Dating a Catholic?

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Hello, all!

First off, I’m sorry if I posted this in the wrong spot. Mods, please move if necessary.

Secondly, let me say this issue is the primary reason I joined up here. I’m trying to learn a little moe about Catholicism.

I was raised Non-Denominational, but currently attend an Assemblies of God church. Lately, there has been a particular female of interest to me and the two of us really “click”. Conversation with her is easy and natural. So far, we’ve really hit things off. However, I was thinking about asking her on a date and just recently learned she is Catholic.

Could this be entirely problematic? I guess I’m not sure whether I should still ask her out or not. I know Catholics can be saved and be Christians. So, that’s not the issue. The issue here is basically this: would our views on our faith differ substantially enough that would make us incompatible for each other from the get-go?

Thank you for any and all help!
I, myself, wouldn’t have a problem with dating a non-Catholic, as long as he understood that if we marry and have children, he cannot interfere with my raising them Catholic. Also, it would be an added bonus if there was a chance of converting him, too. 👍
 
In regards to my simplistic answer to what I would perceive as an automatic question. Do you believe Catholics can be saved? I know in reading many of the other threads on this board, many have charged that other denominations don’t believe so. I do. To say so, I find odd that anyone would take offense.
You know, it’s a vocabulary thing. You are using a distinctly protestant vocabulary and it’s at odds with the way a Catholic would express things. Words do have meaning. It’s important to be clear that when you and I say something we may be using the same words but not saying the same thing at all.

Easy example: Mormons and Catholics both baptize in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. But, Mormons have a completely different understanding of who the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit are-- they reject the Trinity. Jehovah’s Witnesses use words that are similar to those used by Christians too, but mean something different by them. They reject the divinity of Christ.

I think you are taking personally what is not meant to be a personal attack, but rather just pointing out that when you and your girlfiend-in-the-making start talking religions, make sure you define some terms or else you may both be saying “yes, I agree with that” while not actually having any idea what the other person is saying!
Can Catholics be saved, or can’t they? They most certainly can! But, as in any denomination in the Christian faith, you have people claiming Christianity as a Catholic, Baptist, Assemblies of God, etc. and they do not have even the basic principles of what it means to be a Christian. In today’s culture, claiming Christianity can be a popular exercise. Simply attending church, or mass, does not automatically make one “saved”. To believe so would be of utmost foolishness. God requires more than that of us.
Yes, I agree with that.
Anyway, back on track. What I have stumbled across is that many Catholics believe that Catholicism is the ONLY way to have divine faith and truly be saved. Please correct me if I’m wrong. But as far as another question on this:
This is not exactly accurate, as far as what the Church actually teaches as opposed to what individual people might say or believe.

This could really be it’s own thread. Suffice it to say that the Church teaches that there is only one Church founded by Christ, that that Church exists fully in the Catholic Church, and that those who are baptized validly are imperfectly incorporated into the Church. And, yes, they too may be saved and it is possible that non-baptized persons might be saved too.

And, that is a very succint, 100,000 foot version of what the Church teaches.
Why would I have to raise my kids Catholic if that is not the denomination I wished to join?
A Catholic who seeks to marry a non-Catholic must promise to raise their children as Catholics in order to receive permission from the Bishop to marry the non-Catholic.
And, would it really be that bad if she converted over to another denomination?
Yes. It would.
In this, I want to point out that I find it strange to say, “convert”. In reading the boards I have often seen people referring to converting to other denominations, reconverting back to Catholicism, or trying to convert people to Catholicism. Why not convert people to Christ?
Christ founded a Church through which he operates. It’s a fundamental difference in how you understand Church and how Catholic do that is at the root of this.

I guess the simple question here is:
If Catholicism is truly Christian, why is it regarded so much as a different religion?
It is not a different religion. However, again, the fullness of Truth exists in the Catholic Church and other ecclesial communities lack some portion of this fullness. That is the Church’s perspective on other Christian ecclesial communities and Churches.

