Dating and Proselitism

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Augustine

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My 18 year-old daughter is dating an “interdenominational” Christian at high-school. I should actually say that she’s in court with him, something that she herself wisely came up with.

She complained that he’s been insisting on her accompanying him to Wednesday services, something she’s not the least inclined to concede. Not that she’s got a strong Faith, no, she’s the subject of my prayers frequently, yet, somehow, this resistance to deepening her Faith, or any faith, is galvanizing her against going to “yet another church”.

I’m going to suggest her to tell him that it’s her parents who will not let her go with him, which is not untrue, thus giving her a plausible and strong excuse to not go at the same time that we let her know that we prefer her to remain a Catholic, even a lukewarm one.

It’s actually disappointing her that he’s been insisting on it. I, of course, couldn’t agree more. They’ve just begun their courtship and he’s already making demands? Deep down, I’d like to see this relationship over, but I’d never tell her that. I thought well of the boy, but he’s stepped over one of many lines he couldn’t.

What else can a father do in such situations?

TIA
 
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Augustine:
My 18 year-old daughter is dating an “interdenominational” Christian at high-school. I should actually say that she’s in court with him, something that she herself wisely came up with.

She complained that he’s been insisting on her accompanying him to Wednesday services, something she’s not the least inclined to concede. Not that she’s got a strong Faith, no, she’s the subject of my prayers frequently, yet, somehow, this resistance to deepening her Faith, or any faith, is galvanizing her against going to “yet another church”.

I’m going to suggest her to tell him that it’s her parents who will not let her go with him, which is not untrue, thus giving her a plausible and strong excuse to not go at the same time that we let her know that we prefer her to remain a Catholic, even a lukewarm one.

It’s actually disappointing her that he’s been insisting on it. I, of course, couldn’t agree more. They’ve just begun their courtship and he’s already making demands? Deep down, I’d like to see this relationship over, but I’d never tell her that. I thought well of the boy, but he’s stepped over one of many lines he couldn’t.

What else can a father do in such situations?

TIA
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It is probably just as well that he is making these demands now. With any luck, she will see that the pressure will only get worse and he won’t let up until she becomes a “Christian”. (As if she is not already…) And maybe, this will be what it takes for her to deepen her own Catholic faith. God bless and keep praying!

(Also, I see you are in Texas. I could have guessed. It seems to me that this non-denominational proselytizing is especially big in Texas for some reason. But it is getting exported to other regions of the US.)
 
La Chiara said:
(Also, I see you are in Texas. I could have guessed. It seems to me that this non-denominational proselytizing is especially big in Texas for some reason. But it is getting exported to other regions of the US.)
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Strangely enough, he’s of Mexican descent. Therefore, he’s probably been baptized in the Church…
 
I’m a protestant dating a Catholic, while I’m in the process of converting, I can relate to this guy. Why shouldn’t he want his future wife to at least see how he worships. I myself never asked my boyfriend to come to my protestant church, mainly because I knew that his mom is protestant and he is well aware of what I grew up being taught. But after talking to my sister in law, I think it is important for eachother to have a good understanding of what the other believes, of how they worship, how they talk to God. By your daughter attending one service, won’t make her Protastent or non-denominational, but she’ll learn more about her boyfriend, and it opens up the lines of communication for her to share what she’;s grown-up believing, even if it is luke-warm
 
