Dating a Catholic?

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DocJ

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Hello, all!

First off, I’m sorry if I posted this in the wrong spot. Mods, please move if necessary.

Secondly, let me say this issue is the primary reason I joined up here. I’m trying to learn a little moe about Catholicism.

I was raised Non-Denominational, but currently attend an Assemblies of God church. Lately, there has been a particular female of interest to me and the two of us really “click”. Conversation with her is easy and natural. So far, we’ve really hit things off. However, I was thinking about asking her on a date and just recently learned she is Catholic.

Could this be entirely problematic? I guess I’m not sure whether I should still ask her out or not. I know Catholics can be saved and be Christians. So, that’s not the issue. The issue here is basically this: would our views on our faith differ substantially enough that would make us incompatible for each other from the get-go?

Thank you for any and all help!
 
Doc, there’re several threads pertaining to mixed marriages here at the site that can provide you with lots of insight as to what you’d be up against: first and foremost, though you yourself wouldn’t have to be RC, you’d have to be willing to rear the kids as RC, and you’d have to support your RC spouse 100% in that (assuming she’s devout). My own advice is: don’t pursue this relationship. Marriage even when you choose the best possible mate still has tons of hurdles; you don’t want to add any gratuitous ones. 😉
 
Hello Doc J,

If you are truly sincere in learning about the Catholic faith, I suggest you read many of the tracts and useful articles under the faith tab on this site. They have helped me learn a lot about the church teachings. There are also a number of many good books on Catholicism. I am told the book “Catholicism for Dummies” is easy to understand and gives a great overview. However, I highly suggest you read a book written by Patrick Madrid, titled “Surprised by Truth”. It gives you a personal and insightful understanding of why people become Catholic, their beliefs and how did the church arrive at them. Many of the stories come with biblical references.

P.S. I am glad you seem to be interested in learning about Catholicism and I think it would be helpful for you to clarify some misunderstandings you seem to have even if things don’t work out with the person you are interested in. Knowledge is power. A dear friend shares your same religion and had many misconceptions of what we believe and why we believe it. She was given a lot of misleading information through no fault of her own. For example, Catholics **are **Christians and we are saved by the redeeming love and grace of God. We accept Jesus Christ as our only Lord and Savior. God Bless
 
Jesus,our Lords peace be with You.
Dear friend. You must read something about The Catholic Church,atleast enough to know what to not do. For the rest of it,love is the strongest force in the world next to prayers,so if You love her,and she love You,all will be good. I wish You both many happy years.
 
DocJ said:
Hello, all!

First off, I’m sorry if I posted this in the wrong spot. Mods, please move if necessary.

Secondly, let me say this issue is the primary reason I joined up here. I’m trying to learn a little moe about Catholicism.

I was raised Non-Denominational, but currently attend an Assemblies of God church. Lately, there has been a particular female of interest to me and the two of us really “click”. Conversation with her is easy and natural. So far, we’ve really hit things off. However, I was thinking about asking her on a date and just recently learned she is Catholic.

Could this be entirely problematic? I guess I’m not sure whether I should still ask her out or not. I know Catholics can be saved and be Christians. So, that’s not the issue. The issue here is basically this: ** would our views on our faith differ substantially enough that would make us incompatible for each other from the get-go?**
Thank you for any and all help!
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Do you believe in the Trinity?

If yes, then ‘ask her out’. If no, then you would incompatible.
 
DocJ said:
I know Catholics can be saved and be Christians. So, that’s not the issue.
Thank you for any and all help!
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Seriously? To put it bluntly The Catholic Church is the One True Church of Jesus Christ, the only Church which he established. When Christ said “thou art Peter; and upon this rock I will build my church, and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it” Matthew 16:18 he was referring to Peter as the rock where the Church was to be built and no darkness (evil or sin) can overtake it, " I will give to thee the keys of the kingdom of heaven" Matthew 16:19 This is when Christ made Peter the head of the Church, first Pope.
The Catholic Church to this day is an unbroken line of Bishops that can be traced back to the apostles, called apostolic succession.

scripturecatholic.com
^^this site will go in further detail of what Catholics believe and how scripture defends the Church’s teachings
drbo.org/church2.htm
^^^This link will also be very useful in your quest to know about the Church which Christ established. Hope this helps. God Bless!
 
Well to put it bluntly there is no way any of us can know if this relationship is a good idea with so little information. Try asking people that know both of you, many times friends and family will see things that our emotions and hormones blind us too.

