Dating Advice

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I find most of the advice on this thread to be sound, though the suggestions to “drop him instantly” may be premature on the basis of the information available.

It would help to know your ages and how long you have been dating. However, I make these suggestions:
  1. you should not compromise on your position to decline pre-marital sex, or overly intimate touching that might potentially lead to that (or appear to give the green light to your bf);
  2. you need to communicate/explain your position to your bf, but do it in a sensitive, yet clear manner, without hysterics or threats; [If he is catholic, you’d hope not much “explaining” is necessary.]
  3. if after a good and clear discussion, he indicates he does not accept the embargo, or persists in ways that make that clear, it is likely that you will have to suggest to him that you need to take a break from each other.
cheers
 
em123 said:
I’m really in desperate need of advice. My boyfriend and I are very Catholic, and he has a love for the Church unlike anyone else I’ve seen. I really love him, and I know he loves me, but he wants me to show him parts of my body I don’t think I should, and he wants to touch me in places I don’t think he should either. I have tried to talk to him about it, but he says there is nothing wrong with it and he gets really mad about it.

Just today, I got so frustrated with the whole thing that I told him if he could not respect my boundaries I would have to break up with him (even though that’s the last thing I want to do). He just got even more angry and said that we are young and it will be fine. He thinks I’m being cruel and manipulative by saying that. He said if he can’t do those things, then how would we even show our passion for each other? He’s really mad at me that I said that, but I felt like I had to tell him how serious I am. I just really don’t want to break up with him, because I love him. What should I do?:confused:
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First of all, him blaming you for this is a classic textbook technique to get what he wants. It is surprisingly effective.

Secondly, I can see why it would be hard to leave him. His actions tell me that he does know the dating game, and if he’s Catholic, great, but he’s using his influence here for something evil.

The best thing you can do is first have a conversation with him about it if you have not already. Don’t wait until he tries something. Talk about it NOW.

If a man cannot respect you, no matter how good he seems, then as a guy, let me tell you it is time to leave.

Once this touching starts, the next thing you know, you two could be having sex. If you’ve never done that kind of touching before, it’s pretty powerful stuff and can lead to that. Women get a rise out of the same as men, be assured.

And what happens if it doesn’t work out? I’ve know of religious girls to really act out after coming out of a sexual relationship with someone and will sleep with other men minus any worthwhile relationship.

That may sound a little far-fetched, but you may be surprised how easy it gets to concede with sexual morality.

Also, feel free to have him come on here. Maybe myself or someone else can help him see that he’s sabotaging this relationship, make that clear to him. That is, you don’t want this to end but will not be pressured into sexual activity.
 
I don’t know what Kool Aid of the devil he’s been drinking or if he’s just thinking with a body part that ought to keep a zipper on it, but he is not “very Catholic” when it comes to this question.

Why don’t you say, “Oh, I’m being cruel and manipulative? Really? Why don’t we go talk to Father about that? He’s our confessor; I think he can tell us which of us is on the side of virtue here and which of us is trying to use manipulation to force someone else into a corner. I think he can also tell us whether or not there is anything wrong with what you’re proposing. You tell him what you want me to do, I’ll tell him how I feel about doing it, and we’ll see what he says.”

Then break up with him until he grows up. I don’t care if he’s 30; any “very Catholic” person who tries to force you into any kind of an experience, but especially a sexual experience, by the use of anger and accusations is a bad bet for a spouse. A good man never tries to coerce someone to giving into his sexual desires. A good man wants to know that desire is a) appropriate and b) given in total freedom, without anyone feeling forced to do anything that makes him or her uncomfortable.

Don’t think he’ll stop with this question, BTW. That twerp is trying to bully you!! He is using relational aggression by using your friendship as leverage to force you to do what he wants you to do. Would you allow any of your other friends to force you to follow their social agenda using tactics like that–“do such and so, because otherwise I’ll know you don’t really care about me, and so I won’t be friends with you” or “oh, you won’t do what I want, you are so mean to me”? You should see through that as the 5th grade ploy that it is! He’s going to use these same tactics any time you cross him to keep him from doing the wrong thing instead of what he desires. Don’t go there.
 
I am sorry you didn’t post your ages.

He is wrong to pressure you, and he’s so out of line on this, you deserve an apology.
Do not feel bad about setting a boundary and sticking to it! He needs to learn boundaries himself. Stand your ground!

The reason God designed sex to be within marriage is because it’s the super glue to help couples stay married. Because of sex, babies come into the world, and God wishes that any baby should have a man and woman that are committed to each other for life, so that they can be partners in raising children. It’s God’s plan for us, and it’s an excellent plan. One day when you are wearing your beautiful white wedding gown, standing and facing the handsome man who wants to spend his whole life with you, you will be happy that you walked in God’s plan. That man, who wants to come before family and friends and God, to marry you as his own, forsaking all others, is worth waiting for. There may be a lot of guys that will ‘steal’ what is not theirs to have. How he gets what he wants is to put a ring on your finger. End of story. Young ladies and babies are what God is protecting with His commandments. He’s an excellent Father, and He loves you.
 
If so, then hopefully others read the thread and learned some very important things.
 
robwar said:
is this a troll?
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It would be very bad trolling, as there is little controversy to spark angry needless debate among the posters. Basically, the advice is universally, “He is manipulative, consider breaking up with him”. My guess is that the OP asked the question half-heartedly and didn’t expect the responses she got.
 
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