Dating advice needed

  • Thread starter Thread starter kire05
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
K

kire05

Guest
I wanted to get some advice regarding a situation that happened recently.

A couple worker and I have gone out for dinner a few times (just the both of us) and we have been getting to know each other. Ever time that we get together she makes plans about going out to try out new things.

Before I go on I wanted to clarify that there isn’t a set policy in place at work regarding dating or fraternizing. I am a supervisor and she is a secretary, but works at a different location than I do. All employees have contact with each other through IM and we are just 9 people in total in our department. As far as giving raises or promotions are concerned, I do not have authority to do so.

We recently took a road trip and spent the entire day with each other, just getting to know each other. We haven’t talked about our feelings or anything, but our conversations have gotten a little more deeper.

Yesterday she sent me pictures that we took together and she joked by saying “imagine if you shared that in FB, the entire office will go crazy”. I assumed she meant what if our superiors found out and I told her not to worry since I am descreet and will just keep it between us. I told her that the last thing I want to do is cause any problems for her and for my part she doesn’t have to worry about me. She told me that it would be better to talk about it later since it’s making her a little bit uncomfortable.

We aren’t officially in a relationship but I do really like her. But the part about her feeling uncomfortable is worrying me. We haven’t talked yet since I want to give her some space, bit ultimately I do want to clear the air and I know that I’m just going have to man up.

In all honesty, I just want to get some advice and vent about my situation. I do really like her and feel that I’m going to end up in the friend zone.
 
I think she meant uncomfortable with keeping it secret more than anything else. And she does sound as though she likes you - maybe the joking to put it on Facebook was a way for her to see if you wanted to make it more official/if you really liked her.

Honestly, just talk to her. Tell her you really like her and ask her about the uncomfortable comment. You may find that you want the same thing, you’ve just crossed wires.
 
The ‘friend zone’ isn’t a real thing, at least not as you’re conceptualizing it. Yes, couples can be ‘friends’ first, and it’s a good way to meet, but only it’s a mutual friendship that naturally evolves at a similar rate for the both of you. “Secret love” is a trope that’s played for drama/tension in media and doesn’t really exist for the majority of women. Either she’s interested in you romantically or she’s not. Just frankly talk to her and figure out what her feelings towards you are. It may be an awkward conversation, but it’s way, way better than becoming a creep who’s convinced she’s secretly in love with you or something.
 
She was telling you, in a round about way, that she doesn’t want her personal business all over the office. If you want the relationship to progress, you need to make it clear to her that you aren’t the type to be posting all of your business on social media, gossiping, etc. If she is a secretary, and female, office gossip can be brutal. Women are the worst when it comes to this sort of thing, and she is probably anticipating the blowback from having her personal privacy invaded by her colleagues. (and I say that as a woman).
 
The probably meant the office would go crazy as in your other coworkers would be like “wow! Are x and y dating?! Didn’t see that coming”. Just like a funny reaction, not getting in trouble with bosses.

When a man makes it clear that he’ll keep the relationship a secret, id be very disappointed and assume he has a wife that I don’t know about… or something else to hide. You should really clarify what you meant lol
 
Keeping one’s personal life personal is not being “secretive”, it is being mature and discreet.

Of course the important question, is she Catholic 🙂
 
Yes, after rereading what she texted me that’s what I meant, but it was too late. I will definitely clarify with her.
 
She is Catholic, and since it’s been or third date I didn’t want to make her uncomfortable or any thing about posting stuff on FB. So I agree that it is not matter to keep it a secret, as things progress then I will talk to my superiors.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top