Dating a girl whose Dad hates Catholics

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sadie2723

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Greetings.

I hope that there is someone out there who can help me out. About nine months ago, I started dating a girl whose Dad is an Evangelical Catholic hater. Basically, this guy is going out of his way to be confrontation with me, and he will not back down. My girlfriend and I are progressing well, but we both know that he is violently opposed to our relationship.

I was wondering if anyone had any suggestions on this. Should I even try to reach this guy? He is not exactly an intelectual about this kind of thing. He tends to surround himself with literature that only supports his point of view.

I really need some help.

Thanks.

B
 
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sadie2723:
Greetings.

I hope that there is someone out there who can help me out. About nine months ago, I started dating a girl whose Dad is an Evangelical Catholic hater. Basically, this guy is going out of his way to be confrontation with me, and he will not back down. My girlfriend and I are progressing well, but we both know that he is violently opposed to our relationship.

I was wondering if anyone had any suggestions on this. Should I even try to reach this guy? He is not exactly an intelectual about this kind of thing. He tends to surround himself with literature that only supports his point of view.

I really need some help.

Thanks.

B
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Let him know that you care deeply for his daughter and that you want to maintain a steady relationship. Let him know, however, that your faith is absolutely central to your life. Discuss this with your girlfriend too. To be fair, within the bounds of charity and respect to her parent, she should back you up and tell her father that anti-Catholicism will not be tolerated. Your Catholic faith is the most important thing… your salvation matters more than even a relationship.
 
hi sadie,

…apparently, in his book, you are not “saved” and now you may be headed to a permanent relationship with his daughter, god forbid! (he’s thinking). Maybe the best thing you can do is bone up on your Catholism and find out what it really means to you (privately)…

I would stock up on reference books such as 1) a Catholic version of the Bible (and maybe one KJV too, so you can compare as you speak) and 2) the Catechism of the Catholic Church, and then 3) some really good apologetic type books such as Karl Keating’s “Catholicism and Fundamentalism” and Patrick Madrid’s book, “Surprised by Truth.” They both give very good advice for responding to fundamentalists, evangelicals and protestants in general.

So spend a great deal of time “learning” the right responses, and then in prayer, you’ll have to really ask the Lord, "should this be a permanent relationship with this ‘family’, or are you using me Lord to witness to this man regarding the Catholic faith?

Also, sadie, many of us on this forum will be pulling for you and praying for you. May I add one more thing having been a Catholic all of my life and having spent a number of years in protestant circles: Truly Be a Catholic while dating his daughter. Make sure you* never * miss Mass on Sunday. Read and pray on a regular basis, and most important of all – maintain a chaste relationship with his daughter. That will be the most important and probably the hardest…But overall, it will be the *Best * witness as a Catholic you could give her family.

God Bless you with this difficult road, we will all pray for you. 👍
 
Sadie-

My girlfriend and I have the same problem. Please, I beg you, PM me.

Just so you understand, her father has commanded her to break up with me. She did once and didn’t tell him, regretted it and I took her back. He really put the pressure on her when I returned from Iraq, and he talked to me and forbid her from ever seeing me.

Of course, she still does without his knowledge or consent. But it is hard. And I compounded to the problem by our differences on her beliefs and the way I approached it.

My advice is thus - You MUST learn Scripture. If you love this girl, you MUST learn Scripture. You must know it better than she does. (Trust me, most Protestants who claim Bible alone know far less Scripture than we Catholics)

It is up to her man. Do NOT pressure her. Her home life is very hard right now, trust me. Just don’t bring up her father if at all possible, when you guys are out, show her a good time.

You will have to discuss beliefs eventually. But please, I beg of you, trust me on this. I went about it wrong. YOU WILL NEVER CONVERT HER. Get that in your head now. The Holy Spirit must do the converting. Sitting there trying to prove her wrong is only going to make her run to her dad for answers and he will say “See honey, that heathen Catholic boy is no good for you.”

So, when you talk beliefs, don’t have an agenda to convert her. Just make her ask herself questions. For example, ask HER to explain scripture to YOU. Say “hey darlin. I was just reading some passages in Scripture I was hoping you could explain to me. John 6 and 1 Cor 11:27. What do they mean?”

