Dating Choices of Young Catholic Men

[MJJean]

Though not exactly the situation you depict, my aunt married a non-practicing Jew. He let the kids grow up in their mother’s faith and was supportive. It is possible, but that’s why I said I would be willing to date (then marry) an atheist on certain exceptions.

It’s good to have an open mind. As a former Atheist myself I can say that there are an awful lot of moral Atheists out there. Atheists who believe that marriage is a lifelong commitment as a matter of personal honor. Atheists who believe contraception and abortion are wrong because it is simply unnatural. And Atheists who would have zero problems with marrying a Christian and having their children brought up in their spouse’s faith tradition.

So, I’d say it’s possible to find a mate among women of different faith or no faith that would make a you great wife and mother for your children. You just have to proceed with caution and make sure you are very honest about how seriously you take your faith and the obligations your faith places on you when it comes to marriage and children.

 

[nezzz]

Let me chime in as someone who fits into OP’s category as a man who doesn’t date Catholic women.

First off, let me say that it is not like us men have not tried. Personally, I’ve attempted to go after several women in my campus ministry (not at the same time obviously) and while I’ve got friendzoned by some, I’ve hit it off with others. What I realised with those women who were reciprocal, was for me that we had different priorities at the time, and we had very little to almost nothing in common. I’ve met girls who were like the OP and reserved or introverted and I found it difficult to relate to someone who just kept to themselves, it is really hard to share your life with someone who doesn’t really want to be open with you. Sure you can say we went for Mass together because we were Catholics and we share that in common, but there is more to just sharing a common belief in a relationship and that was something I couldn’t get past with some of these women.

For the one girl who ticked most of the boxes, it was a different story. I was in my graduating year and she was a freshman and she was outgoing and very honest with me too. But I had to discern whether we had different priorities in life and would we be able to see each other with our very contrasting schedules after I had graduated. Well for many other reasons, it was not to be but I shall not elaborate.

So its not like we’re avoiding Catholic women, but for me it is the wrong moment in time unfortunately and it is likely the same for most other guys. Anyway OP, what is your motivation for dating a Catholic guy??? While that might be an ideal choice, it seems like your decisions are limiting your dating pool somewhat substantially. And the attractiveness thing, while I say it is not the be all and end all, it does play a part. I don’t think everyone expects their prospective partner to be a supermodel, people should take some pride in dressing up nicely. It might be a little shallow to assume that appearances do not matter, but on the flipside someone who does not take the effort to look after themselves does not truly know the value of their self image and it does give off a negative vibe. My advice to OP, take up some grooming and etiquette classes. It might open more doors for you.

God bless and good luck in future

 

[Jay82]

Hi Guest212, I’m a 31 single practicing Catholic guy and haven’t had any luck meeting anyone. So I can relate.

I think the problem with this situation is not that there are no catholic men (or women) to date, the problem is that they tend to not make Any noise so they tend to attract little or no attention. I think the issue here is where are you focusing your attention and where are you looking. Usually the people that tend to get most of our attention including on the church tendto be the less practicing for the simple rreason that they tend to make more noise. Most practicing catholic guys also tend to be very reserved, just go and do their own thing and don’t socialize much, so instead on focusing on the guys that make more noise, focus on the one that is alone in the corner and seems more introvert. Also I think there are se gathering groups in se churches for catholic singles, look to see if there is around your area. Hopefully all you need to do is tweak your focus and you will be able to find the other kind of guys.

I think marymary1975 hit the nail on head. There are a lot of quality Catholic guys who go to mass, sit there quietly and then go home afterwards. That is usually me as well. I’ve never viewed mass as a place to start up conversation to meet women or find potential dates. Sure it is definitely a viable avenue in which a lot of people meet, but it isn’t something I have pursued. I have a pretty busy schedule and typically leave right after mass rather than socialize. I do attend other Young Adults events such as Theology on Tap, but not as often as I would like. Like you, I do a lot of volunteer work and other things (sports, hiking, seeing my friends, etc) and haven’t met anyone, so just wanted to say you aren’t the only one.

Oh trust me, I know I am ugly and not attractive… you don’t get to be a 31 year old single and be attractive… I never said I believed it when people said it’s men not you… and I never said that I think I am attractive… what I did say was that I have noticed a pattern of Catholic men in my area dating non-Catholic girls, and of vivacious and attractive Catholic women (so not me) not get asked out by the men around, but have men outside the Church fight over her… so it has me noticing a pattern of Catholic men seemingly not wanting to date Catholic women, and of Church seemingly being a poor place to meet Catholic men… whether you’re me, or anyone else…

Attractiveness is relative. No woman is going to be attractive or unattractive to all men. Believe in yourself, present yourself well and it will be much more self fulfilling. Men notice these things. Ask a close female or male friend for some advice if there is anything you should try to do or if there is anything you are doing that may put a guy off (such as not smiling or maintaining a posture seems standoff-ish or defensive).

 

[chevalier]

Maybe it’s just me and my circle. but I’m increasingly finding that young men in Church today are not interested in dating Catholic women. As a Catholic woman who would love to meet a man in Church, over the past 3 years I have come across man after man after man who either already has a Catholic girlfriend that he has been with forever, or who is not Catholic (but will attend Church with him), or says that he’s not interested in dating, only to then start dating someone outside of the Church… so what’s up?

I’ve just collected an LJBF from a Catholic lady today.