dating a protestant

[hermano_mayor]

I am catholic, i am mexican, and my family has very high and uptight values and traditions that keep me on a very healthy but strict environment. My girlfriend, she’s wonderful, i really have great plans for the future. But she is a christian protestant. I do not want to be obsess with convert her into the catholic faith, and we have talked about this, i told her i was not going to convert in to her faith, and she said the same thing, i love her, and she loves me. The thought of one day forming a family has crossed my mind various times, but the thought of religion is there also. Her family is caucasian american, with christian values, i fear that our religions will have some sort of trouble in the future. HELP! any advice?

 

[w2bp88]

If she does not want to convert and if you are serious about your faith, I think it will be difficult. When it would come to raising children, how would you do it? What would you teach them?

Yesterday I attended a Christian event and it opened my eyes to how different protestants are, especially in their worship. They don’t believe in many things Catholic’s believe in and I think it would be difficult to have a stable home environment when the parents conflict on something so important. (That’s assuming each of your faiths are very important to both.)

Maybe you could start having conversations with her about her beliefs and why she belongs to her church. You could learn information about defending the faith, especially the differences between Catholicism and protestantism. If you show her the truth in Catholicism maybe she would decide to convert. Have you tried bringing her to mass with you? Or maybe you can get her a book introducing her to your faith which may make her question her current beliefs. Like you said in your post, don’t overwhelm her with it and “obsess” over it but introduce it slowly.

If you see that you haven’t been successful and she is sticking to what she is doing then you really have to think if it is the best choice for you and for her. You will always have arguments over something that is very important. Another thing to think about is what church will you get married in? Will she be okay with getting married in a Catholic church?

One thing I noticed that you said is that your family is very strict but you never mentioned how you feel? Are you very serious with Catholicism?

With whatever you end up deciding, I wish you well. Pray about it and wait for God’s answer.

 

[1ke]

The thought of one day forming a family has crossed my mind various times, but the thought of religion is there also. Her family is caucasian american, with christian values, i fear that our religions will have some sort of trouble in the future. /QUOTE]

This is the central issue. If the two of you marry, one day you will have a family. You are obligated to raise your children Catholic.

If she is devout in her own faith, and you are devout in yours, this could be something that could end your relationship.

I suggest you not just think about it occasionally, but rather that you and your girlfriend talk about it IN DETAIL. Talk about all the details of how you would live in a mixed faith household. How would you raise the children? How would you teach them about the faith? How would you worship as a family? You will learn a lot by discussing all of this NOW.

If you see that her expectation is to raise them in her church and your expectation is to raise them Catholic-- then maybe she’s not the girl for you to build a family with.

The worst thing you could do is NOT discuss it with her and just “hope” that things work out. Discuss everything, including how your families may influence you. If you are not comfortable with the outcomes of the discussions it may be time to break up.

 

[hermano_mayor]

We did. After discussing it in detail. She tirned to me, said: “I want to live my life as close to God as I possibly can, and honor Him in every way, and by being with you Im insulting Him” <:"(

 

[Hosh]

Raise your kids in both faiths and let them decide. Same God, same Gospels, same Jesus. Forgive me but I don’t see the problem… Sounds like Occam’s Razor to me

 

[deb216]

I am the product of a Protestant and Catholic union. My parents did their best to be respectful and find a balance, but there really is no middle ground. Either the Eucharist is the Body and Blood of Christ or it is not. Either the Pope is the infallible Vicar of Christ or he is not. Either Mary is blessed and worthy of adoration or she is not. Either the Saints are capable of hearing our prayers or they are not.

Ignoring those land mine issues, would she allow you to baptize your future babies or would she expect them to wait until they reach the age of consent? Would they be denied First Holy Communion, Confession and Confirmation until they are adults (as my siblings and I were)? Would they be given Rosaries and taught how to pray them, or will they be taught that such prayers are pointless (and possibly evil)? Which Bible would they read from? My father believed that Catholics “added extra books” at the Council of Trent. My mother believed that Protestants removed them. Who was I to believe as a young and impressionable child? You may dismiss these as trivial issues but they are not.

