Dating a non-Catholic?

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ave_maria_92

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I was raised Catholic and believed until I was about 8. Unfortunately I strayed away from the faith until recently (I’m now 17). I’ve been blessed with the opportunity to renew my faith in God and my love for the Catholic church. However, I have a long-distance boyfriend of a year and a half (long distance since the beginning of the school year) who is Christian but not Catholic. I’m truly in love with him, and we agree about nearly everything in our future, including getting married and having children in a few years (we both want to finish college first). But I’m now struggling with the fact that he’s never been to a Catholic church in his life.
He, like me, has recently been figuring out his spirituality. He’s sure he wants to attend a Christian church, but having been raised Protestant is a little uncomfortable with Catholicism. I want to help him see that the Catholic church is the one true church, but I also don’t want to force him into “accepting” God when it’s really just motivated by a desire to make me feel better. I want him to have his own relationship with God and with the Catholic church, so that we can really raise children in the faith together one day.
So I guess I have a few questions. Am I right to have hope that this will work out? He says that he’s not opposed to the idea of becoming Catholic, just unsure… And is there any way that I can nudge him towards accepting Catholicism from a thousand miles away? Next time he comes home I plan to take him to church with me, but I’m not sure one visit to church every few months will do much. And lastly, do I who am only newly a believer myself have any credibility in helping him believe as well?
 
Ha. Read my break up story/conversion story. Well, it’s what lead me to the Church, but I would never want you guys to go through what my ex and I had to.

But, I would just bring up topics of the Catholic faith and talk about why you like or dislike them. Ask him what he enjoys or dislikes about his denomination.

Just please don’t get frustrated or angry with him on this. My ex did, and when she dumped me, one of her reasons was that I was ‘not grounded in faith.’ Never EVER attack his personal spirituality. I can tell you from personal experience, it’s one of the most devastating things to deal with.
 
Since your boyfriend is not opposed to the Church per se but is unsure, he might be interested in Inquiry classes. If there is a time you could go together, it would probably be most helpful as you could continue the discussion between yourselves.

Married life is much more difficult when one spouse is non-Catholic. I was that spouse in my marriage (for over 30 years) so I know what I am talking about on this point!
 
ave_maria_92 said:
I was raised Catholic and believed until I was about 8. Unfortunately I strayed away from the faith until recently (I’m now 17). I’ve been blessed with the opportunity to renew my faith in God and my love for the Catholic church. However, I have a long-distance boyfriend of a year and a half (long distance since the beginning of the school year) who is Christian but not Catholic. I’m truly in love with him, and we agree about nearly everything in our future, including getting married and having children in a few years (we both want to finish college first). But I’m now struggling with the fact that he’s never been to a Catholic church in his life.
He, like me, has recently been figuring out his spirituality. He’s sure he wants to attend a Christian church, but having been raised Protestant is a little uncomfortable with Catholicism. I want to help him see that the Catholic church is the one true church, but I also don’t want to force him into “accepting” God when it’s really just motivated by a desire to make me feel better. I want him to have his own relationship with God and with the Catholic church, so that we can really raise children in the faith together one day.
So I guess I have a few questions. Am I right to have hope that this will work out? He says that he’s not opposed to the idea of becoming Catholic, just unsure… And is there any way that I can nudge him towards accepting Catholicism from a thousand miles away? Next time he comes home I plan to take him to church with me, but I’m not sure one visit to church every few months will do much. And lastly, do I who am only newly a believer myself have any credibility in helping him believe as well?
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Actually, since you are both “beginners” in the Faith, it’s good, because the two of you can learn together, and he has the opportunity to become “expert” on things that you don’t know yet about the Catholic faith, too. 🙂

It’s unfortunate that he’s so far away - it would have been fun for the two of you to take Inquiry classes together.
 
I would recommend RCIA classes. My boyfriend and I are college students and we attend a Newman Center (college Catholic church basically). We are both taking the RCIA class with a friend of ours. The friend and I are taking the class for our Easter sacraments, but he is already a confirmed member of the Church, and just taking the class as a course to help him in his spirituality. I would definitely recommend these classes. A lot of issues I had when I was first coming in to the Church a couple of years ago have really been dissolved by the apologetics, discussions, and teachings of the class.
 
My advice is that you’re too young and unformed to be dating. IMO, dating is to find out of this is the right person to marry. At the young age of 17 you have a lot of growing to do yourself. Growing and finding out your vocation in terms of jobs, and state of life as well. Also, it is so hard to grow together with someone when we need to focus on ourselves. I would advice that you guys take some time off and still be friends but really really focus on finding your faith and for your bf to find his. The purpose of marriage is to lead each other to heaven and if beliefs are different or one is more into their faith than another it is going to be very challenging. Just my opinion. I have heard many priests discourage youth from dating in high school.
 
