Dating a Protestant pastor

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In most of the Protestant churches I’ve been involved with, the Pastor’s wife plays a large role. She could be one of the main leaders in Sunday School, in hospitality…many different aspects of the church. Would you be willing to commit yourself 100% to his ministry–to be his help-mate, as the Bible says that husband and wife are meant to be for each other? These would be the things I would be thinking about.
 
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op hasn’t been back in 11 days, I wonder what she decided
 
Allowing his family to continue with their rude remarks is disrespectful at best. That should not be happening whatsoever. What kind of impact do you think all of this will have on your children?
 
Horton said:
This issue has nothing to do with the question at hand and is none of our business. In any case I don’t really think she was entertaining the idea of marrying outside the Church.
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Well all of it is none of our business. Multiple people have asked for clarification on her marital status to give more appropriate advice.

And she would be entertaining the idea of marrying outside of her faith, even with a dispensation. The man she is dating would most likely not approve of a Catholic wedding, she would then have to marry—even with a dispensation—in another rite/form.

I hope she found her way and is at peace.
 
I just retired as a parish secretary, the Diocese I was employed with required that promise from the non-Catholic party in mixed marriage. This is active.
 
Assuming you are free to marry, I have to ask this follow-up question (my apologies if I missed if this has already been asked and/or answered): aren’t there any Catholic men out there that you can marry?
 
Maybe it’s a regional thing, but I didn’t make any promise. I just needed to be made aware that my wife promises to raise the children Catholic.

Just to note…it’s NOT obstruct… 🙂
 
It seems your parish went further than what the Church requires.

The Church requires the Catholic to promise and the non-Catholic to be aware of the promise.
 
Why…? That isn’t necessarily a requirement for everyone. Like I’ve said on here before, if my wife would have come here prior to our wedding and taken advice here, we would have missed out on 15 years of marriage (and counting) and 3 great kids…
 
US Bishops website citing 1983 Canon Law:


Because of these challenges, the church requires the Catholic party to be faithful to his or her faith and to “make a sincere promise to do all in his or her power” to have their children baptized and raised in the Catholic faith. This provision of the 1983 Code of Canon Law is a change from the 1917 version, which required an absolute promise to have the children raised Catholic.

Likewise, the non-Catholic spouse is no longer required to promise to take an active role in raising the children in the Catholic faith, but instead “to be informed at an appropriate time of these promises which the Catholic party has to make, so that it is clear that the other party is truly aware of the promise and obligation of the Catholic party,” the code states. (See the 1983 [current] Code of Canon Law , canons 1124-1129 on “Mixed Marriages” for the full text.)

Canon law expert explaining:

 
I think that a marriage between the two of you is going to be very tough and problematic. JMHO
 
What if he were a Jewish Rabbi? Is that a similar issue?

I may be in the minority, but I see the belief systems of Protestants and Catholics to both embody Christ and that the similarities far outweigh the differences.

Would I propose a Catholic man for OP, instead? Emphatically, yes. But is it possible God is working and moving her to marry this Protestant pastor? Also, yes
 
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I didn’t read all the comments. I’m just going to tell you what I know from experience.
If a Pastor wants to marry you, then you will become a Pastor’s wife. He’s going to expect you, and your children, to convert, attend service, and help his flock. It’s going to make it look like you lack true unity with his mission, and look like you are not an obedient wife. My ex said as much.
I don’t regret my decision to stay true to my beliefs.
 
A pastor’s wife has a duty to the congregation just as the pastor does. She would have to affirm whatever faith tradition this church practices. Since it is not Catholicism it is not affirming of the Catholic Church. The OP is a devout Catholic with no intention of giving up her faith. This can make the marriage difficult. Not impossible, but hard.

As far a Rabbi, honestly I don’t know enough about the Jewish faith to know what a wife’s involvement would be in her husbands ministry.

If the OP was a man with a girlfriend who was a pastor? I would guess the same difficulties would be present.
 
Chiming in w a historical perspective:
Even to this day unmarried (Lutheran!!!) clergy in Scandinavia is a bit weird bc the priest’s wife was in practice the core of the parish. To the point when the incoming priest who ”inherited” the parish was ”expected” to marry the widow to keep everything afloat.

Now, that’s not the same as Evangelical US, or Catholicism, or even modern ELCA … but there is a strong Protestant tradition of priest-and-wife working as a team. A 2-for-one situation.
Is your fiance willing to stand up for you in the face of that tradition?

Or should you release that fish back into the ocean?
 
Horton said:
This can make the marriage difficult. Not impossible, but hard.
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I’m not sure I’d say “not impossible.”

The OP might consider talking to her boyfriend about his ideas on “headship in the marriage” and a wife’s obligation with respect to ‘submission’ to her husband and ‘obedience.’

If he’s being honest, he’ll tell her that, once married, he expects her to obey him. (The implication here is that, while he doesn’t expect her to say now that she’d convert or have her children convert, he will expect her to do so when she’s his wife.)
 
I’m in a mixed relationship myself, although I’m a non-Christian, so this is just my two cents.

Your boyfriend is not responsible for the anti-Catholic sentiments of his family, but he should be willing to stand up for you to them and put a stop to that as needed. If he’s the one making those statements occasionally, it sounds like you two might need to have a sit down talk about boundaries and respect. He might not agree with you, but he should be respectful of your feelings and your beliefs. If he’s preaching bigotry towards Catholics, or anyone else, really, that’s kind of a red flag. You might want to think about whether it’s worth your time and sanity. Personally, if family members and rando parishoners were casting dispersion on my faith, especially to my kids if I had them, I’d tell my boyfriend that he’d better collect his folks or I would.

I guess at the end of the day, you have think about whether compromise is possible without you being the one to do all the compromising and how you feel about dating someone who may think you’re going to hell. Like, in my situation, my boyfriend is so Catholic I swear he bleeds holy water and he would love nothing more than for me to convert, but he would never let anyone talk down to me about my faith or try to put pressure on me.

You have to do what’s best for you and the kiddos. Being single sucks, but it’s better than having to fight with someone about religion or feel left out all the time.
 
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