Of course, YOU must know these passages inside an out, and 10 other passages that support the Catholic belief. You MUST know that so when she starts to explain you can just simply, without anger or malice, but with a genuine attitude to learn say “Well…if he was speaking symbolicly, why did his disciples leave him?”. Let her explain why. Then say “But just the day before they saw Jesus perform many miracles. Surely believing wasn’t a hard teaching!”

Go on like that. Gently. And not every time you guys hang out. If it is meant to be, pray to the Holy Spirit daily and perhaps have her explain a few passages once every few months or so. By asking questions, she will start to dig. Anyone who ever digs with an honest search for the truth will find the Catholic Church.

If you have any questions PLEASE PM me. I know where you are right now, trust me.

Adam
 
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sadie2723:
Greetings.

I hope that there is someone out there who can help me out. About nine months ago, I started dating a girl whose Dad is an Evangelical Catholic hater. Basically, this guy is going out of his way to be confrontation with me, and he will not back down. My girlfriend and I are progressing well, but we both know that he is violently opposed to our relationship.

I was wondering if anyone had any suggestions on this. Should I even try to reach this guy? He is not exactly an intelectual about this kind of thing. He tends to surround himself with literature that only supports his point of view.

I really need some help.

Thanks.

B
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To add on, no, you might not ever reach this guy. And fighting with him doesn’t help.

Is she 18+? If so, she is a grown adult and can decide for herself.

When he confronts you, just remain very calm and ask questions. But that once again means, you MUST know Scripture! You MUST know what you believe! Study study study!

Adam
 
Don’t dwell on the father, make shure you and the girlfriend have the same Faith first. Once she finds the fullness of Jesus and becomes Catholic, then work on the father.

Get some books and read them. Books like Crossing The Tiber, Catholicism and Fundamentalism, Born Fundamentalist Born Again Catholic, and others. Try some good web sites too and learn how to counter his opinions with facts. You pick topics and take them to him. Make him defend what he believes for a change. Show him where the Bible came from. Show him when his beliefs were invented too. Faith “alone” was invented by Martin Luther sitting on his throne (the pot). Faith alone was invented by a CATHOLIC! The ONLY place in Scripture that “faith alone” is used it clearly states we are NOT saved by faith alone. Learn the key points and take them to him and his daughter too.

Go here for links to great Catholic web sites:
catholicculture.org/sites/sites.cfm

By the way:

What sect is he with?

What are some things he has ambushed you on?

What does the girlfriend object to?

Tell us more about him and we can help you better.

I escaped the Baptist sect so I know where the ‘father’ is comming from.
 
pray. God leads hearts, if you two are meant to be together, He will protect your relationship…constantly treat the father with respect and understanding, never let his challenges toward you result in a reaction that will give him an actual reason to stand between you and his daughter. but pray, that’s always the best answer.
 
Just to let you know I was in a similar situation my friend. I know the pain that you feel. All I can say is get educated on your faith, in order to defend what you believe. And spend a lot of time in prayer asking Christ for wisdom and strength to do HIS will in this partcular situation. And relaize that you may not like it. It also sounds like you may never reach this man, but pray for him and point out in your confrontations that you wish to be friends and not attack each other. You need to realize this girl may not be the one for you. You both need to communicate and decide what you want and if spending your life together would be fight for, especially against her father. Maybe some premartial couseling would be good. My ex-girl friend had very different values that me. My values are God-Family-Career. Her’s is Career-Family-God. Her mother hates because I am a different nationality. And guess what? They are catholics!
 
First, let me say thanks to you all for the kind words. I have taken them to heart. There were some questions that were asked along the way that I am going to respond to here.

Her dad is an Evangelical Fundamentalist who goes to a church that has a pastor from Bob Jones University…need I say more?

Kylene is not attached to that church, and in fact there are aspects of it that really make her mad. She is in a real search for Christ right now, but there is a part of her that is resisting becoming a Catholic…old habits die hard.

