Dating a girl

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TrueFaithSeeker

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Hello,

I’m 27 years old and have never dated a girl in my life. I’m a shy person. How do I overcome shyness? and I feel I don’t have the courage to date. Sometimes I have a fear that I’m a boring person, I’m not sure how to become more interesting to women, are there things that I can work on to change that. Plus, I feel that I’m tired of bars and clubs and I feel that I need to settle. I appreciate your advise.

in Christ,
 
I don’t think you should change anything about yourself to get a woman, I say stick with it. Try a dating site or speed dating or even just asking single friends to set you up. But I wouldn’t change anything and trust me, there are women out there looking for those men who are “boring.” Those are the dependable men.

I will pray for your situation and for patience for you. I know plenty of people who didn’t meet their spouse until in their thirties…so I wouldn’t worry too much, but you will have my prayers.
 
TrueFaithSeeker said:
Hello,

I’m 27 years old and have never dated a girl in my life. I’m a shy person. How do I overcome shyness? and I feel I don’t have the courage to date. Sometimes I have a fear that I’m a boring person, I’m not sure how to become more interesting to women, are there things that I can work on to change that. Plus, I feel that I’m tired of bars and clubs and I feel that I need to settle. I appreciate your advise.

in Christ,
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At least you have the excuse of being shy. I’m not shy, but I don’t like talking to people, especially people I don’t know. Now, if there’s something interesting and/or relevant to talk about, that’s a different issue. My problem is that I only find myself in a situation where there’s a girl I’m attracted to and there’s something interesting/relevant to talk about once every 3 - 5 years and so far, she’s always been taken.
 
TrueFaithSeeker said:
Hello,

I’m 27 years old and have never dated a girl in my life. I’m a shy person. How do I overcome shyness? and I feel I don’t have the courage to date. Sometimes I have a fear that I’m a boring person, I’m not sure how to become more interesting to women, are there things that I can work on to change that. Plus, I feel that I’m tired of bars and clubs and I feel that I need to settle. I appreciate your advise.

in Christ,
Click to expand...
Don’t go to bars and clubs to meet girls; instead, go and volunteer at a soup kitchen, or join a bookclub or a Bible study or a co-ed sports team or take dancing lessons. Just do any activity that interests you, where you will have a chance to talk to girls and develop friendships with them, rather than just talk to them in the sort of artificial atmosphere of clubs and bars. If you are working on a project together, or discussing a book, it will be a lot easier to think of things to say as you are getting to know a girl. Once you have had a chance to get to know her, it’s more likely she will return the interest, and you will find it a lot easier to talk with her and actually ask her to get a drink sometime.
 
If you’re 27 without, perhaps God doesn’t want you to have one and you should consider the religious life. 🙂 It is the more perfect and preferable life, one receives more gifts from God.

‘For the love of God, sisters, never be careless about this – and, glory be to the Lord, you are not so at present. If you would gain this fear of God, remember the importance of habit and of starting to realize what a serious thing it is to offend Him. Do your utmost to learn this and to turn it over in your minds; for our life, and much more than our life, depends upon this virtue being firmly planted in our souls. Until you are conscious within your soul of possessing it, you need always to exercise very great care and to avoid all occasions of sin and any kind of company which will not help you to get nearer to God. Be most careful, in all that you do, to bend your will to it; see that all you say tends to edification; flee from all places where there is conversation which is not pleasing to God. Much care is needed if this fear of God is to be thoroughly impressed upon the soul; though, if one has true love, it is quickly acquired.’

St. Teresa of Jesus

'Such foolish attachments between man and woman without any matrimonial intentions as are called amourettes, - mere abortions, or rather phantoms of friendship, - must not, idle and empty as they are, profane the name of friendship or love. Yet such frivolous, contemptible attractions often snare the hearts of both men and women, and although they may end in downright sin, there is no such intention on the part of their victims, who consciously do but yield to foolish trifling and toying. Some such have no object beyond the actual indulgence of a passing inclination; others are excited by vanity, which takes pleasure in captivating hearts; some are stimulated by a combination of both these motives. But all such friendships are evil, hollow, and vain; evil, in that they often lead to sinful deeds, and draw the heart from God, and from the husband or wife who is its lawful owner; hollow, in that they are baseless and without root; vain, in that neither gain, honour, nor satisfaction can come from such. On the contrary, nothing comes of them but a loss of time and credit, and unreasoning excitement, mistrust, jealousy, and perturbation.

St. Francis de Sales
 
Hey True,

What a great question! I think you’re basic intuition is right. If you’re not getting what you want, you can change your approach. The simple fact of the matter is: You’re ridiculously exciting… The question is, what are you ridiculously excited about? What gets your juices flowing? When was a time when you took a bite out of life and said, “Ah yes, this is what it’s all about…”? Where were you? What did you see? What did you hear? What were you doing? Who were you with? What were you focusing on? What about all that made you excited? How were you standing (or sitting, etc)? How were you breathing? What was the expression on your face? How vividly can you bring it all back and relive it?

Now, think of another time, and run through those questions again…

Now, go do something that’ll give you that same sense of excitement… and let people see you doing it… and keep on doing whatever it is until you become the exciting guy you really are. They’ll be attracted, not just sexually, but irresistably attracted to your person. You’ll have that charisma that comes with excitement.

… by the way, are you sure you can handle all this excitement? If not, I highly recommend listening to Catherinette. She’s got a good head on her shoulders. That’s a safer step, but maybe you don’t want safe… Maybe you want exciting…

In Christ,

Brother Scott
Seminarian
Apostles of the Interior Life, Rome
 
catherinette said:
Don’t go to bars and clubs to meet girls; instead, go and volunteer at a soup kitchen, or join a bookclub or a Bible study or a co-ed sports team or take dancing lessons. Just do any activity that interests you, where you will have a chance to talk to girls and develop friendships with them, rather than just talk to them in the sort of artificial atmosphere of clubs and bars. If you are working on a project together, or discussing a book, it will be a lot easier to think of things to say as you are getting to know a girl. Once you have had a chance to get to know her, it’s more likely she will return the interest, and you will find it a lot easier to talk with her and actually ask her to get a drink sometime.
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Thank you Catherinette for the advice, Yeah I actually go to Bible Study.

God bless
 
Thank you Shin and Skallal for the advice, but I don’t feel that I’m called to religious life. Actually I have a great desire to have a family one day, God’s willing.
 
TrueFaithSeeker said:
Thank you Catherinette for the advice, Yeah I actually go to Bible Study.

God bless
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That could vary church to church. I went to a Bible study a few years ago at a local parish. I was 26 or 27, don’t remember exactly how old I was but it didn’t really matter because the person closest to my age was probably at least 65.
 
Bataar said:
That could vary church to church. I went to a Bible study a few years ago at a local parish. I was 26 or 27, don’t remember exactly how old I was but it didn’t really matter because the person closest to my age was probably at least 65.
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Hi Bataar,

There are bunch of young people in the Bible study where I go.
 
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