Dating as a Catholic....Help!

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rosalie27

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I’m a 27-year-old Catholic and I’m determined to remain a virgin until marriage. So far I haven’t had a problem attracting any men. The problem is maintaining the relationship. The moment a man finds out that I’m a virgin or that I am waiting until marriage to have sex, they immediately run off…sometimes literally. Lol.

I tried the obvious route of looking for a potential boyfriend at church, but the men are either married or they expect premarital sex. Online dating hasn’t been helpful either as a lot of these men that I’ve come across are not honest about even basic things about themselves such as their age.

Still, the most dangerous type of men I’ve come across are the ones that seem a bit too thrilled that I’m a virgin; their goal is simply to deflower me. They see me nothing more than a challenge. God has fortunately blessed me with good intuition so I can quickly figure out someone’s intentions and avoid the men who are nothing but wolves in sheep’s clothing.
However, this does not change the fact that I am having trouble finding a Catholic man who does not demand sex on the third date. I’m starting to fear that I’m destined to remain single all my life.

Does anyone have any advice on how to meet someone who isn’t controlled by their nether regions?
 
The best thing I can suggest is going to church events, seeing if there are any singles events for Catholics in your area, or going to adoration. The last one is typically where you’ll find the guys who at least try not to be controlled by their nether regions. If they’re devout enough to adore our Blessed Saviour of their own accord, they’re usually pretty good with other things.

Unfortunately, there just aren’t that many guys that live up to the “high” standards that we observe as Catholic women.

Best wishes to you in this!
 
I don’t know what online sites you have tried, but if you’ve only been going to secular ones that may be your problem. I would suggest something like Catholic Match or Christian Mingle just because the men signed up to pay for a service that will only lead them to devout women would be, in my opinion, less likely to expect sex.

I know its frustrating, but I can tell you from experience that there are wonderful men in our generation that are ok with waiting for marriage, some are even excited about it.
 
Pray for the one God intended for you. I had alot of luck with online dating. I found my husband on Catholicmatch.com. All the best things in life seem to come from the internet. 😛
 
Oh, sweetie. I remember ALLLL too well! I had a guy say “PSHHHT” and did the ‘talk to the hand’ thing when he found out I was a virgin waiting for marriage. Men can be disgusting and total idiots! I found my prince, but only after 7 years of praying. I asked St. Anthony to find my future husband. I found a man who I was friends with for about a year and a half. He told me that I puzzled him–why did I NEVER have a boyfriend, yet was beautiful (his words, not mine) and didn’t act or dress like a skank. For a brief time, he thought I was gay because that was the only possible explanation for me not having a boyfriend! LOL! Once he really got to know me, he realized that I was not interested in flings. I wanted a husband and didn’t have any interest in playing games.
I prayed for so long that the right man would see my virginity and modesty as something to be treasured and protected, not corrupted. He cherished this about me. He still tells me to this day that he’s so honored to be the one and only special person I’ve ever been with.
My recommendation is to not search. Let go and let God! Ask St. Anthony for his intercession. I highly recommend him!! St. Joseph is a good one, too. Pray for Our Lady to protect you from creeps. I must give Her credit too. I really believe She kept me safe from crazies! Keep the faith and chin up! I know it can be discouraging, rest assured that God’s plan is in the works! You’re in my prayers!!
Oh, my cousin found a WONDERFUL man on a Catholic dating website. Not sure the name of it, but I could find out for you if you like. Just let me know!
 
Boy, can I ever relate to this! 😛 Let God be your first love, always. When the time is right, He will bring the right person to you (or vice versa!) without you having to deal with all the nonsense. Just be patient and trust in God’s love for you and the fact that HE already knows who he has planned for you! 😉
 
I agree with all of the above! There ar plenty of outstanding Catholic men that are wondering the same thing you are!! Join Catholic Match, set it to 7 out of 7, join avemariasingles, go to theology on tap and young adult retreats. And pray, pray pray!!! Like i have said to others, you may have to travel a bit, but it may be worth it! 😃

man if I were single and just a few years older, Iw would be PM’ing all you wonderfull ladies, haha:p 😃
 
I’ve heard repeatedly from a traditional priest to look for the guy going to Confession because it’s a pretty accurate sign that he’s trying to grow in virtue. Unfortunately my parish doesn’t have too many single guys going to confession. NB: I don’t go to confession to look for potentials. That doesn’t mean I don’t make observations when I’m there.
 
JeraldW said:
I agree with all of the above! There ar plenty of outstanding Catholic men that are wondering the same thing you are!! Join Catholic Match, set it to 7 out of 7, join avemariasingles, go to theology on tap and young adult retreats. And pray, pray pray!!! Like i have said to others, you may have to travel a bit, but it may be worth it! 😃

man if I were single and just a few years older, Iw would be PM’ing all you wonderfull ladies, haha:p 😃
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Haha! You’re adorable!
 