I’m glad your daughter is looking at this as “courtship” rather than dating. One of the classic goals of courtship is to begin thinking about and determining what one desires in a potential mate. One of the things that the Church has spoken about is the problem with “mixed marriages.” This doesn’t have anthing to do with with race or culture or language, but what Protestants called being “unequally yoked” where (in the Catholic view) one of the spouses is a Catholic and the other isn’t. This has been shown to cause huge problems in a marriage, especially when children come along, and leads to much discord and often divorce. Usually one spouse will end up converting over to the other’s faith (usually a lukewarm Catholic will give in) or the family will end up not going to church at all. The Catechism says:
**Mixed marriages and disparity of cult **
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1633 In many countries the situation of a mixed marriage (marriage between a Catholic and a baptized non-Catholic) often arises. It requires particular attention on the part of couples and their pastors. A case of marriage with disparity of cult (between a Catholic and a non-baptized person) requires even greater circumspection.
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1634 Difference of confession between the spouses does not constitute an insurmountable obstacle for marriage, when they succeed in placing in common what they have received from their respective communities, and learn from each other the way in which each lives in fidelity to Christ. But the difficulties of mixed marriages must not be underestimated. They arise from the fact that the separation of Christians has not yet been overcome. The spouses risk experiencing the tragedy of Christian disunity even in the heart of their own home. Disparity of cult can further aggravate these difficulties. Differences about faith and the very notion of marriage, but also different religious mentalities, can become sources of tension in marriage, especially as regards the education of children. The temptation to religious indifference can then arise.
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1635 According to the law in force in the Latin Church, a mixed marriage needs for liceity the express permission of ecclesiastical authority. In case of disparity of cult an express dispensation from this impediment is required for the validity of the marriage. This permission or dispensation presupposes that both parties know and do not exclude the essential ends and properties of marriage; and furthermore that the Catholic party confirms the obligations, which have been made known to the non-Catholic party, of preserving his or her own faith and ensuring the baptism and education of the children in the Catholic Church.
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1636 Through ecumenical dialogue Christian communities in many regions have been able to put into effect a common pastoral practice for mixed marriages. Its task is to help such couples live out their particular situation in the light of faith, overcome the tensions between the couple’s obligations to each other and towards their ecclesial communities, and encourage the flowering of what is common to them in faith and respect for what separates them.
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1637 In marriages with disparity of cult the Catholic spouse has a particular task: “For the unbelieving husband is consecrated through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is consecrated through her husband.” It is a great joy for the Christian spouse and for the Church if this “consecration” should lead to the free conversion of the other spouse to the Christian faith. Sincere married love, the humble and patient practice of the family virtues, and perseverance in prayer can prepare the non-believing spouse to accept the grace of conversion.
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I’d recommend a great book by Catholic convert Steve Wood called “The ABC’s Of Choosing A Good Husband” available at this link:

familylifecenter.net/cart/product_detail.cfm?ID=286
 
This weekend she was invited for a “party” at his house with his family. In the end, it turned out to be a ruse to corner her. They spent 2h watching a video and yelling back at it in much a way seen in the film “The Apostle”, which is quite weird for any Catholic. Then, his mother cornered her and asked her somehing that wen along the lines of accepting Jesus Chirst. At her answer that this was a very unusual question, she asked my daughter to pray together, what my daughter agreed to. After which, to my daughter astonishment, she went aloud asking everybody to thank for her conversion. Needless to say, I’m outraged at this tactic.

My daughter was outraged too and is thinking about breaking up with him. If she doesn’t I’ll have the boy over for a very serious conversation about undercutting our authority in such a sleazy way.
 
Deception and Christian don’t belong in the same sentence. I’d recommend you tell “suggest” you daughter look for love elsewhere. Its a big ocean hone, big enough to find a man who won’t try to force her conversion.
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Augustine:
This weekend she was invited for a “party” at his house with his family. In the end, it turned out to be a ruse to corner her. They spent 2h watching a video and yelling back at it in much a way seen in the film “The Apostle”, which is quite weird for any Catholic. Then, his mother cornered her and asked her somehing that wen along the lines of accepting Jesus Chirst. At her answer that this was a very unusual question, she asked my daughter to pray together, what my daughter agreed to. After which, to my daughter astonishment, she went aloud asking everybody to thank for her conversion. Needless to say, I’m outraged at this tactic.

My daughter was outraged too and is thinking about breaking up with him. If she doesn’t I’ll have the boy over for a very serious conversation about undercutting our authority in such a sleazy way.
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On second thought, why don’t you take your daughter back there and confront the parents. Tell them that your daughter is confused by what happened and you would like the parents to clarify. Maybe this is too confrontational for you, but that’s what I would do (but then again I tend to be a bit too bold for most people).
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Augustine:
This weekend she was invited for a “party” at his house with his family. In the end, it turned out to be a ruse to corner her. They spent 2h watching a video and yelling back at it in much a way seen in the film “The Apostle”, which is quite weird for any Catholic. Then, his mother cornered her and asked her somehing that wen along the lines of accepting Jesus Chirst. At her answer that this was a very unusual question, she asked my daughter to pray together, what my daughter agreed to. After which, to my daughter astonishment, she went aloud asking everybody to thank for her conversion. Needless to say, I’m outraged at this tactic.

My daughter was outraged too and is thinking about breaking up with him. If she doesn’t I’ll have the boy over for a very serious conversation about undercutting our authority in such a sleazy way.
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He sounds like a very controlling youg man.

Tell your daughter to RUN in the opposite direction and to be glad she found out sooner rather than later.

The religious aspect is just a sympton of a deeper problem.
 
He’s actually a yes-man to his mother, apparently. In no moment did he come in her support even when she was clearly distressed.

And, yes, I did tell her that the sooner she dumped him, the better. This event is nothing but a sample of the future.
 
