Dating an agnostic

[CatholicSpirit]

Correction from above, the United States has satanic symbolism, hopefully that won’t get in the way.

 

[SuperHappy]

We talked about it a little more today and she only wants to go to church because of me wanting her to go. She also said she is fine with having the kids being Catholic but also doesn’t want to force it upon them once they are old enough to form their own opinions.

As you can see, this is not going to be easy for you and you may want to reconsider. She says she’s “fine” with children being Catholic but if she also doesn’t want it “forced” on them, she likely won’t participate in raising them in the church. Being a Catholic is more than just going to mass now and then and having sacraments every few years. It’s a continual growth and learning process.
If you are strong in your faith and you know you want your future family to be united in faithfulness, then you need someone closer to your own beliefs.
Pray hard before you continue on this path.

 

[WingsOfEagles]

We talked about it a little more today and she only wants to go to church because of me wanting her to go. She also said she is fine with having the kids being Catholic but also doesn’t want to force it upon them once they are old enough to form their own opinions.

It sounds like you could end up feeling very alone in your mission to raise your children in the faith. You can date for a bit and see if there is any change, but it sounds like this could be a poor match.

 

[Mummsie]

Hi,

A few questions for the OP. How long have you been dating? How old are you? Are you able to have conversations with her about God?

I have been married 47 years to an on again/off again Catholic. I love him dearly. But, as I’ve told him, the most important parts of my life (God and my faith) I can’t discuss with him. This leaves a gap in our relationship.

Dating is your time of discernment. Time to learn about each other. Take your time.

God Bless You and your special lady.

 

[Constantin]

Agnostic may be better than stout protestant or orthodox.
Think about it.

 

[In_Hoc_Signo312]

Agnostic may be better than stout protestant or orthodox.
Think about it.

Why do you think that?

 

[Constantin]

Why do you think that?

I know it. People always think that their being Christian is worth something when it comes to dating protestants or orthodox. Meh, don’t buy it.
An indifferent (not militant!) agnostic may be preferable, especially considering the spiritual development of future children.

 

[In_Hoc_Signo312]

I know it. People always think that their being Christian is worth something when it comes to dating protestants or orthodox. Meh, don’t buy it.
An indifferent (not militant!) agnostic may be preferable, especially considering the spiritual development of future children.

Would that also apply to a non-Christian who became an agnostic?

 

[WingsOfEagles]

I know it. People always think that their being Christian is worth something when it comes to dating protestants or orthodox. Meh, don’t buy it.
An indifferent (not militant!) agnostic may be preferable, especially considering the spiritual development of future children.

I disagree, especially in a scenario where the agnostic wants to “let the children choose”. If this was a Protestant or Orthodox person who was willing to raise the children Catholic, they are going to be a more helpful partner in teaching the children about Jesus.

 

[Constantin]

I disagree, especially in a scenario where the agnostic wants to “let the children choose”. If this was a Protestant or Orthodox person who was willing to raise the children Catholic, they are going to be a more helpful partner in teaching the children about Jesus.

Granted. But marriage and children do strange things to people: They become more conservative and rethink their lives. There’s a big chance that a protestant/orthodox will return to their roots and suddenly be not so indifferent anymore of the children being raised Catholic. Bam- recipe for marriage crisis. This danger is **much ** lower with an agnostic.
To be clear: I am not saying anything like this will happen. All of it depends on the persons involved. We are just talking about probabilities here.

 

[chevalier]

I know this has been discussed a few times a while back but I’d still like some advice. I recently stated to date this wonderful girl I met at school. Her mom is a Morman but my girlfriend is not involved in that church besides just taking her grandfather to mass when he wants to go. She does not associate herself with any religion but she still has very good morals.

Back when we first started talking, we talked about me being Catholic and certain things I had to do such as attending church, being married in the church and raising my kids Catholic. She was very accepting of this and had 0 problems with this. Just recently, I asked her if she would go to church with me and she said she had no problem doing that. I also threw out the question of if she’d ever become Catholic and her response was she already has good morals in her opinion and religion was not necessary for her to live a positive life. She also said she was unsure if a God exists but she also said she is not the one to determine that.

So what does everyone think of this situation? I feel as if I have been very clear on what I need to do on my part of things being a Catholic and she accepted that 100% from what I can tell. I know this is not an ideal situation and I have read other “horror” stories from people in similar situations but the other people in those situations did not seem very accepting as my girlfriend has been to me.

Thank you everyone for your thoughts and prayers.

You can’t pressure conversions, they must be voluntary and are ultimately between the individual and God. The sad thing is you can’t change her belief even for her own good and have to live with that either way, either live with it on a daily basis if you marry or give up the relationship and feel the resulting loss. Life’s tough.

I could give you horror stories enough, but it’s not like you can or should make it like an interview or interrogation for her. You may need your answers, but that wouldn’t be the way. Those are difficult situations. I’m glad to have left them past me, though it was painful.

 

[punisherthunder]

I know this has been discussed a few times a while back but I’d still like some advice. I recently stated to date this wonderful girl I met at school. Her mom is a Morman but my girlfriend is not involved in that church besides just taking her grandfather to mass when he wants to go. She does not associate herself with any religion but she still has very good morals.

Back when we first started talking, we talked about me being Catholic and certain things I had to do such as attending church, being married in the church and raising my kids Catholic. She was very accepting of this and had 0 problems with this. Just recently, I asked her if she would go to church with me and she said she had no problem doing that. I also threw out the question of if she’d ever become Catholic and her response was she already has good morals in her opinion and religion was not necessary for her to live a positive life. She also said she was unsure if a God exists but she also said she is not the one to determine that.

So what does everyone think of this situation? I feel as if I have been very clear on what I need to do on my part of things being a Catholic and she accepted that 100% from what I can tell. I know this is not an ideal situation and I have read other “horror” stories from people in similar situations but the other people in those situations did not seem very accepting as my girlfriend has been to me.

Thank you everyone for your thoughts and prayers.

Ditch her. She’s not going to change and agnostic/atheistic ambiguous morality will only make life further difficult.

Attend National Catholic Singles Conference or a Catholic dating site instead.

 

[chevalier]

Ditch her.

Respectfully communicate the difficult decision, more like. Even if the decision is to split up (which very well might be the right decision), there’s no reason to be anything less than absolutely kind and respectful with that young lady who’s already been through much and shown herself to be a considerate, well-meaning person toward the OP. (Which is much more that one could say for a whole lot of practicing Catholics.)

 

[WingsOfEagles]

Respectfully communicate the difficult decision, more like. Even if the decision is to split up (which very well might be the right decision), there’s no reason to be anything less than absolutely kind and respectful with that young lady who’s already been through much and shown herself to be a considerate, well-meaning person toward the OP. (Which is much more that one could say for a whole lot of practicing Catholics.)

Exactly, it sounds like at the very least, she’s a wonderful friend.

 

[punisherthunder]

Respectfully communicate the difficult decision, more like. Even if the decision is to split up (which very well might be the right decision), there’s no reason to be anything less than absolutely kind and respectful with that young lady who’s already been through much and shown herself to be a considerate, well-meaning person toward the OP. (Which is much more that one could say for a whole lot of practicing Catholics.)

I didn’t say be unkind or disrespectful. Not sure what you mean.

 

[WingsOfEagles]

I didn’t say be unkind or disrespectful. Not sure what you mean.

The wording “ditch her” can seem cold.