Dating Catholic women

[900MHZ]

Lately, most Catholic women I’ve come across, well, don’t see me as being Catholic as well as much of a selling point in seeking a mate.

In fact, they probably put that at number 5 in their list of priorities…above that 5, is the criteria you’d see on a personal ad in the “Women Seeking Men’s” section.

Is your mate…being Catholic…that much of a “plus” to you when seeking a mate?

(sorry, I had no idea where to post this, I did a search on dating, and saw a post that was in this section so I just followed along)

Actually, I live in a remote area, and I have done the online dating thing, and a being a small world as it is, I actually met a single woman that goes to my PARRISH! I emailed her, she was 38 at the time, I was 33 I think…she thought the “age difference was too great” or so was the excuse.

Or was she just looking at my photo and deciding I wasn’t all that attractive…and just used that as an excuse. In fact, she’s probably the only single and unattached woman in my parrish, her loss I guess, but she’ll be alone for a long time if she’s that picky.

Anyhow, lol…I’m just saying, she’s probably an example of being one of those that don’t put “He must be Catholic” as FAR from important to her.

 

[kevinsgirl]

I can sympathize with the difficulty in finding a good person to marry, but I think it is unfair to assume that just because a person does not feel that a relationship with you would work, that their priorities are out of whack. The whole “age excuse” thing is usually a sign of a nice girl trying to find the least offensive reason to say no to a relationship. Try to see it more as her being nice and letting you both move on before there’s a lot invested in the relationship.

 

[yessisan]

Is your mate…being Catholic…that much of a “plus” to you when seeking a mate?

Well, for me it never was because I never imagined myself falling in love w/a non-Catholic. I never knew any guys who weren’t (except for that one atheist I knew but never thought of anything romantic w/him), until my husband came along (he’s not Catholic).

I think it is a plus, but you can’t help fall in love w/a non-Catholic.

 

[900MHZ]

I can sympathize with the difficulty in finding a good person to marry, but I think it is unfair to assume that just because a person does not feel that a relationship with you would work, that their priorities are out of whack. The whole “age excuse” thing is usually a sign of a nice girl trying to find the least offensive reason to say no to a relationship. Try to see it more as her being nice and letting you both move on before there’s a lot invested in the relationship.

Well, I understand what you’re saying…but…you see, I’m having a hard time trying to explain this.

I’m just saying, that’s why it’s better to broaden your dating pool to more than just Catholic prospects, because face it, these Catholic women are probably dating outside the Catholic church as well.

I live in the southern states, and well, it might be possible to start dating people who are more protestants than Catholics

Hope you get my meaning…I’m saying, chances are, the woman I marry, will not likely be Catholic…unless I move up north or something…if even that is.

Would you really prefer someone treats you wonderfully, and got along with great and fell in love with, but go “Oh, she/he not Catholic…No can do!”

 

[dulcissima]

Lately, most Catholic women I’ve come across, well, don’t see me as being Catholic as well as much of a selling point in seeking a mate.

In fact, they probably put that at number 5 in their list of priorities…above that 5, is the criteria you’d see on a personal ad in the “Women Seeking Men’s” section.

Is your mate…being Catholic…that much of a “plus” to you when seeking a mate?

(sorry, I had no idea where to post this, I did a search on dating, and saw a post that was in this section so I just followed along)

Actually, I live in a remote area, and I have done the online dating thing, and a being a small world as it is, I actually met a single woman that goes to my PARRISH! I emailed her, she was 38 at the time, I was 33 I think…she thought the “age difference was too great” or so was the excuse.

Or was she just looking at my photo and deciding I wasn’t all that attractive…and just used that as an excuse. In fact, she’s probably the only single and unattached woman in my parrish, her loss I guess, but she’ll be alone for a long time if she’s that picky.

Anyhow, lol…I’m just saying, she’s probably an example of being one of those that don’t put “He must be Catholic” as FAR from important to her.

The woman who was 38 and might not have been interested in you because you were 33 might have been sincere in that if she views husbands and wives having traditional roles. I can tell you that it would take an exceptional man who is 5 years younger than me to make me consider him with that age difference. That is because I view the husband as being the spiritual leader of the family, and it might be hard to view him in that role if he seemed like he might be less mature.

 

[kevinsgirl]

Well, I understand what you’re saying…but…you see, I’m having a hard time trying to explain this.

I’m just saying, that’s why it’s better to broaden your dating pool to more than just Catholic prospects, because face it, these Catholic women are probably dating outside the Catholic church as well.

I live in the southern states, and well, it might be possible to start dating people who are more protestants than Catholics

Hope you get my meaning…I’m saying, chances are, the woman I marry, will not likely be Catholic…unless I move up north or something…if even that is.

Would you really prefer someone treats you wonderfully, and got along with great and fell in love with, but go “Oh, she/he not Catholic…No can do!”

