I dated a non-Catholic, my best friend and one of the best men I’ve ever met, and my intolerance and arrogance toward him and his beliefs, not the other way around, was what broke us apart. Being “unequally yoked” can be immensely difficult, but it really depends on each relationship, and it definitely depends on you. By no means would I advise you to leave your boyfriend because he is an atheist. Do not work to actively convert him by force. Instead, serve as a great example of Catholicism. Show him how much joy and comfort your religion brings you and how wonderful it is to feel God’s love. Most importantly, treat him with the utmost Christian charity and patience. Remember the Golden Rule. In general and particularly when arguing, if you have nothing nice to say, pause. Reconsider. Maybe say a silent prayer. Consider his best qualities. Remember why you became friends and started dating. Look at him as a precious child of God. It is hard to maintain your rage and even harder to say hateful things when you follow those steps. Right now, only a couple months in, fierce arguments probably seem very far away, but all relationships have rocky periods, and you ought to be prepared for them. Adopt a very loving and patient attitude now, and you can possibly avoid a lot of those fights. Do not assume that he knows the Church’s position on anything, and certainly not that he understands it. Have these conversations early on, and, as other posters recommended, be sure that he’d agree to follow Catholic teaching in your marriage (and now, as you date). However, be very loving and kind. Do not preach and do not condescend. Listen to his beliefs and take them very seriously. Understand his morality and how it developed. Respect these things, even though you disagree. Please, please, please do not be like me and present a holier-than-thou, take-it-or-leave-it, haughty attitude. By no means compromise your beliefs, but be sure to understand and respect his, too, and to be very grateful for his compromises.
One assumption I made in my relationship was that the Church’s position (on everything) was so OBVIOUSLY right that even non-Catholics could see that, and my boyfriend was just being stubborn by not conceding. I did not really acknowledge that he could have his own serious moral disagreements with MY beliefs. For instance, our issues all stemmed from disagreements over sex. I was demeaning and arrogant, implying that his attitude toward the issue must’ve stemmed from an almost-perverted weakness but that he knew that the Church was right and he just needed to give in. That was intolerant, unloving, unkind, and unfair. He did not “know” that the Church’s teaching is “right” and has several very sincere disagreements. I just never bothered to listen, let alone try to understand, until it was too late. Had I, though I was not going to compromise my Catholic beliefs, we could’ve worked through issues rather than butting heads over the same problems again and again and AGAIN until we were so dizzy, frustrated, and sick that we both became resentful and weary and he walked away. I was totally ungrateful the entire time, even though he was making very big compromises and sacrifices for me. Strive to always understand and love your boyfriend.
It is such a blessing to hear such wonderful stories from other posters about their amazing Catholic-nonbeliever marriages!!! Kudos to you guys, and thank you for sharing!!! But as has been cautioned, OP, do not expect your boyfriend to convert. You must be willing to spend your life and raise your children with an atheist. Again, be prepared for the challenges of being “unequally yoked,” but there is no need to flee them. Atheists can make wonderful husbands and fathers just as Catholics can make horrendous ones. And though you must be cautious so that you do not compromise too much and lose your faith, I actually think that dating a non-Catholic can be quite spiritually beneficial. Certainly, for him, you can possibly bring him to the Faith (and all your prayers and sacrifices for him may be working wonders that you just cannot see but are helping him greatly), and being with you will necessitate living, in many ways, according to Catholic standards. As for you, you will need to explain your religion to him. Conclusions that you’ve always thought perfectly natural may be positively incredible to him. You’ll need to increase your Faith and your understanding of it. This can be difficult, but it is an amazing opportunity to become a much stronger Catholic.
And do not listen when others tell you that you are being a bad Catholic by dating outside of the Faith. Helpful cautions are one thing, condemnations of you quite another. There are so many examples of saints who married non-believers and/or very sinful people, and great things came of these relationships. They could’ve refused to enter into those marriages. Maybe some would’ve even become martyrs over that. But many holy women thought that marrying those unholy men was quite in line with God’s will. St. Margaret was a calming, civilised influence on her husband, Malcolm, and by marrying him, she not only played a role in his salvation, but was able to enact reforms as Queen of Scotland but also bear and raise eight good, Catholic children. Her son, King David I, has quite a reputation as a pious, just ruler. Had Saint Monica not married the pagan Patricius, not only would he likely be condemned to Hell, the great Saint Augustine would not exist! And Saint Rita’s prayers and holy witness brought about the salvation of her husband and sons, and she also managed to resolve the long, bloody feud between her husband’s family, the Mancinis, and the rival Chiquis. Obviously, those are extreme examples, but I just wanted to show that great good can come of such a union. Do not despair. Concentrate on prayer and love. Relax. Have faith. God will provide!
