Dating and Scandal

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andcook

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Hi everyone!
I’m in college right now and there seems to be an assumption that a couple that has been dating more than a certain time have had sex at least once (and probably with some frequency). Would this mean that all dating, even chastely, would be scandal and therefore a sin? Thanks!
 
Are you in the United States? I wouldn’t think so, although many young people do engage in premarital sex.

Just stay on the straight and narrow, there’s nothing wrong with dating chastely, and if anyone thinks otherwise-it’s their problem.
 
I am in the US and I’ve been told that a month into a relationship is a normal time to start having sex. I’m worried that if people assume that I’m having sex and from that that it’s morally ok to do so, that could be scandal.
 
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Who told you that was “normal?” And who cares what they think? If you are not having premarital relations, end of story.
 
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I’ve heard from upperclassmen and there’s just a general norm condoning it. I’m not considering doing it personally, I was just worried that I could be setting a bad example if misunderstood by others
 
If you are not doing so, then do not worry about it. You are worried about potential rumors.
“They will know us by our LOVE.”
 
I was worried about the “scandal of the little ones” referenced here:
St. Paul teaches that, in these circumstances, it is the stronger Christian who is to alter his behavior and give deference to the lesser
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You misunderstand scandal.

People making wild assumptions isn’t scandal on your part. It’s the sin of rash judgment on their part.

You, going about your business doing nothing immoral is NOT scandal.
 
Could you explain how this isn’t the scandal of the little ones from above? (Not in a sarcastic/argumentative way, genuinely asking)
 
It isn’t talking about random strangers that you don’t even know. It is talking about actual people that you do know, that you know are weak and being scandalized by your behavior. Even if your behavior is not actually immoral.

“Dating“ is not scandalous. Going out to dinner, going to a movie, whatever. Having a boyfriend, fiancé. These are not scandal. You can’t not live your life because of “what other people might think“. That is not scandal.

And one must also define “weaker Christian“. It’s not just anyone walking down the street. In the context Paul was speaking of, it was a very specific example.

If you suffer from scruples, you need to get help from your priest. Because frankly the idea that you would consider never dating because someone might possibly think something bad, it’s ridiculous.
 
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That’s not really scandal. You are not giving anyone the impresson that you are having sex. They are drawing that conclusion due to the morally deficient prevailing attitude in society. Not your fault. If someone says it to you perhaps you should correct them but I wouldn’t worry about it.
 
Honestly I think the assumption of sin is so strong that a devoutly Catholic couple who are dating should at the very least be aware of the issue and not give rise to the assumption that they are not completely chaste.

Pretty common sense and not overt but just being absolutely clear.
 
SusanneT said:
Honestly I think the assumption of sin is so strong that a devoutly Catholic couple who are dating should at the very least be aware of the issue and not give rise to the assumption that they are not completely chaste.
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What are you supposed to do–walk around with matching t-shirts that say, “WE ARE TOTALLY NOT FORNICATING”?
 
The Church has a specific definition of “scandal”. As you see, the Church does not define scandal as “other people assume you are sinning”.

2284 Scandal is an attitude or behavior which leads another to do evil. The person who gives scandal becomes his neighbor’s tempter. He damages virtue and integrity; he may even draw his brother into spiritual death. Scandal is a grave offense if by deed or omission another is deliberately led into a grave offense.

http://www.scborromeo.org/ccc/para/2284.htm
 
Wish there was something stronger than a like option for this. Awesome!
 
Xantippe said:
What are you supposed to do–walk around with matching t-shirts that say, “WE ARE TOTALLY NOT FORNICATING”?
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Ok, this made me laugh a lot…🤣😆

(just at Xantippe’s comment; not at Susanne or the OP. 🙂 )
 
I do not think that you would cause scandal simply by dating someone for a certain length of time, even if some people will assume that you are having intimate relations. I say this because simply dating or courting a person is not enough to reasonably lead people to make that assumption. If they make that assumption, it is because of their own issues with how they see the world and what they view as right or wrong, or normal or abnormal.

However, I think that there are specific ways that someone could cause scandal to others in a dating relationship. I believe that any of the following could potentially be a source of scandal:
  • Staying overnight with your date in the same hotel room (even if you remain chaste and sleep in separate beds)
  • Having your date stay overnight at your apartment (even if he or she sleeps on the couch)
  • Staying overnight at your date’s apartment (same as above about sleeping on the couch)
  • Moving in together with your boyfriend/girlfriend, even if you manage to remain chaste
I think that actions like these could reasonably lead people to assume that you are having intimate physical relations, and that you think that doing so (outside of marriage) is fine. Therefore, I think that these actions could possibly be a source of scandal, particularly if you have a younger sibling or a friend who looks up to you, and who sees you as a role model.

But simply going out to a movie, going out to dinner, going to a concert, spending time together, etc.? No, I wouldn’t see that type of relationship as a cause of scandal at all. (And if it were, then how would you ever find a spouse? Would you have to get married after dating for only two or three weeks?)
 
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