Dating an atheist

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IamusernameIam

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Hello! I’m not new here, but I only posted here once and I had forgotten how to do it. Anyway, I managed to!

Well, my problem is that I was dating an amazing catholic boy (not very devout, but still); he has always been respectful and very good to me and we love each other. Now he says he doesn’t believe in God anymore.

Of course I want to marry a catholic man who can share his faith with me and with our children, but the fact is that my boyfriend is not catholic anymore, so, should I break up with him? Wouldn’t that be like abandoning him? I don’t think it’s his fault that he has stopped believing, and if I leave him, it could take him further from christianity. I think he has more probabilities of keep loving our Church as he still does and of eventually reconverting if I stay with him.

My other question is: If we got married, would it be a sacrament? Because he is catholic as he is baptized, but he is a non believer.

Thank you in advance for your answers and excuse me if there are some mistakes, I’m Spanish.
 
IamusernameIam said:
should I break up with him?
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If you’re desire to build a marriage and family centered on God, share in a faith life, and raise children Catholic I think this becomes self evident. It is not possible to do these things with someone who is not also a praciticing Catholic and states they do not believe in God.
IamusernameIam said:
Wouldn’t that be like abandoning him?
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He’s not a lost puppy. He is a grown man.

The purpose of dating is discerning whether there is a fit for marriage, not making yourself responsible for unsuitable partners for the rest of your life.
IamusernameIam said:
I don’t think it’s his fault that he has stopped believing, and if I leave him, it could take him further from christianity. I think he has more probabilities of keep loving our Church as he still does and of eventually reconverting if I stay with him.
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This is faulty thinking, you take upon yourself what only the Holy Soirit can do. Further, you are leading yourself down a path that has you believing you can change him, if only you endure, this can not be further from the truth.

Dating is to discern suitability, not to saddle yourself with someone unsuitable out of a false sense of responsibility for them.

You must go on the fact that he does not believe, not the hope he might one day believe again. What if he does not? If you move forward it is with a non believer, are your prepared for that the rest of your life?
IamusernameIam said:
My other question is: If we got married, would it be a sacrament? Because he is catholic as he is baptized, but he is a non believer.
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If you got married in the Church it would be a sacrament and a lifetime of strife.
 
Pray that he comes around to the Church again. Let him know that you being Catholic and believing in God is huge for you and that if he’s against this, then it would be best to part with him.

A house divided is never a good thing.
 
Once a catholic, always a catholic. Listen to your heart and pray on it. If his faith is lacking now, it’s because he has allowed himself to get mislead, or maybe, like me- his catholic upbringing wasn’t as strong as yours. A lack of prayer and worship will do this. You can never expect to change him, that’s not on you- that’s the Holy Spirit’s job… but- your prayers can help! I think you need to pray on it. Ask yourself, do you really love him? Enough to spend the rest of your life with him? Because there is no out in the sacrament of marriage- God binds you together- that can’t be undone. The other issue is him- is he open to a Catholic wedding? Will he respect your beliefs? Is he willing to baptize your children and at least allow YOU to teach them about God? Will he respect it enough not to tell your children God doesn’t exist every time you turn your back? Will he be open to accepting the children God sends you?

The power of prayer can move mountains. If he truly loves you, he won’t have any issues giving you what you need. If he isn’t willing to meet the requirements to allow you to live in God’s good graces, then maybe he isn’t for you.

For me, I want nothing more than for my bf’s conversion. I’be been praying for it for years… but he is a strict atheist who seems to harbor a lot of anger towards religion. He’s never been inteoduced to God. We’re 17 years into our relationship, with an almost 16 year old son and i’m now starting to realize that I won’t get my happily ever after with him. It breaks my heart. I wanted so much to see him have some epiphany- but it’s not happening and his lack of faith and refusing to marry me is forcing me to live a life outside of God’s graces. I live every day in fear of dying- because i’m terrified of going to hell. That’s no way for anyone to live. My prayers will always be with him, i’ll pray for him for the rest of my life in the hopes that he meets God before dying- but our relationship has reached a point in which i’ve realized that we are both sinking. I have to cut the rope… for my as well as my son’s sake.

I feel for you, I know it isn’t easy.
 
2 Corinthians 6 talks about being yoked to an unbeliever. (Reader’s Digest version: Don’t do it.) It is great that your boyfriend is being honest with you. The kindest thing, and probably the best for his salvation too (though there are no guarantees), is for you to live out your faith and not willingly yoke yourself to an unbeliever.

I would caution against accidentally presenting this as an ultimatum; “My faith is important to me, so since you don’t believe in God I have to break up with you” could unintentionally be implying, “Say you believe in God, or I will break up with you.” Instead, it would be better to lead with the unpleasant news and then explain why this must be so.
 
Sooner or later you and he are going to have the talk. Talk about what marriage to you looks like, how you intend to raise your children. How does he feel about them being baptized in the Church? Will you use artificial birth control or do you follow Catholic doctrine?

