dating and marriage

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Aaron1988

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As I’m new to Catholicism I want to ask a few questions about dating and marriage so as to be able to live my life as a good Christian and a good catholic.

Although I am not planning on dating for a while as I want to concentrate on my relationship with god first and foremost.

Ok so my first question is when I start dating a catholic woman how can I ensure I don’t compromise her integrety? I am thinking things like never be alone with her except in a public place like going for a walk at the beach or park etc. What about visiting each other at each others houses, obviously not over night, but what about inviting your boyfriend/girlfriend around for dinner or renting a movie to watch together? I’m thinking this would still be inappropriate as you would be alone?
(but if it is inappropriate inviting her around alone what about if we invited another catholic couple around to watch the movie with us, or her parents around for dinner?)

My second question is one for parents, which is how would you feel about your daughter dating a catholic who was previously an aetheist?

My final question is about marriage, well sort of. My question is how does not living together before you marry her make your marriage stronger? (you may think this is obvious but as I was previously aetheist I’m afraid its not obvious to me but there is certainly a reason for not cohabiting and I was just wondering what that reason is?)

Thankyou for taking the time to read this. -Aaron
 
Aaron1988 said:
As I’m new to Catholicism I want to ask a few questions about dating and marriage so as to be able to live my life as a good Christian and a good catholic.

Although I am not planning on dating for a while as I want to concentrate on my relationship with god first and foremost.

Ok so my first question is when I start dating a catholic woman how can I ensure I don’t compromise her integrity? I am thinking things like never be alone with her except in a public place like going for a walk at the beach or park etc. What about visiting each other at each others houses, obviously not over night, but what about inviting your boyfriend/girlfriend around for dinner or renting a movie to watch together? I’m thinking this would still be inappropriate as you would be alone?
(but if it is inappropriate inviting her around alone what about if we invited another catholic couple around to watch the movie with us, or her parents around for dinner?)

My second question is one for parents, which is how would you feel about your daughter dating a catholic who was previously an aetheist?

My final question is about marriage, well sort of. My question is how does not living together before you marry her make your marriage stronger? (you may think this is obvious but as I was previously aetheist I’m afraid its not obvious to me but there is certainly a reason for not cohabiting and I was just wondering what that reason is?)

Thankyou for taking the time to read this. -Aaron
Click to expand...
cohabit: live together and have a sexual relationship without being married.
Seems readily apparent eh? The term you are looking for is co-domiciling which refers to living at the same place. The reason you don’t is because of the massive occasion to sin.
 
Aaron1988 said:
As I’m new to Catholicism I want to ask a few questions about dating and marriage so as to be able to live my life as a good Christian and a good catholic.

Although I am not planning on dating for a while as I want to concentrate on my relationship with god first and foremost.

Ok so my first question is when I start dating a catholic woman how can I ensure I don’t compromise her integrety? I am thinking things like never be alone with her except in a public place like going for a walk at the beach or park etc. What about visiting each other at each others houses, obviously not over night, but what about inviting your boyfriend/girlfriend around for dinner or renting a movie to watch together? I’m thinking this would still be inappropriate as you would be alone?
(but if it is inappropriate inviting her around alone what about if we invited another catholic couple around to watch the movie with us, or her parents around for dinner?)

My second question is one for parents, which is how would you feel about your daughter dating a catholic who was previously an aetheist?

My final question is about marriage, well sort of. My question is how does not living together before you marry her make your marriage stronger? (you may think this is obvious but as I was previously aetheist I’m afraid its not obvious to me but there is certainly a reason for not cohabiting and I was just wondering what that reason is?)

Thankyou for taking the time to read this. -Aaron
Click to expand...
Sorryy, no one can give you the road to walk through. remember that you are not alone. The other part has a saying too.
Your worries are good. You think on things.
I would say that you need to solve problems one at a time, in a question of trial and error. You cannot map beforehand the way and go safely though the map.
The past does not exist, neither do the future.
Only the present is real.
 
I didn’t mean that I want to plan out my future as that has already been planned for me by god and I am now a willing follower of god and his plan for me. The reason I asked these questions is to better understand catholic beliefs (my new beliefs) in why a man and a woman cannot live together before being married and I truly want the next woman I live with to be my wife (I’m ex-aetheist) I just wanted to understand how it makes marriage stronger not why we shouldn’t do it if that makes sense?

Secondly I asked about dating, again not to plan my life, as that is up to god and I will willing follow his plan for me wherever that may lead me; but instead to ensure I don’t violate catholic teachings and unknowingly compromise another catholics virtue, not physically but by others thinking unchaste things happened between us when they have not, if that too makes sense?

-Aaron
 
Aaron I cant explain why not living together before you’re married would actually make your marriage stronger but you’re aware that cohabitation opposes our beliefs 🙂

As for dating, i’d say that you can decide for yourself when you’re dating if you want to spend time together alone and you can weigh up whether or not this would put you two in temptation. There’s
factors you can consider: what you plan to do alone in the house, what time
you’re there, and for how long. the temptation is normally lighter if you do have someone else there, but it doesnt completely rule out the idea of being
alone. just remember you should be focusing on whether or not you’re placing each other in a near occassion of
sin. That’s something you’d work out when you’re with your girlfriend. Hopefully you can mutually decide where you could spend your time together:whether its a movie at home or for a walk on the beach.

God bless you.
 
