T
TheLittleLady
Guest
@TC3033 has discussed over and over the Religious Education of his children in the Catholic Church.
- Status
Ah. I don’t necessarily visit all the rooms on CAF, and Catholic Living is probably the room I visit least.
Good for him and his family. But then again it goes to point #1 I raised earlier. He is not an Evangelical pastor.
And most of us have not spoken against mixed marriages in general; we know they can work. What we are talking about here is this particular situation, which I believe, most here have seen the red flags and recognize that it cannot continue.
Last edited:
T
TC3033
Guest
No, I’m not but these two posts I’m replying to specifically don’t discern between a Protestant vs. Protestant preacher. They’re of the ilk that mixed-marriages don’t work.
Reminds me of a homily where the preacher said he didn’t understand why Catholic girls don’t make sure to find good Catholic boys. They are the ones that will respect you…these “others” only see you as being there for their enjoyment.
OUR kids are Catholic. My family goes to church with me maybe 2-3 times a year. We live in an area with only 1 non-denom church. My wife isn’t a fan, so I don’t press it. We’re not necessarily fans of the Catholic church in town but that’s where she goes. It’s a lot easier to go 6 blocks than 15 min.
Reminds me of a homily where the preacher said he didn’t understand why Catholic girls don’t make sure to find good Catholic boys. They are the ones that will respect you…these “others” only see you as being there for their enjoyment.
OUR kids are Catholic. My family goes to church with me maybe 2-3 times a year. We live in an area with only 1 non-denom church. My wife isn’t a fan, so I don’t press it. We’re not necessarily fans of the Catholic church in town but that’s where she goes. It’s a lot easier to go 6 blocks than 15 min.
M
mch4970
Guest
T
thistle
Guest
Frankly, I agree with the others who say such a relationship would likely be a mistake. I think the man will dominate and insist on two things: that your children are not brought up Catholic and that you must attend his Protestant services.
M
meltzerboy2
Guest
This sounds a little TOO optimistic to me.
H
Horton
Guest
@Mreyrey So many people here telling you what to do! In all reality only you can make the decision on where to go with this.
You got lots of anecdotal evidence on how it could or couldn’t work out. I’m in agreement with those who feel the issue of your guy being a pastor makes a huge difference. I was raised a Protestant and know how much a pastor’s wife is expected to do for their church. The expectation is to be there bright & shiny every Sunday morning with the children to set an example for the congregation. As a practicing Catholic you won’t be able to do that as you do not believe as they do. There will be talk among others and most likely gossip. The members of his church will make things difficult even if that is not their intention.
I have no doubt your guy is a fine man. I have no doubt your feelings for each other are real & true. I have no doubt you talk to each other about your relationship and faith issues. It does seem he move the goal on this one by becoming a pastor of this new church knowing you are a devout Catholic. Please speak to your priest about the situation, he knows you better any of us here.
Your freedom to marry is no one’s business and doesn’t belong in this conversation at all.
You got lots of anecdotal evidence on how it could or couldn’t work out. I’m in agreement with those who feel the issue of your guy being a pastor makes a huge difference. I was raised a Protestant and know how much a pastor’s wife is expected to do for their church. The expectation is to be there bright & shiny every Sunday morning with the children to set an example for the congregation. As a practicing Catholic you won’t be able to do that as you do not believe as they do. There will be talk among others and most likely gossip. The members of his church will make things difficult even if that is not their intention.
I have no doubt your guy is a fine man. I have no doubt your feelings for each other are real & true. I have no doubt you talk to each other about your relationship and faith issues. It does seem he move the goal on this one by becoming a pastor of this new church knowing you are a devout Catholic. Please speak to your priest about the situation, he knows you better any of us here.
Your freedom to marry is no one’s business and doesn’t belong in this conversation at all.
A
aroosi
Guest
I knew somebody Catholic dating a Protestant pastoror. He was a very fine man but when the lady said that she was not considering a conversion and if they had children they should be baptized Catholic the gentleman basically broke the relashionship. Certain Protestant denominations are very strongly anti Catholic (think about accusation of idolatry, Holy Communion as a waffle etc) and very much into active proselitism. He is not just a faithful but the pastor so probably under a lot of scrutiny from his community and a lot of pressures and expectations. If you marry him hoping he will convert or you will be able to live your faith openly you are probably in for a very conflicted relationship once the honeymoon phase is ended. Clear with him right away what are his and your expectations about faith life in the future and as a family.
