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pianistclare
Guest
My thought exactly.I never said people who aren’t Catholic are bad people with bad morals. You’re being very defensive here when there’s no need to be. Sounds like you’ve already made up your mind about these things. Why ask for advice at all?
Sounds like the OP is looking fro a reason to stay because he has all the same fears that people are voicing.
Faith is important. If they marry there will be all kinds of promises made.
Don’t put blinders on and force into making promises she really can’t keep.
Just for the sake of having a significant other.
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WingsOfEagles
Guest
I do suspect that we haven’t said anything that OP hasn’t already thought of or he wouldn’t be here asking the question. Now, a few things…we don’t know OP’s age. If this is a couple in the 16-20 yo range, she could easily come around to believing in a higher power again…she could be in a “phase”. OP also mentioned she was brought up as a Mormon. I have seen many Mormon children turn away from religion because they get turned away due to the peculiarities of the Mormon faith. If she’s willing to attend Catholic Mass with OP, I might give it a little time to see if the faith grows on her, but don’t marry her expecting that she’ll change or that she’ll defend the faith when speaking with future children if she remains agnostic.
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Hoosier_Daddy
Guest
Practicing or not I’d say around my part of the world far more people go from Catholic to Mormon than Mormon to catholic. I missed the lds part. That could get real tricky with in laws.
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pianistclare
Guest
Yup.
I had a Catholic student, entire family really super Catholic. Then he started dating a Mormon girl. She was coming to church la la la. But people forget how persistent Mormons are. When he proposed, it was a Mormon wedding or nothing. At the temple. No non Mormons allowed in. His entire family was excluded. Oh, and he had to hurry up and renounce his faith and get baptized Mormon. His family found out on FB. He still wont look his grandmother in the eye. The Catholics were willing to embrace her. He had to give up his family for hers.
She forced his hand instead of working together.
That’s not love.
I had a Catholic student, entire family really super Catholic. Then he started dating a Mormon girl. She was coming to church la la la. But people forget how persistent Mormons are. When he proposed, it was a Mormon wedding or nothing. At the temple. No non Mormons allowed in. His entire family was excluded. Oh, and he had to hurry up and renounce his faith and get baptized Mormon. His family found out on FB. He still wont look his grandmother in the eye. The Catholics were willing to embrace her. He had to give up his family for hers.
She forced his hand instead of working together.
That’s not love.
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WingsOfEagles
Guest
It for sure could, but it really depends on the family, I think. There are a lot of ex-Mormons, but often the Catholic Church reminds them too much of what they left (can seem cult-like to an outsider). We just don’t know her personally to know the whole situation.
exmormon.org/
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pianistclare
Guest
I find the bolded a shocking statement,
There is NOTHING, nothing whatsoever similar between the two.
Not.even.close.
I’m out.
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WingsOfEagles
Guest
I didn’t say I agreed. I’m just stating what ex-Mormons have told me. I think you have to look at it from a non-Catholic perspective to understand where they are coming from. A Pope who decides what everyone is supposed to believe, extra gods (saints) we pray to (again, I don’t agree), a Catechism that to an ex-Mormon seems to parallel The Book of Mormon.
You may find this shocking, but I’m not pulling it out of thin air nor am I agreeing with it.
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SuperHappy
Guest
It can seem as if she is being very accommodating and that you are being quite understanding right now but please realize that you two are still dating and exploring each other right now. You are both putting on your best faces, you stating that she is still a good person with very good morals and her agreeing to attend services with you. Later on, if she refuses to attend services you will feel that it was all an act. And if you insist on pushing the issue, she will feel coerced. If she was raised Mormon and that resulted in her being agnostic, then you will need to address that.
Children are an abstract idea to you both right , thinking about what you’d like. Once your child or children are born, the instincts become almost visceral. You will want your children brought up in the Catholic Faith, you’ll want them to experience the fullness of the faith with baptism, first communion, confirmation and all of these require responsibility. Its really hard to imagine anything different if you are Catholic. But try to imagine your faith and raising your children in the faith with someone who is not fully engaged (or involved). Its hard. And when your children have questions, how will that be handled?
I think you should pray long and hard before becoming involved with someone outside of the faith, especially someone whose family is a completely different faith and ended up being agnostic.
Your future and your children’s future depend on you!
Children are an abstract idea to you both right , thinking about what you’d like. Once your child or children are born, the instincts become almost visceral. You will want your children brought up in the Catholic Faith, you’ll want them to experience the fullness of the faith with baptism, first communion, confirmation and all of these require responsibility. Its really hard to imagine anything different if you are Catholic. But try to imagine your faith and raising your children in the faith with someone who is not fully engaged (or involved). Its hard. And when your children have questions, how will that be handled?
I think you should pray long and hard before becoming involved with someone outside of the faith, especially someone whose family is a completely different faith and ended up being agnostic.
Your future and your children’s future depend on you!
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Hoosier_Daddy
Guest
It’s also important to note that raising children catholic is much more than just checking off the sacrament boxes every 7 years or so. It’s weekly Mass, daily prayer, rosaries, catechisis, sacrifices like lent, saint feast days, training children to believe not just in an abstract God, but to worship Jesus in the Sacrament, teaching them how to be with God in Heaven by being Catholic. Teaching them about sin, how that sin is forgiven through a sacrament.
All of this with a mom who may be at best “meh” about the whole thing.
Honestly that should be the goal of the husband to the wife as well, and vice versa.
What the op describes is a culture, not a faith. Being a cultural catholic is not authentic.
Truly believing and following your faith to heaven is hard. I can’t imagine doing so becoming one with someone who does not share that understanding of everlasting life.
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kptrs
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CatholicSpirit
Guest
I think you have to realize that nobody is bashing her, just helping you be cautious. I don’t want the same thing that happened to me, happening to you. If you are young, you might be fixated on results, so here it goes: order a free RCIA kit from the Knights of Columbus site, keep it for that “special someone” and this time it happens to be her. It’s evangelizing in the eyes of God so you can’t go wrong here. See how she takes to it, and if it’s like “wow, you opened my eyes!” What better way to hook up with an atheist? Now, other side of the coin, if she says, “why are you so obsessed with what I think of it” in a week or two, that’s 3 lemons. If she gives it back, you know it’s, well, your call.
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CatholicSpirit
Guest
Just updated my signature, have a peek!
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In_Hoc_Signo312
Guest
Has she shown any interest in the Faith aside from willingness to attend Mass?
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Lucky_hunter
Guest
We talked about it a little more today and she only wants to go to church because of me wanting her to go. She also said she is fine with having the kids being Catholic but also doesn’t want to force it upon them once they are old enough to form their own opinions.
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Hoosier_Daddy
Guest
And what age would that be?
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Lucky_hunter
Guest
She said 14ish
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CatholicSpirit
Guest
Old enough to form their own opinions? If you aren’t living in Italy, it’s not going to be good. If you are in the USA or England, there are huge atheism, agnosticism, and satanism movements. Good luck.
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Hoosier_Daddy
Guest
What an odd age to pick (ish).
Well, you can see there most likely will be pushback. Weekly Mass, access to confessions, religious ed are probably out.
Perhaps this is not s good match.
How important is your faith to you?
Maybe just go slow and see if she opens up now. A weekly date for Mass and maybe adoration-- That should tell you all you need to know in a month or two…
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