Dating a Catholic who doesn't go to church

[Yogi89]

I am posting in regards to my friends’ situation, so I am just curious on what you all think about it…

My friend who is a devout Catholic, and very passionate about her faith started dating this guy about a year ago. They are still together, but lately things about him have been bothering her, especially the fact that his family rarely ever goes to church, and him as well. She has talked to him numerous times about it, and how it’s important for her. But, if he goes it is only with her… he won’t go alone. He does not go with her every Sunday or Saturday either. He also does not really value the fact that she wants to wait to have sex before marriage, or at least he does not think pre-marital sex is bad. I am wondering, what do you all think about this? Would it be smart for her to continue being serious with this guy? Or just this situation in general, would it not be a smart choice to be with someone who is Catholic but does not value the beliefs?

 

[maltmom]

If her doesn’t value her belief that she should want until marriage to have sex he doesn’t value her. Time to move on. We are told not to be unequally yoked. The man is to be the spiritual head of the family. He will not be there to support her or any children they may have in the faith. He may not stop her from taking their children and raising them in the faith, but he won’t be a good example for his children.

 

[Joe_5859]

I am posting in regards to my friends’ situation, so I am just curious on what you all think about it…

My friend who is a devout Catholic, and very passionate about her faith started dating this guy about a year ago. They are still together, but lately things about him have been bothering her, especially the fact that his family rarely ever goes to church, and him as well. She has talked to him numerous times about it, and how it’s important for her. But, if he goes it is only with her… he won’t go alone. He does not go with her every Sunday or Saturday either. He also does not really value the fact that she wants to wait to have sex before marriage, or at least he does not think pre-marital sex is bad. I am wondering, what do you all think about this? Would it be smart for her to continue being serious with this guy? Or just this situation in general, would it not be a smart choice to be with someone who is Catholic but does not value the beliefs?

Of course, we cannot really ascertain the situation completely based on a short second-hand forum post. But from what you have said, that would raise some red flags for me. If she is hoping to raise her kids Catholic, that’s a lot more difficult when one party obviously doesn’t care. I would encourage some soul searching as to whether or not this relationship should continue. It’s a difficult thing to break up after such a length of time and after we have formed such emotional attachments, but sometimes it is necessary to make the difficult choice.

 

[Wiseowl]

Having gone to Catholic high schools and colleges, this young man is the rule not the exception in regards to mass attendance and unfortunately sex as well.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

I am posting in regards to my friends’ situation, so I am just curious on what you all think about it…

My friend who is a devout Catholic, and very passionate about her faith started dating this guy about a year ago. They are still together, but lately things about him have been bothering her, especially the fact that his family rarely ever goes to church, and him as well. She has talked to him numerous times about it, and how it’s important for her. But, if he goes it is only with her… he won’t go alone. He does not go with her every Sunday or Saturday either. He also does not really value the fact that she wants to wait to have sex before marriage, or at least he does not think pre-marital sex is bad. I am wondering, what do you all think about this? Would it be smart for her to continue being serious with this guy? Or just this situation in general, would it not be a smart choice to be with someone who is Catholic but does not value the beliefs?

No, it would not be a smart choice to be with someone who is a “casual Catholic,” because she will not have a partner who will be dedicated to helping her get to Heaven. The sex issue will be a problem. He may already have a sexual past. I know I am assuming but usually people who don’t have a problem with premarital sex, have had sex or want to have sex, and since girls are as aggressive, if not more aggressive toward boys these days, I can’t imagine him not having had sex already. So if he has a history, and she shuts him down, he may find someone else before she can break up with him, or he’ll keep pressuring her to give in. To say nothing of them being imbalanced with his history and having bonded with some other girl during sex…

My advice? Stop at this point before her feelings get too attached to this guy. Find a nice pure truly Catholic and not just “casual Catholic” guy, and let things develop slowly.

 

[1ke]

I am wondering, what do you all think about this?

That he is the wrong guy for her and she has wasted a year of her life.

Would it be smart for her to continue being serious with this guy? Or just this situation in general, would it not be a smart choice to be with someone who is Catholic but does not value the beliefs?