Last edited:
R
rcwitness
Guest
What strikes me funny, is that his family is creating this job go him to be their pastor, and yet you think that they have very different views towards Catholicism.
Is the family actually prepared to allow Him to be their spiritual leader?
It all sounds like a bad idea to me.
The comments to your daughters is not appropriate. Is he doing anything about it? Is he explaining to his family that the Catholic faith is Christian?
You need to see these efforts by Him!
Is the family actually prepared to allow Him to be their spiritual leader?
It all sounds like a bad idea to me.
The comments to your daughters is not appropriate. Is he doing anything about it? Is he explaining to his family that the Catholic faith is Christian?
You need to see these efforts by Him!
R
rcwitness
Guest
Do discuss contraception with him too! With anyone you are seeking possible marriage with!
R
rcwitness
Guest
Many, many things are feasible.
I’m not disagreeing with you, but also think Marriage is between a man and woman who are of one mind, and judgment.
This relationship could definitely reveal that they are very similarly minded and one convert to the other’s faith Tradition and practice. So dating, chastely, is a fine thing. It’s when Marriage vows come before coming to conclusions about the big issues that is not the wiser way.
This fellow may have a great mind, and disposition, and talent for pastoring a non-denom church. And he may see pretty clearly the challenges ahead. And ultimately, we have to rely on Jesus to help us honor and glorify the Sacrament of Marriage. We must find His love to overcome, even if someday it’s a spouse who desires to dissolve a marriage!
I think it’s conducive to dialogue, and fellowship in the Gospel, between a Protestant and Catholic. Catholics may assume their Catholic spouse actually accepts practices the Catholic Faith, and yet later find out otherwise! The Protestant and Catholic couple dating would have the opportunity to open and research, pray and discern these things, where assumptions prove unwise in the Catholic couple.
I’m not disagreeing with you, but also think Marriage is between a man and woman who are of one mind, and judgment.
This relationship could definitely reveal that they are very similarly minded and one convert to the other’s faith Tradition and practice. So dating, chastely, is a fine thing. It’s when Marriage vows come before coming to conclusions about the big issues that is not the wiser way.
This fellow may have a great mind, and disposition, and talent for pastoring a non-denom church. And he may see pretty clearly the challenges ahead. And ultimately, we have to rely on Jesus to help us honor and glorify the Sacrament of Marriage. We must find His love to overcome, even if someday it’s a spouse who desires to dissolve a marriage!
I think it’s conducive to dialogue, and fellowship in the Gospel, between a Protestant and Catholic. Catholics may assume their Catholic spouse actually accepts practices the Catholic Faith, and yet later find out otherwise! The Protestant and Catholic couple dating would have the opportunity to open and research, pray and discern these things, where assumptions prove unwise in the Catholic couple.
R
rcwitness
Guest
Is your boyfriend reading this thread? Does he read CAF?
P
Peeps
Guest
I agree with you that it could work–IF the wife has a job/profession that pays a large enough salary to support the family, and IF the husband doesn’t mind never again working as a pastor, but instead finding a secular job. A family HAS to be able to earn enough money to support themselves.
If you read my thread earlier, you will see that I stated that it is unlikely that the congregation would vote to call him to the pastorate if his wife and children are practicing Catholics. I cited certain Bible passages that the Protestant churches take very seriously. I’ve seen pastors dismissed because they have a rebellious teenager!
It is unlikely that ANY non-denominational church would call him to be a pastor, not just because they expect his wife and children to be involved with their church, but because they believe that his wife and children are in rebellion against his God-given authority.
It’s possible that he could start his own church, and “own” his wife’s decision to remain Catholic and to raise her children Catholic. I can see where this would appeal to people who are unhappy with the “rules” in traditional Evangelical Protestant churches, and would see this man as “merciful.” It might work.
But starting a church is difficult, and these pastors and their families struggle financially. I’ve had several childhood friends who have done this (Evangelical Protestant), and their parents generally stepped in and supported the young family while they were working to build up enough attendees to be able to support themselves. This takes several years. Sometimes a few other friends of the pastor give a regular sacrificial offering as a support to their friend and his new church, but usually this is temporary. And this assumes that the pastor of the start-up has friends and family who are well-off financially.
Remember in the non-denominational world, there is no “Vatican” or “headquarters” to step in and help a pastor/family who is struggling financially OR spiritually! You are essentially starting up a “business,” and this means that for the first several years, you will not pay yourself out of the business.
That means a second job for the pastor, OR, as I said earlier, the wife works in a job that earns enough to be able to support the family. If the poster has this kind of job, they might be OK.
