Dating and the age thing

[Sierrah]

Hey, does that mean you’ve found someone? Congrats!

Thanks. It’s still way too early to say where things will go but it’s nice to find a real gentleman.

 

[Sierrah]

It’s naturally resolved by people settling.

We all want some ideal kind of partner that very few of us actually get. I mean, sure I’d love to marry a tall, athletic man with six pack abs, attractive face, who is also a genius, a billionaire, is selfless and compassionate, and so on…

The chances of me even meeting someone like that, much less marrying him are virtually 0. So if I want to get married, at some point I am going to have to compromise on the closest man to my ideal that wants to marry me.

Some people prefer to be single if they can’t have their ideal, others settle. Most I would say choose to settle.

A good heart goes a lot farther then a pair of rock hard abs…which by the way is something I haven’t had since I was 12.

 

[mistfall]

I have to agree with the other replies. I think maybe it’s just been a coincidence that the people you encounter seem to seek younger dates.

I’m a 34 yr old female and my honey is 45. I also have always been attracted to older men.

Maybe it’s just me, but the younger woman/older man thing seems even more prevelant in the Catholic community.

I’m seeing the same thing, to tell you the truth. I’m on both Catholic and secular dating sites and the Catholic men interested in me are far more likely to be ten to 20 years older than I. Unfortunately for me, I am not attracted to older men.

My theory is that men looking for a wife are more determined that she be the woman of their dreams ( and for a guy that translates to 'as physically attractive as he stands a chance to get), whereas non-religious guys who are just looking for someone to “date” are more willing to date women who aren’t their ideal, 'cause after all, it ain’t like they’re gonna marry her!

 

[chevalier]

Thanks. It’s still way too early to say where things will go but it’s nice to find a real gentleman.

Great.

 

[havana1]

Just my opinion, but I think it’s more natural for a younger woman to date an older man than vice versa.

And, the younger men who have dated older women have fewer complaints with the experience (e.g., no drama, no hassle, low maintenance, etc.) Hemlock’s “natural”, too. It doesn’t mean it’s the best medicine. All the standard “complaints” guys have about dating: poof! It’s like those complaints magically disappear when on a date with an older woman.

Edited to add: And if women don’t like being courted by “older men,” which I see mentioned on this and other threads, then it’s both “more natural” and “problem solved” for 30’s/40’s+ women to be courted instead of going after some young co-ed.

 

[flyingfish]

A good heart goes a lot farther then a pair of rock hard abs…which by the way is something I haven’t had since I was 12.

Well, yes and no. As a person of course someone who is a good kind man is better than someone who is a mean and nasty one.

As for a good man who is not sexy, I personally could not be with a man I was not physically attracted to regardless of how wonderful he otherwise was. I would simply be his friend.

I also wouldn’t date a mean and nasty man no matter how attractive he was. (I wouldn’t be his friend either.) He would have to have both qualities for me to want to date him, and of course he’d want to date me

That said, I’m not yet 30. I am not that interested in marriage right now. I think I would be quite content to be single if I couldn’t meet a man who was great on all counts, I don’t think I would be tempted to settle simply because I have no problems with spending my life alone.

 

[beckers]

I have always looked for older men partly because i have an older soul and guys my age are just not as mature and/or ready to settle down. I did have an age limit though. Couldn’t be half as old as my parents age. Didn’t want someone who was closer to my dad’s age then me…so 14 years was my age limit.

So i looked for an older man and found one. He is 9 3/4 years older. Hopeful things will turn out well.

 

[shannyk]

I have never witnessed this phenomenon of women seeking younger men, quite the opposite usually.

My husband was 5.5 yrs my senior and the one man I’ve ‘dated’ since his passing was almost 16 yrs my senior. We had a ton in common and related very well. I wouldn’t likely find a younger man to be someone I could really mesh with, so I wouldn’t seek out a younger man because I’d have my doubts about it going anywhere. I guess I should never say never though…if and when I ever date again that is.

 

[aball1035]

Isn’t it true that guys go for younger women and girls go for older men? (generally)

Or am I wrong here?

 

[SeekingWisdom]

Isn’t it true that guys go for younger women and girls go for older men? (generally)

Or am I wrong here?

I think it’s more likely that a man’s ideal is a younger woman, than a woman’s ideal being older than herself. At least in my own experience. I’ve never been attracted to a guy more than maybe 5 years older than myself, but I have had A LOT of guys around 15-20 years older being interested in me.

 

[Serap]

I think it’s more likely that a man’s ideal is a younger woman, than a woman’s ideal being older than herself. At least in my own experience. I’ve never been attracted to a guy more than maybe 5 years older than myself, but I have had A LOT of guys around 15-20 years older being interested in me.

I agree that a woman’s ideal is older and a man’s ideal is younger - generally speaking. I think it’s just natural evolution…men would get their career together and then marry and women wanted a man who was able to provide. That inate need is still in us.

BTW…I met my husband when I was 30 and all kinds of men were interested in me from ages 25 to 45. I didn’t find that only older men were interested in me - religious or not. I look young for my age, so perhaps that is why.