These are really questions you don’t already know the answer to?

 

[Yogi89]

That he is the wrong guy for her and she has wasted a year of her life.

These are really questions you don’t already know the answer to?

You’re right that was an obvious answer, but the reason I asked is because my friend seems to think he can change or that she can help him. But, in my opinion I don’t think he really will change.

 

[Prague]

You are a good and kind friend to worry and be concerned. Bless you.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

You’re right that was an obvious answer, but the reason I asked is because my friend seems to think he can change or that she can help him. But, in my opinion I don’t think he really will change.

Oh dear. The downfall of so many women…“But he WILL change, because I love him!”

 

[Porknpie]

You’re right that was an obvious answer, but the reason I asked is because my friend seems to think he can change or that she can help him. But, in my opinion I don’t think he really will change.

Have her read Hebrews 10:25 to him and ask him why he does not go to church regularly, not out of obligation but out of love for Christ.

24 We must consider how to rouse one another to love and good works.
25 We should not stay away from our assembly, as is the custom of some, but encourage one another, and this all the more as you see the day drawing near.
26 If we sin deliberately after receiving knowledge of the truth, there no longer remains sacrifice for sins
27 but a fearful prospect of judgment and a flaming fire that is going to consume the adversaries.

 

[Joe_5859]

You’re right that was an obvious answer, but the reason I asked is because my friend seems to think he can change or that she can help him. But, in my opinion I don’t think he really will change.

People certainly can change. That’s what conversion is all about. But to stay in a relationship predicated on the unfounded hope that someone will change when they very well might not almost never works out well for anyone.

 

[Yogi89]

I am posting in regards to my friends’ situation, so I am just curious on what you all think about it…

My friend who is a devout Catholic, and very passionate about her faith started dating this guy about a year ago. They are still together, but lately things about him have been bothering her, especially the fact that his family rarely ever goes to church, and him as well. She has talked to him numerous times about it, and how it’s important for her. But, if he goes it is only with her… he won’t go alone. He does not go with her every Sunday or Saturday either. He also does not really value the fact that she wants to wait to have sex before marriage,

Sorry … I meant wait to have sex until* marriage!

 

[Yogi89]

Oh dear. The downfall of so many women…“But he WILL change, because I love him!”

or, “he will change for the right girl”

 

[TheRealJuliane]

or, “he will change for the right girl”

i.e. “Me.” I wish there were some way of making this clear to young women before they do it and get their hearts broken/lives ruined. I sure couldn’t see that I was doing that until I’d been through a LOT more than one “project relationship.”

 

[Giggly_Giraffe]

You’re right that was an obvious answer, but the reason I asked is because my friend seems to think he can change or that she can help him. But, in my opinion I don’t think he really will change.

Everyone will change. In marriage we give what we do not have-our future! Future events can be forecasted by past behaviors. It sounds like this man will continue down his desired path (selfishness) until he suffers, suffers, and suffers some more. This is he way obedience comes to fruition for those in denial of natural laws and Gods laws.

Now, since she sounds like she has obedience to natural and Gods laws, she will still suffer … But the question is does she want to suffer for his disobedience? Or does she want to suffer with someone who is willing to sacrifice for God, her, & the family?

Even in accepting a mate who is currently aligned with God does not mean change. Physically, every cell in the body dies and rejuvenates every seven years. So too does our personality based off life experiences. Marriage is way differnt than dating. Parenting is way different than baby sitting. Being a child of middle aged adults is way different than being a child of a senior citizen (growin up to care for parents).

Right now, the best advise I can give your friend is to keep busy doing Gods works and look around to see who’s keeping up with her.

 

[Joe_5859]

i.e. “Me.” I wish there were some way of making this clear to young women before they do it and get their hearts broken/lives ruined. I sure couldn’t see that I was doing that until I’d been through a LOT more than one “project relationship.”

Yeah, I know way too many girls who wasted far too much time on hoping guys would “change.”

In dating, if we cannot be with someone for who they are now, we should not be with them. If they are to change, let them change and return.