The Church distinguishes between eccumenism-- reuniting the separated Christians-- and inter-religious dialog which is dialog with non-Christians.
Again, I want to thank everybody for their (name removed by moderator)ut to this discussion. I’m really trying to get an understanding for Catholicism. In many ways, I am rather astonished at our similarities, but am still a little skeptical on our differences. Which, is one thing I’m working at understanding.

Please don’t take offense to anything I say if it comes across as harsh. It may be because I am unaccustomed to discussing Catholic issues with Catholics. I’m sincerely trying to learn. Not “bash”. Please help me if you can.

Thank you!
Well, someone will always take offense. Just don’t sweat it. It’s the internet. Take the good, ignore the bad, and go with the flow.

If I took things personally on here, I wouldn’t have been around still after 6 years on here.
 
To say so, I find odd that anyone would take offense. Can Catholics be saved, or can’t they? They most certainly can! But, as in any denomination in the Christian faith, you have people claiming Christianity as a Catholic, Baptist, Assemblies of God, etc. and they do not have even the basic principles of what it means to be a Christian.
I understood what you meant, I probably would have said something similar before I was Catholic. I think the reason you got such a strong response from the other poster is that many Catholics have heard at least a couple of times how they aren’t Christians. I imagine getting told this very often puts up a defensive wall against anyone that might even hint at such a thing, even if that wasn’t the intention (as in your case.)
Why would I have to raise my kids Catholic if that is not the denomination I wished to join?
I know someone mentioned that you would be required to raise your children Catholic, but that isn’t strictly true. That used to be a requirement for a Catholic marrying a non-Catholic, but now, only that Catholic promises to do all in their power to raise their children Catholic. Not strictly the same thing, but in reality it will often have pretty much the same results.
And, would it really be that bad if she converted over to another denomination? In this, I want to point out that I find it strange to say, “convert”. In reading the boards I have often seen people referring to converting to other denominations, reconverting back to Catholicism, or trying to convert people to Catholicism. Why not convert people to Christ?
As Catholics, we believe that within the Catholic Church is the fullness of truth. We say that while other Christians have some truth, particularly the things we share in common, and even other religions so a much lesser extent, within the Catholic Church is the whole truth (specifically with regards to faith and morals).

So it is like saying would you rather have a doctor who knows some or a doctor who knows everything? Or would you rather know a bit about your spouse or would you rather know everything? Would we rather know a bit about God or would we rather know a lot? In becoming Catholic, it gives us the opportunity to know more of God and to draw closer to Him, especially through the sacraments. And I say this from personal experience.
If Catholicism is truly Christian, why is it regarded so much as a different religion?
I think there are a lot of reasons for this. One big one is simply ignorance. As you are discovering, a lot of people don’t know a whole lot about exactly what the Church believes, and a lot of what people do “know” comes from the news or hear-say and is often only partly true, at best, or totally inaccurate. Some of this also comes from using words differently. For example, like someone else explained to you a bit, the idea of praying to the Saints. Most protestants use prayer only for God, but we use more of the older defination of the word (as in “Pray tell us…”) which is more so just talking.

The other big problem lies in defining exactly what is a “Christian.” There is a pretty big range of beliefs that people claim to be “Christian” (Mormon, Unity, fundamentalists, various cults) and everyone seems to draw the boundary lines in different places. When you end up talking to someone with very narrow boundaries, Catholicism sometimes gets placed outside those boundaries.
Again, I want to thank everybody for their (name removed by moderator)ut to this discussion. I’m really trying to get an understanding for Catholicism. In many ways, I am rather astonished at our similarities, but am still a little skeptical on our differences. Which, is one thing I’m working at understanding.
Please don’t take offense to anything I say if it comes across as harsh. It may be because I am unaccustomed to discussing Catholic issues with Catholics. I’m sincerely trying to learn. Not “bash”. Please help me if you can.
Thank you!
We really do appreciate sincere questions around here. I do understand how different we can seem, especially for those who have little knowledge of or contact with Catholics. I’ve been on the other side of the fence.