Well, I’m a young Catholic woman who only dated Catholics. Catholics, I might add, that I met online on a Catholic website (avemariasingles.com). I also live in the south and my husband is from the west coast…but he moved down here to start a new life with me.

Keep Catholicism high on your list of priorities.

 

[dulcissima]

Well, for me it never was because I never imagined myself falling in love w/a non-Catholic. I never knew any guys who weren’t (except for that one atheist I knew but never thought of anything romantic w/him), until my husband came along (he’s not Catholic).

I think it is a plus, but you can’t help fall in love w/a non-Catholic.

You can help who you fall in love with. Falling in love is a choice. It is not a passive thing.

It is not wise to choose to fall in love with and commit to someone who is going to compromise you living your faith.

BTDT

 

[catechumen09]

Is your mate…being Catholic…that much of a “plus” to you when seeking a mate?

Yes, absolutely. Despite past experiences, this is still what I look for.

 

[Sierrah]

The whole “age excuse” thing is usually a sign of a nice girl trying to find the least offensive reason to say no to a relationship. Try to see it more as her being nice and letting you both move on before there’s a lot invested in the relationship.

This is good advice.

If someone doesn’t feel that click or chemistry it’s just not there so there’s no point in feeling bad about it just move on. I think a lot of ladies are having the same problem you are. I know the minute I tell a guy that I’m a conservative Catholic he dissappears so it’s a two way street.

 

[lizaanne]

I was determined that I would not consider anyone at all unless they were Catholic - and I don’t mean nominally Catholic either.

I’m glad I held out - DH is a pretty great catch.

Hang in there - the right Catholic woman is out there for you.

~Liza

 

[yessisan]

You can help who you fall in love with. Falling in love is a choice. It is not a passive thing.

It is not wise to choose to fall in love with and commit to someone who is going to compromise you living your faith.

BTDT

Who said anything about faith being compromised? If you’re well catechized, that won’t be a problem.

And you cannot help it when you’re attracted to someone and have so many things in common. When you get to know someone by courting/dating, even as friends, you could fall for the person. Yes, love is a choice and it’s also an emotion and that emotion might rule over the choice. I know it happens, it happened to me. And after I started feeling that emotion, I made the choice to still love him, and we got married.

 

[dulcissima]

Who said anything about faith being compromised? If you’re well catechized, that won’t be a problem.

And you cannot help it when you’re attracted to someone and have so many things in common. When you get to know someone by courting/dating, even as friends, you could fall for the person. Yes, love is a choice and it’s also an emotion and that emotion might rule over the choice. I know it happens, it happened to me. And after I started feeling that emotion, I made the choice to still love him, and we got married.

Letting your emotions rule is not a good way for making a balanced choice. I know this because I let myself marry someone who was the wrong choice – someone who thought I was a headcase for wanting to follow church teaching, someone who thought it wasn’t the right time to have a baby the first time I announced I was pregnant and then was physically abusive when I was pregnant. Divorcing him was a good choice that I made.

Because finding a marriage partner who shares your faith and encourages you to grow in holiness should be your primary concern when you are dating, you really shouldn’t go out with someone in the first place who doesn’t meet such an important criterion.

I’m not saying anything about your current marriage, just trying to give advice to someone who is looking at what is important when dating.

 

[kevinsgirl]

Because finding a marriage partner who shares your faith and encourages you to grow in holiness should be your primary concern when you are dating, you really shouldn’t go out with someone in the first place who doesn’t meet such an important criterion.

From the experiences of people I’ve known, marriages usually work or fall apart because of the CHARACTER of the husband or wife. While the Catholic faith can play an important part in forming an individual’s character, marrying a Catholic does not guarantee a marriage free from abuse or divorce just as marrying a non-Catholic does not doom you to a failed marriage. I’ve seen mixed marriages where the Catholic spouse cheated. And I’ve seen a lot of marriages where the non-Catholic spouse converted. I think IDEALLY you should marry someone of the same faith, but I would not say to rule out someone solely because they were not Catholic.

Now that being said, I always felt more comfortable dating Catholics because there was more of myself that I could share and they could understand. But I never really resolved to never date non-Catholics…I just tried to meet more Catholics.

 

[Liberanosamalo]

Haha. I guess I’ll just follow Dulcissima around and agree with her. She’s right here too.

I will say that age isn’t an issue where I’m concerned. Age is relative, and maturity and age don’t always go together. I’ve met people younger than I who would be fine husbands. But often the younger guys want to start their own families.

I compromised on the Catholic thing once. Never again.

 

[1ke]

Lately, most Catholic women I’ve come across, well, don’t see me as being Catholic as well as much of a selling point in seeking a mate.

The quality ones will. I had the same experience, in reverse, as I am a woman.

In fact, they probably put that at number 5 in their list of priorities…above that 5, is the criteria you’d see on a personal ad in the “Women Seeking Men’s” section.

Then their priorities are out of order, and any person with such priorities is someone I would strike from my list quickly.

Is your mate…being Catholic…that much of a “plus” to you when seeking a mate?