I had a career established and made good money, so the older men found me to be a potentially stable mate and the younger guys found me to be fun and open to new experiences. I have always been adventurous and willing to try new things…I learned how to downhill ski at age 31

I ended up settling down with my DH who is 2 years older than me, but honestly, I never had age as a factor in getting married. I wanted children for sure, so I didn’t want anyone who was too immature, so I’d often rule out the younger guys or guys my age b/c of that settling down factor.

My husband is a good mature family man, so even though I wasn’t usually interested in men that close to my age, I found him to be a very ideal mate for me b/c he is a very good boy and mature

I dated a man 9 years older than me for 3 years in my early 20’s and it felt very comfortable b/c I felt like I was being looked after. Women like to feel taken care of whether we admit it or not.

My husband now doesn’t make me feel as looked after, but he’s a great husband on every level. I think if we just keep our minds open, we eventually find the right mate Age shouldn’t have anything to do with it. It should be about the person and compatibility.

 

[chevalier]

Erm, folks, I hesitated whether to tell you this, but it kinda seems that almost all of the women I’ve recently considered attractive have been exactly 29 years of age. Errr… what the? It’s probably a mere coincidence, but it looks funny.

 

[whatevergirl]

3 yrs your senior, chev does not an ‘older’ woman make.

 

[ac_claire]

I don’t see a trend of women looking for younger men. In fact, even when dealing with women who are just a couple of years my senior, I see that they notice the age difference and I’m not in their ordinary group of potential mates. This notwithstanding the fact I generally have great contact with them.

I also don’t think there’s a trend of women seeking younger men. Sometimes it just happens. My fiance is 3 years my junior, but that was totally irrelevent to how we met, our courtship, engagement, etc.

I know it’s not a huge age difference, but it has bothered me a bit on occasion. Not so much now, but when we first started courting it did. Probably because it just seems more “traditional” for a woman to marry a man who’s older, and also because I was approaching 30 and had all those “approaching 30” issues on top of everything else.

But honestly, it doesn’t and has never bothered him at all. Most of the time these days I forget that I’m older than him.

 

[whatevergirl]

*Since we are all being so frank today…lol

I was one who only dated older men…whether it was 5 yrs or 20 yrs…I always found older men to be more appealing, more sophisticated. I know that back in college days, it had a lot to do with not resolving feelings I had over losing my father at such a young age. I wasn’t looking for a ‘daddy,’ but I know many women who only date older men, might have these types of past issues with their dads…either dad was never around, or died at an early age. Or dad was a jerk, and the woman is seeking out a man for approval, who is older. I have seen that, too. But, for me, I think it had ‘something’ to do with my dad dying early in my life, but once I started dating older men, I couldn’t go back to dating men my own age. Back in college, they were just too immature and focused on sex. I wanted to wait until marriage, older men seemed to appreciate and respect that more than guys my age… Not to say there are not respecful young men in the world, but this was MY experience.

I think that women who seek out younger men, are doing it for often the same reasons men do…they want to feel younger…you’ll never turn back the clock. I am a little turned off by the way the media makes 40 seem like you’re over the hill. I’m 40, and I don’t feel that way, at all. I think that it’s all in how you conduct your life…if you want to shrivel up, and act like you’re over the hill, then yeah…you’ll probably feel older than 40. But, it is the new 30, so they say.

If I were single now, say I never married…I would still be seeking out older men…probably 55+. Now my sister who has been dating (she is 54, and looks like she’s in her 40’s and is quite attractive) says that younger men ask her out, thinking she’s in her 40’s. She said she tried match.com, and e-harmony, and the ‘5’ in her age, just causes men who are 60+ to want to meet her. She wants to date a man around my age…or younger. I think for my sister, and she’s admitted this, she wants to feel younger. She said she’s dated men in their 60’s and they act ‘so old,’ according to her. Her words, not mine. (she shouldn’t be dating, she never went through the annulment process, but that’s another story)

So…just thought I’d ‘come clean.’ lol I did date predominantly older guys…all through college, even highschool, I didn’t like dating guys in my ‘grade.’

For those single ladies here who said they would never date someone 15 yrs older…or more, if the guy is a sweet man…you should not turn him down only because of age. Never know, you might like dating older men. *

 

[CountrySinger]

I prefer to date a man who is older than me (anywhere from 29-45). It probably because my older brother (the same one with the strict standards) was my father figure after my father left when I was five. He gave up his teenage years to raise me, so my mom could work and get her master’s so she could provide for us.
Also, men younger than me tend to be immature. They are still into getting drunk.

 

[whatevergirl]

*I agree CS. Now there are men nowadays, who are in their 50’s who want to act like they are 25 again. I wouldn’t recommend those kinds. lol But, I think that say if you’re a woman, 25 to 30, a man who is in his late 30’s/early 40’s…it’s not that out there, really. He knows who he is…isn’t insecure…isn’t playing games–KNOWS HOW TO COURT a woman. Again, there are exceptions, I know. But, for the most part, I think many women complain that they can’t meet a decent man these days, because their peer group is the problem. I think men in their 20’s…on average, are very immature these days. Have no idea how to court a woman, whatsoever. Think the woman should do the courting, in many cases. I think it’s how they are raised though. You have to teach boys how to become men, and I don’t think enough parents are doing that these days. So, boys are remaining boys well into their late 20’s. Grown women don’t want to date boys, (typically.) Not saying girls aren’t doing the same, they send mixed messages too. AND I know there are exceptions.

