Dating Advice

[Curlblon]

I realize that it is hard to fully explain any situation online but I will try.

I am a senior in high school and have a girlfriend; we have been going out for a year and a half. We will be attending different colleges.

She is Catholic and is one of the nicest people I know. Her faith is growing, and I am proud that the now goes to church every weekend. She cares about me deeply and we work well together in doing things such as carpooling our younger siblings around. She is so mother-like that one of her nicknames is “Mama.” She generally stays clear of drama and gossip which I heavily dislike. She is a hard worker and is a modest individual.

However, I have some reservations about her.

I don’t like how she treats her family much of the time. She oftentimes puts her sisters or close friends down or makes them out to be “stupid.” When I questioned her on this, she said that they have a special relationship, and she was not being mean. I find her only moderately attractive and am not very excited to see her in the morning at school as someone who is “in love” would be. I find her to be boring sometimes as she is an introvert and I am mildly an introvert so half the time we don’t talk as we walk to a class. I am concerned that if I am questioning our relationship now, it will be especially difficult when we are in a long distance relationship.

I suppose if this were boiled down, it could read as “How much does personality, feelings, and beauty affect a relationship in which both people have good morals?”

Thank you for your replies.

 

[SwizzleStick]

I realize that it is hard to fully explain any situation online but I will try.

I am a senior in high school and have a girlfriend; we have been going out for a year and a half. We will be attending different colleges.

She is Catholic and is one of the nicest people I know. Her faith is growing, and I am proud that the now goes to church every weekend. She cares about me deeply and we work well together in doing things such as carpooling our younger siblings around. She is so mother-like that one of her nicknames is “Mama.” She generally stays clear of drama and gossip which I heavily dislike. She is a hard worker and is a modest individual.

However, I have some reservations about her.

I don’t like how she treats her family much of the time. She oftentimes puts her sisters or close friends down or makes them out to be “stupid.” When I questioned her on this, she said that they have a special relationship, and she was not being mean. I find her only moderately attractive and am not very excited to see her in the morning at school as someone who is “in love” would be. I find her to be boring sometimes as she is an introvert and I am mildly an introvert so half the time we don’t talk as we walk to a class. I am concerned that if I am questioning our relationship now, it will be especially difficult when we are in a long distance relationship.

I suppose if this were boiled down, it could read as “How much does personality, feelings, and beauty affect a relationship in which both people have good morals?”

Thank you for your replies.

Seems like you see good in your girlfriend but that you also have had reservations for some time, considering your others posts and threads. You are young. You do not have to commit to a relationship right now, especially since this is your first relationship. You are going to different colleges, so why not just wait and see if that change and the distance hinders your relationship or prompts it to grow toward something permanent?

 

[Me2nd]

Curlblon,

I cannot give you a yes or no on whether or not you and your girlfriend should stay together, because ultimately it has to be your decision. I am a current college student, and I have been in and out of relationships for the past few years including one that was long distance. I have had some beneficial relationships as well as many mistakes, and I just want to share with you the few things I’ve learned. Throughout the relationship, ask yourself these 3 questions:

1. Does your relationship with her bring you closer to God?
2. Are you a better version of yourself when you’re with her?
3. When you think about a potential *future *with this girl, do you feel a sense of peace or a sense of dread? (listen to your gut)

I know none of this is a straight answer, but if you really reflect, pray about it, and just be honest with yourself, I think you’ll find your answer. And always remember - it’s SO easy to forget - that with or without a relationship, your identity, fulfillment, and source of hope are from God alone. I’m not saying that to be cheesy or out of a sense of obligation because this is a Catholic forum, but because I’ve experienced the truth of this firsthand, and I know what the other side is like. Keep working to find your answer; I’ll keep you in my prayers.

 

[chevalier]

I’d stay friends in such a case. Hold out for an opportunity to meet someone to whom you can commit without reservations.

As for her putting people down, she may just have that kind of special relationship with some people as she says. Some people really tease their loved ones, which can sound mean to outsiders.

 

[Augustine_M]

Curlblon,

I cannot give you a yes or no on whether or not you and your girlfriend should stay together, because ultimately it has to be your decision. I am a current college student, and I have been in and out of relationships for the past few years including one that was long distance. I have had some beneficial relationships as well as many mistakes, and I just want to share with you the few things I’ve learned. Throughout the relationship, ask yourself these 3 questions:

1. Does your relationship with her bring you closer to God?
2. Are you a better version of yourself when you’re with her?
3. When you think about a potential *future *with this girl, do you feel a sense of peace or a sense of dread? (listen to your gut)

I know none of this is a straight answer, but if you really reflect, pray about it, and just be honest with yourself, I think you’ll find your answer. And always remember - it’s SO easy to forget - that with or without a relationship, your identity, fulfillment, and source of hope are from God alone. I’m not saying that to be cheesy or out of a sense of obligation because this is a Catholic forum, but because I’ve experienced the truth of this firsthand, and I know what the other side is like. Keep working to find your answer; I’ll keep you in my prayers.

I am a Seminarian but I also have had periods when I had to appraise my relationships back in college days. We are social beings who have an orientation towards God and the deisre to share our lives with our fellow human biengs. But the main thing that should be the basis of every realtionship is whether it helps you grow closer to God. Try to be sincere with yourself and be open and give this realtionship time since no one is chasing you to commit yourself yet. You never know the future may present you with a “perfect rose” although it will always remain relatively perfect. Good luck. I will keep you in my prayers.