Also, keep in mind that unlike the Catholic Church, which is currently experiencing a shortage of candidates for the priesthood (generalization–some dioceses are just the opposite), there is no shortage of young men (and in some cases, women) who are “pastors.” In the Evangelical Protestant world, especially in the non-denominational world, a degree from a seminary is not necessarily required. This means that a church does not HAVE to hire a candidate because there is no one else. There are plenty of other candidates.
But what IS required is adherence to the Bible, and it’s really hard to get past those verses that I posted earlier.
If you read my thread earlier, you will see that I stated that it is unlikely that the congregation would vote to call him to the pastorate if his wife and children are practicing Catholics. I cited certain Bible passages that the Protestant churches take very seriously. I’ve seen pastors dismissed because they have a rebellious teenager!
It is unlikely that ANY non-denominational church would call him to be a pastor, not just because they expect his wife and children to be involved with their church, but because they believe that his wife and children are in rebellion against his God-given authority.
It’s possible that he could start his own church, and “own” his wife’s decision to remain Catholic and to raise her children Catholic. I can see where this would appeal to people who are unhappy with the “rules” in traditional Evangelical Protestant churches, and would see this man as “merciful.” It might work.
But starting a church is difficult, and these pastors and their families struggle financially. I’ve had several childhood friends who have done this (Evangelical Protestant), and their parents generally stepped in and supported the young family while they were working to build up enough attendees to be able to support themselves. This takes several years. Sometimes a few other friends of the pastor give a regular sacrificial offering as a support to their friend and his new church, but usually this is temporary. And this assumes that the pastor of the start-up has friends and family who are well-off financially.
Remember in the non-denominational world, there is no “Vatican” or “headquarters” to step in and help a pastor/family who is struggling financially OR spiritually! You are essentially starting up a “business,” and this means that for the first several years, you will not pay yourself out of the business.
That means a second job for the pastor, OR, as I said earlier, the wife works in a job that earns enough to be able to support the family. If the poster has this kind of job, they might be OK.
Also, keep in mind that unlike the Catholic Church, which is currently experiencing a shortage of candidates for the priesthood (generalization–some dioceses are just the opposite), there is no shortage of young men (and in some cases, women) who are “pastors.” In the Evangelical Protestant world, especially in the non-denominational world, a degree from a seminary is not necessarily required. This means that a church does not HAVE to hire a candidate because there is no one else. There are plenty of other candidates.
But what IS required is adherence to the Bible, and it’s really hard to get past those verses that I posted earlier.
Last edited:
M
marybobo
Guest
Sadly, I agree. Do you know just how Jimmy Swaggert thinks about the Catholic Church? He is vehemently opposed to it and I only foresee trouble for you in the future. Your immortal soul is worth far more than any attachment you might have to this man. I will pray for you.
P
Peeps
Guest
You’re right, it could work. Married couples can and do overcome tremendous difficulties.
One thing I’ve seen in Protestant churches is more acceptance of Catholics as true Christians. When I was growing up, this was rare.
We had one pastor who was good friends with several of the local priests because they all got to know each other during their work as volunteer police chaplains. He was responsible for teaching me that Catholics can be Christians.
Notice my wording above–“Catholics CAN be Christians.” The general thinking in Evangelical Protestant circles was that many Catholics were not Christians because they didn’t “accept Jesus as their Personal Savior” and because they were relying on their good works to get them to heaven.
I think that this type of belief among Protestants is going away, primarily because of the pro-life work that Catholics have faithfully done since Roe v Wade. Many Protestants have gotten to know and love their Catholic pro-life co-workers and co-protesters, and the belief that Catholics aren’t real Christians is not so common anymore.
So it’s possible that the OP’s boyfriend’s church might not only accept her and her children, but seek to understand more about Catholicism and even incorporate certain Catholic practices into their worship (e.g., candles, lectio divina, chant, confession, etc.–I’ve seen this happen in Protestant churches in my city!).
However, among the Fundamentalist Separatist Evangelical Protestants, there is still a fairly strong belief that Catholicism isn’t true Christianity.
Also, among most of the Evangelical Protestants, there is a strong belief in the Bible as our Sole Authority, and this means that the verses in 1st Timothy and Titus must be obeyed. A wife and children who do not practice the same “Christianity” as their husband/father are considered “rebellious,” and rebellion was the sin that felled the angel Lucifer.