Dakota_Roberts said:
cohabit: live together and have a sexual relationship without being married.
Seems readily apparent eh? The term you are looking for is co-domiciling which refers to living at the same place. The reason you don’t is because of the massive occasion to sin.
Click to expand...
Yes co-domiciling is an occassion to sin. I’d like to add for the purpose of OP that we also work out how to be cautious of near occassions of sin thruout the dating period. my last post explained it.
 
Yes it would certainly be a mutual decision as I always will respect and listen to my girlfriends’ and my (future) wifes’ thoughts, feelings and her opinions as I belive that your partener should be equally as important as you are, if not more so; and that you should always treat her with respect, dignity, love, kindness and compassion, and always be genorous towards her not just financially but also with your time, as well as always forgiving her for mistakes as everyone makes mistakes so there is no point dwelling on them and if I make a mistake or am wrong about something I will always appologise to her and ask for her forgiveness.

Yes I do, now, realise that cohabiting is wrong hence why I am seeking advice as I was previously aetheist this is all new to me but thankyou for all your advice it is greatly appreciated.

-Aaron
 
Welcome to CAF, Aaron! 👋

I think it’s great that you’re here looking for some (name removed by moderator)ut. There are certainly lots of conflicting messages out there when it comes to dating and marriage.

First, the main thing is to actually have a desire and commitment to protecting the integrity of the girl you are dating. You need to start there.

Personally, I think it’s a bit impractical to never spend any unsupervised time with a person you are dating. If the two of you were extremely susceptible to engaging in sexual sins, this type of drastic action may be necessary for your spiritual health (though I would have to wonder if breaking up wouldn’t be even better for your spiritual health in such a scenario). But I don’t see how it could be workable. To have to call over some friends everytime you want to share a meal or watch a movie would be annoying to say the least.

I think the best thing would be to create guidelines. If this area is a struggle for the two of you, you might evaluate when it is that those moments of temptation are highest and avoid those moments. For example, you might institute a “curfew” where you don’t spend time alone together in one another’s house after a certain hour.

In regards to the co-habitation thing, statistics often show that couples who cohabitate are more likely to get divorced than couples who don’t. This contradicts the prevailing cultural logic that “trying before buying” is the best bet. Interestingly, I had a friend from high school who I tried to convince of this. I showed her the studies. She thought it was all well and good but she simply could not wrap her mind around the possibility that “try before you buy” was not sound advice. And so she co-habited for years before finally getting married. And now she’s divorced.

I think that part of the reason is that those who cohabit are already taking a noncommittal view of the relationship. “If it doesn’t work out, then I’ll just move out”. That mentality doesn’t magically get turned off after the couple exchanges vows. And, more often than not, once a couple is living together and their personal lives and financial lives get more and more enmeshed, it becomes easier (not more difficult) to decide to just get married rather than break off a relationship that isn’t working.

I hope this helps! 👍
 
I definately want to protect the integrity of future girlfriend, hence the questions, and i agree it would be nice to be able to spend some time alone after we have been dating for a while to be able to talk and really get to know one another.

To be honest the reason I am asking these questions is because I was previously aetheist as are all the people I knew, so effectively I am turning my back on a life of sin and everything I know, if that makes sense? And although I have been a really moral person to aethist standards (ie never had a one night stand, never cheated on a gf, only ever been slightly drunk once ie a bit unsteady on my feet (no hangover and can remember the night before), never ever tried drugs or smoking, have always wanted to get married and am compleatly anti-divorce, hate sex industries (porn, stripclubs, prostitution and escorting), hate people who cheat on their parteners) I am however compleatly immoral by catholic standards (cohabiting, premarital sex, blasphmas, very occasionally swore, never praying, didn’t belive in god and these are just the things I know of so far). So I am really just trying to learn to be a good catholic and to ensure when I start dating that I never compromise a girlfriends integrity.

Thankyou for taking the time to read this.
-Aaron
 
Aaron1988 said:
I definately want to protect the integrity of future girlfriend, hence the questions, and i agree it would be nice to be able to spend some time alone after we have been dating for a while to be able to talk and really get to know one another.

To be honest the reason I am asking these questions is because I was previously aetheist as are all the people I knew, so effectively I am turning my back on a life of sin and everything I know, if that makes sense? And although I have been a really moral person to aethist standards (ie never had a one night stand, never cheated on a gf, only ever been slightly drunk once ie a bit unsteady on my feet (no hangover and can remember the night before), never ever tried drugs or smoking, have always wanted to get married and am compleatly anti-divorce, hate sex industries (porn, stripclubs, prostitution and escorting), hate people who cheat on their parteners) I am however compleatly immoral by catholic standards (cohabiting, premarital sex, blasphmas, very occasionally swore, never praying, didn’t belive in god and these are just the things I know of so far). So I am really just trying to learn to be a good catholic and to ensure when I start dating that I never compromise a girlfriends integrity.

Thankyou for taking the time to read this.
-Aaron
Click to expand...
I wouldn’t say you’re completely immoral. 😉

Seriously, though, I think it’s a testament to the kind of person you are that you had such a moral code as an atheist. That’s great. Unfortunately, there are more than a few Catholics who do not have any qualms of conscience about some of those things. 😦 But we are all sinners. The Saints aren’t saints because they never sinned but because they never stopped turning back to God and asking forgiveness. As long as we don’t allow the number of times we fall to surpass the number of times we get back up again, we’ll be in good shape. 👍

I’ll pray for you as you continue on in this early phase of your spiritual journey. There is a lot to learn! But, fundamentally, it’s all about Jesus. 🙂 This forum is a good place to come and ask questions. Just be patient with those of us who are still struggling to learn some things ourselves (like learning about tact. :p). God bless!
 
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