Dating Catholic women

[chevalier]

900MHZ, from a guy (single), if a woman doesn’t want you, tough luck. It’s one thing if you fall in love with your best female friend who will not even consider you etc etc. But if it’s a stranger with whom nothing connects you, she doesn’t really owe you much in terms of getting over what she doesn’t like in you or over what she likes but you don’t seem to have.

Don’t really speak about “excuses”. Excuses are generally something you use to get your hide out of a sorry situation when you should do something else in fact. The woman who didn’t want to date you didn’t have any obligation towards you. With your and her being Catholic, a lot connected you, but sharing the faith is not everything.

Say, you got a message from a woman older than you who you didn’t find attractive for a number of reasons, physically, emotionally, whatever, would you still think it’s fine because she’s Catholic or would you opt out if it?

What you can complain about is that being Catholic is low on the list of priorities. But you can’t complain about Catholicism not getting half the job done.

And stick to Catholics. It really hurts when you can’t explain why children should go to confession, why you won’t go to a dance on a penitential day, and so on. Remember than non-Catholics are not just that. It’s not a matter of not agreeing with certain rules and not going to church. Fundamental philosophical differences exist. Most people are relativists these days. There are whole different semantics and a whole different way of thinking. You can get along with some non-Catholics, but not many will agree to have the children raised Catholic and help in it. And not many will have a compatible vision of marriage.

 

[kevinsgirl]

I think if you have an idea of what is important to you, you shouldn’t be willing to discard something like faith which should rightly be number one on the list.

Right…so let me rephrase what I was getting at:

Don’t just marry someone who says they are Catholic. Marry a GOOD Catholic.

 

[dulcissima]

Right…so let me rephrase what I was getting at:

Don’t just marry someone who says they are Catholic. Marry a GOOD Catholic.

I’ll completely agree with that.

 

[kevinsgirl]

900MHZ, from a guy, if a woman doesn’t want you, tough luck. It’s one thing if you fall in love with your best female friend who will not even consider you etc etc. But if it’s a stranger with whom nothing connects you, she doesn’t really owe you much in terms of getting over what she doesn’t like in you or over what she likes but you don’t seem to have.

Don’t really speak about “excuses”. Excuses are generally something you use to get your hide out of a sorry situation when you should do something else in fact. The woman who didn’t want to date you didn’t have any obligation towards you. With your and her being Catholic, a lot connected you, but sharing the faith is not everything.

Say, you got a message from a woman older than you who you didn’t find attractive for a number of reasons, physically, emotionally, whatever, would you still think it’s fine because she’s Catholic or would you opt out if it?

What you can complain about is that being Catholic is low on the list of priorities. But you can’t complain about Catholicism not getting half the job done.

well said

 

[yessisan]

Hi yessisan, may I ask what compelled you to continue dating your husband when you found out?

I saw what a wonderful person he was, how much he loved God, how good he was with children, how he treated others… I was already too in love and thought maybe, just maybe I could show him how good the CC is that he would convert (dumb me… he’s still a JW ). I let it slip and I’m paying the price now, but he is showing signs of accepting the CC!! And of course, he is a wonderful person, who also has his issues, but we’re willing to work around our differences to keep the marriage going and to have a family one day (but I still have the hope that God will bring him back to the CC). And we do keep God as the 3rd person in our marriage. Even though we’re not in unity in faith, we are in unity because of our love for God.

 

[Hugo_Abreu]

900MHZ, I hope you don’t feel offended by this advice, since I am only 18 and you are 33, but I believe I should share some of my dating experience with you.

I had the same thoughts you are having. “Oh, I should date a non-Catholic if I can’t find any good Catholic girl.”

And so I did. As I mentioned sometimes here, I dated an atheist for six months. My longest relationship ever. And it was horrible. You end up depressed, because in some point you have to choose between your values and her. You can’t avoid it.

After one month of grief after leaving her, I took several decisions (and this forum helped me a lot, thank you all), including only dating Catholic girls who share my values, respecting chastity, etc.

You see, a relationship is supposed to be able to end in marriage. Forever. Do you really want to date someone whose values, in such essential area, are different from yours? Could you marry her? How would you educate your children? How could you keep the marriage until the last of your days?

So, my advice is: take your time. It’s better to marry late, but marry with a good person who you love until the end than to marry when you’re 25 and get divorced.

Pax Christi!

 

[kevinsgirl]

900MHZ, I hope you don’t feel offended by this advice, since I am only 18 and you are 33, but I believe I should share some of my dating experience with you.

So, my advice is: take your time. It’s better to marry late, but marry with a good person who you love until the end than to marry when you’re 25 and get divorced.