Also, as you read various responses, remember that as with any group of people, we Catholics aren’t perfect and have a wide range of personalities, some may be a bit more defensive and others more laid back in responding, but we all do our best. 😃
 
I know someone mentioned that you would be required to raise your children Catholic, but that isn’t strictly true. That used to be a requirement for a Catholic marrying a non-Catholic, but now, only that Catholic promises to do all in their power to raise their children Catholic. Not strictly the same thing, but in reality it will often have pretty much the same results.
A Catholic priest refused to marry my Godchild and her fiance because they indicated they would not raise their children Catholic. I have to say, I agree with his decision to turn them away. But that is for another thread.
 
Do you believe Catholics can be saved?
You’re implying she’s not already saved. That’s my issue.
“What I have stumbled across is that many Catholics believe that Catholicism is the ONLY way to have divine faith and truly be saved.”

As is what you seem to believe, as you seem to be implying that Catholics are not Christian, and they are not saved.

If she’s a catholic, and she GENUINELY believes what her religion teaches, generally believes in Christ…
Are you saying to she’s not saved, because she’s still Catholic?

That’s what I asked when you first posted here. THAT is why your post rubbed me the wrong way.

And for the record… Not all Catholics think that. They still think the other denominations of Christianity are doing it wrong, but not all of them think we’re going to hell for it.
Just some of them. And that “just some of them” are the same as the protestant denominations of who think Catholics are wrong.

“And, would it really be that bad if she converted over to another denomination?”

If she is a good Catholic, following what her faith teaches, then yes. Same with raising the kids. Sure, they’re your kids too, but it would be going against HER believes to not raise her children Catholic.

“If Catholicism is truly Christian, why is it regarded so much as a different religion?”

Because people are uneducated. Simple as that.
 
A Catholic who seeks to marry a non-Catholic must promise to raise their children as Catholics in order to receive permission from the Bishop to marry the non-Catholic.
Are you sure of this?

I thought it was the non-Catholic who had to promise to raise the children as Catholic so the Catholic could receive permission to marry the non-Catholic.

But, maybe I’m mistaken. 🤷
 
A Catholic who seeks to marry a non-Catholic must promise to raise their children as Catholics in order to receive permission from the Bishop to marry the non-Catholic.
You may want to find the appropriate dogma to support this claim.
I would be curious to know if it was another example of clerical abuse of church dogma or simply an oversight, but no such was asked for of either my wife or myself.
 
You may want to find the appropriate dogma to support this claim.
I would be curious to know if it was another example of clerical abuse of church dogma or simply an oversight, but no such was asked for of either my wife or myself.
If your priest did not apply for and receive permission from the Bishop for a mixed marriage, your marriage is valid but illict and can be corrected through radical sanation. If he applied for the appropriate permissions without informing you of the requirements, that is quite unfortunate and inappropriate:

Can. 1124 **Without express permission of the competent authority, a marriage is prohibited **between two baptized persons of whom one is baptized in the Catholic Church or received into it after baptism and has not defected from it by a formal act and the other of whom is enrolled in a Church or ecclesial community not in full communion with the Catholic Church.

Can. 1125 The local ordinary can grant a permission of this kind if there is a just and reasonable cause. He is not to grant it unless the following conditions have been fulfilled:

1/ the Catholic party is to declare that he or she is prepared to remove dangers of defecting from the faith and is to make a sincere promise to do all in his or her power so that all offspring are baptized and brought up in the Catholic Church;

2/ the other party is to be informed at an appropriate time about the promises which the Catholic party is to make, in such a way that it is certain that he or she is truly aware of the promise and obligation of the Catholic party;

3/ **both parties are to be instructed about the purposes and essential properties of marriage **which neither of the contracting parties is to exclude.
 
Are you sure of this?

I thought it was the non-Catholic who had to promise to raise the children as Catholic so the Catholic could receive permission to marry the non-Catholic.