Also you need to find out what this girl thinks as an individual about her faith. She may be strictly adherent to the Church and only want to date someone willing to join her in the Catholic faith or she may barely have put a second thought into her Church affiliation. If she is going to want you to convert eventually and you have no plans of doing so then a relationship is a bad idea. If you are going to want her to leave the Catholic Church and join your Church once you get married then you had better find out what she thinks of such an idea. For some people this would be a complete non-issue and for others it would be a constant argument.
 
Here’s the things to consider, if you’re thinking “long term” (you know what I mean):
  1. Artificial birth control is unacceptable. The Catholic Church teaches that this is a sin.
  2. If you marry, you both must agree to raise your children Catholic.
  3. She has to attend Mass every Sunday and Holy Day of obligation.
  4. It would help solidify your marriage and make things much easier if you became Catholic.
It would be very helpful to you, I think, to learn a little more about the Catholic Church. If you have time and like to learn audibly, here’s a few links where you can download .mp3 files to listen to:

alabamacatholicresources.com/Catechism.html

alabamacatholicresources.com/Downloads/JHJerryYolandaCleffi_Former_Assem_of_God.mp3

alabamacatholicresources.com/Downloads/The_Mass_Explained.mp3

alabamacatholicresources.com/Downloads/Confession.mp3
 
Answer: Yes, your religious views could make the relationship incompatable, long term.

But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t go out on a date.
 
DocJ said:
Secondly, let me say this issue is the primary reason I joined up here. I’m trying to learn a little moe about Catholicism.
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That’s nice. Perhaps getting a copy of the US Adult Catechism put out by the USCCB (you can google it) would be a good place to start.
DocJ said:
I was raised Non-Denominational, but currently attend an Assemblies of God church. Lately, there has been a particular female of interest to me and the two of us really “click”. Conversation with her is easy and natural. So far, we’ve really hit things off. However, I was thinking about asking her on a date and just recently learned she is Catholic.

Could this be entirely problematic?
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Yes, I’d say it could.
DocJ said:
I guess I’m not sure whether I should still ask her out or not.
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Well, what is your vision of marriage? Both of you going to church together? Worshipping together? etc? That would be very difficult.
DocJ said:
I know Catholics can be saved and be Christians. So, that’s not the issue.
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I know it’s unintentional, but really the way you phrased this is telling. Catholics are Christians, not “can be” Christians.
DocJ said:
The issue here is basically this: would our views on our faith differ substantially enough that would make us incompatible for each other from the get-go?

Thank you for any and all help!
Click to expand...
I think the theology of Assembly of God and Catholic are substantially different. My college roommate was AOG and, yes, I think it’s very problematic.

Are you willing to explore the Catholic faith, and possibly become a Catholic?

**Are you willing to follow Catholic moral teaching as it pertains to marriage? ** Meaning, the understanding that contraception is a grave sin against God. Marriage is a covenant between man, woman, and God and is perpetual, exclusive, and ordered to the procreation and education of children.

**Are you willing to be married in the Catholic form? ** Meaning either married in the Catholic Church, or via a dispensation from her bishop, married in your church but going through all of the Catholic marriage preparation process.

Are you willing to agree to baptize and raise your children in the Catholic faith and not interfere with your wife’s practice of religion? Catholics must promise to raise their children Catholic in order to receive permission to marry a nonCatholic. This means you are you willing to allow your wife to have a Catholic household including teaching the children Catholic prayer, the Rosary, etc, celebrating the liturgical seasons such as Advent, Lent, etc, and having the children attend Mass weekly, receive all the Sacraments, and attend Catholic religious education-- all while not contradicting what the Church teaches with your own beliefs?

If the answer to all of these questions is “yes” then date and see where it goes. If the answer is “no” then look for a nice Assembly of God girl to date. The purpose of dating is to discern marriage. You have some pretty big theological differences, right out of the gate.
 
I am astounded at the replies! I appreciate every person’s (name removed by moderator)ut into this situation so far. She and I are becoming good friends, and I may just leave it at such. But, I have been noticing some sort of mutual attraction that suggests dating as a possibility.

The main reason Catholicism is a concern to me is that as the man, I should be the spiritual leader of the household. It should never be the case to start dating somebody with the intent of changing them. I guess this is where it gets tricky.

