C
chevalier
Guest
Here’s a post I’m pasting from a different thread to avoid going off-topic again. The discussion concerned a woman acting not very interested, as in not returning calls, always being busy etc. This is path to disaster, although it may not be visible to you just yet.
Just as I told my poor friend less than 2 hours ago, men will remember how they were treated in the beginning. It will kick back. Starting out not returning calls, not replying, promising to call but not calling etc. and later falling for the guy and expecting him to be fully dedicated and invested is not the way to start a good relationship.
Men will think, “she didn’t want me when I was giving you my everything, now she wants me when I’ve basically started caring less and trying less.” I myself think this way and I’m a lawyer who got his degree for a paper on the benefit of doubt, i.e. explaining all doubts in favour of someone. It’s very hard to get out of this pattern as a man, and in fact, it can be a huge turn-off later in a relationship, reducing the man’s interest or willingness to invest himself in the relationship. It’s possible that my own 1.5 years relationship from a couple of years ago fell apart because of this thing.
As I told my friend, skip the men whom you don’t consider good enough for you, don’t give them opportunity to linger and get you by sheer longevity. But when you do find a guy you see you could be interested in, even if you don’t know just yet, but he’s basically a guy you could like and respect, treat him well, keep your promises, be honest with him. I recommend this as a minimum. For a maximum, I would suggest that you treat all people (male or female) right, being kind, polite, honest and keeping your promises and arrangements (as Christians we should act like this to everybody anyway), but keep your boundaries clear and consistent (no going back and forth–it probably means the relationship isn’t good for any of you anyway).
At any rate,
Just as I told my poor friend less than 2 hours ago, men will remember how they were treated in the beginning. It will kick back. Starting out not returning calls, not replying, promising to call but not calling etc. and later falling for the guy and expecting him to be fully dedicated and invested is not the way to start a good relationship.
Men will think, “she didn’t want me when I was giving you my everything, now she wants me when I’ve basically started caring less and trying less.” I myself think this way and I’m a lawyer who got his degree for a paper on the benefit of doubt, i.e. explaining all doubts in favour of someone. It’s very hard to get out of this pattern as a man, and in fact, it can be a huge turn-off later in a relationship, reducing the man’s interest or willingness to invest himself in the relationship. It’s possible that my own 1.5 years relationship from a couple of years ago fell apart because of this thing.
As I told my friend, skip the men whom you don’t consider good enough for you, don’t give them opportunity to linger and get you by sheer longevity. But when you do find a guy you see you could be interested in, even if you don’t know just yet, but he’s basically a guy you could like and respect, treat him well, keep your promises, be honest with him. I recommend this as a minimum. For a maximum, I would suggest that you treat all people (male or female) right, being kind, polite, honest and keeping your promises and arrangements (as Christians we should act like this to everybody anyway), but keep your boundaries clear and consistent (no going back and forth–it probably means the relationship isn’t good for any of you anyway).
At any rate,
- don’t ever give a man substandard treatment to test him, for your both sakes because you can’t expect him not to came out scarred from that and you can’t expect him to see you as someone who wouldn’t hurt a fly if you have hurt him,
- don’t start a relationship with someone who apparently was able to survive all the bad treatment you could give him, for your sake–like a broken dog, he will bite back when he regains control of the situation, which happened to my friend (my own interest and respect for a woman also takes a dive when the addictive charm eases down a bit),
- defeat the urge to be attracted and pursue men who treat you badly or ignore you; they are *not *better than you just because they can apparently afford to ignore you and they are not better than men who treat you well or show interest just because they think they don’t have to; my friend learnt this lesson without me and her solution is to avoid even starting a conversation because she knows her weaknesses and she doesn’t want to make mistakes any more (or waste her time on men unworthy of her).
- if you pick a man who doesn’t care that much and isn’t all that into you, then you will have a boyfriend and later a husband who doesn’t care that much and isn’t all that into you. He will not stop with all that nonchalance when you ask him to,
- if you look for a man who doesn’t need you, then you won’t be able to blame anyone if you end up being an unneeded wife.
- people are hurt if they are treated badly, it will not go away when we want it to;
- people will not start being good and caring and acting interested when we ask them to;
- people who ignore you or treat you without much regard don’t do this because they’re great people worth having so much that you should pursue them; contrary, they are people who ignore you or treat you without much regard.
