Dating a girl whose Dad hates Catholics

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sadie2723:
Hello all.

Thanks for your (name removed by moderator)ut. The problem is, the girl is just flat worth all of the trouble. I would not be in this if she was not. So, I have to to find a way around this thing. Love does not fall out of the sky every day, so I have to make use of it when it does.

Thanks for all of your thoughts and prayers.

B
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Hey there…I know exactly what you mean. When you meet the girl of your dreams there is no turning back. I met mine 22 years and nothing else mattered. I made my comment because I guess because of my heritage (Italian) I also view marriage as a merger of 2 families. When these 2 families do not get along, there are going to be problems. This is not a movie or a drama where things get solved in 90 minutes and everyone llives happily ever after, this is real life. I am so strong on the point because I have seen my best friend go through something similar to what Joey (above Post) is going through. Plus we need more united Catholic Families not divided ones.

But if you are bound and determined to fight this through then , I will be praying for you as I am sure most people on this forum will. Check out the main Catholic Answers website, there is an answer to every one of your concerns and his concerns.
 
I had a similar situation but the problem my girlfriend’s father had was with my girlfriend converting to Catholicism. (actually I dont even know if he knew I was Catholic until she told him 4 years after we started dating that she was going to RCIA classes) but he was not happy and he didnt not want to hear from me so I couldnt say anything. My girlfriend and father’s relationship is ruined because of an idiotic stand such as this so be careful what you do in this situation because these types of things can end badly. In the end you need to recognize that this isnt so much about you but about the love this man has for his daughter. For a long time I took a lot of the things he said personally until I realized his motives. I would just assure him that you care for his daughter too and other then that what can you really do, I highly doubt you will convince this man that Catholicism is right or wrong but you can ease his mind on your intentions with his daughter.
 
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Mickey:
This saddens me Joey. 😦 I will add you and your family to my prayer intentions.

Peace and blessings,
Mickey
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I broke down several times on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day about this rejection. I did the second reading during the Midnight Mass. It was all I could do to keep from breaking down during the reading.

The real sad part is that we have gone over to my dad’s house every Thanksgiving Day and Christmas Day to commune and celebrate for the last 13 years. And never once did they ever say: “We don’t recognize you as Christians because you belong to the Catholic church”.

There is a story about this revelation, which is too long to put into a post. It will be presented to Envoy and This Rock in a couple of months for publicaton. I am hoping it will be included in Patrick Madrids’ Surprised By Truth 4 if he decides to put out a 4th book.

<><
 
This one is for Joey.

When I told my father over a year ago that I was going to convert, he told me, “If you do this, I will be disappointed in you.” Well, nothing cuts to the bone like that did. He went on to tell me that he did not think that Catholics were Christians because they did not (he thought) take communion. I explained to him that this was the central focus of every mass. This prompted him (he never told me this, but Mom finally did…GO MOM!) to do some reading on his own.

A few months later, he was there for my confirmation. People do come around. You just can’t give up on them. Dad will probably never become a Catholic, and I am ok with that. What I can say is that while he is not a member of the Catholic Church, he defends her now to anyone who speaks ill of her. This was due to education and nothing more. I urge you not to give up on your family because they simply “Do not know.”

A lot of scripture is thrown around on subjects like this one, but there is a story that I want you to consider. Jesus did not abandon Peter even when he denied him. In fact, he made him Pope. The bottom line here is that God would not want you to give up on them just because things got tough. Rather, now is the time to pray to him for the strength to carry on. People know we are Christians because we love them…not because we leave them.

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers, and I will pray for your family as well.

The peace of the Lord be with you always!

B
 
thanks Sadie, I will take that under advisement. It’s not my decision alone that we have detached ourselves from my dad. It have in essence issued our own excommunication. We truely feel because they are extreme fundalmentalists (Pentecostal) they will never be capable of accepting the historical and biblical truth. They are too entrenched and steeped in their belief.

Not to sound spiteful or mean, but the only thing that will allow them to see any portion of the truth is if the “Great Tribulation” starts and they don’t get ‘Raptured’…

Thank you for the prayers. They will most be needed to survive this time of reconciliation.

<><
 
Joey I know that feeling. I feel like I have this great truth trying to burst through my chest if I don’t share it, but when I do people openly reject it, and I can almost see in my head a tear rolling down the cheek of Jesus when he was praying for unity.

But I can still hear the arguements now. Imagine this - we are in the future, the anti-christ is reigning, and the fundamentalist are saying “Well, we calculated the rapture wrong. According to Scripture we arn’t supposed to be raptured yet…blah blah blah”

Not to be mean or sarcastic or mean, my point is that some people will never listen regardless of what you tell them. You have to offer up to the Lord. The Holy Spirit will take care of the rest.