But, maybe I’m mistaken. 🤷
With the institution of the new code of canon law in 1983, the non-Catholic no longer has to make a promise but only be informed of the promise “in such a way that it is certain that he or she is truly aware of the promise and obligation of the Catholic party”. Meaning, in essence, the non-Catholic isn’t going to interfere with the Catholic.

The non-Catholic does not have to promise **actively **participate as this would be a violation of their own conscience on the matter.
 
Anyway, this girl and I are supposed to get together on Friday over lunch to discuss our religious faiths over lunch. Not a date, but I asked her if we could discuss this issue further. .
If this is NOT a date. How do you define a date? Just curious. I am older and would have considered this meeting a date. Maybe the definition has shifted unbeknown to me.👍
 
DocJ, I converted when my husband didn’t, and it was really a Huge Thing because of Catholic beliefs about the Eucharist. Either what looks like a little round cracker is in fact Jesus’ Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity, or we Catholics are all deluded and practicing idolatry. If both of you are once-a-week Christians, it may not be such a big deal, but if one or both of you is very serious about your faith, the differences will become obvious pretty quickly, and they are things that you can’t really just agree to disagree on, because they are central. Catholicism is both/and about a lot of things, but when you start looking at authority, Eucharist, and the sacramental worldview, you can’t have it both ways.
 
If both of you are once-a-week Christians, it may not be such a big deal, but if one or both of you is very serious about your faith, the differences will become obvious pretty quickly, and they are things that you can’t really just agree to disagree on, because they are central. Catholicism is both/and about a lot of things, but when you start looking at authority, Eucharist, and the sacramental worldview, you can’t have it both ways.
Word of warning…
Even if you do not think it a big deal now, once children come along, it is a very big deal.
 
Seriously? To put it bluntly The Catholic Church is the One True Church of Jesus Christ, the only Church which he established. When Christ said "thou art Peter; and upon this rock I will bui. …
OP, dating a Catholic with the idea of marrying her would be a serious mistake, for obvious reasons. Unequally yoked, etc.
 
Just want to throw something in here toward DocJ if he should ever marry a Catholic. Prepare yourself to being open to life as Birth Control is not allowed. That in itself could be very very problematic for a marriage so is why I felt the need to say it.

NFP (Natural Family Planning) however is permitted and there are lots of info on the web dealing with that.
 
Anyway, back on track. What I have stumbled across is that many Catholics believe that Catholicism is the ONLY way to have divine faith and truly be saved. Please correct me if I’m wrong. But as far as another question on this:

Why would I have to raise my kids Catholic if that is not the denomination I wished to join? And, would it really be that bad if she converted over to another denomination? In this, I want to point out that I find it strange to say, “convert”. In reading the boards I have often seen people referring to converting to other denominations, reconverting back to Catholicism, or trying to convert people to Catholicism. Why not convert people to Christ?
Catholics believe in a doctrine of “No salvation outside the Catholic Church”. We believe that the Catholic Church contains the full truth about Christianity, without any error, and other denominations either lack some elements or are in error to differing degrees. I know that this phrase tends to evoke a lot of emotions in non-Catholic Christians, HOWEVER… there is a VERY specific meaning to this phrase! When we say that there is “no salvation outside the Catholic Church”, it does NOT mean that non-Catholics cannot be saved! (Or even non-Christians!) It means that they might be saved in SPITE of a lack of full and complete knowledge. They will be doing the will of God, as passed down through the Bible and proclaimed most fully through the Catholic Church, without even realizing it. It’s akin to this. Imagine the Catholic Church as a 16 year old who goes out and buys a brand new car. They read the entire instruction manual, sign up and take driving lessons, and successfully make it to school. Now, imagine other groups are 16 year olds who go out and buy used cars. They have only partial instruction manuals, or perhaps no instruction manual at all. Some get lessons, but some do not. Now, they may eventually make it safely to school as well, but if school represents the Kingdom of Heaven, which route is the safer choice? If they DO make it to school, it will be by unintentionally following the rules that were in the book they never read and the lessons they never signed up for. (In other words, they were still saved THROUGH the Catholic Church).