As far as my personal beleifs. They fit in along with what most Assemblies of God do. I believe in the Father God, the Son Jesus Christ, and in the Holy Ghost. I believe that Jesus was born to a virgin, Mary. That he died and rose again on the third day. His death was a sacrifice for us so that we may find salvation through HIM. Jesus is the ONLY way to the Father, and without Him, none can be saved.

I hope that clarifies things a bit? I will definitely be reading up on the links provided to me, as I would really like to understand the Catholic faith and how it is different than what I am accustomed.

I did not mean to offend by saying “I know Catholics can be saved and be Christians”. Basically, I was trying to say that I don’t think all Catholics are unsaved individuals. There are unsaved and saved in all Christian denominations. Some of the strongest Christians I know are divided between Catholic, Baptist and Assemblies of God.

I will see about having lunch with her, or something…so we can spend more time discussing this issue personally.

Thank you, all!
 
DocJ said:
I did not mean to offend by saying “I know Catholics can be saved and be Christians”. Basically, I was trying to say that I don’t think all Catholics are unsaved individuals. There are unsaved and saved in all Christian denominations. Some of the strongest Christians I know are divided between Catholic, Baptist and Assemblies of God.
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You didn’t offend, I knew what you meant.

However, you need to consider that the Catholic Church rejects the theological construct of “once saved, always saved”.

So when you are talking about there being saved and unsaved individuals, that is an example of how AOG and Catholic theology differs considerably.

Yes, we have many things in common but also some serious differences. So, I think it’s great that you want to learn about them and try to understand more about Catholic theology.
 
Berean is right, marriage is very difficult and adding in a difference in faith is a huge obstacle.

I am a very anti-mixed marriage person on this forum. And, it’s not because I’m a meany or because I’m a bigot or anything else. It’s because for a person who has their faith at the center of who they are, it is a really bad idea to try to marry someone who is of a different belief.

I think Catholics should marry Catholics, Baptists should marry Baptists, Jews should marry Jews. And they should be devout and united in the practice of their faith. And raise up devout children.

Mixed marriages are a disaster for children, and a real hardship for the individual spouses even though they love each other truly.

If neither is practicing or devout in their faith it can “work.” For devout people, what does “making it work” mean? How much of yourself and your beliefs do you compromise away in the name of “making it work?”

And frankly, Jesus said he will spit you out if you are lukewarm.
 
1ke,

The AOG church, as far as I’m aware, also rejects the notion of “once saved, always saved”. I personally feel that once a person becomes saved, they must work on their relationship with Christ. Without doing so, it becomes easy to fall away and become unsaved again. To be a Christian involves more than just going to church or attending mass. It is about pursuing God, striving to live a life worthy of Him, and to communicate with Him in an ongoing relationship. This is basic in what I believe, and many examples of this are found throughout the Bible.

I do know that the “once saved, always saved” teaching was (maybe still is) popular in many Baptist churches. Not all, but in several nonetheless.

I do not feel you are being a “meany” at all. Quite the contrary. I, myself, have many doubts about a long-term relationship surviving on a serious level. For you to reinforce that is in no way diminishing my spirits. The only reason I haven’t tried dating women from the AOG church is that the females in my age class are either engaged, married, or otherwise “spoken for”. Of course, if I wanted to date someone 10 years my senior or younger, I may not have an issue. But, that is a very uncomfortable situation for me.

Anyway, this girl and I are supposed to get together on Friday over lunch to discuss our religious faiths over lunch. Not a date, but I asked her if we could discuss this issue further.

But, to help out with the conversation on Friday, I may need some help understanding a few topics (please provide links if necessary. But, I haven’t finished reading the ones already provided.).
  1. Why do Catholics pray through saints?
I’ll just leave it at that for now…
 
DocJ said:
I know Catholics can be saved and be Christians. So, that’s not the issue.
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Did… Did you just waltz into a Catholic forum and really say that? You basically came in here and called the followers of this faith heretical, didn’t you?

Look, I ain’t Catholic… But that’s a very uninformed and narrow minded view to have.

Now, that being said, I’m not an expert… But so far as I know, a Catholic’s gotta raise their kids Catholic. No buts.
Point is, if you go out with her, if you like her, if you eventually marry her and have kids with her…

Well, it’s HER religion that YOU outta be converting to, because otherwise it may prove rather problematic.

Still, even after my issues with your post, or the way you worded it, I do like that you’re trying to learn about her beliefs. Get together with her on Friday and have that chat. I’m sure she can explain to you some of what she believes.