Adam
 
My father said to watch a girl’s parents’ marriage because that is what she thinks is normal and will be YOUR marriage.

My wife’s parents are great people and have a long marriage. However my wife’s mom is a baptized nominal Christian and my father-in-law is not baptized and not a believer in God. They come to our church related activities with the kids and are very moral but my wife is not Catholic and a lot of the problem we have is that in her life church was a 2-5 week committment each year and my Catholicism drives her nuts. It bothered me when she said her dad was a not Christian but she assured me she was. I knew she was not a holy roller but if Christianity were illegal I don’t think she could be convicted but for the fact she is on the rolls at her church. If they rounded us up after church she would be home safe.

My point would be in-laws MATTER. Even if she converts she has had a crazy childhood I am sure and he father will have a permanent place in your family. Our marriage works because they are good in-laws. If he is belligerent now get while the getting is good.
 
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sadie2723:
Greetings.

I hope that there is someone out there who can help me out. About nine months ago, I started dating a girl whose Dad is an Evangelical Catholic hater. Basically, this guy is going out of his way to be confrontation with me, and he will not back down. My girlfriend and I are progressing well, but we both know that he is violently opposed to our relationship.

I was wondering if anyone had any suggestions on this. Should I even try to reach this guy? He is not exactly an intelectual about this kind of thing. He tends to surround himself with literature that only supports his point of view.

I really need some help.

Thanks.

B
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Date a girl whose father does not hate Catholics​

 
Peace Sadie,
I once dated the most wonderful girl… Her grandfather was a non-denom minister who believed our church was a satanic cult. He lead a church and more importantly was basically the spiritual adviser to this girls entire family.
Suddenly, this sheltered cradle Catholic found himself being blown away by all the typical allegations and questions you have become all to familiar with.
I wasn’t only shocked, I was totally unprepared. I rung my hands over this for hours and hours every day.
The girl I dated is now my wife. She is also now a Catholic (with no influence from me - and a great story of the Holy Spirit I must share some time). She is very active in our church (and has made me a much better Catholic).
Her family and I love eachother and I often enjoy dialog with my Grand Father In-Law about faith.
All I can do is smile while reading your desperation… If I could only express what a blessing this speed bump was for me (and might become for you)… It has made me a much better Catholic/Christian.

My Advice:
  1. See him as a loving father, a brother, and Christian.
  2. Don’t confuse the stress of your not knowing how to answer with the stress his position causes you.
  3. DO NOT use the Lord’s word to battle him.
  4. Learn your faith and cling to it.
  5. Pray, God will provide.
  6. Focus on what you agree on. Start there, refuse to debate.
  7. There is no ‘answer’ that will fix your situation - only dialog.
My wife’s grandfather once demanded to come to our house shortly after the wedding. On the way home that night, I was SO STRESSED thinking of the coming confrontation. I found myself praying over it during my drive when the thought occurred to me -
“Why are you so worried? Don’t you have faith that you won’t be alone?”
All I can say is during his visit he and I agreed about more than anything before and we embraced when he left. That is when the turning point occurred… I think the moment that my situation got on the right course was when I pointed out that despite our disagreements, I didn’t believe Christ wanted 64 thousand separate Christian faiths (to which he agreed). While he still prays for our salvation, he has come to know that most of our beliefs are in common.

Good Luck, God Bless
 
I’m replying to this without looking at other’s responses, so please forgive me if I repeat something or didn’t get all the facts.

If I were you, I would really look at myself first and come to terms with what God requires of ME. Am I living the life of a catholic, to the fullest of my abilities? Am I engaged in my sacraments, wholeheartedly? Do I firmly believe in all that the Church requires of me? Am I in true communion with the other saints? Do I dilike the fact that my girlfriend’d dad nearly hates me because I’m catholic, because I’m a “traditional, nearly uncomitted catholic”, or because I believe in all of the values mentioned above and not mentioned?

Honestly, I don’t know who you are and how you’re doing in your beliefs and faith, but I wouldn’t engage in his empty arguments if you are not trying your very best to live out the faith.

Good luck, and I’ll pray for you!

God Bless!

imroc
 
Only date a young woman you would marry. When you marry her, you marry her family.

Only date/marry a young woman who loves God more than she loves you.

Always love God more than the young woman you date/marry.

Only date/marry a young woman who shares you faith and values.

(This is the advice I give my son…)
 
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Unfinished:
Not to be mean or sarcastic or mean, my point is that some people will never listen regardless of what you tell them. You have to offer up to the Lord. The Holy Spirit will take care of the rest.

Adam
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Thank you very much Andy!
 