My husband was also raised in a two-faith household but his parents were not respectful of the differences. Religion became such a point of contention between them that the kids grew to despise both. Instead of having “the best of both worlds” their kids got nothing. Hubby is Catholic now but it was a long and painful journey for both of us.

Then there are the loving and well-intentioned family members. Will your parents be able to sit back and watch their grandchildren be raised outside the faith? Will her’s? Mine weren’t. Both sides of the family attempted to influence me whenever possible. No matter which church I went to, I felt like I was betraying someone I loved. Hubby’s family was so upset that he and his siblings were not raised in the faith that the majority of his relatives disowned them. He has aunts, uncles, and cousins that he has never met. How horrible is that?!

Anyways, please do not make this decision lightly. When love evolves, and it will, there has to be more than feelings to bind you. If you are going to have a healthy, long term relationship, religion should be at the top of the list… not just some vague belief that you can distill and homogenize but true faith and practice. In my humble opinion, you would be better off letting go and finding someone whose faith is similar to your own.

 

[deb216]

Raise your kids in both faiths and let them decide. Same God, same Gospels, same Jesus. Forgive me but I don’t see the problem… Sounds like Occam’s Razor to me

Sorry, no. The differences may seem trivial to you but they are monumental. No child deserves that

 

[Hosh]

You want to know the trick of geniuses? of which few in recent times consider themselves religious or even believers in God?.. It’s stupid! it always is… the right answer is always stupid… if there is a god that’s his best trick.

 

[1ke]

Raise your kids in both faiths and let them decide. Same God, same Gospels, same Jesus. Forgive me but I don’t see the problem… Sounds like Occam’s Razor to me

Hosh,

You are on a CATHOLIC board. Therefore you need to respect the CATHOLIC teaching on matters of faith and moral.

Catholics are obligated to raise their children as Catholics. There is no such thing as raising them “both” and “letting them decide.”

You are giving advice on here, frequently, that is against Church teaching. People come here for CATHOLIC teaching, not Reformed Jewish teaching/theology. I ask that you refrain from giving people “advice” that is in direct contradiction to the Catholic faith.

If you are here to learn about the Catholic faith, great. If you are here to attempt to lead people away from Catholic teaching to your reformed Jewish position, that is not.

It is a moot point on this particular thread, since the OP’s girlfriend decided she could not continue in the relationship (and I think that was the best possible outcome given their very different faith traditions and desire to be devout in them).

 

[1ke]

We did. After discussing it in detail. She tirned to me, said: “I want to live my life as close to God as I possibly can, and honor Him in every way, and by being with you Im insulting Him” <:"(

Hermano,

While I am sure this is very painful for you right now, in the long term you will realize what a blessing this turned out to be. A mixed faith marriage is very difficult, and since you both desired to be devout in your own worship/faith that did make it a dealbreaker.

Families should be united, not divided.

Find a Catholic woman with whom you can share your innermost being-- your faith. Find a Catholic woman with whom you can raise a Catholic family, worship as a family, and live a Catholic life in your home.

 

[ljubim]

I am catholic, i am mexican, and my family has very high and uptight values and traditions that keep me on a very healthy but strict environment. My girlfriend, she’s wonderful, i really have great plans for the future. But she is a christian protestant. I do not want to be obsess with convert her into the catholic faith, and we have talked about this, i told her i was not going to convert in to her faith, and she said the same thing, i love her, and she loves me. The thought of one day forming a family has crossed my mind various times, but the thought of religion is there also. Her family is caucasian american, with christian values, i fear that our religions will have some sort of trouble in the future. HELP! any advice?

There will be a lot of trouble… with the intense unity of marriage you guys will automatically try to make things even. Which always means giving up parts of your faith, and irreparably harming your children. I think it’s over 50% of mixed marriages that end with the Catholic leaving the Church. You cannot gamble away your eternal home, marriage is only “til death do us part” while God is forever, and loves you far more.

 

[RobNY]

The problem with dating a Protestant girl is… how are you going to pray with her?

If you want God to be the center of your life, and you can’t even bring up religion with your wife… then God is not going to be the center of your life, and you are not going to grow closer to God. Rather, you’ll start growing apart from God. Because religion will be a topic of discord and fighting, it will start to become a ‘private’ topic. And before you know it, your religion will be private in a way it shouldn’t be, because you’ll have to avoid it to keep the peace.