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Augustine:
My 18 year-old daughter is dating an “interdenominational” Christian at high-school. I should actually say that she’s in court with him, something that she herself wisely came up with.

She complained that he’s been insisting on her accompanying him to Wednesday services, something she’s not the least inclined to concede. Not that she’s got a strong Faith, no, she’s the subject of my prayers frequently, yet, somehow, this resistance to deepening her Faith, or any faith, is galvanizing her against going to “yet another church”.

I’m going to suggest her to tell him that it’s her parents who will not let her go with him, which is not untrue, thus giving her a plausible and strong excuse to not go at the same time that we let her know that we prefer her to remain a Catholic, even a lukewarm one.

It’s actually disappointing her that he’s been insisting on it. I, of course, couldn’t agree more. They’ve just begun their courtship and he’s already making demands? Deep down, I’d like to see this relationship over, but I’d never tell her that. I thought well of the boy, but he’s stepped over one of many lines he couldn’t.

What else can a father do in such situations?

TIA
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:hmmm: you may have to have a man to man talk with him.

Or a friendly apologetics conversation…
Maybe a combination of the two.
 
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Scott_Lafrance:
Deception and Christian don’t belong in the same sentence. I’d recommend you tell “suggest” you daughter look for love elsewhere. Its a big ocean hone, big enough to find a man who won’t try to force her conversion.
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I agree with you,Scott…this guy went too far and his mother was outrageous!

(I should have read all the posts before I submitted my first response to this :o )
 
Ya know, I’m guessing that this guy’s family thought they were truly helping your daughter. I just have a hard time seeing people as intentionally trapping others into something like that. Maybe I’m just a little too naive, but to think that someone would intentionally trap another person into that type of situation is just too much for me.
 
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tkdnick:
Ya know, I’m guessing that this guy’s family thought they were truly helping your daughter. I just have a hard time seeing people as intentionally trapping others into something like that. Maybe I’m just a little too naive, but to think that someone would intentionally trap another person into that type of situation is just too much for me.
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I understand what you mean…but thats the danger of it they really think they are doing the right thing…
Perhaps, they should be confronted in a nice way.
 
I would confront the parents. If it was just between her and her boyfriend that would be different but this was an intentional act by the parents to undermine your daughter’s religious beliefs. Chances are after that talk they will insist their son stop dating your daughter (since she’s a heathen Catholic) and problem will be solved.
 
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tkdnick:
Ya know, I’m guessing that this guy’s family thought they were truly helping your daughter. I just have a hard time seeing people as intentionally trapping others into something like that. Maybe I’m just a little too naive, but to think that someone would intentionally trap another person into that type of situation is just too much for me.
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I heard my daughters words. It’s immaterial whether their intentions were good or not. To many Protestants, the best thing that can happen to a Catholic, is for him to be converted, no matter what. I think that this is what took place, knowing about 1st hand.
 
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Scott_Lafrance:
On second thought, why don’t you take your daughter back there and confront the parents. Tell them that your daughter is confused by what happened and you would like the parents to clarify. Maybe this is too confrontational for you, but that’s what I would do (but then again I tend to be a bit too bold for most people).
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We were considering our means yesterday and decided that it would be better that my wife would talk in private with the boy’s mother, woman to woman. After all, my wife met her when our daughter called us to pick her up, before my wife knew what had taken place.

But our daughter said that she made a mistake she wasn’t aware of: she allowed to be anointed with oil, she ate their bread and drank their wine in what looked like a Last Supper. No wonder the woman felt that she would approach my daughter, even if in an inappropriate way that my daughter made clear about her discomfort then. Thus, there were attenuating circumstances.

Please, pray that my wife gets the message across.

God bless y’all.
 
I am so sorry that your family is going through this challenge. It must be very confusing for your daughter, especially since she has been lukewarm in her faith up to now.

I wonder what it says about her latent Faith that she sought out someone, who misguided as he and his family is, has Faith as a strong priority in his life.

Is it possible that the Lord is answering your prayers with this opportunity to pique her interest? My daughter is slightly younger than yours, so I’m not quite there yet. I think I’d watch and listen closely right now for opportunities to talk or listen.

God Bless you in all of this,

CARose
 
If this were my daughter, I would insist that he accompany her to Mass next Sunday. He is not going to say yes, but she would not believe me, so this will demonstrate that it is not a matter of learning about each other’s beliefs, but a matter of control and manipulation. the good thing here is that you are backing her up, she is communicating with you, and you and she can evaluate together what is going on so she can draw her own conclusions.
 
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