Dating and age gaps

[edwest211]

My two cents. Younger people are going to be drawn to different things compared to older than 2 years apart people. Different memories, different experiences. It may or not matter in this case, but I think it’s worth considering. The older person has already gone through things the younger (by over 2 years) person has not experienced or internalized.

 

[blackforest]

Honestly, an age gap isn’t a huge deal as long as the maturity isn’t so different.

This. I’d be more concerned about a maturity gap than an age gap.

Even at age 20, women mature differently than men. I understand the appeal to seeking someone older if that means meeting your own maturity level.

A grain of salt goes with anything I say on this topic; my husband is only 6 months older than me. I profoundly surprised myself and found a guy my own age!

 

[Xanthippe_Voorhees]

My two cents. Younger people are going to be drawn to different things compared to older than 2 years apart people. Different memories, different experiences. It may or not matter in this case, but I think it’s worth considering. The older person has already gone through things the younger (by over 2 years) person has not experienced or internalized.

2 years is nothing.

Quite frankly, it can be meaningless. I’m older than my husband–but I’m adopted from a neglectful situation. Most times it’s like I’m quite a bit younger than him. We graduated college the same year.

 

[Greenfields]

Different people mature at different rates,I have read that some young men don’t mature until about 27.
Some women mature much earlier.Emotional maturity is very important .
God bless.

 

[starlady]

As others have mentioned, it’s mostly personal preference and personal maturity.

My parents are 8 years apart. My mom was 20 and my dad was 4 days from turning 28 when they married. My husband and I are about 6 1/2 years apart. He turns 33 in a couple weeks, and I turn 27 in a couple months. It was a little weird at first, but not a big deal after we realized how much we liked each other.

 

[PetraG]

2 years is nothing.

Quite frankly, it can be meaningless. I’m older than my husband–but I’m adopted from a neglectful situation. Most times it’s like I’m quite a bit younger than him. We graduated college the same year.

I would think you have many serious friends in his age group, too. That makes a huge difference. In his case, he’d know you “take him seriously,” for instance, that you weren’t out looking for someone younger to dominate. (He does think that, right, LOL?)

 

[Xanthippe_Voorhees]

Xanthippe_Voorhees:

2 years is nothing.

Quite frankly, it can be meaningless. I’m older than my husband–but I’m adopted from a neglectful situation. Most times it’s like I’m quite a bit younger than him. We graduated college the same year.

I would think you have many serious friends in his age group, too. That makes a huge difference. In his case, he’d know you “take him seriously,” for instance, that you weren’t out looking for someone younger to dominate. (He does think that, right, LOL?)

I’m not sure I have any friends my age. My 3 closest friends are 5, 14 and 20 years older than me. I have a few acquaintances who are 3 or so years younger.

My point was that “life experience” and 2 years aren’t really great together.

 

[Pup7]

My grandfather was 10 years older than my grandma.

She was still the boss.

I’ve never heard of a “secular age rule for dating”. These two people are adults. There’s no laws against two adults dating. I dated people my age when I was single that I had nothing in common with. I had more in common and shared more experiences with people older than me, probably because most of my family is older (my brothers are comfortably old enough to be my dad, and my sister is 10 years older than me - same parents, just an oops baby). Someone else may have a different experience, and find that there’s an un-bridgeable gap between them because of the age difference.

I agree with the person who said the gap likely “matters” less as you age, but again - that’s not a hard and fast rule, either. My grandparents were married almost 60 years.

As for the OP’s parents - I unfortunately have no advice, other than working on finding ways to show them what a wonderful man he is and how he takes care of her - because he sounds like she thinks he is and does. Best of luck and blessings to you, OP.

 

[Seagull]

Why is he - dating someone - so young - is the question.

Remember the Ten Commandments -
“ Honor thy Father and Mother “
( honor what they may advise you )

 

[angell1]

I think that is fine, personally.
technicaly there is no “wrong” age gap, unless the person is a minor, obviously, however if the gap is too big, it is generally a bad idea, and there are other red flags involved. this doen’st sound unreasonable though.

 

[Cruciferi]

What about those of us who are 1000+ years old? I appear youthful but I don’t know if it’s right for me to date mortals…

 

[Xanthippe_Voorhees]

What about those of us who are 1000+ years old? I appear youthful but I don’t know if it’s right for me to date mortals…

Depends on how you achieved imortality. Vampires shouldn’t date, especally those who gag sparkle.