The key here is that the non-Catholic must be “invincibly ignorant”. In other words, they are trying to follow God the best that they can, but through no fault of their own, they are unaware of the full truth of Catholicism. This could pertain, for example, to a Native American in the time before Columbus (as perhaps the most obvious example). There is no possible way that he or she could know about Christianity, so if they tried to follow God to the best of their ability, there would be at least a chance, even if remote, that they could be saved. However, for Catholics that understand the faith and willfully leave it, this would risking damnation by rejecting known truths about God and Christianity (although we can never truly know the state of their soul).Because of this, Catholics suspect (although again, we do not know and do not judge) that many of the first generation of Reformers may have endangered or lost their salvation. This would NOT, however, apply to subsequent generations, because they could very likely be invincibly ignorant of the truth of Catholicism, since they would be taught from birth to reject it. They would not know any better, and they would be following Christianity the best they know how. The difficulty in achieving salvation would likely increase the further the beliefs of their denomination or religion differed from Catholicism.

As an example, Catholics believe that sin can be removed in three ways. One is through Baptism, although this can only be done one time. Another is through Confession. Finally, one could make a direct appeal to God through an Act of Perfect Contrition. To do this, one must be free of ALL remaining attachment to sin. In other words, one must be truly sorry for the sin, without even the slightest lingering fondness for the memory of it. Further, one must be sorry not JUST because they fear an eternity in hell, but because they are truly sorry for offending God. Now… a true Act of Perfect Contrition is quite difficult to make, but fortunately, Catholics have the Sacrament of Confession available to us (as do the Orthodox, I might add). Catholics can know with certainty that their sins were forgiven, but might always second guess an Act of Perfect Contrition. It may have been perfect, but we don’t really know. If you believe what Catholics teach, then Protestants and non-Christians don’t have access to Confession, and might not even know what an Act of Perfect Contrition is or how to make it. So… if they EVER committed a mortal sin (even just once), there would be no way for them to remove it (to their knowledge), and they would risk eternal damnation. Now, to what standard they would be held is unknown, because in order for something to be a sin, you have to KNOW it’s a sin and willfully do it. It might be necessary for a person to refrain from mortal sin perfectly for their entire life without a slip-up, although we have know way of knowing precisely how merciful God would be to them in the end.

Can you start to see the problem? While Catholics and Protestants are both Christian, they speak with an entirely different lingo and look at Christianity from different points of view. Catholics have a sacramental view of Christianity, while Protestants have more of a personal relationship. If a Protestant changed to another denomination, it’s likely most other Protestants would believe that they were still Christian and saved. For a Catholic (or Orthodox) to do this, it would be tantamount to risking their eternal soul, because we believe the errors in belief by Protestants to be significant enough that they could possibly endanger their salvation.
 
DocJ, I converted when my husband didn’t, and it was really a Huge Thing because of Catholic beliefs about the Eucharist. Either what looks like a little round cracker is in fact Jesus’ Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity, or we Catholics are all deluded and practicing idolatry. If both of you are once-a-week Christians, it may not be such a big deal, but if one or both of you is very serious about your faith, the differences will become obvious pretty quickly, and they are things that you can’t really just agree to disagree on, because they are central. Catholicism is both/and about a lot of things, but when you start looking at authority, Eucharist, and the sacramental worldview, you can’t have it both ways.
I think this answer really delves into what can become problematic in a relationship when two people have different beliefs. I dated a “Mass every so often and only when you go with me” Catholic for over 5 years. At the beginning of the relationship it wasn’t a problem because I was lukewarm about my faith. Three years into things I had a dramatic change of heart. I tried to convert him and it didn’t happen. I could have saved myself a lot of heartache if I’d really taken an honest look at all of those things before I got into the relationship. So if anything learn from others’ mistakes and proceed cautiously. I would not wish my situation on anyone…
 
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