Heck, I really on my Catholic BFF for half my knowledge.
 
DocJ said:
1ke,

The AOG church, as far as I’m aware, also rejects the notion of “once saved, always saved”. I personally feel that once a person becomes saved, they must work on their relationship with Christ. Without doing so, it becomes easy to fall away and become unsaved again. To be a Christian involves more than just going to church or attending mass. It is about pursuing God, striving to live a life worthy of Him, and to communicate with Him in an ongoing relationship. This is basic in what I believe, and many examples of this are found throughout the Bible.

I do know that the “once saved, always saved” teaching was (maybe still is) popular in many Baptist churches. Not all, but in several nonetheless.

I do not feel you are being a “meany” at all. Quite the contrary. I, myself, have many doubts about a long-term relationship surviving on a serious level. For you to reinforce that is in no way diminishing my spirits. The only reason I haven’t tried dating women from the AOG church is that the females in my age class are either engaged, married, or otherwise “spoken for”. Of course, if I wanted to date someone 10 years my senior or younger, I may not have an issue. But, that is a very uncomfortable situation for me.

Anyway, this girl and I are supposed to get together on Friday over lunch to discuss our religious faiths over lunch. Not a date, but I asked her if we could discuss this issue further.

But, to help out with the conversation on Friday, I may need some help understanding a few topics (please provide links if necessary. But, I haven’t finished reading the ones already provided.).
  1. Why do Catholics pray through saints?
I’ll just leave it at that for now…
Click to expand...
Here’s a link to the Catechism of the Catholic Church’s table of contents page.

vatican.va/archive/ENG0015/_INDEX.HTM
 
DocJ said:
The AOG church, as far as I’m aware, also rejects the notion of “once saved, always saved”.
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Some do, some do not.
It has been my experience that the theology practiced by an AOG church may well be unique to that church and that pastor.
Just down the road may be another AOG church that believes radically different things.
 
DocJ said:
  1. Why do Catholics pray through saints?
Click to expand...
catholic.com/library/Praying_to_the_Saints.asp

But one thing to remember when you read that the article does not mention, prayer in the Catholic church is not the act of Worship that it is in many protestant churches.

This was one of the major disagreements that my wife and I had (she is charismatic pentacostal). It eventually boiled down to her church teaching that prayer was an act of Worship.
Once it was understood that there was no worship intended or being given, disagreements fell away pretty quickly.
 
Thank you for the further support on helping me understand some more of the Catholic beliefs.

I have read through most of the links provided me and have come up with a startling realization. Perhaps this answers the question I’ve had on why I get responses like this:
Suni_Moon said:
Did… Did you just waltz into a Catholic forum and really say that? You basically came in here and called the followers of this faith heretical, didn’t you?
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In regards to my simplistic answer to what I would perceive as an automatic question. Do you believe Catholics can be saved? I know in reading many of the other threads on this board, many have charged that other denominations don’t believe so. I do. To say so, I find odd that anyone would take offense. Can Catholics be saved, or can’t they? They most certainly can! But, as in any denomination in the Christian faith, you have people claiming Christianity as a Catholic, Baptist, Assemblies of God, etc. and they do not have even the basic principles of what it means to be a Christian. In today’s culture, claiming Christianity can be a popular exercise. Simply attending church, or mass, does not automatically make one “saved”. To believe so would be of utmost foolishness. God requires more than that of us.

Anyway, back on track. What I have stumbled across is that many Catholics believe that Catholicism is the ONLY way to have divine faith and truly be saved. Please correct me if I’m wrong. But as far as another question on this:

Why would I have to raise my kids Catholic if that is not the denomination I wished to join? And, would it really be that bad if she converted over to another denomination? In this, I want to point out that I find it strange to say, “convert”. In reading the boards I have often seen people referring to converting to other denominations, reconverting back to Catholicism, or trying to convert people to Catholicism. Why not convert people to Christ?

I guess the simple question here is:

If Catholicism is truly Christian, why is it regarded so much as a different religion?

Again, I want to thank everybody for their (name removed by moderator)ut to this discussion. I’m really trying to get an understanding for Catholicism. In many ways, I am rather astonished at our similarities, but am still a little skeptical on our differences. Which, is one thing I’m working at understanding.

Please don’t take offense to anything I say if it comes across as harsh. It may be because I am unaccustomed to discussing Catholic issues with Catholics. I’m sincerely trying to learn. Not “bash”. Please help me if you can.

Thank you!
 
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