Thanks for all the advice about RCIA classes, I talked to him and he’s agreed that if I’m taking them he’ll visit and take it seriously when he comes to visit me. He’s interested in trying, especially because I want him to so much, but he’s only starting his spiritual journey and isn’t as prepared to move right to Catholicism as I was. I’m hoping that God will help to guide him towards our faith, and I’m very willing to help.

As for the idea of breaking up so that we can self-determine, I don’t see the point. I realize that we are 17 and 18 and that this is pretty young, but I also thing that both of us will continue to grow and change throughout our lives. I see this as an opportunity to either grow closer together by joining each other in faith or to realize that we’re just not spiritually compatible. I understand that the latter is an option and if that’s what I learn I will accept it. But I also think that people grow and change throughout their lives, and that if we do end up together someday it wouldn’t be an unchanging people because we’re 25-30 and have jobs. So I’d prefer to see if this might be a way that we can grow closer by sharing our belief in God. Either way, I’m praying that God will show me how to move forward and would appreciate any other advice people have to offer.
 
Hi there

I would also recommend that both of you read Scott Hahn’s book, “Rome Sweet Home”. I suggest this because it is an “easy” and enjoyable read…it answers some questions for both of you regarding the Catholic faith, and in a very enjoyable and almost “entertaining” manner – without seeming textbook or preachy.

Another great (and easy) book is Peter Kreeft’s “Yes or No”. It is a small book that is written as a conversation between 2 people and it answers questions in a superbly understandable manner.

The fact that both of you are open to becoming the people that God wants you to become is wonderful. Maybe you will end up getting married. Or perhaps you will discern that marrying each other is not what is in your future. But maybe you will lead each other to the fullness of the Catholic Faith…and this would be a wonderful thing for both of you and for your whole future - regardless of whom that future is with.

I wish you both luck (which for a Catholic, means “I will pray for you”)
:gopray:

God Bless you
CLM
 
You have gotten some great advice. But I would also add to not focus so much just on being the same faith or religious orientation. You might be too concerned about both of you being Catholic that you are not asking yourself or your boyfriend the important question in other areas of your life and relationship. Just because you both are of the same faith, does not guarantee a great relationship or marriage. Do you have similar temperaments? Have you discussed how you feel about having children and will you stay at home when and if you do? How do you two handle money issues or solve a serious problem? There are soooo many other factors that play into finding a spouse, don’t forget to have the deep, deep conversations that concern ALL areas of your relationship and lives, not just whether he wants to convert or not.

And I have to agree with the poster that said 17 and 18 is awfully young to be thinking so seriously. Yes people to marry young and go on to have successful marriages, but you may not be giving yourself or your boyfriend the room for God to work in both of your lives before you make the commitment to give yourself to another for the rest of your life.
 
Have your boyfriend list the issues he has with the Catholic Church in the form of a question. Research the answers with a copy of “Catechism of the Catholic Church.” I’m Catholic only because Catholicism resonates intellectually, not just emotionally. Most converts find themselves Catholic because they challenged the Church. The Church has been around for 2000 years. She tough and beautiful and right and can stand scrutiny!
 
Speaking as a convert from the Lutheran church, I would think the most important thing is to uncover the things he has been taught about the Church that are really incorrect. He may not even know what they are so you will need to probe. I was taught so many lies in Lutheran high school and also taught so many truths in such a simplistic way that they seemed like bulletproof proof that the Church was absolutely horrible. I would connect him withThe Journey Home on EWTN’s web site - they have some articles archived there documented interviews with or opinions of protestants of many denominations.

P.S. I agree - you are very young - just make sure you don’t obsess on this guy! We older folks like to save you younger folks the pain of making mistakes we already made.
 
Right on the ole noggin.as one who has children who have married outside of the church it is never a good idea to do so! Sure the guy will sign and agree to anything…bring up the kids catlick etc…yeh sure,but when the honeymoon is over look out! Either one or the other should be the same…a member of the one true Church or just a member of a church that lets you feel good,sing some songs,put money in the pot etc. Truth and Error cannot exist side by side,one will become the other and the children are in the center as always…Pas
 
I married a non-Catholic woman before my reversion to the Faith. It has been a VERY hard road; I strongly suggest you don’t marry him if he refused to convert.

That being said, you don’t have to give him any ultimatums. You are both young and have time to think about things, especially since he is open. Be gentle, loving, and respectful, and don’t just answer any question he has unless you have looked it up itself. (Like, say, "that’s a good question, we should look into it.)

Others have had great suggestions. Attend catechism classes. Buy Catholicism for Dummies. I also recommend the Essential Catholic Survival Guide availble from this website (www.catholic.com)

Most of all, pray. This is all about the reality of God - not some club you join. The Faith is meaningless unless you live it and really develop a relationship with Jesus.

I will pray for you.

God Bless
 
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