Dating Age Difference

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gunnerz

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I was wondering if anybody knew what the statistically best age difference was for relationships/marriages. I’ve read some places it’s three years and some places five years but I was wondering if you all have read anything and/or can provide a link to some (preferably Catholic) reasource and/or have any intuitions on this topic.
 
Really? I’ve never read any studies on the subject as to what’s “best”…

I’m sure we’ll be far from average… DH is 10 years old than me! 😉
 
I agree with Em. I’ve never really heard of such a study done on this topic. I don’t think that the success of marriages and age really have anything to do with each other. It mostly depends on compatibility, similarity in values, morals, etc, and many more factors.

My DH is 8 years older than me.
 
There are many opinions. Generally, the man should be older. Certainly, there will normally be something to overcome if the man is some 10 years younger and supposed to be the head of the family, right?

Personally, I can’t offer you that much first-hand experience, since I’m still at an age where small differences can matter a lot - 24 years old. I’ve just finished university and someone who is only starting it - five years younger, aged 19, is at a totally different stage in life, isn’t he? However, when you’re 30 and the other person 25, it does matter much less. It’s even welcome, if the man is the older one (man 30, woman 25). In fact, I do believe the man should be older, but at my current age, I’m finding it difficult to relate on some levels with people even several years younger and relations (especially professional) with people up to 30 or a bit older are sometimes easier and more natural. I guess I’m sticking to about my age or, more likely, it will take a couple of years from now.
 
I tend to get along with older people better than younger people, most of my friends are at least two years older than I am, and the guys especially are older. It’s also just a fact of life, because I’m premed and most people in our premed program are post-bac. I also know a lot of Catholic grad students in our Catholic community. I still feel painfully young around some of my older friends but I do notice that the age gap is starting to close. Lol, the only difference between me and some of my older friends is a few years maturity and they can drink while I still can’t (which is frustrating, especially when it’s part of your heritage/culture). I probably will end up married to someone older to me, simply because I relate more to older people on many levels.

I don’t really see anything with age difference. As long as it works and is sought with pure motives, it really doesn’t matter.
 
gunnerz said:
I was wondering if anybody knew what the statistically best age difference was for relationships/marriages. I’ve read some places it’s three years and some places five years but I was wondering if you all have read anything and/or can provide a link to some (preferably Catholic) reasource and/or have any intuitions on this topic.
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My dh is 11 years older than me…and I always dated older men. I think 20 years can cause some issues, as perhaps not having as much in common…but I also believe love knows no age.🙂
 
I wasn’t aware of any studies, but I suspect there are so many contributing factors (religion, economic status, region, etc) that would show anything the author of the study intended… Marriage is a worldly expression and sign of God’s love, so I believe as long as the couple lives that vocation to its fullest, their ages are not relevant. In a dating situation, as long as the ages are legally appropriate, acceptable to both parties, and where necessary, acceptable to parents, age shouldn’t matter.
 
sanctamaria17 said:
I tend to get along with older people better than younger people, most of my friends are at least two years older than I am, and the guys especially are older. It’s also just a fact of life, because I’m premed and most people in our premed program are post-bac. I also know a lot of Catholic grad students in our Catholic community. I still feel painfully young around some of my older friends but I do notice that the age gap is starting to close. Lol, the only difference between me and some of my older friends is a few years maturity and they can drink while I still can’t (which is frustrating, especially when it’s part of your heritage/culture). I probably will end up married to someone older to me, simply because I relate more to older people on many levels.

I don’t really see anything with age difference. As long as it works and is sought with pure motives, it really doesn’t matter.
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I like older men to. I am 27 and i have lots of guy friends in the late 30’s to early 40’s age range. I guess i want a man who knows what he wants and is stable and the guys my age aren’t there yet…
 
Yeah, I tend to agree with that, but I am only 18, lol. I find that older guys tend to be more mature and respectful to women. But then again, I hang out with a lot of Christian guys so I’m sure that’s a huge piece of it. Their experience and knowledge also attracts me.
 
I always got along with people younger than myself and found myself surrounded by them. Also, because of my “youthful mannerisms,” I always expected to marry a younger woman. I do agree, too, that it is natural.

