road sounded good.”
“Ok, well, I wanted to go to the Chinese buffet. That ok?”

Bah! Why ask if you already have something in mind, especially something that is YOUR favorite and I don’t like? (I do like Chinese, btw, just not this certain buffet he’s always trying to take us to.) I make a great effort to come up with two ideas that I’d be happy with, if only to give him an idea of how nice a place I want to go to. Then he goes and picks something totally different that he was going to pick anyway!

Well, at least he doesn’t pick Denny’s for a date when I was thinking filet mignon!

 

[Chris_W]

puzzleannie:

Guys, haven’t you figured out you have to read her mind?

Yep, I’ve figured out that mind reading is the key to peace at home…I just haven’t figured out how to do it yet

We’ve decided its best to trade off. One time she decides, the next time I have (uh, I mean get) to decide.

puzzleannie:

What DO they teach in these marriage preparation courses?

Yah. I figure they can’t say stuff like that or else they’d have to change the name to Marriage Warning Courses. Sometimes it’s best not to know what you’re getting into.

 

[DJgang]

movingmom:

If you can’t find/afford a sitter…send the kids to bed at a reasonable time, hunker up with a glass of wine and enjoy a movie together, without (hopefully) interuptions. We agree to not answer the phone, do laundry, talk about troubles, only enjoy each other. I also make sure I prepare an easy, yet fun dinner for the kids, maybe pizza. For us I make some simple h’ors doeuvres (sp?) nice cheese and crackers or crusty bread and cheese…simple - no mess, more time alone! We also agree that we BOTH stay up till the end of the movie and go to bed together - this one is tough if you have the wine, but it’s the “rule!” This has worked for us every Friday night for the last 8 years!

Now, this sounds like what I might have to start doing.

Being a stay at home, work at home Mom of three young boys, youngest being 2 months…this might be most effective for right now. Maybe start picking up the movie on Thursday afternoon after picking up the oldest from Playschool. Maybe get Grandma to keep one of the oldest for the night…for sometime I’ve mentioned the whole “Friday nights can start being Grandma and Grandpa nights!” Hint, Hint to my Mom and Dad.

I think my personal problem is guilt of asking my Mom and Dad to keep the kids one more time. My mother watches my children two days a week so that I can work at home (really work my own business…not housework)

Other problems, getting my husband home in time to get ready to go out…or getting my husband not to fall asleep…but that will be the “rule” right…and if he thinks he might get a little cuddling…well, that might get his attention

 

[DJgang]

Chris W:

Yep, I’ve figured out that mind reading is the key to peace at home…I just haven’t figured out how to do it yet

Kids yet? If not, better start REALLY practicing that mind reading thing…talk about PEACE…if only my husband could read my mind sometimes…oh how peaceful it would be!

 

[DJgang]

Orionthehunter:

Before we got married, my wife and I had many things that we liked to do. Unfortunately, many of them were physical activities that are no longer as appropriate for our aging bodies.

Anyway, with that as background, doing date night was especially hard for us when the kids were younger and frankly we didn’t make as much of an effort as we should have. The by-product of this neglect was as the demands from teh kids became less, we needed to find new things to do together and we realized how some of our recreational interests had gone down different paths. Fortunately for me, she has come to love golf but I’m still trying to find the value in chick flicks.

As one who is giving advice from teh perspective of “learn from my mistakes”, it is my advice to find certain common interests and make those “events” as important as we do getting to our child’s softball game. They don’t have to require you to even leave the house as some of date nights are as simple as eating on the deck (w/o the kids) and then spending the rest of the evening just drinking wine and talking.

The quantity of the date nights should be weekly. If God knows we need to get to Mass weekly, we probably need to intimately tend to the Sacrament of Marriage weekly too!

Your advice here is so taken! Thank you!

My husband’s own brother told him the exact words…his children are grown and gone…they just purchased a huge boat that can sleep about 6 people and started cruising up and down the Tennessee River! They haven’t even retired yet, but will in about 5 years…they just though they would get a head start. I’m so happy for them.

Prebaby - my hubby and I would jump on the Harley and head out anywhere we wanted to go. I promised him that when the little one’s get a little older, he can get a nicer, newer one…actually one more confortable for me to ride (ouch!) and we’ll hit the road again sometimes. Then again, I would also like a convertible car of my own…when the kids get to be teenagers maybe!

 

[puzzleannie]

kage_ar:

We’re you in our car last weekend? So very very funny!

then, of course, you repeat the same conversation about what movie to see.

 

[kage_ar]

puzzleannie:

then, of course, you repeat the same conversation about what movie to see.

LOL! Of course, the real fun begins when you toss in surly teenage boy…

 

[kage_ar]

vluvski:

“Ok, well, I wanted to go to the Chinese buffet. That ok?”