 

[BartholomewB]

A year or so after our marriage, my wife’s parents introduced me to some friends of theirs, a couple they’d known for a long time. They said “hello” very politely and we had a short, friendly chat, but my mother-in-law told me afterward that, in private, they had expressed their disapproval of “such a young girl marrying a man so much older than herself.” My wife is, in fact, a few months older than me. We were both 26 or 27 at the time . Appearances can be deceptive.

 

[pretty_lexi]

The same set-up but my parents don’t care about the age for as long as I am happy.

 

[Xantippe]

Basically, when loving parents are concerned about a relationship, there’s often a good reason why, so it might be worth talking to your parents about this to make sure you totally understand their concerns. If you decide to go ahead with the relationship anyway, it’s your choice as a legal adult. Good luck.

Yes.

Also, as a rule of thumb, the younger you are, the more you should listen to your parents’s concerns, and the more important their (name removed by moderator)ut is.

 

[Xantippe]

Different people mature at different rates,I have read that some young men don’t mature until about 27.

Some women mature much earlier.Emotional maturity is very important .

God bless.

But, at the same time, beware the older guy who tells you that you’re SO mature.

That’s a line.

 

[BoyGenius]

m currently dating someone who is 28 and I am 20. I never thought that I would date someon that is so much older than me but I really like him and our relationship is progressing really well. I’m really struggling with parents because they are very close minded to the age gap between us. I am asking for some advice and what you guys think about how big of an age gap is too big?

Just my two inadequate cents. But Jesus never has an inadequate answer to life’s difficult questions to answer. He is all fulfilling in truth.

Maybe, if you have time. Take time if you can, go to Jesus in the Holy and Blessed Sacrament, His Real Presence, and bring all you have to His feet as the lady who wept and washed His feet. Bring all your struggle and pain in discernment, as with your parents seemingly making this a difficult struggle and trying time for you. Ask Him, Who is King. Ask for the intercession and help of Mary, His Mother. She will be of great assistance. Maybe reflect on Saint Paul’s description of love: is patient, never seeking its own, etc.

For me, I have a determined mind and imagination. Having faced temptation, doubts, struggles, and worried what my family or others think. It happens. Obviously my family loves me. And, your parents love you. Never doubt their purest intent. I believe if someone loves you, they should respect and love what you are made of: two parents who have generously cared for you. Who raised you. And helped made you this remarkable woman in life.

But, first and foremost bring it to Christ.

 

[Xanthippe_Voorhees]

A year or so after our marriage, my wife’s parents introduced me to some friends of theirs, a couple they’d known for a long time. They said “hello” very politely and we had a short, friendly chat, but my mother-in-law told me afterward that, in private, they had expressed their disapproval of “such a young girl marrying a man so much older than herself.” My wife is, in fact, a few months older than me. At the time of that meeting we were both 26 or 27. Appearances can be deceptive.

I look young. Despite not being related to my parents, they look very young, too.

Hubby looks old, his parents look old.

I’m 2 years older than him. Before we were married we went to mass with my parents. The priest thought that he was my dad and my father was my fiancee. EMBARASSING!

When we went out with his mom once they thought he was her husband!!

At the time of our marriage we were in our late 20’s. I looked 18. He looked 40.

 

[JamalChristophr]

…

 

[midori]

I’m 6 years younger than DH.

I wanted someone mature. I got it. He… has been very patient with me.

One big thing is, for someone who’s older, they’ve run their own household, balanced their own budget, have relied upon themselves, have saved for a car, have done all sorts of “adult” things. For someone who’s younger… there’s a good chance they’re fresh out of college, have never had a “real” job (apart from being in foodservice or on-campus work-study or some other basic starter job), have never had to manage a house, have never had to manage a budget (apart from making sure there was enough money for frozen pot pies or ramen), and so on. If you’re suddenly going from making $3/hr + tips, or minimum wage, to making $30-$60k… do you have the discipline to manage your assets properly, and not splurge it all on dumb stuff?

He’s already been through all that. You still have more “growing up” to do. But you get to jump from having your parents as a safety net to having him as a safety net, presuming you marry him at graduation. And then you never get that experience of having to be totally self-reliant for a significant period of time. Which is an important element in cultivating maturity.

Which is not to say that there’s anything wrong with that. But it’s something to be aware of.