All these questions need to be asked and answered before things get serious. A lot of hard thinking will need to take place.
 
OP, there are too many “IF’S” in this scenario.

Perhaps he can be a very good friend.
But it’s not up to you to “fix” him. He needs to fix himself.

Listen to 1ke.
 
Cam someone actually tell me how I can post a thread? I’ve been trying to figure it out forever…
 
I suggest the book “Answering Atheism: How to Make the Case for God with Logic and Charity” by Trent Horn at Catholic Answers
 
1ke said:
If you’re desire to build a marriage and family centered on God, share in a faith life, and raise children Catholic I think this becomes self evident. It is not possible to do these things with someone who is not also a praciticing Catholic and states they do not believe in God.

He’s not a lost puppy. He is a grown man.

The purpose of dating is discerning whether there is a fit for marriage, not making yourself responsible for unsuitable partners for the rest of your life.

This is faulty thinking, you take upon yourself what only the Holy Soirit can do. Further, you are leading yourself down a path that has you believing you can change him, if only you endure, this can not be further from the truth.

Dating is to discern suitability, not to saddle yourself with someone unsuitable out of a false sense of responsibility for them.

You must go on the fact that he does not believe, not the hope he might one day believe again. What if he does not? If you move forward it is with a non believer, are your prepared for that the rest of your life?

If you got married in the Church it would be a sacrament and a lifetime of strife.
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Listen to this advice…as an atheist he will be an obstacle to the bringing up of your children as Catholic…

I would not recommend marriage of a believer with a non-believer…the points of view are too divergent…
 
Joelle_M said:
Cam someone actually tell me how I can post a thread? I’ve been trying to figure it out forever…
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Go to the forum you want to post in (sub forum of a larger forum)

And note the NEW THREAD button in the upper left hand corner.
Click it, follow the prompts.

Be sure to CHECK your spelling! 😉
 
IamusernameIam said:
I don’t think it’s his fault that he has stopped believing, .
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Then whose fault is it? Please don’t make excuses for him
IamusernameIam said:
and if I leave him, it could take him further from christianity. I think he has more probabilities of keep loving our Church as he still does and of eventually reconverting if I stay with him .
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Don’t be so sure of yourself. You are not your boyfriends savior. He might actually see you as a nag and that will drive him further from the church
 
Anglewannabe said:
Then whose fault is it? Please don’t make excuses for him
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It may, in fact, be no one’s fault. If information has reached him that may cause him to doubt his faith and he is unable to find a successful resolution then an atheist he may become…
Anglewannabe said:
Don’t be so sure of yourself. You are not your boyfriends savior. He might actually see you as a nag and that will drive him further from the church
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Agreed…I cannot see a good coming from beginning a marriage on opposite sides of the field in so important a matter…
 
Jelrak_TB said:
It may, in fact, be no one’s fault. If information has reached him that may cause him to doubt his faith and he is unable to find a successful resolution then an atheist he may become…

.
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As Catholics certain things are a choice/act of the will. For example, we choose to forgive etc. There are certain things we are called to accept by faith such as the Trinity

Agreed, he may not have accurate information, however, he does control his will and he can choose to believe or not. If he becomes an atheist, it is because he chose it
 
Anglewannabe said:
As Catholics certain things are a choice/act of the will. For example, we choose to forgive etc. There are certain things we are called to accept by faith such as the Trinity

Agreed, he may not have accurate information, however, he does control his will and he can choose to believe or not. If he becomes an atheist, it is because he chose it
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If one receives information that seemingly proves a previously unknown attribute against a loved one, is one truly free to choose to believe it?

Alternately, if one is confronted with an article or claim that might clearly be seen to be false is one free to choose to believe it?

To clarify: is it possible to provide a situation in which one might actively choose to believe that which he/she instinctively views as false or to disbelieve that which he/she naturally believes to be true?
 
Jelrak_TB said:
If one receives information that seemingly proves a previously unknown attribute against a loved one, is one truly free to choose to believe it?

Alternately, if one is confronted with an article or claim that might clearly be seen to be false is one free to choose to believe it?

To clarify: is it possible to provide a situation in which one might actively choose to believe that which he/she instinctively views as false or to disbelieve that which he/she naturally believes to be true?
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I’ve read your question over 3 times and made myself dizzy.

This is the jist of the question (as I understand it): can one actively CHOOSE to truly believe anything?

Is that basically what you’re asking?
 
Joelle_M said:
I’ve read your question over 3 times and made myself dizzy.

This is the jist of the question (as I understand it): can one actively CHOOSE to truly believe anything?

Is that basically what you’re asking?
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Correct: is it possible to choose to believe or disbelieve in opposition to given evidence as presented…?
 
Jelrak_TB said:
Correct: is it possible to choose to believe or disbelieve in opposition to given evidence as presented…?
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Yes. We all make a choice to believe or not believe. However, sometimes those choices are conscious choices and sometimes they are unconscious choices. But a choice is still made.

God Bless
 
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