GAG! I have this thing about Chinese buffet - I hate them. I love good Chinese food, I simply am not anywhere near a fan of the whole eat out buffett idea. Maybe a water cooler discussion on buffetts…

 

[BlestOne]

puzzleannie:

where do you want to eat?
I don’t care, what are you in the mood for?
I don’t know, Italian? Chinese?
Well, you’re the one on a diet, pick someplace you can eat what you want.
Don’t let me dictate to you, we’ll go anyplace you like.
It doesn’t matter to me, just pick a place.
Just drive.
Where, what direction
I don’t care
There’s Denny’s
Fine. Whatever. [humpph under the breath, slam the car door]
What was that about, if you don’t want Denny’s we can go anyplace you want.
I said fine, let’s just eat, I’m starving.

Guys, haven’t you figured out you have to read her mind? What DO they teach in these marriage preparation courses?

This is how it was with my first husband… It was so depressing! Thank God I explained this to new hubby and he really makes an effort to come up with ideas and suggestions. Guys, I can tell you this…it makes a huge difference!!! Instead of feeling like we are being placated or tolerated, we feel like it is a partnership and you actually want to spend time with us. With my first husband I had to make a rule that he had to pick an activity every other week and schedule the babysitter. I did the same the next week. I told him that doing that told me that he wanted to put forth an effort to be with me…well guess what…he never scheduled a babysitter, not once and he only once had a suggestion for where to go…and it wasn’t a nice suggestion either.

 

[puzzleannie]

why don’t they understand what we mean by “date”? not looking thru the hardware dept at Sears and drive-thru Taco Bell, not watching Nascar and eating pizza, but something that requires dressing up and make-up, and food eaten on plates on tables with tablecloths, not food on paper at plastic tables.

 

[Princess_Abby]

Well tonight we were supposed to go to dinner and a movie, but my husband just called from work and said, “honey! The premeire of Nanny 911 is a two hour special tonight! I think I should watch it to get some parenting tips! Do you think you could make homemade macaroni and cheese and we’ll go out to dinner on Sunday night and see that movie then?”

Apparently all the guys at work were talking about how they’ve learned “so much” from watching that show, so my husband thinks he needs to view it too. Ha. (Nevermind that our child is almost (but only) 12 weeks in utero.)

 

[Chris_W]

BlestOne:

…Guys, I can tell you this…it makes a huge difference!!! Instead of feeling like we are being placated or tolerated, we feel like it is a partnership and you actually want to spend time with us…

I understand your point, and it’s true I’m sure, but I’m inclined to give the same word for word response that I (and other husbands) receive regarding the kind of intimacy guys want.

“I know I used to be better about that, but things change…I’m tired at night…dealing with kids and all it takes to run a household…I’m just not in the mood very often…I can’t help it if I just don’t think about that very often”

…never had the guts to actually say that though, heh, heh.

…instead, I say “that sounds great honey…how 'bout Friday?”

 

[migurl]

My fiance have spent a lot of time discussing this. His parents never really had that romance, and my parents had a lot of marriage trouble for a long time. One of the things that my parents did was have a date night. We kids are always glad to see them go because it gives us a chance to spend time together messing around and we know that they need the time alone. I have never once felt burdened by the fact that they need time to be husband and wife alone. My fiance and I have agreed that we will have to spend time every day together even if it is only for 10-15 minutes and then every week we should have dinner to ourselves if we can. He suggested that maybe once every month or two we go out someplace nice for dinner and a movie.

 

[kaymart]

Do back to school nights count as a “date”? Our son’s special day school for Autistic children is 47 miles from our home (luckly he loves the bus rides) we will be going out to dinner alone that night afterwards as we been doing it since he’s gone to that school since 1998. I’m actually looking foward to next Wed. because we are alone and can talk during that long car ride.

 

[aterrell]

Princess_Abby:

Well tonight we were supposed to go to dinner and a movie, but my husband just called from work and said, “honey! The premeire of Nanny 911 is a two hour special tonight! I think I should watch it to get some parenting tips! Do you think you could make homemade macaroni and cheese and we’ll go out to dinner on Sunday night and see that movie then?”

Apparently all the guys at work were talking about how they’ve learned “so much” from watching that show, so my husband thinks he needs to view it too. Ha. (Nevermind that our child is almost (but only) 12 weeks in utero.)

Yeah Super Nanny has some good points!! But like you say… I think you have PLENTY of time! I think I would go out and have fun while you can!!! One day you won’t be able to go out for dinner and a movie so easily!!! Enjoy your time alone as husband and wife before things change, as I’m sure everyone is telling you they will!!!

 

[kaymart]

aterrell:

Yeah Super Nanny has some good points!! But like you say… I think you have PLENTY of time! I think I would go out and have fun while you can!!! One day you won’t be able to go out for dinner and a movie so easily!!! Enjoy your time alone as husband and wife before things change, as I’m sure everyone is telling you they will!!!

Yes get out now before your idea of fine dining is a chicken ceaser salad while the kids have a happy meal Only joking. Congraulations Mommy!