As far as the objections that he has brought to my attention, he always does so out of “concern for my soul.” Here are some of the things that he has told me in the past. You are not going to believe some of this:
  1. The Catholic faith promotes idol worship.
  2. There are Catholic churches in South America where the Vatican still permits them to worship other gods along with Jesus.
  3. There is no reason for priests to remain unmarried.
  4. There is nothing in the Bible that backs up works. In his opinion, there is nothing that we can do that God would think was good. Anything that we do is insignificant.
  5. I got angry at one point and asked him this question: If your position is that the Bible is the true guide for everything, why do you subscribe to a religion where they some men in the 1500’s decided that it was ok to alter it by removing books from it? After all, the decision to remove those books was made by men who simply did not want to comply with what the books said was important. Men made that decision and not God… He had no response to that, but I do not think that I made much of a dent. That was the only time that I confronted him about any of it.
Thank you all for your continued help and support.

B
 
oooh B. I believe he said those things, I have been hit with many myself. (Bob Jones University? OUCH. Those guys are pretty rough to talk to)

Number 1. That is just stupid. There are too many arguements refuting this for me to list.

number 2. I got hit with this cause my girl’s parents went on a mission to South America.

Aparently, down there they witnessed “Catholics” sacrificing squirrels and whatnot. Her mother said she saw a “Catholic” in full Sunday best kneel down in a park with a dead animal and pray to it. As if the Catholic Church is mixing with spiritism down there, which they claim.

Even if it IS, we can only pray for those churches. And I would ask “Does the Bishop know?”. Probably not. If he does, I doubt he is sitting idle and not fighting it.

Besides, I can name Protestant churches that teach complete heresy, even from a Protestant standpoint. Does that make them right? No. If a Baptist church teaches heresy does that mean all Baptist churches do? No. (That doesn’t really work since they have no binding authority like we do, but the point is valid). I would dare one Protestant to show me in the CCC where the Church teaches spiritism, or worshiping two gods.

Number 3 and 4, go to scripturecatholic.com. It is backed up, even more so than faith alone. (uh, book of James anyone?)

Number 5. The Bible came from the Catholic Bishops. That means the Holy Spirit must of guided the Catholic church at that time. (He guides in ALL truth, remember?) So why did the Holy Spirit change his mind and start teaching a completely different truth in the 16th century? (Hint: he didn’t) The best thing to ask is “Where did we get the Bible?”. This will at least make them research it and see that it was given to the world by the Catholic Church.

Adam
 
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Malachi4U:
Don’t dwell on the father, make shure you and the girlfriend have the same Faith first. Once she finds the fullness of Jesus and becomes Catholic, then work on the father.
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I would not recommend this. If you are romantically interested in this girl (assuming she is a girl between 17 and 21); don’t think you can just discount her father. ---- **Not ** a good idea.

Here’s why: First of all, he raised her. He’s invested in his child, as you will be one day and then you’ll know what the father is going through (and the mother, too).

Secondly, as a Christian, your first concern should be to do everything “with the love of Christ.” Jesus would not have ‘ignored’ the father, to steal the father’s daughter away.

The reason a chaste relationship is hard is because it demands that “mature” christians put their own desires on hold and do it God’s way. If you really want to follow the Scriptures and Catholic teaching, a celibate courtship is a must. It cannot be compromised.

Now, that is Not what the world will tell you – but it is Scriptural.

If you handle this courtship the way Jesus would have you handle it, the father will come around. He really will.

Conversion to the Catholic faith will not come overnight, and, it may not come at all — but your future in-laws Will Never Go Away. 😃 …just kidding.

The relationships you make today last a very long time!
 
sadie2723 said:
1. The Catholic faith promotes idol worship.
2. There are Catholic churches in South America where the Vatican still permits them to worship other gods along with Jesus.
3. There is no reason for priests to remain unmarried.
4. There is nothing in the Bible that backs up works. In his opinion, there is nothing that we can do that God would think was good. Anything that we do is insignificant.
5. I got angry at one point and asked him this question: If your position is that the Bible is the true guide for everything, why do you subscribe to a religion where they some men in the 1500’s decided that it was ok to alter it by removing books from it? After all, the decision to remove those books was made by men who simply did not want to comply with what the books said was important. Men made that decision and not GodB
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Sadie, this is a particularly bigoted, ignorant and harsh set of beliefs on their part. You should really think twice about continuing to date this girl. There are very strong chances that she herself has come to believe these false doctrines and won’t be much of a “helpmate” in life.