My wife is 3&1/2 yrs older.🤷 Guess you really can’t pick who you fall in love with.

Plus being over 6’ tall I intended to marry a woman at least 5’6".
My wife is 5’, well to be fair pregnancy grew her an inch.
 
I think personal preference has a lot to do with it. I’ve dated guys 7 years younger to 13 years older. I prefer someone closer to my ager. Preferably within five years either side. I know some people who want an older spouse. I just can’t relate to guy who would be my fathers age…sorry but it would kind of creep me out but I also don’t want to date someone young enough to be my son either. :o
 
**My husband is 4.5 years older than me. It works super well for us. I probably wouldn’t have gone much older though. 🤷

It was hard to even consider dating other guys my age during college. They were SO immature, party animals, and very disrespectful to women. :rolleyes:
**
 
Well, I’ll be the odd ball here. My DH is 2 years younger than me, but he is very mature for his age. I have several male friends who are 5 years older than my DH and not nearly as mature. I really don’t think that age plays that much of a role when you’re talking about individual relationships. Of course there may be a general trend, but I think success of a relationship is about much more than chronological age.
 
gunnerz said:
I was wondering if anybody knew what the statistically best age difference was for relationships/marriages.
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I studied Marriage and Family Sociology, and I can’t recall a magic age gap. That doesn’t necessarily mean there isn’t one; it’s just that I don’t remember coming across anything statistically significant. The only generalization I can make is that it is statistically better for the man to be older than the woman.

For the most important factors, see:

63.147.126.13/ccc/interior_template.asp?id=20398820

This page is from foryourmarriage.org/ (a Catholic marriage website).
 
just wanted to throw in that my parents have a 13 year age difference and have been married for over 30 years now. When they married my mum was 18 and my dad was 31. That was even shocking at the time and many people didnt approve. Guess they showed them though! My parents have the best marriage i’ve ever witnessed.
 
My DH is 7 years older than me… He’s mature and caring…and acts like a kid during football games…😃
 
I’ve had a girlfriend who is 2 years older than I am. I’m 14 yrs old. She was a little fast for me. And most of the girls my age are too stuck-up or to fickle. Probably best to stay more near your age I’d say. I’ll just wait a little while. I too tend to get along better with those older me. I have a lot of adult friends or friends older than me.
 
This is an interesting question. First, here is a real life example. One of my distant relatives had his second marriage in his early seventies. Of course he married a much younger woman. They had two sons. Both had very successful careers and are still alive in their eighties. Do you imagine these sons think the marriage was a bad idea? Of course not.

My personal opinion for what it’s worth is that it is a huge mistake to rely on the modernistic idol of statistics. I don’t see why Christians would rely on statistics when they make decisions about marriage. That is a very wordly way of looking at things. It is not a Christian viewpoint at all. It is related to the viewpoint that the universe is governed by chance, not by God. It is related to Darwin and the pseudoscience of evolution.

To add to my two cents worth, I would say that if an adult couple of any age difference love each other in a Christian way and want to have children so they can raise them as faithful Catholics, then what’s the problem? If they can’t have their own children, there are plenty of children who need adoption into a loving Catholic family.

Another thing to consider is that in fact no one knows if this will be their last day on earth. Two people could be married today who are both twenty-one and in perfect health, and tomorrow one or both of them could be dead in an accident. Or a couple of the same age could have a child and then one or both of them could perish within a few years and leave the child without parents.

On the other hand, a man could marry a woman who is twenty years his junior, and they could have children, and they could all live happily as the children grow to adulthood.
gunnerz said:
I was wondering if anybody knew what the statistically best age difference was for relationships/marriages. I’ve read some places it’s three years and some places five years but I was wondering if you all have read anything and/or can provide a link to some (preferably Catholic) reasource and/or have any intuitions on this topic.
Click to expand...
 
IMO, age should only be relevant as far as:
  1. If the parties desire a greater likelihood for pregnancy, or:
  2. If one party is below a legal age, or some kind of “landmark” age, such as 18 in the U.S.
Beyond that, it is merely a “sign post,” which may suggest some degree of maturity or another. It doesn’t mean anything in and of itself. A 40 year old is likely to have a higher degree of maturity than a 20 year old, but that is likelihood, not a guarantee.
 
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