This is a very difficult thing to persevere in. If you have serious misgivings now, consider seriously whether it really is God’s will that you marry this woman.

God bless,
Rob

 

[Norseman82]

We did. After discussing it in detail. She tirned to me, said: “I want to live my life as close to God as I possibly can, and honor Him in every way, and by being with you Im insulting Him” <:"(

Sounds to me like the decision has been made for you by her dumping you.

 

[whatevergirl]

*hermano, I think while it’s hard to see now, it’s a blessing she ended things. My motto for my kids…who are teens? Faith first, people second. If you live your life putting your faith first, you will meet a woman who also puts the same faith first. If you put women first, then hope and pray everything works out…you will be in for more of this type of thing, I’m afraid. Or if you put women first, and then put your faith on the backburner, then you are not living true to your authentic self.

NOT TO SAY, interfaith marriages can’t work, but if you want your marriage to do more than ‘work,’ and want to be united in EVERY WAY, you will seek to date Catholic girls who embrace and love the faith as MUCH AS YOU DO.

So…faith first, women second. I’m not saying women place second…but rather NEVER LET ANYONE COME BETWEEN YOU AND THE EUCHARIST. No woman or relationship is worth that ‘‘compromise.’’ Prayers for your heart to heal soon…*

 

[hermano_mayor]

Sounds to me like the decision has been made for you by her dumping you.

I really appreciate all the advice whether I accepted it or not, I really thank you for taking time to advice someone you dont even know. My relationship with her has now ended. During my life, i have traveled to remote areas where God does not form part of the daily life. I have met people from many religions, many faiths, many beliefs. I study deeply all the beliefs around the world, I am proud to be part of the Santa Iglesia Catolica, because even after all my knowledge on most of the religions, I know that these is the one and only true church. My now exgirlfriend, blinded me, I felt so comfortable on an environtment that was just as how “the movies paint it”, an environtment where you know, by the publicity of it, that it is what the rest of the people want. I now realise that she telling me all that, was really a blessing. I miss her, I pray for her everyday, I wish her the best. God bless you all. God bless La Santa Iglesia Catolica. Deo Gratias.

 

[chevalier]

Raise your kids in both faiths and let them decide. Same God, same Gospels, same Jesus. Forgive me but I don’t see the problem… Sounds like Occam’s Razor to me

Catholics have the obligation to do all they can to raise their children Catholic. Therefore they cannot decide to raise their children in some other faith. Having two religions at the same time is impossible and trying to is a short way to get a mental or personality disorder.

 

[VonDerTann]

I am going to offer a slightly different take on this, from personal experience…despite the fact that the OP essentially has his answer.

To me it’s more than just faith differences, how to pray together, etc., it’s also a case of how faith diferences color one’s world view. Catholicism has produced people like Augustine & Thomas Aquinas. Catholicism is a faith which has the context of a theology based upon a detailed philosophy; for example, Aquinas built upon Aristotlelian concepts to some extent. However, protestantism simply doesn’t have that background, perhaps because it may not need it, and that lack colors the views of its adherents.

On a tangible level, I know someone who was/is Catholic…he dated a Baptist whe he and she were both in their early 20s many years ago. She was a lovely young lady, very faith-filled - but the relationship eventually went nowhere because of the different mindsets of the faiths. The guy was getting a BA in philosphy. He liked having detailed, thought-provoking discussions…but his girlfriend’s “philosphical inquiries” generally were limited to, “what does the Bible say?” She was not stupid, far from it…she just had very little real intellectual curiosity, based upon her faith’s apparent lack of need for such curiosity. So eventually the relationship failed, basically because – I believe – one faith was simply a great deal “intellectually deeper” than the other.

Although I understand that certain protestant faiths - i.e. Anglican - may be closer to Catholicism that others, marriages often have a great deal stacked against them today, let alone if both parties have divergent world views from the get-go. Catholicism has a very rich intellectual tradition, which is sometimes - note sometims – lacking in protestant sects, and that difference may infuse (infect?) a relationship.

 

[Hosh]

Hosh,

You are on a CATHOLIC board. Therefore you need to respect the CATHOLIC teaching on matters of faith and moral.