And even though Bill Gothard and his Institute of Basic Youth Conflicts is gone (Gothard has been accused of sexual sins), many Evangelical Protestant Christians still have a belief in the idea of “Chain of Command,” which means that we must all of our lives obey God the Father, our earthly father, and our pastor, who is our “spiritual leader.”
This Chain of Command teaching is very dangerous and has been condemned by many Evangelical leaders (including the good pastor that I grew up with). But it still hangs on in the minds of many Evangelicals, which means that they would see the OP as “disobedient” for not following her husband and his Christianity.
I know that you are a very “traditional” Catholic, and I hope all this is helping you to understand Evangelicalism a little better.
And I hope that my posts and others are helping the OP.
One thing I’ve seen in Protestant churches is more acceptance of Catholics as true Christians. When I was growing up, this was rare.
We had one pastor who was good friends with several of the local priests because they all got to know each other during their work as volunteer police chaplains. He was responsible for teaching me that Catholics can be Christians.
Notice my wording above–“Catholics CAN be Christians.” The general thinking in Evangelical Protestant circles was that many Catholics were not Christians because they didn’t “accept Jesus as their Personal Savior” and because they were relying on their good works to get them to heaven.
I think that this type of belief among Protestants is going away, primarily because of the pro-life work that Catholics have faithfully done since Roe v Wade. Many Protestants have gotten to know and love their Catholic pro-life co-workers and co-protesters, and the belief that Catholics aren’t real Christians is not so common anymore.
So it’s possible that the OP’s boyfriend’s church might not only accept her and her children, but seek to understand more about Catholicism and even incorporate certain Catholic practices into their worship (e.g., candles, lectio divina, chant, confession, etc.–I’ve seen this happen in Protestant churches in my city!).
However, among the Fundamentalist Separatist Evangelical Protestants, there is still a fairly strong belief that Catholicism isn’t true Christianity.
Also, among most of the Evangelical Protestants, there is a strong belief in the Bible as our Sole Authority, and this means that the verses in 1st Timothy and Titus must be obeyed. A wife and children who do not practice the same “Christianity” as their husband/father are considered “rebellious,” and rebellion was the sin that felled the angel Lucifer.
And even though Bill Gothard and his Institute of Basic Youth Conflicts is gone (Gothard has been accused of sexual sins), many Evangelical Protestant Christians still have a belief in the idea of “Chain of Command,” which means that we must all of our lives obey God the Father, our earthly father, and our pastor, who is our “spiritual leader.”
This Chain of Command teaching is very dangerous and has been condemned by many Evangelical leaders (including the good pastor that I grew up with). But it still hangs on in the minds of many Evangelicals, which means that they would see the OP as “disobedient” for not following her husband and his Christianity.
I know that you are a very “traditional” Catholic, and I hope all this is helping you to understand Evangelicalism a little better.
And I hope that my posts and others are helping the OP.
L
lilypadrees
Guest
I have a feeling that you will have to make a choice at some point: Him or him (the Protestant pastor). Even if he does marry you, he will expect you as his wife, to be at his side in his church. He will, at some point, put his foot down and forbid you to attend the Catholic Church you currently hold so dear.
Whether you realize it or not, your children have already learned from this pastor’s church members. And they will continue to do so if you marry. Again, the pastor will insist that his new family attend and become members of his church not the Catholic Church.
Whether you realize it or not, your children have already learned from this pastor’s church members. And they will continue to do so if you marry. Again, the pastor will insist that his new family attend and become members of his church not the Catholic Church.
Last edited:
L
LittleFlower
Guest
@Mreyrey hasn’t responded for a few days.
She also never clarified whether she was widowed, divorced or never married.
If she is divorced, and didn’t have an annulment it would be understandable why she is entertaining the thought of marrying outside of the church. If that were the case, she wouldn’t be able to partake in many sacraments that she holds so dearly.
Either way, looks like this relationship in particular from what she wrote is in for an uphill battle.
She also never clarified whether she was widowed, divorced or never married.
If she is divorced, and didn’t have an annulment it would be understandable why she is entertaining the thought of marrying outside of the church. If that were the case, she wouldn’t be able to partake in many sacraments that she holds so dearly.
Either way, looks like this relationship in particular from what she wrote is in for an uphill battle.
H
Horton
Guest
This issue has nothing to do with the question at hand and is none of our business. In any case I don’t really think she was entertaining the idea of marrying outside the Church.
B
BoomerangToo
Guest
If you feel compelled to ask this question, I think you already know the answer.
G
glorybe
Guest
Yes, but the non-Catholic must promise to raise the children Catholic. Is a Protestant pastor willing to do that?
- Status