…we’re out here. My sister goes through exactly what your saying…a lotta guys are insecure. They think if they’re not doing that it makes them not a man…the exact opposite. Guys if your on this thread, look at your woman like the pig you are haha but behave as a gentleman, let her know your a goofy animal who drools after her with your eyes, keep hands to your side and don’t set rules on sex (that’s the ladies job). They like that:)

just know that there are good men out there like me:) that are looking ( not like me) haha for good women like the You.👍

Paz
 
Thank you for all of your encouraging replies and prayers. I really do appreciate it! I will take everyone’s advice and pray for God to send me a good husband.
 
I feel your pain. I am a 28 year old man have been single for a year and I’m sick of the nonsense as well. I’m just not willing to lower my standards anymore. Good for you standing up and pursuing what you want. So many people settle for less these days and it’s sad. Good luck to you, you’re in my prayers.
 
Gorillaman said:
…we’re out here. My sister goes through exactly what your saying…a lotta guys are insecure. They think if they’re not doing that it makes them not a man…the exact opposite.
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Yup. But, I take issue with the following:
Gorillaman said:
Guys if your on this thread, look at your woman like the pig you are haha but behave as a gentleman, let her know your a goofy animal who drools after her with your eyes
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That sounds like you’re saying it’s okay to lust with the eyes.

(I have no problem with saying “behave as a gentleman” though. That’s good advice for any man.)

God Bless.
-Derrick
 
rosalie27 said:
I’m a 27-year-old Catholic and I’m determined to remain a virgin until marriage. So far I haven’t had a problem attracting any men. The problem is maintaining the relationship. The moment a man finds out that I’m a virgin or that I am waiting until marriage to have sex, they immediately run off…sometimes literally. Lol.

I tried the obvious route of looking for a potential boyfriend at church, but the men are either married or they expect premarital sex. Online dating hasn’t been helpful either as a lot of these men that I’ve come across are not honest about even basic things about themselves such as their age.

Still, the most dangerous type of men I’ve come across are the ones that seem a bit too thrilled that I’m a virgin; their goal is simply to deflower me. They see me nothing more than a challenge. God has fortunately blessed me with good intuition so I can quickly figure out someone’s intentions and avoid the men who are nothing but wolves in sheep’s clothing.
However, this does not change the fact that I am having trouble finding a Catholic man who does not demand sex on the third date. I’m starting to fear that I’m destined to remain single all my life.

Does anyone have any advice on how to meet someone who isn’t controlled by their nether regions?
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Find an old guy? A really old guy?😃

Just kidding!

You don’t just want a virgin however, you want someone you love, connect with, can talk to, laugh with, pray with, create a vision for your shared future with.

Look FOR that, rather than looking to avoid the other.

I mean look for the kind of guy you could love. 👍
 
rosalie27 said:
Thank you for all of your encouraging replies and prayers. I really do appreciate it! I will take everyone’s advice and pray for God to send me a good husband.
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You also have to do things. God helps those who help themselves. Get involved in Catholic organizations where good Catholics gather. You can’t be a good effective Catholic on your own get other Catholics in your life.
 
rosalie27 said:
I’m a 27-year-old Catholic and I’m determined to remain a virgin until marriage. So far I haven’t had a problem attracting any men. The problem is maintaining the relationship. The moment a man finds out that I’m a virgin or that I am waiting until marriage to have sex, they immediately run off…sometimes literally. Lol.

I tried the obvious route of looking for a potential boyfriend at church, but the men are either married or they expect premarital sex. Online dating hasn’t been helpful either as a lot of these men that I’ve come across are not honest about even basic things about themselves such as their age.

Still, the most dangerous type of men I’ve come across are the ones that seem a bit too thrilled that I’m a virgin; their goal is simply to deflower me. They see me nothing more than a challenge. God has fortunately blessed me with good intuition so I can quickly figure out someone’s intentions and avoid the men who are nothing but wolves in sheep’s clothing.
However, this does not change the fact that I am having trouble finding a Catholic man who does not demand sex on the third date. I’m starting to fear that I’m destined to remain single all my life.

Does anyone have any advice on how to meet someone who isn’t controlled by their nether regions?
Click to expand...
I think you seem to focus too much on your virginity. And by virginity, you seem to mean no sex which does not necessarily mean purity. (Mary, Mother/Virgin most pure.)

Pure purity is hard to attain and most young people struggle with purity. It’s a fact! We are all sinners. That’s why Jesus gave us the sacrament of reconciliation. And I agree with the poster who was talking about guys who go frequently to confession…I think that’s pretty much one of the most important factors, IMO.

We can set “high standards” but we should understand what it means. I am not saying that you should in any way give in to premarital sex but to cast out potential spouses especially based on your ability to read deeply into their hearts and minds :rolleyes: might lower your chances. Also, marriage is more than just the nether regions. Broaden your focus, otherwise you could fall for a guy who simply has a low sex drive or who is cool with no sex before marriage but turns out to be something else after marriage. For instance, with porn, a guy could likely be cool with no sex. Just be careful on focusing on virginity.