I think what’s sorely lacking in ‘this generation’ (ha, I sound old) is that boys are not being taught how to be chivlarous, and galant. I don’t see this with men who go off to war. I find that those types of men, (again, there are exceptions) are galant, almost by nature. They were brought up with a sense of pride for country, a sense of devotion for others, a sense of putting others’ needs before their own. This generation, on average, is a very selfish one…I see it with my 27 yr old nephew, brilliant guy…but I am always scolding him for how he treats women. Intelligence doesn’t replace maturity. The two are not related. I have known some uneducated men who were very mature, and educated guys (like my nephew) who are very immature, when it comes to women. He doesn’t know how to court them…he thinks they are disposable, and filled with drama. He isn’t alone in his peer group…My sister didn’t teach him though how to treat women, and she let both her sons walk all over her when they were living at home, so there you go. But, that’s what’s missing…teaching boys how to be galant men. How to take initiative…how to be leaders. I think many today, I work with some who are around 28/30, think they are leaders…but they haven’t a clue. Being a leader has nothing to do with commanding people to do what you want…it’s about getting people to respect you. But, respect begets respect. Another thing lacking…and I told my son, you will not leave this house not knowing how to treat a woman! Ok, my rant is over.

I don’t recall dating being this difficult. lol *

 

[Serap]

I agree CS. Now there are men nowadays, who are in their 50’s who want to act like they are 25 again. I wouldn’t recommend those kinds. lol But, I think that say if you’re a woman, 25 to 30, a man who is in his late 30’s/early 40’s…it’s not that out there, really. He knows who he is…isn’t insecure…isn’t playing games–KNOWS HOW TO COURT a woman. Again, there are exceptions, I know. But, for the most part, I think many women complain that they can’t meet a decent man these days, because their peer group is the problem. I think men in their 20’s…on average, are very immature these days. Have no idea how to court a woman, whatsoever. Think the woman should do the courting, in many cases. I think it’s how they are raised though. You have to teach boys how to become men, and I don’t think enough parents are doing that these days. So, boys are remaining boys well into their late 20’s. Grown women don’t want to date boys, (typically.) Not saying girls aren’t doing the same, they send mixed messages too. AND I know there are exceptions.

I think what’s sorely lacking in ‘this generation’ (ha, I sound old) is that boys are not being taught how to be chivlarous, and galant. I don’t see this with men who go off to war. I find that those types of men, (again, there are exceptions) are galant, almost by nature. They were brought up with a sense of pride for country, a sense of devotion for others, a sense of putting others’ needs before their own. This generation, on average, is a very selfish one…I see it with my 27 yr old nephew, brilliant guy…but I am always scolding him for how he treats women. Intelligence doesn’t replace maturity. The two are not related. I have known some uneducated men who were very mature, and educated guys (like my nephew) who are very immature, when it comes to women. He doesn’t know how to court them…he thinks they are disposable, and filled with drama. He isn’t alone in his peer group…My sister didn’t teach him though how to treat women, and she let both her sons walk all over her when they were living at home, so there you go. But, that’s what’s missing…teaching boys how to be galant men. How to take initiative…how to be leaders. I think many today, I work with some who are around 28/30, think they are leaders…but they haven’t a clue. Being a leader has nothing to do with commanding people to do what you want…it’s about getting people to respect you. But, respect begets respect. Another thing lacking…and I told my son, you will not leave this house not knowing how to treat a woman! Ok, my rant is over.

I don’t recall dating being this difficult. lol

My experience dating was that men all ages just wanted sex it seemed

I don’t think age has anything to do with maturity sometimes (judging the men I met). I think a good man is a good man at 20 or at 40. He is more able to settle down at 30 than at 20, but he’s still a good man.

That was my experience anyway.

I met a good man who was my age and married him. I dated sex craved idiots 15 years older than me and when I wouldn’t “put out” they would stop calling me. I was getting pretty frustrated by the time I was 30 When DH came along, because he was very attractive, I was throwing him to the curb mentally before I even got to know him. He had to chase me down b/c I was so fed-up with men.

Luckily, I gave him a chance and boy am I glad!!!

 

[CountrySinger]

I think my generation, all want sex (even the women). I love my roommate to death, but she reminds me of Samantha Jones from “Sex and the City”, who goes through men. And my single co-workers go out to bars, get drunk, and end up with guys they don’t know.
And then I have men who try to much, and end up having fruity drink all over them. I don’t know who has it better. Oh wait, I do. I have two cuties I cuddle with. My Cats.

 

[whatevergirl]

Hi Serap–yes, that’s true…but, sometimes a man in his 20’s…isn’t ready to settle down, until he is older…but, I see your point. It’s just my own experiences…and those have shaped my thoughts. I think everyone’s experiences will vary, indeed…