 

[catechumen08]

I saw what a wonderful person he was, how much he loved God, how good he was with children, how he treated others… I was already too in love and thought maybe, just maybe I could show him how good the CC is that he would convert (dumb me… he’s still a JW ). I let it slip and I’m paying the price now, but he is showing signs of accepting the CC!! And of course, he is a wonderful person, who also has his issues, but we’re willing to work around our differences to keep the marriage going and to have a family one day (but I still have the hope that God will bring him back to the CC). And we do keep God as the 3rd person in our marriage. Even though we’re not in unity in faith, we are in unity because of our love for God.

Thank you for sharing that, yessisan! All I have to say is that you’re a very good person for accepting him for who he is and that he’s a lucky man. Wish you guys the best!

 

[yessisan]

Thank you for sharing that, yessisan! All I have to say is that you’re a very good person for accepting him for who he is and that he’s a lucky man. Wish you guys the best!

Thanks!!!

 

[sanctamaria17]

I think it is a plus, but you can’t help fall in love w/a non-Catholic.

As someone who also fell in love with a non-Catholic, I’d have to say the same thing.

I used to always tell people I would never date someone who wasn’t a Catholic. Then a Protestant guy friend came from far away to see me and we noticed we had a deep connection. Not just physically but intellectually and emotionally as well. We just “got” each other. We’ve been together for over a year now and I can’t imagine not having him in my life. He actually makes me be a better Catholic and he’s a great friend and awesome boyfriend (the guy sacrificed A LOT just to visit me).

 

[chevalier]

Eh, don’t know if I should be saying this, but you don’t want to date non-Catholic women. You don’t want to date a random woman these times, either. Even nominal Catholicism doesn’t give much guarantee. You meet a nice girl, but you don’t know what she does in her spare time, what she wears to the beach, what she does when she’s had something to drink, get my point?

Basically, I’m single like you are. Theoretically, 90% people here are Catholics. Well, practically too - but practise is not their top concern, so to say. I’m so horribly jaded at this point. You know, I look at a girl and I don’t know whether, if I met her in Greece or Spain, she wouldn’t be parading topless on the beach. I meet a nice girl in social circumstances, but what do I know if she doesn’t make out with random guys after having one cup too much? Do I even know what she sees as cheating? Or if she’s strictly monogamous? And do I actually want to find out? Thank you very much, no, I don’t. It’s already a sad reality that you have specifically to look for a woman who doesn’t do those things. And not to berate anyone or doubt people’s goodness without sufficient proof, but the only or almost only guarantee you can get that someone who doesn’t do it will not start doing it, is Catholicism - or seriously taken and properly understood Christianity (or Judaism or Islam). And even then you have to make sure the person really gets the idea. The more inclined the girl is to pray the rosary with you, the less inclined she is to do those things (and many others, I’m using pars pro toto here).

So stick with Catholic women. And respect them. And they will respect you.

 

[Maria1212]

Hello,

I strongly recommend dating Catholic. I am 31 and am still single. Right now I live in Japan, and practicing Catholic men are a rare find indeed! In the past I dated non-practicing Catholics, an atheist, and then I fell in love with a non-Catholic Christian. Our relationship was headed toward marriage but ultimately we broke up over our religious differences. Being Catholic was very important to me, but I never realized just how much so until I started thinking about what it would be like to be married to someone who was not Catholic. He was not willing to be married in the Catholic Church and refused to have any potential kids baptized Catholic or raised Catholic.

It was at that point I learned I had been “dating backward.” Discussing faith should come at the beginning of a new relationship, not at the point where you are already discerning whether that person might be who you will marry. I decided that I did not want to live in a “divided house” when it came to faith. My faith and relationship with God is the most imporant thing to me, and I would like to be able to share it with my husband, not have it be a point of contention. If the right Christian man came a long who was willing to let me raise the kids Catholic, and who would be married in the Church, that would be second-best. But ideally, I think it is better to marry someone else who is Catholic and that is what I am holding out for. If I never find it, then that is okay.

It can be extremely hard to find young, single, practicing Catholics–whether male or female. But they are out there. It is just a matter of being patient in the search, and having an open mind. I have come to learn that God`s timing is not the same as my timing, but that God knows best!

I could have avoided a lot of pain and heart break if I had stated up front that I would only be married in the Catholic Church, and that my children must be raised Catholic. Too many people hope the person they are dating will come around. My boyfriend kept insisting he loved me as I was, Catholic and all. But when it came down to it, he love all of me but the Catholic part! And the Catholic part is the most important! I learned my lesson. While I know mixed marriages can work, they are not the ideal. And marriage is just the beginning of the relationship. Sometimes the more spiritual you become, the more your partner might resent it.

My bottom line is that it is definitely better to date Catholic if your faith and relationship with God is the most important thing in your life. If you decide to date a non-Catholic, make sure they are okay with being married in the Church, following Church teachings (on chastity and birth control etc), and will agree to raise the children Catholic.