There are happily married folks here on CAF who have said that, they had very bad pasts–engaged in promiscuous lifestyles…–but repented and are now happily married. (Thinking of St. Mary Magdalene, St. Augustine, St. Francis…) Furthermore, there have been a lot of broken marriages reported here on CAF, because the spouse turned out to be something else. Just hang around for a while and read the threads. Especially issues with pornograhy!

I still just want to highlight this: if you think that the bad guys are those who (are tempted to) want sex, then you are mistaken. I have never heard of a broken marriage simply because the duo were tempted and engaged in the nonmarital act. But it’s too common to hear of broken marriages because of other issues. Because a dude doesn’t bring up premarital sex–respects your virginity–, doesn’t necessarily make him Mr. right. Just keep your eyes open. 😉

For me, I would be damn cool in accepting a good (catholic) girl, who is not shy to reveal her (sexual) witnesses, who is repentant, rather than to shun such a person.

Better the devil you know than…

Nice Sunday.
 
“I think you seem to focus too much on your virginity. And by virginity, you seem to mean no sex which does not necessarily mean purity. (Mary, Mother/Virgin most pure.)”

No, she’s not. How can you tell from a single post? It’s a known issue: lots of guys are pretty scummy. I have to deal with those types, too.

“For instance, with porn, a guy could likely be cool with no sex. Just be careful on focusing on virginity.”

I have found the exact opposite to be true.

“I still just want to highlight this: if you think that the bad guys are those who (are tempted to) want sex, then you are mistaken.”

No, that is still a valid concern.

“I have never heard of a broken marriage simply because the duo were tempted and engaged in the nonmarital act. But it’s too common to hear of broken marriages because of other issues.”

You seem to be suggesting that pre-marital sex doesn’t harm a marriage; are you really? You’ve only brought up rare exceptions, rather than the most common cases.

Speaking of wolves in sheep’s clothing…
 
Chevaleresse said:
“I think you seem to focus too much on your virginity. And by virginity, you seem to mean no sex which does not necessarily mean purity. (Mary, Mother/Virgin most pure.)”

No, she’s not. How can you tell from a single post? It’s a known issue: lots of guys are pretty scummy. I have to deal with those types, too.

“For instance, with porn, a guy could likely be cool with no sex. Just be careful on focusing on virginity.”

I have found the exact opposite to be true.

“I still just want to highlight this: if you think that the bad guys are those who (are tempted to) want sex, then you are mistaken.”

No, that is still a valid concern.

“I have never heard of a broken marriage simply because the duo were tempted and engaged in the nonmarital act. But it’s too common to hear of broken marriages because of other issues.”

You seem to be suggesting that pre-marital sex doesn’t harm a marriage; are you really? You’ve only brought up rare exceptions, rather than the most common cases.

Speaking of wolves in sheep’s clothing…
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👍 I complete agree with you!

When you start any search, you start with something broad - here, virginity. Once you have that part down, which is very important, then you can focus on the other things. Why should this young woman have to lower her standards just because there are some guys out there who are addicted to pornography? No, keep your standards high! There’s a reason God gave them to you! He’ll lead you to the perfect man for you if that’s what His plan is.
 
Chevaleresse said:
“I think you seem to focus too much on your virginity. And by virginity, you seem to mean no sex which does not necessarily mean purity. (Mary, Mother/Virgin most pure.)”

No, she’s not. How can you tell from a single post? It’s a known issue: lots of guys are pretty scummy. I have to deal with those types, too.

“For instance, with porn, a guy could likely be cool with no sex. Just be careful on focusing on virginity.”

I have found the exact opposite to be true.

“I still just want to highlight this: if you think that the bad guys are those who (are tempted to) want sex, then you are mistaken.”

No, that is still a valid concern.

“I have never heard of a broken marriage simply because the duo were tempted and engaged in the nonmarital act. But it’s too common to hear of broken marriages because of other issues.”

You seem to be suggesting that pre-marital sex doesn’t harm a marriage; are you really? You’ve only brought up rare exceptions, rather than the most common cases.

Speaking of wolves in sheep’s clothing…
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I didn’t interpret that post the same way. It sounded to me like Kevin F was warning her that just because a man happens to be a virgin in the sense of no genital contact, that doesn’t mean that he is pure. It’s a good start, there’s no doubt, but it is absolutely true that some men are virgins not out of purity, but because they prefer sexual deviancies such as pornography, masturbation, etc. It is something to be aware of and I think it is absolutely correct that seeking a virtuous and chaste man (perhaps even one who wasn’t always so but has repented) is far more desirable than seeking a man that is a virgin as narrowly defined as a man who has not had genital contact with a living, human female.
 
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