Try a Catholic singles group or a Catholic match service, my brother, a former Army Ranger did and he’s very happily married to a good Catholic girl now. 👍
 
sadie2723 said:
1. The Catholic faith promotes idol worship.
2. There are Catholic churches in South America where the Vatican still permits them to worship other gods along with Jesus.
3. There is no reason for priests to remain unmarried.
4. There is nothing in the Bible that backs up works. In his opinion, there is nothing that we can do that God would think was good. Anything that we do is insignificant.
5. I got angry at one point and asked him this question: If your position is that the Bible is the true guide for everything, why do you subscribe to a religion where they some men in the 1500’s decided that it was ok to alter it by removing books from it?
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  1. Not true, ask him where he got this information from.
  2. ditto
  3. Yes there is. Church law (not doctrine). Priests and Bishops undertake this discipline freely to express their wholehearted commitment to serve both God and God’s people. The following four reasons are generally offered for this practice:
a. Paul noted that celibacy gives a person more freedom to serve Christ. Not having a family to worry about, a priest is both more free to serve others and more able to attach himself wholeheartily to the Lord.
b. Giving up a family is a concrete witness to the sacrifices in the name of the gospel asked by Jesus of some of his followers:(Go see Mt 19:29).
c. Perhaps most important, by living as a loving celibate person, a priest is in reality pointing to eternal life when there will be no marriage. His life is a witness, in the middle of the ordinary affairs and concerns of the world, that we are all destined for union with God.
d. Finally, there is the witness of Jesus himself who did not marry so that he could be totally involved in doing God’s will in serving others.
 
  1. Really now, obviously he has not read the bible otherwise he would not make this comment. Look at james 2.26 For as the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without works is dead also.
    Also in matthew Jesus tells us what we will be judged on in the least: Matthew25: 31-46 ** 31 When the Son of man shall come in his glory, and all the holy angels with him, then shall he sit upon the throne of his glory: 32 And before him shall be gathered all nations: and he shall separate them one from another, as a shepherd divideth his sheep from the goats: 33 And he shall set the sheep on his right hand, but the goats on the left. 34 Then shall the King say unto them on his right hand, Come, ye blessed of my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world: 35 For I was an hungred, and ye gave me meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink: I was a stranger, and ye took me in: 36 Naked, and ye clothed me: I was sick, and ye visited me: I was in prison, and ye came unto me. 37 Then shall the righteous answer him, saying, Lord, when saw we thee an hungred, and fed thee? or thirsty, and gave thee drink? 38 When saw we thee a stranger, and took thee in? or naked, and clothed thee? 39 Or when saw we thee sick, or in prison, and came unto thee? 40 And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me. 41 Then shall he say also unto them on the left hand, Depart from me, ye cursed, into everlasting fire, prepared for the devil and his angels: 42 For I was an hungred, and ye gave me no meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me no drink: 43 I was a stranger, and ye took me not in: naked, and ye clothed me not: sick, and in prison, and ye visited me not. 44 Then shall they also answer him, saying, Lord, when saw we thee an hungred, or athirst, or a stranger, or naked, or sick, or in prison, and did not minister unto thee? 45 Then shall he answer them, saying, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye did it not to one of the least of these, ye did it not to me. 46 And these shall go away into everlasting punishment: but the righteous into life eternal. **
I would hate to stand naked before God and not have any works.

Also in Mattew Jesus said: Matthew7:21 **Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven. ** Meaning just professing your faith is not enough to get into heaven. You need to do the will of God which is represented by your works.