It is absolute requirement for me personally-- and IMHO should be for everyone. I absolutely did not date outside my religion. My soul, my husband’s soul, and that of any children entrusted to us is too great a responsibility.

Actually, I live in a remote area, and I have done the online dating thing, and a being a small world as it is, I actually met a single woman that goes to my PARRISH!

I lived in a major metro area of almost 3 million, and couldn’t find one decent Catholic man. My DH lived in a very rural area, and had trouble finding anyone to date. We met via Ave Maria.

I emailed her, she was 38 at the time, I was 33 I think…she thought the “age difference was too great” or so was the excuse.

Or was she just looking at my photo and deciding I wasn’t all that attractive…and just used that as an excuse. In fact, she’s probably the only single and unattached woman in my parrish, her loss I guess, but she’ll be alone for a long time if she’s that picky.

Now, that’s just your insecurity talking. It’s her loss, don’t sweat it.

Anyhow, lol…I’m just saying, she’s probably an example of being one of those that don’t put “He must be Catholic” as FAR from important to her.

And, so, you found out quickly and didn’t waste any time. Consider it a blessing.

I’d rather be single than married to someone who is not right for me and doesn’t put the Catholic faith and God as their top priority.

Keep looking, and don’t lower your standards.

 

[yessisan]

Letting your emotions rule is not a good way for making a balanced choice. I know this because I let myself marry someone who was the wrong choice – someone who thought I was a headcase for wanting to follow church teaching, someone who thought it wasn’t the right time to have a baby the first time I announced I was pregnant and then was physically abusive when I was pregnant. Divorcing him was a good choice that I made.

Because finding a marriage partner who shares your faith and encourages you to grow in holiness should be your primary concern when you are dating, you really shouldn’t go out with someone in the first place who doesn’t meet such an important criterion.

I’m not saying anything about your current marriage, just trying to give advice to someone who is looking at what is important when dating.

I’m not denying it’s best that Catholics should seek people of the same faith. I’m 100% for it. I had been dating my husband for a while before I knew he wasn’t Catholic. He’s Mexican so I assumed he was Catholic (my mistake for not asking).

That is why I had told the OP that it should be a plus… To the OP: disparity of cult and faith is a big problem in marriages… if you have the choice of dating and marrying someone Catholic over a Protestant or someone of another faith, choose the Catholic one.

 

[kevinsgirl]

… if you have the choice of dating and marrying someone Catholic over a Protestant or someone of another faith, choose the Catholic one.

:clapping: I agree.

 

[1ke]

I’m just saying, that’s why it’s better to broaden your dating pool to more than just Catholic prospects, because face it, these Catholic women are probably dating outside the Catholic church as well.

Two wrongs don’t make a right. You have to decide what is important to YOU and then keep your standards high.

It is extremely important that the family be united in faith. Compromise might get you a wife, but what sort of heartache will accompany it?

I live in the southern states, and well, it might be possible to start dating people who are more protestants than Catholics

Now, you’re desires are starting to become disordered. I sense your desire to date is higher than you desire to find a quality spouse. Marriage is forever. Don’t hitch your wagon to the wrong horse.

Hope you get my meaning…I’m saying, chances are, the woman I marry, will not likely be Catholic…unless I move up north or something…if even that is.

This is completely untrue. It is only true if you date non-Catholics and allow yourself to compromise on your religion. Seems like you need to re-evaluate your priorities here.

Would you really prefer someone treats you wonderfully, and got along with great and fell in love with, but go “Oh, she/he not Catholic…No can do!”

No, I would never date a non Catholic. Period. I don’t care if they treat me like a queen-- that’s an earthly thing. I have seet my sights on the higher things.

 

[dulcissima]

From the experiences of people I’ve known, marriages usually work or fall apart because of the CHARACTER of the husband or wife. While the Catholic faith can play an important part in forming an individual’s character, marrying a Catholic does not guarantee a marriage free from abuse or divorce just as marrying a non-Catholic does not doom you to a failed marriage. I’ve seen mixed marriages where the Catholic spouse cheated. And I’ve seen a lot of marriages where the non-Catholic spouse converted. I think IDEALLY you should marry someone of the same faith, but I would not say to rule out someone solely because they were not Catholic.

I think that the list of what you are looking for needs to be more extensive than that they share your faith, and should include issues of character. I can tell you that number two on my list is that they be a truly kind person.

I think though if faith is number one on your list, why would you be willing to throw it out as unimportant? What I have learned is that I was not selective enough, was too forgiving of things that are truly important. I think if you have an idea of what is important to you, you shouldn’t be willing to discard something like faith which should rightly be number one on the list.

 

[catechumen08]

I’m not denying it’s best that Catholics should seek people of the same faith. I’m 100% for it. I had been dating my husband for a while before I knew he wasn’t Catholic. He’s Mexican so I assumed he was Catholic (my mistake for not asking).

Hi yessisan, may I ask what compelled you to continue dating your husband when you found out?