Catholics are obligated to raise their children as Catholics. There is no such thing as raising them “both” and “letting them decide.”

You are giving advice on here, frequently, that is against Church teaching. People come here for CATHOLIC teaching, not Reformed Jewish teaching/theology. I ask that you refrain from giving people “advice” that is in direct contradiction to the Catholic faith.

If you are here to learn about the Catholic faith, great. If you are here to attempt to lead people away from Catholic teaching to your reformed Jewish position, that is not.

It is a moot point on this particular thread, since the OP’s girlfriend decided she could not continue in the relationship (and I think that was the best possible outcome given their very different faith traditions and desire to be devout in them).

I am going to offer a slightly different take on this, from personal experience…despite the fact that the OP essentially has his answer.

To me it’s more than just faith differences, how to pray together, etc., it’s also a case of how faith diferences color one’s world view. Catholicism has produced people like Augustine & Thomas Aquinas. Catholicism is a faith which has the context of a theology based upon a detailed philosophy; for example, Aquinas built upon Aristotlelian concepts to some extent. However, protestantism simply doesn’t have that background, perhaps because it may not need it, and that lack colors the views of its adherents.

On a tangible level, I know someone who was/is Catholic…he dated a Baptist whe he and she were both in their early 20s many years ago. She was a lovely young lady, very faith-filled - but the relationship eventually went nowhere because of the different mindsets of the faiths. The guy was getting a BA in philosphy. He liked having detailed, thought-provoking discussions…but his girlfriend’s “philosphical inquiries” generally were limited to, “what does the Bible say?” She was not stupid, far from it…she just had very little real intellectual curiosity, based upon her faith’s apparent lack of need for such curiosity. So eventually the relationship failed, basically because – I believe – one faith was simply a great deal “intellectually deeper” than the other.

Although I understand that certain protestant faiths - i.e. Anglican - may be closer to Catholicism that others, marriages often have a great deal stacked against them today, let alone if both parties have divergent world views from the get-go. Catholicism has a very rich intellectual tradition, which is sometimes - note sometims – lacking in protestant sects, and that difference may infuse (infect?) a relationship.

I’m not trying to lead people away from any faith but trying to live spirit of the second quoted post. That is this dogma that one should avoid anything that might weaken there faith seems to me to be a form of spiritual censorship. I believe quite the opposite, that questioning ones faith can make it stronger. True it may lead some free-thinkers astray but it’s archaic to strive to “keep people in the dark” about other beliefs. Too me its seems a very watered down analog to book burning.

And I don’t think raising a kid in two religions is going to lead to a mentally unstable individual so long as the parents are supportive and understanding.

That’s my two cents anyways. Perhaps its rooted in my own experience. I was raised in a very liberal Methodist church, but I lost religion early on because I had a questioning mind. If my parents had let me explore I would have discovered my true beliefs and avoided my stint with atheism. Which even to an agnostic is… well I think it was Aristotle who said “atheism is a disease of the soul before it is one of the mind”… or maybe its the other way around, I cant rememeber.

 

[1ke]

but it’s archaic to strive to “keep people in the dark” about other beliefs.

You’ve made a leap that no one has suggested.

Rejecting the idea that you can raise a child in two religions in no way precludes *teaching *them about various religions. Comparitive studies certainly have their place in religious study. Questioning, and having your questions answered, are also key to growing in faith and having a solid understanding of the world and God.

Studying another religion and somehow trying to raise a child to try to hold two opposing belief systems simultaneously are not the same thing at all.

 

[Hosh]

You’ve made a leap that no one has suggested.

Rejecting the idea that you can raise a child in two religions in no way precludes *teaching *them about various religions. Comparitive studies certainly have their place in religious study. Questioning, and having your questions answered, are also key to growing in faith and having a solid understanding of the world and God.

Studying another religion and somehow trying to raise a child to try to hold two opposing belief systems simultaneously are not the same thing at all.

I’ve read “better to ignore” in threads about reading Anti-Catholic and Atheist literature. I guess its my liberal upbringing that has me see things in such a way. To my eyes the fundamentals seem the same, the rest is just culture and tradition, but then I guess there are some that believe non-catholic Christians will go to hell so obviously its taken very seriously.