For more scripture on works go to Bible.Crosswalk.com and do a search on the word “Works” and you will find that works plays a very important part of getting into heaven.
  1. The greatest name in the records of the Protestant church is Martin Luther. He is generally recognized as its founder; he is considered one of the highest authorities on the Bible; he devoted a large portion of his life to its study; he made a translation of it for his people, a work which is accepted as one of the classics of German literature. With Luther the Bible superseded the church as a divine authority. And yet this greatest of Protestants rejected no less than six of the sixty-six books composing the Protestant Bible.
Luther rejected the book of Esther. He says: “I am such an enemy to the book of Esther that I wish it did not exist.” In his “Bondage of the Will,”

He rejected the book of Jonah. He says: “The history of Jonah is so monstrous as to be absolutely incredible.” (Colloquia, Chap. LX., Sec. 10).

He rejected Hebrews: “The Epistle to the Hebrews is not by St. Paul; nor, indeed, by any apostle.” (Standing Preface to Luther’s New Testament).

He rejected the Epistle of James: “St. James’ Epistle is truly an epistle of straw.” (Preface to Edition of 1524).

He rejected Jude. “The Epistle of Jude,” he says, “allegeth stories and sayings which have no place in Scripture." (Standing Preface).

He rejected Revelation. He says: “I can discover no trace that it is established by the Holy Spirit.” (Preface to Edition of 1622).

Imagine how things would be different if he had succeeded in having these books removed from the Bible as he did the Apocrpha! If had succeeded, us Catholics would not now have a ground to stand on for some issues. But thru the intervention of God thru his councelors whom persuaded him not to remove at least these six books,

I would hazard a guess that his thesis was based on the future removal of these books.
 
Some links that may help from here on the forum.

Celibacy and Idolatry.

The San Juan Catholic Seminars apologetics series is probably one of THE best and least touted resources for the kinds of answers that anyone who deals with this sort of rhetoric. I have the entire set and they are definitely worth the time to sit down and study them with your Bible and a couple of highlighters. IMO they are the best possible resouce for the price and worth keeping in your Catholic library for reference.
Pax tecum, (Watch your ❤️ my friend)
 
I do not know what stage your relationship is with this girl so I apologize beforehand if I am a little too harsh and blunt.

Being married for almost 18 years and realizing the amount of work it takes to keep a marriage together these days with so much outside forces working against the traditional marraige, I am surprised that a devout catholic would even entertain the idea of marrying into a non catholic family especially one that hates catholics. This is how it is now and you are not married and have no children yet, what is going to happen when you do have children? How is your future FIL going to react to your future childrens baptisms, first communions, confirmations? You children will feel confused and maybe feel resented by his attitude. Again, I do not know at which stage the relationship is at so this could be a moot post.

Another thing, he probably will not even bless the marriage and that has other circumstances with it as well. Think before you make this decision.
 
I have to ditto mastda. :o

As for me, I am an ex-protestant, my wife is a cradle catholic. We have been married for 22 years. On the past Christmas Eve, we detached ourselves with love from my Family, because they revealed to us that they don’t believe Catholics are CHRISTIANS. I did not make this decision alone, it was brought to a vote for detachment…we agreed that we could not get together with people that believe we are satanic… 😦

When this decision starts to bother me, I invoke Matthew 19:29 And everyone who has left houses, brothers or sisters, father or mother, children, or fields because of My name will receive 100 times more and will inherit eternal life.

Amen :o
 
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JoeyWarren:
On the past Christmas Eve, we detached ourselves with love from my Family, because they revealed to us that they don’t believe Catholics are CHRISTIANS. I did not make this decision alone, it was brought to a vote for detachment…we agreed that we could not get together with people that believe we are satanic… 😦
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This saddens me Joey. 😦 I will add you and your family to my prayer intentions.

Peace and blessings,
Mickey
 
Hello all.

Thanks for your (name removed by moderator)ut. The problem is, the girl is just flat worth all of the trouble. I would not be in this if she was not. So, I have to to find a way around this thing. Love does not fall out of the sky every day, so I have to make use of it when it does.

Thanks for all of your thoughts and prayers.

B
 
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sadie2723:
Love does not fall out of the sky every day, so I have to make use of it when it does.
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1 Cor 13:4-8
Love is patient and kind; love is not jealous or boastful;
it is not arrogant or rude. Love does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;
it does not rejoice at wrong, but rejoices in the right.
Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never ends; as for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away.
 
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