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JoeyWarren:
I have to ditto mastda. :o

As for me, I am an ex-protestant, my wife is a cradle catholic. We have been married for 22 years. On the past Christmas Eve, we detached ourselves with love from my Family, because they revealed to us that they don’t believe Catholics are CHRISTIANS. I did not make this decision alone, it was brought to a vote for detachment…we agreed that we could not get together with people that believe we are satanic… 😦

When this decision starts to bother me, I invoke Matthew 19:29 And everyone who has left houses, brothers or sisters, father or mother, children, or fields because of My name will receive 100 times more and will inherit eternal life.

Amen :o
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Joey, you did the right thing. Not all Right decisions are Easy decisions, which is why Christ said, “Pick up your cross and follow Me.”

Your christian witness and suffering will be used by God to bring souls in to the Kingdom, even if they are people you never meet here. 😉
 
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seabird3579:
Joey, you did the right thing. Not all Right decisions are Easy decisions, which is why Christ said, “Pick up your cross and follow Me.”

Your christian witness and suffering will be used by God to bring souls in to the Kingdom, even if they are people you never meet here. 😉
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I believe I did too, I just gotta keep convincing myself of that. My wife, son, and daughter were convinced the moment I requested a vote, but then again they are cradle catholics…
 
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JoeyWarren:
I believe I did too, I just gotta keep convincing myself of that. My wife, son, and daughter were convinced the moment I requested a vote, but then again they are cradle catholics…
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**No matter what misfortune might befall you, no matter what unpleasantness might occur, say “I will endure this for Jesus Christ’s sake!” Just say that, and you will feel better, for the Name of Jesus Christ is powerful. Before It, all difficulties abate, and demons disappear. Your annoyance and faintness of heart will abate when you repeat His most sweet Name. Lord, grant unto me to see my transgressions. Lord, grant unto me patience, magnanimity, and meekness. **
Counsels of Venerable St. Antony
 
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sadie2723:
Greetings.

I hope that there is someone out there who can help me out. About nine months ago, I started dating a girl whose Dad is an Evangelical Catholic hater. Basically, this guy is going out of his way to be confrontation with me, and he will not back down. My girlfriend and I are progressing well, but we both know that he is violently opposed to our relationship.

I was wondering if anyone had any suggestions on this. Should I even try to reach this guy? He is not exactly an intelectual about this kind of thing. He tends to surround himself with literature that only supports his point of view.

I really need some help.

Thanks.

B
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If you want to learn more about your Catholic faith and how you can defend it against the misunderstandings of fundamentalists, then get the book “Catholicism and Fundamentalism” by Karl Keating. It has a wealth of information in it.
 
Mickey said:
**No matter what misfortune might befall you, no matter what unpleasantness might occur, say “I will endure this for Jesus Christ’s sake!” Just say that, and you will feel better, for the Name of Jesus Christ is powerful. Before It, all difficulties abate, and demons disappear. Your annoyance and faintness of heart will abate when you repeat His most sweet Name. Lord, grant unto me to see my transgressions. Lord, grant unto me patience, magnanimity, and meekness. **
Counsels of Venerable St. Antony
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Amen
 
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sadie2723:
First, let me say thanks to you all for the kind words. I have taken them to heart. There were some questions that were asked along the way that I am going to respond to here.

Her dad is an Evangelical Fundamentalist who goes to a church that has a pastor from Bob Jones University…need I say more?
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Ok first off the last part of “need I say more” lose that attitude right off, or at least make sure to never convey it to the Father of this girl.
the best way to fight this fire is not with fire,
the best thing you can do for you and your GF is to sit down with “dad” and TALK about his Faith, LISTEN carefully to what he has to say,if he asks what the Catholics teach, respond with well Catholics feel a little differently about this BECAUSE dont get offensive towards his Faith but be factual, if he lets you finish, then add a BUT I can see how you feel the way you feel.which is a true statement and not a lie because you know where he is coming from,No matter how Hard it is for you make sure you listen listen listen and dont get “defensive” and dont interupt him.

Relize that YOU ARE NOT TRYING TO CONVERT HIM you are trying to get him to open his mind to Understand the misconceptions of what he has been Taught, thats your goal, once he gets to that point he will see for himself, But for this to happen communications must stay open.and civil.

when i was the non Catholic/non church goer talking to the priest
this was part of how he got me to see the light, I cant count how many times i heard from him at me and my fiances marriage classes well I can understand that thinking and i can agree with that,and this is why we feel the way we do, It opened my mind,
and got me listening, then it soon went to me digging up more
to flat out conversations on ok this is why i feel this way and I understand this about how you feel but please give me a better understanding, to now I am in RCIA classes,Converting,and still digging all i can…its a slow process,and not one time did he ever tell me I was “wrong” a sinner,on the wrong path anything he listened, and answered in a non threatening way.and trust me we got on some very very touchy subjects.

good luck to you,
and may God help you with this.
John
 
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