Sincerely.

Maria1212

 

[kquinn]

Lately, most Catholic women I’ve come across, well, don’t see me as being Catholic as well as much of a selling point in seeking a mate.

In fact, they probably put that at number 5 in their list of priorities…above that 5, is the criteria you’d see on a personal ad in the “Women Seeking Men’s” section.

Is your mate…being Catholic…that much of a “plus” to you when seeking a mate?

In a word…YES! A Catholic man was essential before I even considered dating him.

 

[catechumen08]

In a word…YES! A Catholic man was essential before I even considered dating him.

On the one hand, I can understand where you’re coming from. On the other hand, I’m kind of disappointed by people who think that way. I’ve been rejected by two Catholic girls, solely because I’m going through RCIA, and not yet a bona fide Catholic. I’m disappointed because it’s not something I can change right now, but I am making an effort. I’m not converting for the sake of dating; I have my reasons. It’s just very frustrating when something like this happens. You click with each other on a lot of things, and this becomes the only obstacle.

People say they want to become more like Jesus, but their actions don’t show it. Jesus didn’t turn away His disciples, because they weren’t yet Christian.

Anyway, I’m probably just rambling. Can’t really ask people to do what they aren’t comfortable with. Wouldn’t be fair to them. Just makes me sad, though.

 

[ack]

I’ve been rejected by two Catholic girls, solely because I’m going through RCIA, and not yet a bona fide Catholic.

Hmm, this sounds pretty strange. Maybe the women didn’t like you, for other reasons, so they were just saying this to avoid disappointing you.

 

[catechumen08]

Hmm, this sounds pretty strange. Maybe the women didn’t like you, for other reasons, so they were just saying this to avoid disappointing you.

Well, they each waited two months to tell me that. I don’t blame them, just disappointed, that’s all.

 

[Reformed_Rob]

Would you really prefer someone treats you wonderfully, and got along with great and fell in love with, but go “Oh, she/he not Catholic…No can do!”

Haven’t read the whole thread, just got here. Ok my 2 cents are that if you’re Catholic then you’re first choice should be to marry a Catholic.

Myself, being Catholic, my first choice is to marry a Catholic convert like myself, my 2nd choice to marry a cradle Catholic, my 3rd choice to marry a woman who converts before we wed.

I don’t have a “Plan D” - that would require too much thought.

I cold not imagine my spouse not having the same faith as I do…where would the unity be? And I know that after years of marriage somebody could change their faith,but why wait that long?

 

[Reformed_Rob]

I’ve been rejected by two Catholic girls, solely because I’m going through RCIA, and not yet a bona fide Catholic.

Be glad you had two girls around that could reject you…I would love for such a dating pool to be nearby.

Oh yeah, and improve your girl-getting techniques…but that’s a different thread. You need to make yourself irresistible.

Practice giving stars, that’s a good place to start I don’t mean sticker stars, I mean extend something of at least minor value to the lady.

Lets her know you like to be around her, and will make her want to be around you. Key word - WANT, that’s what people make decisions based on.

 

[Reformed_Rob]

Hello,

I strongly recommend dating Catholic. I am 31 and am still single.

My bottom line is that it is definitely better to date Catholic if your faith and relationship with God is the most important thing in your life. If you decide to date a non-Catholic, make sure they are okay with being married in the Church, following Church teachings (on chastity and birth control etc), and will agree to raise the children Catholic.

Sincerely.

Maria1212

Excellent points Maria!

Catholics are unique in some of our marriage beliefs, and on practical and intimate levels like you mention, it’s much better to see eye to eye on those issues. It’s probably hard enough when both parties are devoted Catholics, much more difficult if only one is a Catholic.

 

[Maria1212]

Excellent points Maria!

Catholics are unique in some of our marriage beliefs, and on practical and intimate levels like you mention, it’s much better to see eye to eye on those issues. It’s probably hard enough when both parties are devoted Catholics, much more difficult if only one is a Catholic.

Thanks Reformed Rob. I think the Catholic definiton of chastity and practicing natural family planning (while not using artificial birth control) are things that a non-Catholic person might view as a burden, and that could lead to them resenting the Catholic person and vice versa. I think these are hard teachings for many Catholics to follow as it is, and I don`t want the teachings of the Church to become a burden that my spouse would resent me for.

Another factor to consider if the non-Catholic person`s family-especially when children enter the picture. My beliefs would have never been accepted by the family of the non-Catholic I dated previously. I would not want my faith to become a point of contention at every family holiday etc.

For all of you Catholic guys out there (including those in RCIA), there will be plenty of Catholc girls who will consider you gems. So don`t lose heart! As for me, I am just glad to know there are still some nice unmarried Catholic guys out there!

Sincerely,

Maria1212